Relocating for grad school, with kids

[Icecream]

I'm seriously considering leaving the SF Bay Area in CA, where I've lived most of my adult life (over 20 years) for a grad school program in the midwest.  I grew up in the northeast and have barely even  *been* to the midwest (I've driven through a few times.) I have three young kids.  Any tips?  Do's and don'ts?  Am I nuts? Also, I'm Jewish and queer-ish (single, and open to dating people of any gender.)  FY, I prob can't make it out for a trip before deciding - I'll be lucky if I can swing an advance trip to find housing. I'm definitely leaning towards going, so how to do it tips are especially welcome.  Also, anyone else in the same (or a similar) boat? Thanks!

[eeee1923]

I have lived in the Midwest for the last 10 yrs or so. Most of the people tend to be pretty open and genuinely nice which is a plus. The weather has a mind of its own but you get used to it. The school systems tend to be pretty good in the suburban areas. These are some of the basics I've noticed living in a few places in the Midwest but you may want to be more specific on where you are thinking of relocating since not every part of the Midwest is the same. Hope this helps a bit. 

[ashiepoo72]

We are basically doing the same thing this season--I'm a single mom of one girl, living in the Bay Area and thinking seriously about the Midwest. I don't have any great insight, but if you want someone to commiserate or discuss with, I'm all ears

[Page228]

I'm from the northeast and I've lived in a couple different places in the midwest. I also have a Jewish background, although I'm non-practicing. I did find the places I lived to be a bit closed-minded compared to the coasts, but in one place I was at a small school in a fairly conservative crowd, and in the other place I wasn't in school at all. Neither place was Chicago, which I'm sure is its own world. Also, neither place was terrible. They were alright.

It will really depend on the specific location ("the midwest" is quite different from state to state!) and your university.

[Vene]

I grew up in the Midwest and am now in the Northeast (lived in both Michigan and Minnesota). The region can be a bit hit or miss at times. There are places that I think are fantastic and places that I have no desire to ever live in (the decline in American manufacturing hit some cities and states worse than others). So, your experience will really depend on exactly where you're heading.

[Icecream]

Hi all, thanks for the replies!  The specific location is Bloomington, Indiana.  I've never been there, though my research from afar says it's nice.  The info on Bloomington I've found on this site so far hasn't been that helpful, just because it hasn't come from demographically similar people.

 

I'm not totally worried about the school issue, although it seems that for public schools, you have to live in the right neighorhood to get the "right" school (if you have a preference.)  So, I'm thinking about that (there seem to be 2-3 highly rated elementary schools.)

 

Besides that, but not unrelated to it, I'm mostly wondering about finding an affordable place to live (given that I'll need to spend money on childcare, so will have a really limited budget), and on whether I'll meet new people, given that I'm usually with my small kids if I'm not at work/school. 

Edited March 7, 2015 by JJCA

[Icecream]

Also, thanks for all the comments pointing out that the Midwest is not monolithic (really!) It's just that I've only lived on the coasts (east and west) and have pretty much at least visited most of the major points up and down each one.  I've been in Michigan a bit, and spent a few days in Chicago.  But I'm not sure I've ever even driven through Indiana! 

 

Also, I should add that the program I'd be attending is a Master's degree, so only 2 years.  

Edited March 7, 2015 by JJCA

[Owlie]

Indiana is pretty nondescript!

 

I grew up in Cincinnati, so while it's not exactly the same, I can help a bit.  (Or I can find people who can help!)  If you look away from campus, you should be able to find affordable housing.  It's a relatively inexpensive part of the country.  As far as culture, it's a college town, so a little more open-minded, I think, than the surrounding region.  If you want specifics, I can ask around.

[jujubea]

For ashie and the OP: consider yourselves darn lucky.

Everywhere, nearly EVerywhere in the US is less expensive to live than the Bay Area.

I have the opposite problem. I currently live in a very low cost of living area, and am looking at relocating with three kids to coastal CA.... Our options for housing include cardboard boxes, aluminum roofed shanties, or a home that's a 90-minute commute, each way, to my program.

Woohoo...!

Anyway you're NOT crazy, it IS hard, but I believe we CAN do it! Especially if you're driven, loving, and have some wits about you.

Good luck!!!

[jujubea]

Oh, also, be very wary.

Good/great elementary schools are relatively easy to find.

But if you plan on staying in the area past elementary, you need to look at middle schools, which are harder to find, and high schools, which are even harder to find.

Unless you live in and around Boulder where there are tons of 9 and 10 rated HS's!

[Icecream]

I guess I am kind of freaked out about moving, finding a new place, etc.  Also, good advice on the middle and high schools.  The program in Bloomington is only a 2 year program.  But, one of the things I'm worried about is losing my rent controlled apt in the bay area.  If that happens, then I would prob never be able to return.  Juju, what part of the bay area are you trying to be in? It IS crazy expensive here.

[Icecream]

Also wondering how folks living off campus managed to find housing in advance from afar?  It's probably on a forum in here somewhere...

