Live with family or on my own for Grad School?

[GoldenDragonArms]

So I'm trying to decide what to do here.

 

I'm scheduled to start graduate school in late August of this year, and I'm trying to figure out my housing situation. I'm going to a school that is about 30 miles away from my grandmother's house (mother lives there as well) (school is 60 miles from my current residence with my father), so I could stay with her and commute to school. This seems like it would be the smartest thing to do, as this would allow me to save lots of money (no housing costs, maybe pay for some of the food? and gas to commute there would be about $1,800 per school year or $5,400 for 3 years for the grad program).

 

My other option is to live by myself near the school in an apartment. This is what I want to do, as living alone as an undergrad has really made me value having your own room and having much more freedom to do things. It's also close to school, so this makes it very convinient for social gatherings, meeting with professors, going to class. The only bad thing about this option is I would have to take a loan to cover the housing expenses. I'm already taking a loan to pay for all of my school expenses (would be about $25,000 in school fees after completing program in 3 years, which is the average time the school says it takes for a grad student to get through the program) , so taking another loan for housing would lead me to accumulate a lot more debt (with rent calculations for 3 years = $14,400. So it would be $25,000 [school fees] + $14,400 [housing] = $39,400.00 of debt after 3 years).

 

 

For some extra details to my situation, I currently have $0.00 in debt from undergrad, I was extremely fortunate my father paid for my school with savings he had accumulated since I was born. Both he and my mother (divorced when I was very young) are in a situation where they can not pay for much. I have brought this situation up to both of them, and I have discovered that in a situation where I am living on my own near the school, my mom agreed to pay for the food, and my dad pays for my cellphone bill, health insurance, car problems, and gasoline. In a situation where I would live with my mother and grandmother and commute to school, everything but school expenses would be paid for.

 

I'm also planning on persuing a phD or PsyD after this graduate program. I didn't have the credentials to apply strait to a doctoral level program from undergrad.

 

So what is your opinion? Is it worth it having $14,400 more in debt to be independent and live on your own? (this $14,400 is basically the cheapest housing option in the area, living with 3 other guys with seperate rooms and bathrooms in an apartment complex).

[nugget]

I don't think this is a black or white situation. You have more than 2 different options, imo. Why not try living with your mother for a month and see if it works out? If it doesn't then find your own place and move later on. Will there be a shortage of housing if you have to look for a place to live one or two months into the program, or even after the first semester?

 

That being said, being less than $15,000 in debt after living on your own and attending university for 6 years is an extremely little amount of debt to have. If you were paying your own way, $15,000 probably would only get you through one semester. If you strongly value your independence and want the convenience of living near campus, then go ahead and take out the loan. You could pay that back within a year of working in your field if you budget accordingly. 

Edited June 13, 2014 by jenste

[JustChill]

I strongly recommend living with your mom/grandmom and saving that money. This would be wise, in my opinion, even if you weren't planning to continue on to a PhD, but since you are, there will certainly be additional costs down the road. If you were planning to start working right after the master's, there might be more sense in living alone, but the PhD will take a few more years to finish after the MA, so I think you'll need all the savings you can gather. Good luck! 

[TakeruK]

I think this is really a personal choice so it's hard for us to say what you should do. But I'll give my perspective in hopes it helps.

 

I agree with jenste that this is not black or white. You can always move out of your mother's home after a month or a few months or even a year. 

 

I love my family and I enjoy spending time with my parents, but even now, I find it very difficult to stay in their home for more than 1 week at a time when I visit home (luckily, my spouse's parents also live in our hometown so when we split a visit between the two homes, it's more manageable). As you said, there is a lot of value in your own independence/freedom. Also, I really agree that it's very important to be able to easily integrate yourself in your department's social and academic lives. I would strongly advise being the type of grad student that is only around for classes and seminars if you can help it. Most of the relationship building and collaboration that you want in a graduate program happens from being around people and getting to know them. In my field, students and faculty often have offices all in the same hallway to promote these encounters but I know that not all programs generally have offices for their students.

 

I think approximately $5000 per year for housing expenses is very reasonable. Personally, I'd spend that money to keep my independence and increase my ability to integrate with my department/classmates/school. But whether this is worth it to you will depend on your own personal needs!

