Stress

[queennight]

Any tips from the more sane/calm/experienced/wise individuals on this forum for how to handle stress during this whole process? I'm applying to seven schools and on top of a graduate course load, I'm pretty much feeling like I'm about to implode. And I get the feeling that once you actually submit these apps, the waiting game can be a horribly tense stage too.

[smg]

Any tips from the more sane/calm/experienced/wise individuals on this forum for how to handle stress during this whole process? I'm applying to seven schools and on top of a graduate course load, I'm pretty much feeling like I'm about to implode. And I get the feeling that once you actually submit these apps, the waiting game can be a horribly tense stage too.

 

Beer or an other type of treat with a friend. If your in Toronto still, Chinese food at Buddha's (on Dundas east of Bathurst).  

[Dr. Old Bill]

I'm starting to feel the first twinges of stress. Fortunately I've already got all of my applications off, so it's too late to start actively second-guessing things, but considering that I rarely feel stressed, it's a little odd to me to have that feeling now of all times. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse the closer we get to February, so yes...some nice de-stressing tips would be helpful! I just can't stop thinking about how my whole future life is riding on getting accepted to a Ph.D. program. I was completely confident with all aspects of the application process, and am still confident that I'm a solid candidate...yet now that I'm essentially "idle" on the whole applying-to-grad-school front, I can't help but reflect on the ramifications of not getting in etc. Just one of those silly things that humans do, I suppose!

 

And now I want Chinese food.

[zanmato4794]

I'm going to be honest. It's actually really getting to me. The application season in addition to the new job I started over the summer is making me drink a bit more than I'd like to.

 

I'm saving up as much money as I can now so that if I get accepted, I can quit my job a full month before I start my program and, for the first time since I can remember, chill out.

[jhefflol]

I've been taking it out on my boyfriend, which sucks. I want to start running again.

[ProfLorax]

Any tips from the more sane/calm/experienced/wise individuals on this forum for how to handle stress during this whole process? I'm applying to seven schools and on top of a graduate course load, I'm pretty much feeling like I'm about to implode. And I get the feeling that once you actually submit these apps, the waiting game can be a horribly tense stage too.

Here are a few that worked for me:

• Take time off. An afternoon, a day, or even a full weekend. Do zero work on applications or grad coursework. 
• Surround yourself with supportive people who won't say "you'll get into all the schools!" Those people are the worst.
• If you can, get your applications in a bit early. That way, you won't have to deal with the added stress of the impending deadline.
• Have small, tangible tasks to complete on a daily (except for your day/days off) basis: Tuesday: revise SoP for University Y; Wednesday: fill out app form for University X; Thursday: send GRE scores.
• If you can, plan a trip in January. It doesn't have to be somewhere fancy! Just something to take your mind off waiting to hear back. 
• If you can't plan a trip, still have something fun planned in the Winter Break to look forward to! 
• Allow yourself to get excited about the prospect of starting graduate school.
• Have a Plan B. I had a pretty solid Plan B in mind. I knew that if I did get rejected across the board, I'd be initially very sad but my life wouldn't be over. This helped negate some stress. 
• If you don't have a dog, see if you can volunteer to take a shelter dog for a hike one afternoon: exercise and puppy cuddles FTW!
• Remind yourself that this is just the beginning of a long and arduous journey! Or maybe don't remind yourself that...
• LIMIT YOUR TIME ON GRADCAFE ONCE RESPONSES START COMING IN.
• Most importantly, self-care, self-care, self-care. As Donna and Tom say:

[1Q84]

^ What Retta said!

 

I'm at SAMLA this weekend (hotlantaaaaa) and a weekend getaway is just what the doctor ordered. I know I'm going to be stressed as all hell when I get back on Sunday but these few days will be nice to get out for a bit and away from the computer screen.

 

(Plus, having time to work on the plane in solitude and silence sans internet was a godsend!)

[unræd]

Yes, yes, and yes to all of the above--both the stress, and the ways of coping with it.

 

And yes, people who say "oh, I'm sure you'll get in everywhere" really are the worst! I know they mean well, really I do, but… ugh. When I was drawing up my list of schools to applied to, I discussed a bunch with a prof and they pointed to a couple of the schools with somewhat lower admissions reqs and said "Well, I wouldn't bother to apply there--you can do better than that. I don't see any reason you wouldn't get into both Super Fancy University and University of Way Beyond Your Reach." Which, yes, great, vote of confidence. And I should be (and am) thankful for that, because confidence is exactly what I'm lacking. But also: pressure.

