Guilty Feeling/Second Guessing After Declining Offer

[musicbiz]

So I just declined one of my offers, and for some reason, I felt guilty about even declining and sending the email.  And now I'm already second-guessing myself about whether I made the absolute proper decision.  It's like I had a hard time letting go of one offer, even though I know I have other options.  Anybody else feel that way?

[soivio]

Absolutely. I think its pretty normal although it may not feel that way when you're going through the emotions.

[spec789]

I felt this way, even though the choice I made was pretty clearly the correct choice.

 

The admissions office was incredibly nice and personable throughout the whole process. The POI during the interview was very flattering, and the grad students I talked to the POI's groups were extemely friendly (I insisted on talking to his older grad students).

 

Another part of me kept asking "what if". The road not taken etc etc. Eventually my sibling (currently a first year grad student), had to knock some sense into me before the feeling would go away.

 

If you truly made the best decision you could, given the information made available to you, then there is nothing truly to feel guilty about, and the feeling will pass.

 

Congrats on your offers (and having options)!

Edited April 14, 2014 by spec789

[musicbiz]

I think it's definitely the "road not taken" syndrome with me.  The school I declined is actually a school I've wanted to attend since undergrad.  I wasn't accepted for undergrad, but got my chance to finally attend for my Master's, but ended up having a better situation elsewhere.  Crazy twist...

[ICanHazPhdPreez?]

Slightly off topic but still in the vein of second-guessing myself: I officially accepted an offer and declined another, since it's April 15th and that shit had to be done. But I am FREAKING OUT about the fact that at the school I'll be attending, although I have everything official and signed from the department, the graduate school hasn't updated my status to "accepted." I'm going to have dangerously high blood pressure until that's all sorted out.

[bakalamba]

I felt this way too. It was a difficult choice, and there's always little things at each school or department that I declined which aren't at the University I'm going to. I'm confident, though, that I made the right choice overall. I think the issue of possibilities is that you can constantly imagine yourself at each one, or think about hybrids of programs, and when you actually commit, these fantasies are no longer possible. Take a deep breath, look for apartments, read a non-assigned book.

 

I can relate with ICanHazPhdPreez?, the time between accepting an offer and hearing actual confirmation seemed like an eternity.

[TakeruK]

It's hard to choose because no matter how awesome the choice you make is for you, it's never as awesome as the combination of all the possible choices you had before you made a decision. Making a choice might be tough because it feels like you are closing doors on the other routes. However, it is important to remember that the second option (all the possible choices) is not a valid option! This helped me feel like I am not closing myself out of other opportunities, but picked one that was really good for me. 

 

I also think that there is no "single perfect program". There are probably tons of programs that can be a good fit, and even if another one on your list would have been good, that doesn't mean your chosen program can't be good also. I think a lot of grad school is what you make of it  

 

Finally, I think the month or two after April 15 is the most self-doubt. But in the weeks leading up to starting the new program, I was super excited!!!

[schoolpsycher]

YEP to all of that haha. I just started declining my other offers and got SUCH a nice reply from one of them about how she knows I'll love it where I chose and that she's good friends with a professor in that program/knows she will train me right. It was hard enough to decline, but getting a reply like that just made me sad and second-guess even more haha. Oh well, I know I made someone on the wait list very happy!

[MPAallday]

YEP to all of that haha. I just started declining my other offers and got SUCH a nice reply from one of them about how she knows I'll love it where I chose and that she's good friends with a professor in that program/knows she will train me right. It was hard enough to decline, but getting a reply like that just made me sad and second-guess even more haha. Oh well, I know I made someone on the wait list very happy!

That's one way to look at it. You're paying it forward (or perhaps backward) to someone on the wait list, and quite possibly making their year.

[Scarf in the wind]

So I just declined one of my offers, and for some reason, I felt guilty about even declining and sending the email.  And now I'm already second-guessing myself about whether I made the absolute proper decision.  It's like I had a hard time letting go of one offer, even though I know I have other options.  Anybody else feel that way?

 

Best to move on and work your ass off in the program you chose. Best of luck.

[primenumbers]

I had this feeling, but then I came on here and saw that someone who was wait-listed at the school I declined got accepted at the last second and says they are going!  That made me feel really good, even though I don't know that my response was the only cause of it...

[sklorange]

I am going to decline a "full ride," offer over a partial fellowship, so you can bet I have that feeling, but at the end of the day, I know the choice I made it going to be completely worth it! As much as I may hate to be in debt (only about $30k or less if I play my cards right), it is worth it to stay in the state I want to work in (California) than to have to brave the snows of Madison! 
 

But yes, I already see myself doubting my decision in subtle ways...like, "I could have my own apartment in an affordable city" and stuff like that. Just remember that in the end, you chose your actual option for a reason. You did a cost-benefit analysis (correctly, hopefully...lol) and you determined which one would be the best fit for you. Hypothetically, you'd have more regret if you made your 2nd choice option or one of the other ones. 

[starofdawn]

Oh man - going through that right now. Just declined USC's admission offer. Very happy to be going to UCSD in the fall, but USC's school spirit, beautiful campus, and world-renowned alumni network was strongly captivating me. However, UCSD is 1/2 the cost, and the research is more in-line with my interests.