 

Also, another thing to consider is whether your targeted PhD/PsyD programs in a field where they are going to be fully funded? In my field, PhD students are often paid enough to pay all their expenses and have a few thousand leftover. Many students save that towards a general savings account, which you could then use to pay off your increased student loan when you eventually graduate! 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Live on campus. Debt is overrated. People think too much about the future. Family is a toss up. We're randomly assigned to another person when we're born. That doesn't mean they don't suck. Live your life. Move out. Worry about the debt later. 

[bsharpe269]

I was faced with the same situation and decided to live with my family. I am half way through my MS now and am SO thankful that I avoided the extra debt. I will be applying to PhD programs too. Dont forget how expensive this is... between taking the GRE, application fees, etc this can easily add up to a couple thousand dollars. If I get into a PhD program then I will be potentially moving across the country which is also expensive.

 

Also consider the type of degree that you are getting when making this decision.. if your masters will be in engineering for example then you can afford the extra debt since you can work to pay it off easily if need be. If your masters will be in social sciences or humanities where jobs can be a bit more limited then I would be very careful to take on alot of debt.

 

I agree with the people above though that you could always live with your mom for the first semester and then move out if it is too difficult.

[rising_star]

I feel like there's a third choice: live somewhere close to campus with 1-2 grad students as roommates. You would still have the independence/freedom of having your own room and be able to better integrate yourself into the graduate student community. That would be my own choice. I lived with other people throughout my MA and it was fine. I had my own space (my room) but also shared living areas where I could have some social interaction if I wanted without having to leave home. Plus, it was nice to have people to bounce ideas off of, even though we weren't in the same field. YMMV, obviously, but it's something you may want to consider. Living with others definitely saved me money on rent, as well as the associated bills, like utilities and internet/cable.

 

You didn't list the time driving the 30 miles would take, which I'm curious to know since this varies widely from 30 min to 90 min in different parts of the country. The time spent driving is definitely something you should factor into your decision-making. I know you're not responsible for the cost of the gas or car repairs but, your time is also worth money so you'll need to figure out how much you value it. Depending on the way your courses are scheduled, you may discover that driving those 30 miles at night is exhausting and leads to unsafe conditions. That's why I like the suggestions above to try living at home for a month or two if you can and then reassess. You may find that you have different priorities then. I say this because it just occurred to me that you never mentioned having any sort of quiet workspace at your grandmother's house, which you may find is essential for getting your coursework done.

 

Also, given that you're going into debt for this program, I would do whatever possible to finish in less than 3 years because it will save you money. That may mean living nearer to campus so that you can work in the lab late in the evening or something else that you need to figure out. But, getting out a year sooner would probably balance out the cost of living away from home...

[maelia8]

As suggested by others, staying with your family is something that you can feel out over time and see if it's working before you decide that moving out is necessary. My younger sister is currently going to school in our hometown, and for the first two years of her degree, she lived at home with our mother, but during the third year it became clear that the situation was unsustainable. My sister took some time to shop around and ask friends who was looking for roommates, and only when she found a place with a great price and great roommates did she choose to move out. I'd start out living with your family and see how it goes. If after one semester or one year you feel like you can't stand it anymore, then you can start looking for an alternative place to live.

[DeleteMePlease]

How do you commute? Do you have a car? 

Driving 60 miles 5 (or more?) times a week isn't that cheap either. Also don't forget the time you will spend driving/taking the bus that you "lose". 

[GoldenDragonArms]

Thanks for all the replies so far!

 

I'll add some more details based on the questions I've seen so far. So from the University to my grandmother's house, its is 35 miles (48 minute drive). From the University to my father's house (current place of residence), it is 53 miles (1hr 20 min drive). I already decided that I won't be living in my current place of residence for grad school, even if my dad was still willing to pay for gas $ to make that long commute. My house is very noisy for much of the day because I have young siblings (5 and 7 years of age), and my stepmother's parents are coming to live here too soon, so I feel like my house would be overcrowded/noisy and not suitable to study in.

 

My grandmother's house is actually smaller than my own, but less crowded being its only my grandmother and mother living there ( as opposed to dad, stepmother, brother, sister, stepmother's father, stepmother's mother living in my current place of residence). I'd say that her house never gets noisy, its not like my mom has loud parties in such a small house haha. I'd say the most noise they ever make is watching tv at night, but they both go to bed really early (at least compared to my family in my father's house, they tend to go to bed later and make more noise).