[Shoelle]

Same boat here (but in reverse!). Single parent for the time being (partner is at another grad program far away), so I'm actually less worried about adjusting than I would be if I didn't have three years of experience parenting and working alone. Relocating to L.A. for a grad program this fall. 

 

Childcare costs in L.A. though....yikes. USC doesn't offer any kind of stipend or help with that either, I'll be relying entirely on savings.

 

If any single parent households could chip in regarding how much childcare they routinely use for full time graduate studies, I'd be most appreciative. I'm assuming AT LEAST full-time care. But what about those weekends when you're slammed with research and paper writing? Babysitters are so expensive, and I'm spoiled by my current daycare which lets me drop my kiddo off on a Sat or even a Sun for only$30.

[jujubea]

Also wondering how folks living off campus managed to find housing in advance from afar?  It's probably on a forum in here somewhere...

 

We're scouring Zillow, talking to multiple realtors and lenders by email and phone, and planning a trip out there over the kids' spring break to actually look at a few places we found on Zillow and our realtors' MLS listings.

 

I will also be looking again when the school has their grad visit day next month.

 

We are 13 hours away by car from the place we're looking to move to. 

 

FYI, Zillow lists both rentals and homes for sale, of all types.

[jujubea]

Same boat here (but in reverse!). Single parent for the time being (partner is at another grad program far away), so I'm actually less worried about adjusting than I would be if I didn't have three years of experience parenting and working alone. Relocating to L.A. for a grad program this fall. 

 

Childcare costs in L.A. though....yikes. USC doesn't offer any kind of stipend or help with that either, I'll be relying entirely on savings.

 

If any single parent households could chip in regarding how much childcare they routinely use for full time graduate studies, I'd be most appreciative. I'm assuming AT LEAST full-time care. But what about those weekends when you're slammed with research and paper writing? Babysitters are so expensive, and I'm spoiled by my current daycare which lets me drop my kiddo off on a Sat or even a Sun for only$30.

You deserve a medal.

Straight up.

[toasterazzi]

Former Hoosier here! I lived in Indiana for most of my life (minus a year in Illinois and now I'm currently in Ohio), and to be completely honest, I have very little love for the state for any number of reasons.

 

However, I will say that Bloomington is a pretty nice place to be, and IU is a great school. I went to camp at the university for a couple of summers, and I've also visited a few times as an adult. There are tons of trees around Bloomington, and it gets really beautiful there in the spring and the fall. Now I will warn that the majority of Bloomington IS IU. Once you get off campus, there's not much going on. Luckily, there's pretty much always something going on at the campus, and it has numerous great resources for anybody that happens to be academically-inclined. If all else fails, Bloomington isn't that far away from Indianapolis, which has some good stuff going for it as well. And for longer trips, Chicago, Cincinnati, Louisville, etc. are all within easy driving distance.

 

As has already been pointed out, one of the great things about the midwest is the low cost of living. The highest rent I ever paid for an apartment when I lived there was $549 plus utilities. On the other end of things, the winter is pretty hellish and there's not really a way around that haha.

 

Indiana in general is pretty White/Christian/hetero, but you'll probably find a good deal of diversity in Bloomington because of the university. And despite my firm belief that Indiana would probably be one of the last states to do it, they actually already have same sex marriage, which was almost as shocking as when the state went blue in '08 haha. I will mention though that there's a lot of tomfoolery going on there in the public school system at the highest levels of the state government. I'm not sure how that'll all shake out, but it's worth keeping your eyes open.

 

If you have any other questions about Indiana/midwest life, feel free to send them my way, and I'll try to help any way I can

[omidance]

Hi JJCA! I'm in the same boat, and no you're not crazy.

 

I'm a single mom, also accepted to IU Bloomington, and also considering a major move out there...haven't decided yet. It's a lot to think about...and it's scary! 

 

But it can be done, and it won't be so difficult as it may seem. I've done it before. When my son was 6, we moved from the east coast to Arizona for my MFA. I'll be honest...my first year was a major adjustment because I had never lived so far away from family, and I'd never been somewhere where I didn't have support with my son. That being said, he's attended many classes with me when he's been in the the it might be a cold but I'm not sure and he's not running a fever so no school for him but I can't miss class situation. It works out. I found that many of my professors, including my advisor, had children and understood my need for that additional absence or rescheduling because of a doctor's appointment or some such thing.

 

You find family wherever you are. The minute I got him started with sports, I met other single moms and met two women who became my lifeline while I was away. He developed some great friendships and I got some sister girlfriends who I can have wine with while the kids played. And since they were not in school, they kept me grounded with the 'real world' that we can feel isolated from while in school, working and parenting. 

 

Another thing to think about is that you don't have to live in the same city where you go to school. If a close county has better schools, you could live there. That's what I'm thinking of doing if I don't attend IU, since my other choice is not where I want my son to go to school (Philly...Temple). 

