Mentoring other graduate students

[wildviolet]

So I applied for and received a competitive college level fellowship last year. This year, another graduate student asked me for help writing her application. She applied for it last year and failed. I read her rough draft a week ago and provided feedback, and I haven't heard back from her at all. I tried to be as diplomatic as I could--supportive yet pointing out areas she needed to work on in order to be competitive for the fellowship.

 

My question is, do I ask her how she's doing? Or do I just assume she's busy and will ask me for help again if she needs/wants it? I would love to see her get the fellowship, but I don't see that happening unless she makes substantial changes in her proposal. I'm a bit undecided about what to do because she's not a super close friend of mine, so I'm still navigating the process of becoming friends with her. I'm glad that she reached out to me, and I don't want to come off as pushy. What would you do?

[TMP]

From my own experience, let her be.  As the deadline approaches, just send a text/e-mail saying "I hope my feedback was helpful.  Best of luck!"  

 

It seems to be you're being helpful as a peer helping another peer win a fellowship.  Until you get to know her well, I wouldn't read into her non-response too much.  

 

Also, you should-- by now-- already recognize that feedback is feedback and you cannot take others' reception of your feedback personally.  I've learned from my professors to say this, "Take my feedback or leave it."  It elicits greater autonomy for the person to decide for him/herself what to do with it and makes you appear as a gracious, respectful person.

[fuzzylogician]

Personally I'd stay out of it unless she asks you to help again. You could shoot her a quick email "hey, as the deadline is approaching, I hope you are doing well with your application. Let me know if there is anything more I can do to help." But unless she invites you to take a more active part in the process, I wouldn't impose. 

[Eigen]

I think at this point I'd let it be. What you've set up isn't really a "mentor" relationship, but just some help on a specific problem- you gave it, and now they need time to look over it. 

 

If this was someone you'd been mentoring for a longer time, or been more involved with mentoring outside the fellowship application, it might be appropriate to check in on them and see if everything was going OK. 

[Sigaba]

 What you've set up isn't really a "mentor" relationship[.]

 

Understanding what type of relationship one has established with professors, fellow graduate students, and undergraduates is a difficult but crucial task. Equally important are being honest with one's self about why one is offering support, and then managing one's own expectations of the support being accepted.

[rising_star]

Let it be. If the other grad student wants or needs your help again, they know where to find you. By the silence, you can assume this isn't going to turn into a more formal mentor/mentee relationship.

[wildviolet]

Thanks, everyone!

 

I sent her a quick email asking how she's doing with the application since the deadline is approaching... she responded positively and said that she's working on another draft and would appreciate me looking over it. I think I won't send any more emails unless she contacts me again.

[wildviolet]

Understanding what type of relationship one has established with professors, fellow graduate students, and undergraduates is a difficult but crucial task. Equally important are being honest with one's self about why one is offering support, and then managing one's own expectations of the support being accepted.

 

I think this is an interesting point. I have a different relationship with professors that I have for class vs. professors that I do RA or TA work for vs. my advisor. Gender and common interests also seem to make a difference. In this case, I am offering support because I am not in competition with her for this fellowship. Last year, I was more reluctant to share my proposal with others because a lot of us were competing for it.