 

I'd say I have a good relationship with my grandmother and mother. I've never really lived with my mother for a long period of time (except when I was a baby I suppose), but I have spent some childhood summers at my grandmother's house so I know what its like to live there (albeit that was living with my grandmother and grandfather when he was still alive). So not having a good relationship with them is not really a factor.

 

What really is more of a factor is the distance. Comuting to and from the school soley for attending classes isn't too bad. But for anything else, I think that distance can become a hinderance if I have to go to campus for any other reason (meeting with professors, meeting with other grad students for social gatherings, other things). I suppose I could just leave for campus early in the morning and simply stay there throughout the day until class starts, but that also holds its own inconvience being I wouldn't have a place of residence to go back to unless I drove back.

 

Yes I do have a car. It has close to 200,000 miles on it and has had to undergo some serious maitenence lately.  It is an old car and has had some problems in the past, so this is somewhat of  a factor as well, driving it so often might lead to complications, but I won't be sure unless they actually happen. Before this year, the car had been doing very well (dad had it for about 4 years, gave it to me when I was in college).

 

I looked at all of the times for the classes held for my graduate school, and for some reason, they all range from 5pm - 9pm at night (not including classes that don't have times listed yet). This means that since almost all the classes are at the same time, I will basically take 4 classes (max credit load 12 hours), on 4 different days of the week, all bsically at the same time of day.  This means that I would probably be somewhat tired driving back to my grandmother's house every night, but it's still doable I guess. It would be better to just be able to bike back to the dorm and sleep after that, so that's another perk to living close to campus.

 

Oh and the field that my master's degree is in.. People who obtain this degree, the mean salary reported for them is around $40,000 , so no, I wouldn't be able to pay off loans quickly with that sort of salary. I want to obtain my phD in Clinical Psychology.

 

You have to complete 60 credits to complete the program. My advisor gave me an info sheet that stated that most student in the program take three years to complete it. I did the calculations myself after that though. I could potentially complete the program in May 2016, so that's about 1 year and 9 months to complete the program if I take a full credit hour load during the fall and spring semester, and also take two summer sessions of full credit loads back to back in summer 2015. Yes, I do understand the point that Rising Star made, it would be better finish it in this ammount of time and save some money in the long run.

 

I'm not sure how much financial assistane clinical psychology phD programs typically give their students, I will start investigating that.

 

My aim really is to get into a Clinical Psychology phD program as soon as I can, hopefully applying and getting accepted during my last year in grad school. I don't want to be in a situation where I'll have to work a few years with my master's to pay off a lot of debt (especially considering the field of my master's degree is not very well paid field in general), so hopefully I can somehow defer my graduate loans payments longer by being a phD student soon after I graduate from my master's program.

 

I guess I should ask a question for you guys too, if you went to/are attending grad school and lived on your own, how did you pay for housing (Parents paid, you paid with saved $, took out a loan)?

[ProfLorax]

I did my MA program in San Francisco, which was about 35 miles away from home. I lived in a small, in-law apartment near campus with my own room. I did take out a small amount of loans (I'd say about $7,000/year). I would have needed to take more out, but I lived with roommates, which helped with the finances a lot. I also worked about 20 hours a week outside of my program and full-time during the summers. 

[themmases]

I lived with my parents for the first couple of months of a previous program, until an opportunity to move out fell into my lap. I'd recommend it to anyone because, while I didn't like living with my parents, I did save money and find a way better living situation than I would have otherwise. Halfway through my first semester, an old classmate contacted me because she needed a roommate. It was such a good opportunity (in Chicago, on the red line, yet similar rent to what I'd paid in Urbana) my parents offered to pay for the first couple of months while I found a job in the city.

 

I found it really obnoxious to live off campus. I like to get out of the house and do 5 hours of work in the library, but our community library was really not geared towards that-- especially in its hours. The only coffee shops were Starbucks, they closed early, and they were full of flirting teenagers and Bible study groups. I had to drive everywhere, including my 1-hour commute into the city, also for classes that got out at 9 p.m. So it was unsuitable as a long-term living arrangement. But my parents were great and it did give me a cheap place to land until I got something more appropriate. At the time I was in history, so all this was important.

[TakeruK]

I guess I should ask a question for you guys too, if you went to/are attending grad school and lived on your own, how did you pay for housing (Parents paid, you paid with saved $, took out a loan)?