 

What I've found is that happy parents make happy children. I was worried about his adjustment with moving and all, but he's so well rounded and better for it. I hope he will see the sacrifices I've made for my education and use that as inspiration not to be afraid to reach for his goals when it's his turn. Children are resilient, and it's great that you have more than one because they will be each other's familiarity in a new setting. You can make it an adventure for them by finding a new place to discover every weekend. The park one weekend, city library another weekend--even checking out the Dave and Busters to see if it's different from the one back home can be exciting for them. 

 

Good luck! I'd love to hear what you decide. Either way, you'll be fine! :-) Hugs!

[Icecream]

Toasterazzi and Omidance, thanks for all the info!! One of the things I'm trying to decide now is, if I do decide to attend (which I'm definitely leaning towards), I would probably have to decide to go there sight unseen.  Since I have *3* small kids, it's VERY hard for me to take a trip out there by myself. Any thoughts on this? I AM very excited about the (two year) program I'd attend.

 

I have one distant acquaintance there, and I might try to rent one of the small 2 beds in her complex, as she is happy with it and it's in a good school district (it doesn't have a w/d in the apt, which is a bummer, but it looks good otherwise.)  I did check the school district of local towns, but I didn't seen any that looked good outside of Bloomington, so the school is a big priority.

 

Again, the program I'd attend is only two years...

[Dbollin]

Hi everyone, just found this thread. I am from the midwest, getting ready to move 500 miles for my doctorate program with my two kids. Someone asked how much daycare costs while full time in grad school... I paid 266 a week for my two kids to go full time while i was getting my masters, which was brutal!!! But that is if they go every day. It is also a struggle when they have a fever, or any slight ailment and have to stay home... The midwest is great for cheap housing. I currently live in a great community, 2 large bedrooms, hue kitchen and living room apartment for 640 a month (including utilities). The schools are very hit and miss. One school is one of the best in the state, while the school right down the road has multiple students who can not read or write. You need to find other parents in your area to really find out how good the schools are around here. 

The program I am thinking about attending will take 4 years, and I am really nervous about it. My kids are really young, the oldest will start kindergarten at the same time I will start my doctorate. I am hoping we will meet other (parents relatively quickly!!!

Let me know if you have any questions, Ive been to bloomington a few times for (I play a sport that requires a lot of traveling). 

[Icecream]

Dbollin, where are you moving?  Also, do you know about GreatSchools.org?  It's been very helpful.

[omidance]

Hey everybody! Big kudos to all of us mommies and daddies who are literally making big moves to better our lives and those of our children!

 

@JJCA you know... the moving thing can be tricky, but it can be done! Google maps is great for taking a look at a neighborhood, especially if it's a house and photos you see online only show the one house. You can view pictures of the street to get a feel for what the other houses in the neighborhood look like. You might think about getting approved for a place run by a property management company that also manages many other rental homes. That way if you get out there (maybe a week early, staying with your friend) and you don't like the place you could have them put you in another place more to your liking. And you're already approved to rent with that company. Or you could have your friend scout out the places you find interesting for you. Then apply for them and when you move out there, again, give yourself a few days in case you change your mind when you see the place in person. Your idea to rent in your friend's complex is a wise one too IMO. She can give you the lowdown since she already lives there.

 

Options decrease stress LOL. This is my personal philosophy. Let's say you go out there by yourself a week or so early to scout for places. Can someone meet you there with the kids after you've signed your new lease? 

[omidance]

Also on the daycare thing...now this might be easier to arrange once you've gotten out there, but when my son was very young I was blessed to have an older lady keep him who had a daycare in her home. It was less expensive and I felt comfortable with her. I would definitely pick the brains of the teachers and other students who have children...especially those that have been there a while or are from the area.

[jujubea]

Oh man, I should've mentioned. My SO (who was a single father at the time) used to bring his two small children (<6) into a number of his classes with him, either as a teacher or a student. This was for a counseling psych program though, so perhaps there was more sympathy? One of his students did file a complaint about it though. Perhaps worth looking into?

I can't imagine trying to do that ... but I guess you do what you have to.

[Icecream]

Thanks for the ideas and info!  The main problem with my friend's complex is that there are no w/d machines in the units, which is a big drawback for me (3 small kids, single parent.) But, there are some in the complex, so I'll prob have to do with that.  And, the biggest units are 2 bed when 3 bed might be better.  However, the mgmt co does have a diff complex with bigger 2 beds that have machines, however there are more complaints about that complex (including some of mold, which I'm very allergic to.)

As for my kids coming out later than me, or us staying somewhere, that does not seem likely.  HOwever, I am thinking about having us all drive across the country in an RV (if I can find a friend to come and drive my car.) So, we'll see!

 

[katiegud]

Hi, I didn't thoroughly read all the comments, but I have family in Bloomington so I thought I'd chime in. My uncle lives there and loves it. He's very liberal politically and he has mentioned that Bloomington is an anomaly for the area (as far as liberalness).