 

I find myself swinging wildly between two poles. Some days I think I'm a really strong applicant--great grades, great scores, solid language skills and preparatory coursework, clearly defined research interests, writing sample that a prof thinks is publishable, professors who feel so strongly about my candidacy that even though I didn't use them for letters they want to email POIs they know on my behalf. All great! All your programs are belong to us. But then I consider what a crapshoot, in some ways, this process is. I think about how the Forces of Fit could conspire against me, or that the sheer narrowness of my field of specialization means I'm up against a bunch of other really, really well qualified applicants for a vanishingly small pool of slots, and that things could very easily not go my way--them's the breaks. I don't have a solid, specific plan B lined up, but I also remind myself that if I don't get into graduate school, it won't be the end of the world. Sure, I'll be crushed, but I've had another career, done something else, and I have things I can go back to. I've reinvented myself professionally before, and--as sad as it is to think I'll need to put aside all my medieval interests to do so--I know I can do it again. I am not the sum of either my applications or of my past, present, or future professional lives; I'm a person with a life and relationships and friendships and interests, whose place in the world is not determined by what I do.

 

But man, that damn stress though. Five classes--all but one of which require a seminar paper--this semester, plus a (part time, admittedly) job, plus applications. This week was especially grinding--a test yesterday in one class that left everyone reaching for the bottle, readings for my Latin seminar that the Classics grad students and even the professor don't quite know how to construe (seriously--we get through maybe two paragraphs of text per hour), fast approaching research deadlines that seem to pile up one after another. This is a week after which I need some relaxation, and I'm taking it. I won't list all the things I do to destress, since Proflorax did an amazing job of listing them, but here are some personal standbies/faves:

 

• Lean on the people who are there to be leaned on. I got home from my craptastic day yesterday and my partner, who can't cook to save his soul, had prepared a lovely candlelit spread of cheeses and cured meats and wine and whatnot for dinner. Just what the doctor ordered! Also: friends. Friends friends friends. Because I'm an older student, and we moved here last year not knowing anyone, absolutely all of my friends in the city where I live currently are PhD students in my current program. That's a bit of a bittersweet thing, and it'd be nice to have people to talk to who weren't obsessives about medieval lit in the way I am. But it's also great because they know exactly what it's like to go through this process. They know the right things to say to make me feel better, and they understand the particular and peculiar pain of having to slice your SOP in half for an application with a lower word count.
• Cook. I mean, this should really just be "non-academic hobbies," but that's mine.
• Research. Also mixed--if I don't get into grad school, all of my work on the manuscript output of this obscure Belgian monastery really won't matter. But until I get that last rejection, it will, and research provides clearly defined, attainable goals that you can chip away at, day by day. Plus there's the thrill of discovery, which is not to be underrated!
• Work on my languages--Arabic doesn't give a fuck if I get into grad school or not.
• Laze about. I'm going to work this morning, coming home this afternoon, and then do you know what I'm going to do? Not a damn thing. I'm going to order Szechuan delivery, open a case of beer, and stream scifi reruns until I'm drunk and fat and happy.
• Take a walk. Go down to the river and skip some stones. Get fresh air, and blood in the limbs. (Also, this is sorta necessary after the last point.)

[quena]

wow, same here. Four papers to finish, plus a MA dissertation. And on top of that, the applications. Also need to prepare for moving to another country at the end of year, etc, etc. And i'm surrounded by people who keep telling me"you can get in anywhere you want!"

My solution: read something that is not even remotely connected to everything that im doing.

go out with friends for some beer and some chat.

smoke a bit more than i should.

[Dr. Old Bill]

I LOVE Unraed's post.

 

 

I couldn't resonate more with the "swinging between two poles" comment. It's rather amazing how bipolar this process can make you! And it's always the little things that set your mind to doubting. For instance, a couple of weeks ago I went for a drink with one of my letter-writers. He and I have a fantastic rapport, and he is certainly an erstwhile supporter who, no doubt, wrote me a strong LOR. Almost everything he talked about with regard to my application was positive...yet there were two very minor points he made: one was that there has already been a fair amount of scholarship done in the realm of my proposed course of study, and the other was that there was a slight (very slight) malapropism in my SOP -- I used "scholastic" where I probably should have used "scholarly." He mentioned that "scholastic" sometimes has a pejorative quality. So of course, out of all the things we talked about over a delightful hour and a half, what is it I am thinking about? "Scholastic" and the generality of my proposed course of study!! This despite him saying I should be a strong candidate, and that he'll write a letter that will make me look "hot" to adcomms (to which I replied that my wife tries to make me look "hot" all the time, to no avail).