 

In Canada, MSc programs are basically the first 2 years of a PhD program (you do a 3-4 year PhD after a 2 year MSc), so my program was fully funded. I would not have gone to grad school if I had to take out a loan or dig into my (limited) savings. I paid for college myself through living at home and working in the summers (and one year of full time research work) since my parents don't have a lot either (they left their home country after a war and immigrated to Canada with nothing). 

[GoldenDragonArms]

Again thank you guys for all of the answers so far.

 

I just redid all of the caculculations (this time based on finishing the program in 2 years instead of 3 years), and here is what I came up with:

 

Loan debt (living in apartment near campus): $33,250.00

 

Loan debt (living with grandmother and mother): $21,250.00 

 

So I would save $12,000 (the cost of housing for the whole grad school program, based on $600 per month) in student loan debt by living with family.

 

Do you think this is a significant enough difference to warrant staying at with family for the whole program?

 

-- Want to note that I'll hopefully have some kind of part time job for at least the first year of the program where I'm not doing internships and just taking classes. So that will hopefully lower the total loan debt if I contribute my earnings to paying the debt off..

Edited June 16, 2014 by GoldenDragonArms

[juilletmercredi]

I'm really curious because an estimate of about $14,400 for 3 years indicates that the rent for a one-bedroom or studio apartment nearby the school is about $400-500/month (depending on whether you are using a 9-month or 12-month estimate).  That's...really low.  I guess that's possible in many places, but even a lot of the college towns I know of rent one-bedroom apartments out for more than that (the cheapest I am finding in the college town I'm moving to are around $700, and I just rented one for $900).  So I'm curious - how are you calculating the estimate?

 

Also, although you might be able to do the program in 2 years, I would still compare costs using the 3-year estimate if your professor is telling you that's how long students typically take the complete the program.  60 credits is a lot.  I had to complete 60 credits for my doctoral program and it took me 2.5 years, and that's because I used TAing and research hours as part of the credit.  If I had to take 20 graduate-level seminars at 3 credits each, it probably would've taken me the full 3 years (unless you can take summer courses or something).

 

If you're taking max 12 credits a semester, then it will take you 5 semesters or 2.5 years to finish, unless you can take summer courses.

 

I'd say I have a good relationship with my grandmother and mother. I've never really lived with my mother for a long period of time (except when I was a baby I suppose), but I have spent some childhood summers at my grandmother's house so I know what its like to live there (albeit that was living with my grandmother and grandfather when he was still alive). So not having a good relationship with them is not really a factor.

 

Well, you know what it is like to live there as a child.  You are much older, and so are your grandmother and your mother.  Are they going to treat you like an adult?  Are they going to give you the space you need to do work?  Are they going to respect the fact that an MA program is not like going to undergrad college?  I agree that you can try this out and see if it works before making a final decision about whether to move out.

 

What really is more of a factor is the distance. Comuting to and from the school soley for attending classes isn't too bad. But for anything else, I think that distance can become a hinderance if I have to go to campus for any other reason (meeting with professors, meeting with other grad students for social gatherings, other things). I suppose I could just leave for campus early in the morning and simply stay there throughout the day until class starts, but that also holds its own inconvience being I wouldn't have a place of residence to go back to unless I drove back.

 

Yes, and 2 hours round-trip can get exhausting, especially if you will be coming back at 9-10 pm at night.  That means you won't be getting home most nights until 10 or 11 pm, after potentially spending all day on campus.  This can get really wonky with a car with 200K miles on it.

 

I'm not sure how much financial assistane clinical psychology PhD programs typically give their students, I will start investigating that...My aim really is to get into a Clinical Psychology PhD program as soon as I can, hopefully applying and getting accepted during my last year in grad school. I don't want to be in a situation where I'll have to work a few years with my master's to pay off a lot of debt (especially considering the field of my master's degree is not very well paid field in general), so hopefully I can somehow defer my graduate loans payments longer by being a PhD student soon after I graduate from my master's program.

 

Clinical psychology PhD programs vary a lot in how they fund their students.  The top clinical psych PhD programs provide full funding for students - which means they cover your tuition and fees, your health insurance, and they pay you a stipend that is meant to cover your living expenses.  The stipend usually varies from about $25,000 to $30,000 a year - which is enough for you usually to eat and rent an apartment, although often not by yourself (sharing with roommates).  These are the "clinical science" programs (clinical psychology programs that focus primarily on training new researchers and professors, although they are APA-accredited and you can practice) and the top scientist-practitioner programs (programs that integrate both clinical training and research training; most graduates of these programs go onto become practitioners and clinicians, although some do go on to be researchers and some do a bit of both).

 

Then there are a bunch of clinical psych programs in the middle and towards the bottom that offer limited funding.  They may fully fund some of their students, but not all.  Or they may offer partial funding for all students, or partial funding for some students.  "Partial" funding could be anything from a tuition waiver (but you're expected to borrow to cover your own living expenses) to a small stipend (but you have to pay your own tuition) or anything in between.  Some clinical psych PhD programs don't offer any funding at all, and expect students to borrow the cost of their program.

 

PsyD programs almost universally do not provide funding.  They are structured like MDs or DDS programs - the idea is that this is a practice-oriented, clinical-based program that is training you to be a health professional, so you are expected to borrow the full cost of your education.  They are generally shorter, though (about 4 years, compared to 5-6 for the PhD) and the dissertation and research requirements are minimal and focused on practice.

 

This is just my opinion, but I do not believe that people should pay for a doctoral program in psychology.  The cost is too great, and the salary is not great enough.  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, clinical psychologists' median salary is $69,280 a year.  That's pretty good, but a full-pay PsyD program could easily cost you $50K+ per year, or a total of $200K.  That kind of debt is unsustainable.  So my advice is to only agree to attend a clinical psychology program that agrees to at least partially fund you (and personally, I wouldn't go to one that didn't fully fund me).

 

You can find out whether programs give full, partial, or no funding on their departmental websites.  Most departments that fully fund mention it on the webpage somewhere.

 

I guess I should ask a question for you guys too, if you went to/are attending grad school and lived on your own, how did you pay for housing (Parents paid, you paid with saved $, took out a loan)?

 

I'm in a fully funded PhD program, so I paid my rent with my stipend.  I did take out a small loan to finance moving costs.

[GoldenDragonArms]

juilletmercredi I posted my calculations based on $600 per month below.

actually most of the housing options in the area range around $400-$650, depending on how you want to live. Living in a unit with 3 other people (seperate rooms), the rent is usually somewhere in the $400's.

 

Here's an example of someone I've been in contact with that has the cheapest housing option I've seen so far. Its $385 per month with all utilities included, with washer, dryer, internet as well. 4 bedroom set up.  Keep in mind I don't know what the condition of the unit is, what the complex is like, or what the roommates are like yet, those are all significant factors I need to investigate still

 

$385 per month

Lease from August 2014 to July 2015

August - July = 12 months exactly

$385 x 12 = $4,620

$9,240 for 2 leases total (School time: 2 years + 4 Summer Sessions) + $25,500 (school loan for school fees for that same ammount of time) =

$34,740 of debt at the end of program (compared with $40,500 of debt based on $600 per month rent) (compared with $25,500 of debt based on no rent paid living with grandmother)

 

* keep in mind 2 summer session = 12 credits, so 4 summer sessions = 24 credits (same ammount of credits taken in 1 full school year)*

 

 

Normal Expenses Calculated below for both scenarios (Living with family and living alone).

 

TOTAL EXENSES FOR LOANS

$ 27,000 of loans if paying for housing for 2 year

[Housing Loan: $600 per month, $2,400 per Semester, $4,800 per year]

[school Fees Loan: $4,250 per semester, $8,500 per year]

$ 31,440 of loans if paying for housing for 2 years +2 summer sessions  (Min time to graduate)

$40,500 of loans if paying for housing for 3 years (projected time to graduate)

TOTAL EXPENSES WITHOUT HOUSING LOANS

$17,000 for 2 years

$21,250 for 2yrs + 2SS (Min time to graduate)

$25,500 for 3 years (Projected time to graduate)

[Housing for 2 years (2 sumer sessions included) = $10,800]

[Housing for 3 years = $15,000]

 

 

I'll ideally be working a part time job during my first year of grad school. Keep in mind this will probably be somewhere near a min wage salary probably.

 

[nugget]

Is this housing with undergrads or other grad students? Just asking because if you are living with so many undergrads and you don't know who they are, you could have other problems you need to deal with that are more annoying than driving. ie: late night parties, dirty dishes in the sink, empty beer bottles, someone stealing your food, having strangers sleeping over, lack of privacy, etc...