 

Frankly, I'm rather glad that I've got a busy semester right now. My mind has been wandering a bit more than usual lately, which is unfortunate when you're trying to close-read two novels simultaneously, but at least when I'm occupied, I'm not obsessing over things I have no control over.

 

Oh, and despite my copious comments across several Grad Cafe threads on the lack of importance of high GRE scores, my mind cannot help but return to those unrepresentative, lower-than-I'd-like figures. Despite their relative unimportance, they're likely the weakest part of my application.

 

Oh, and even sillier... I got an associate's degree from a 2-year community college before transferring to an admittedly well-regarded 4-year institution. I had a perfect GPA at the community college, and so far at my current college I have a strong GPA (low end of summa cum laude level), but on my transcript, the GPA doesn't factor in the GPA of all of the transferred courses. As a result, on my applications, adcomms will see the lower GPA first. Most don't have a field where you plug in your total undergraduate GPA -- they're kept separate by institution. Logically speaking, this is all incredibly minor...and yet it's the kind of thing that plays on my mind!

 

Most of all, I feel sorry for my poor wife, who has to hear me air my application neuroses on a day-to-day basis. She's as supportive as a significant other can be, but it will be a minor miracle if she doesn't tear half of her hair out by mid-February. Or mine, for that matter.

 

*exhale*

Edited November 7, 2014 by Wyatt's Torch

[ProfLorax]

I am not the sum of either my applications or of my past, present, or future professional lives; I'm a person with a life and relationships and friendships and interests, whose place in the world is not determined by what I do.

First of all, ALL THE SNAPS. This should be everyone's mantra these next few months (and honestly, throughout grad school and while on the market).

 

I just wanted to add two more suggestions to my original post:

• Do not, I repeat, DO NOT re-read your materials after you have sent them out. You will find a typo. One typo will not keep you out of grad school, but it's hard not to stress about it once you've found it! Once you hit "submit," just let it all go. 
• If the stress is really getting to you and starting to impact your relationships and your body, there ain't nothing wrong with finding a professional to talk to. I went to a talk on the job market two days ago, and both of the recently hired TT professors who spoke mentioned getting outside support while on the market. (The job market, I learned, is this process again but times a million. Sending you positive thoughts, ComeBackZinc!) One started therapy; another hired a life coach. I really appreciated their honesty regarding the stress of the job market and the fact they needed an extra shoulder during this time. Their presentations reminded me that it's okay to need some extra support from time to time! 

[queennight]

Frankly, I'm rather glad that I've got a busy semester right now. My mind has been wandering a bit more than usual lately, which is unfortunate when you're trying to close-read two novels simultaneously, but at least when I'm occupied, I'm not obsessing over things I have no control over.

 

Yep, it's mainly these small neurotic things that are adding up for me too - I can feel my anxiety building so much that sometimes I can literally just sit in front of my computer and stare at my application for ages, rather than even being able to make any edits ... which probably is a sign of my deteriorating mental state.

 

It's so good to hear all these tips; I'm glad that I'm not the only person experiencing all this right now! I decided to take almost all of yesterday off for a mental health day, and now I'm back in front of my material, editing away.   I suppose the only way to survive all of this is to try and maintain some sort of a skewed work/life balance - smg, Buddha looks amazing, I've never been, so I'm going to try and drag a few non-grad-student friends there over the next week. Thanks for the tip!

[Dr. Old Bill]

Incidentally, I find that watching hockey helps. I'm sure one can insert a sport of choice in place of hockey, but let's face it...hockey is the best. I used to be a mostly partisan fan who only watched his home team, but since I've lived away from my "hometown" for nearly five years, I've come to enjoy watching any good matchup. The nice thing with having Center Ice (or presumably any sports package) is that you can just sit down and enjoy a period or two, then go back to doing your work.

[lyonessrampant]

I was going to add some things, but Proflorax's list is great and followup post, too.  Seriously, this does not really get better, particularly as you near the point of going on the market and then it is like applying but worse, so figuring out a coping strategy now is great preparation, too.  As tempting (and at times necessary) as it will be to drink/smoke etc. more than usual, try to make time to hit the gym and workout, too.  Those endorphins will help and staying in shape will help you feel better, too.  Deep breathing and definitely don't be ashamed to seek out a therapist or take medicine if necessary.  I've been surprised to find that a majority of graduate students I've met either go to therapy regularly, take an anti-depression or anxiety medication, or both.  Grad school is awesome but stressful, so again, learning coping strategies now will come in handy.