 

If you get roommates, I definitely recommend other grad students or working professionals because they will be more mature and (hopefully) respectful of your space.

 

In general, the more roommates you have the more compromising that needs to be done and you are less likely to get what you want (such as quiet hours/study time in the apartment). I find that one roommate is a good compromise to help cut down the costs (splitting bills like internet, electricity, heat and cable), to keep the noise down and decrease the number of visitors and parties/group gatherings in the apartment so that you can study and get a proper night's sleep. With one roommate, you are more likely to get the apartment to yourself on occasion during weekends or evenings, but with 2 roommates or more that is A LOT less likely to happen.

Edited June 19, 2014 by jenste

[GoldenDragonArms]

Is this housing with undergrads or other grad students? Just asking because if you are living with so many undergrads and you don't know who they are, you could have other problems you need to deal with other than driving. ie: late night parties, dirty dishes in the sink, empty beer bottles, someone stealing your food, having strangers sleeping over, lack of privacy, etc...

 

So if you get roommates, I definitely recommend other grad students or working professionals because they will be more mature and (hopefully) respectful of your space.

 

I also find that when you have so many roommates one of 2 things tends to happen: (1) the rules are already in place and there isn't a lot of flexibility to change them or 

(2) you decide as a group what the rules will be but because there are so many of you, you might have to agree to to things you don't agree with if you are in the minority.

 

In general, the more roommates you have, the more negotiating and compromising that needs to be done and you are less likely to get what you want (such as quiet hours in the apartment). Personally, I find that one roommate is a good compromise to help cut down the costs (splitting bills like internet, electricity, heat and cable),and you only need to compromise with one other person and you are more likely to get the apartment to yourself sometimes during weekends or evenings on occasion. With 2 roommates or more, that is A LOT less likely to happen.

 

You bring up a very good point, the more people I live with the greater the possibility I will run into living situation problems. There's a trade off there as well though for having just one other roommate.  If I only have one roommate, looking at the average costs for the area, I'd be paying between $600  and  $700 per month (compared with around $400 for rooming with 2-3 other people).

 

Yeah the key here is who my roommates are, you are right. I lived in a place for the last summer of undergrad off campus with three other guys, it was quiet most of the time but some nights it was terrible if one of them decided they wanted to throw a party. And yeah they did not like to wash their dishes either, or clean for that matter.

 

I'm not committing to anything until I've met who I'll be living with (a lot of the 4 room units I've contacted don't even know who the other residents are yet). I'll type up some agreement that we can sign so they can agree not to disturb me with loud noise, and if they did it would be a violation of the contract.

 

I'm leaning towards just getting an apartment at this point (if I can find reasonable roommates), even though it means I have to take more loans out to make housing payments. I think its really inconvenient to be located far off campus, to have to drive home late at night every school-night, and not have a place to relax/cook and eat while I'm at the university all day. I'd just have to deal with the loans after I graduate. Worse case senario I'd have to work off the debt for a few years and then apply to phD programs, best case senario I start a fully funded phD program right after grad school and I'm able to delay loan payments until phD completion.

 

I'm on the lookout for a 2 room housing option that is closer in price to that of a 4 room option (around $400), haven't found any yet.

 

Again thank you for your replies.

[DeleteMePlease]

What really is more of a factor is the distance. Comuting to and from the school soley for attending classes isn't too bad. But for anything else, I think that distance can become a hinderance if I have to go to campus for any other reason (meeting with professors, meeting with other grad students for social gatherings, other things). I suppose I could just leave for campus early in the morning and simply stay there throughout the day until class starts, but that also holds its own inconvience being I wouldn't have a place of residence to go back to unless I drove back.

 

This can be a good thing!

 

You will be "forced" to stay in the library (or somewhere close to college) all day. That means you can actually use the free time to study.

[bsharpe269]

I actually have an hour commute each way and this stay at school thing can be good or bad, depending on how you handle it. I was only going in the days that I absolutely had to (like 3 days a week) and would schedule everything (meetings, lab stuff, etc) on the same days so that I could make the drive less. it actually resulted in me feeling really lonely and not getting to know the other students as well. I have been making the drive 4-5 days a week and staying all day and it has opened up a lot more time to do study groups and get lunch with friends. I'm so much happier than I was sitting alone studying all day. I would be careful not to fall into that trap. Depending on your personality, sitting alone studying all day multiple days a week can really be tough emotionally. I'm shy so it makes it even harder to make friends at school so being there often and for long periods has been necesary and enabled me to start making good friends. Be careful not to fall into this trap! For me, this has by far been the most difficult part of living so far from campus.

[seeingeyeduck]

I actually have an hour commute each way and this stay at school thing can be good or bad, depending on how you handle it. I was only going in the days that I absolutely had to (like 3 days a week) and would schedule everything (meetings, lab stuff, etc) on the same days so that I could make the drive less. it actually resulted in me feeling really lonely and not getting to know the other students as well. I have been making the drive 4-5 days a week and staying all day and it has opened up a lot more time to do study groups and get lunch with friends. I'm so much happier than I was sitting alone studying all day. I would be careful not to fall into that trap. Depending on your personality, sitting alone studying all day multiple days a week can really be tough emotionally. I'm shy so it makes it even harder to make friends at school so being there often and for long periods has been necesary and enabled me to start making good friends. Be careful not to fall into this trap! For me, this has by far been the most difficult part of living so far from campus.

Yeah, I experienced this the last couple of years of undergrad and can definitely see the difference. We had a small dept and the people who were on campus who graduated with me are all in touch with each other and hang out. Sometimes they invite me but it's obviously not the same.

It's not so bad professionally since it was only undergrad but I can see how grad school connections would be more important. I'm commuting too, but I plan to be on campus as much as possible not so much to study but in case people want to spontaneously organize something.

[GoldenDragonArms]

Well I've decided to stay with my mother and grandmother for the 1st semester of my graduate program.

 

Many of you saying I should at least attempt to live with my Mother and Grandmother for a short period makes a lot of sense, and my father also brought up this point himself.

 

Ideally I'll keep living at my Grandmother's house for the first 2 or so years of the program. I expect I'll probably have to move close to campus in my last year of the program, as I'll be doing internships, exams, hands on training for the program (as opposed to primarily taking classes for the first two years). But at least this way I can save around $8,000 - $10,000 (based on paying rent from $500-$600 per month) in loan debt (actually saving a bit more if you factor in interest rates in repayment).

 

My dad and mom are paying for everything besides my loans for tuiton, school fees, and books.

 

I'm hoping I'll find that this living situation works out. I know I'll have enough gas to drive to the school 6 days a week if need be. The real problem will be having to stay on campus for so long (pretty much all day long if I want to make meetings, study groups, social activities) and not having a place to crash and relax until I drive back home late at night. I'm hoping I can find a chill place to relax during the day at some points, whether that be the library, some public place that doesn't mind extended visitors, or if I'm lucky I might be able to work out an agreement with a friend I meet there so I can chill for 1 or 2 hours at their place during school days to take a breather (that would make a huge difference!).
 

[nugget]

 I'm hoping I can find a chill place to relax during the day at some points, whether that be the library, some public place that doesn't mind extended visitors, or if I'm lucky I might be able to work out an agreement with a friend I meet there so I can chill for 1 or 2 hours at their place during school days to take a breather (that would make a huge difference!).

 

 

Goldendragonarms,

 

I'd recommending finding out if your school has a meditation/prayer centre. Some schools have very cozy spaces for this purpose and they tend to have cushions or mats you can put on the floor (for meditation, or naps, in your case). Some even have sofas and they tend to be quiet, welcoming places to hang out.

[GoldenRyujin]

Hey guys its GoldenDragonArms , I just had a difficult time signing in to my account so I made another one.

 

Updating you on the situation. So I spent the first semester with my grandmother and it did not go so well. I've been applying for part time jobs and trying to study for the semester.

 

When I initally asked to live there she was quite pissed looking and she said these words "Well I don't have a choice do I?" once I asked her to live with her and my mom in August. I think its only because my mom really tried hard to help me persuade her to live there, she's did it more as a favor for my mom than me I guess.  I just had an immediate feeling that she didn't want me there and things weren't going to go smoothly, and they did not. 

 

I've gotten into arguments with her on a regular basis and she seems to try to keep reminding me verbally and non verbally that she doesn't like the fact I'm living there. She loves listening to her loud TV at night and a good bit during the day (very small house her room is right next to mine) and I have told her repeatedly that it's too loud for me to be able to concentrate. She refuses to do anything I ask because "its my house and I do what I want in my house. Be grateful I even let you live here!" I told her that the libraries in my city are full of idiots rapping and arguing with each other and its not at atmosphere conductive to studying but she wouldn't budge. So its hard for me to study there and I only had gas to go to school 2 days a week for class attendance.

 

I had one horrible situation where my car was out of commision for a week when I was trying to find out what was keeping it from starting and fixing that problem. Basically on tuesday I tried to crank my car up, and it simply would not crank. I needed to get to class immediately and didn't have much time left. I asked her to borrow her car so I could go to class (this happened to be on the day where I take my only mid term of the semester) and she initally said no. I was extremely panicked because I had to take that exam and no make ups for it either, so I fail if I don't go. It took me more than 15 min to persuade her to let me use her car and she was more than upset about it, I even drove to the exam with my mind so out of sorts about the car and her I barely could concentrate on the material.

 

  I swear you really get to see people's true personalities once you try to hunker down and live with them, not all grandmothers are the kindly sweet kind I will attest to that. 

 

So basically I felt like I was in a situation where I was constantly coming "home" to a place where I was not wanted which is a horrible feeling to have. I searched for and applied for a part time job locally during this semster but was unable to get one yet. The only thing I can really do is keep applying and hpe someone hires me.

 

Academically,I ended up making withdrawing from one class, so I took two courses. I got an A in one course and a C in another course, so GPA is 3.0 . Luckily it takes more than 1 C for the program to toss me out so I'm still a student there.

 

So for current events, I'm still applying for jobs and just HOPING that someone will actually hire me. My grandmother says I can't live there for the 2nd semester unless I am currently employed, my dad says he will not let me live at home during the semester reguardless of whether I have a job or not. So basically I'm being kicked out by my family. School starts next Mon Jan 12th, first actual class is on Thursday. I don't have any friends that I can just ask to let me live with them. The only friend I have that lives even remotely in driving distance to the my school, he lives with his mom in an already overcrowded house with perpetual visitors so that's a no go. No other family members even remotely close to the school.

 

I'm currently living at my dads house right now since I'm still calendar wise on my school's winter break period, but like I said I said school officially starts back again on Monday. He told me I can't live here during the semester, so I'm expecting hes just going to kick me out some day next week. I'm hoping he somehow just doesn't say anything and let me keep living here until I find a job, but he's said repeatedly and very angrily and adamantly I will not live here for the 2nd semester.

 

I'm very seriously considering increasing my loans in order to live at school during my 2nd semester. That won't solve my immediate situation, but I'm hoping I get a job very quickly somehow , can live at my gmas house for just as long as it takes to apply for loan increase for housing, and then get the housing and get a job down near my school soon afterwards. I've already had to take out thousands of dollars of loans just to pay for school costs and don't like the idea of taking on more debt than I have to, but in this situation where my family's not wanting me to live with them and I can't live with my grandmother, it may be worth it to be a few thousand more dollars in debt.

[shadowclaw]

Well that was very unexpected. I just read through this thread, and I thought everything would go well for you! I'm sorry to hear it did not! I can certainly sympathize with thy problems of living with noisy and inconsiderate people. I had a horrible roommate during undergrad that made me never want to have a roommate ever again. I also completely understand the feeling of living with someone who is obsessed with having a job. I love my father dearly, but he has some strong opinions about people having jobs. My husband and I live in my parents' basement to save money, and my father has on more than one occasion reminded me that my husband won't be welcome anymore if he becomes unemployed. Which is strange because we pay rent and there's no reason he would become unemployed.

While this isn't very helpful now, I think people would have given you very different advice if you had mentioned that you never asked your grandmother if you could stay with her and just assumed it would be ok based on the recommendations of your parents. You definitely should have asked back in June when you were making this decision. You would have found out then that she didn't want you living with her and would have had time to find an apartment.

Since you can change the past, I personally think that it would be a good idea to try to find an apartment asap. Living with either parent doesn't look like a feasible option. Even if you find a job and appease your grandmother, it is unlikely that you will have a happy or productive semester due to all of the negativity and distractions at home. Plus the fact that your grandmother is unwilling to let you borrow the car in an emergency makes the arrangement very risky.

I really suggest talking to your father about finding an apartment and seeing if he will let you stay long enough to get your loan processed and find a place to live. He may be more inclined to give you some leeway if he is convinced you won't just ride out the semester at his house. I'm really sorry all of this happened to you. It really sounded like your whole family was behind you in your earlier posts.