droping the title accidentally

[mghicho2]

Hi,

I was corresponding with a professor and last night he e-mailed me and aksed if I'm ok for an interview slot tonight , I answered the mail. but i accidentally droped his Dr. title and wrote dear first_name last_name . in prevous mails I was always using the Dr. title.

he answered my mail : i never gave you the premission to drop my title. I answred with the "I'm sorry" mail.

he's going to interview me tonight, and i'm reaily stressed. shoud I wear very formal? for example suits? should I apalogize one more time in the interview? Is that going to affect his decision?

[ChuckCL]

First of all, that professor sounds like a dick.

 

I wouldn't apologize again. Just make sure you refer to him by his preferred title ("It was nice talking to you, Dr. Ego-trip"). Apologizing again would just bring the attention back to that issue. You've already apologized; no need to do it again. 

[Vene]

First of all, that professor sounds like a dick.

I very much agree with this. Personally, I can't work for people who insist on being called Dr.

[MathCat]

First of all, that professor sounds like a dick.

 

I wouldn't apologize again. Just make sure you refer to him by his preferred title ("It was nice talking to you, Dr. Ego-trip"). Apologizing again would just bring the attention back to that issue. You've already apologized; no need to do it again. 

I'd upvote this if I wasn't at my cap.

 

Is this the professor you have in mind to work with if admitted, or is it just some random professor assigned to interview you? If it's the first, I'd be seriously turned off by this, personally.

[mghicho2]

It's almost my last chance to get admission this year and I'll work with him if get admitted

[bsharpe269]

It's almost my last chance to get admission this year and I'll work with him if get admitted

 

Waiting a year is WAY better than working for this guy. I would have no desire to work for someone who acted like that.

[Vene]

Waiting a year is WAY better than working for this guy. I would have no desire to work for someone who acted like that.

I agree with this. Graduate school is a big commitment and you really don't want to work for a jerk. Your advisor will shape your entire career, it's not a decision to make lightly. When applying, it's really easy to get into the attitude that you will take anything that comes your way, but you really have to be willing to say no to a bad choice.

 

I've been there, not with grad school, but with work. I took a job offer for a company that gave me a ridiculous work schedule (I was doing quality assurance and worked on first, second, or third shift depending on the day of the week). I was desperate for a job so I took it without hesitation. This really was a bad idea, the money just wasn't worth it. I lasted about half a year before the stress of the job forced me to quit. It also did same damage to my body (I got regular shoulder pains as a result of that job and it's still not what it used to be).

 

I know this isn't an academic example, but I don't care as the principle is the same. If you want to succeed in graduate school that requires mutual respect. A professor getting pissy over a title like that does not impress me and is something I view as a major warning sign.

[jonebone]

Waiting a year is WAY better than working for this guy. I would have no desire to work for someone who acted like that.

 

I agree with this. Graduate school is a big commitment and you really don't want to work for a jerk. Your advisor will shape your entire career, it's not a decision to make lightly. When applying, it's really easy to get into the attitude that you will take anything that comes your way, but you really have to be willing to say no to a bad choice.

 

I've been there, not with grad school, but with work. I took a job offer for a company that gave me a ridiculous work schedule (I was doing quality assurance and worked on first, second, or third shift depending on the day of the week). I was desperate for a job so I took it without hesitation. This really was a bad idea, the money just wasn't worth it. I lasted about half a year before the stress of the job forced me to quit. It also did same damage to my body (I got regular shoulder pains as a result of that job and it's still not what it used to be).

 

I know this isn't an academic example, but I don't care as the principle is the same. If you want to succeed in graduate school that requires mutual respect. A professor getting pissy over a title like that does not impress me and is something I view as a major warning sign.

 

I had a professor who grew up in an environment where you never address your colleagues or uppers with their first names unless asked. Calling him by his first name was frowned upon but, all in all, he was one of the most attentive and thoughtful professors I've had in undergrad. He was a really good mentor figure.

 

Moral of the story is that you don't have enough information to judge and you shouldn't exaggerate by saying something like "Waiting a year is WAY better than working for this guy."

[Asperfemme]

I agree with jonebone, my current undergrad thesis supervisor is pretty strict about being addressed as "Dr." but otherwise is a very understanding, easy-going but moderately strict prof to work under. I have had no issues with him other than having forgotten the "Dr." title in my early stages of working with him.

 

So I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that a prof who wants to be recognized for his hard-earned Ph.D. is going to be damagingly stressful to work with.

 

Also, I'd say it may or may not be helpful to apologize again during the interview. I suggest you gauge what his mood and disposition toward you is throughout the interaction. If you sense negative vibes, apologize either if the topic approaches something relevant or apologize at the end of the interview to minimize any potential awkwardness in case the conversation stalls after.

Edited March 12, 2015 by Asperfemme

[MathCat]

It's possible it's not indicative of his overall demeanor. But I think if that's the case, there's gentler ways of saying it, e.g. "Please continue using my title" or "Please call me Dr.<name>". The particular phrasing of it still worries me - seems like a power trip to me.

[mghicho2]

I did the interview last night. he was totally kind and nice!

so nice that I think he must be drunk when he sent that mail

I explained the project with passion , at last he said his going to send me some papers and I must write a summery till 17th, and then we will have another skype call .

[mghicho2]

I also had a conversation with one of my friends who had a course with him and he said this professor is very supportive and spend so much time for you!

[pinkdragonslayer76]

I did the interview last night. he was totally kind and nice!

so nice that I think he must be drunk when he sent that mail

I explained the project with passion , at last he said his going to send me some papers and I must write a summery till 17th, and then we will have another skype call .

 

 

What a relief he turned out to be kind and nice in person.

 

I remember one time, a classmate raised her hand to ask a question, and when called up, she said "Ms. "Last Name" and the professor immediately corrected her with "It's Dr." in a snarky tone.  So like others, I agree it's a turn off when people get a little snobby or haughty when it comes to titles.

 

With that said, with the little info you initially posted, it's unfortunate if other posters replied with discouraging you from working with him and even suggesting you should wait a year and apply elsewhere.

 

I don't know how things are throughout the country, but in general, the area of the country I live in, people don't typically use a person's first name in a professional manner.  With many of my professors, they are usually addressed as "Professor 'Last Name'" or "Dr. "Last Name."  It's rare to see other students address a professor by his/her first name.

 

If you were a colleague or fellow professor or a really close friend, then yeah, maybe he would feel comfortable...but if you're a student, even though a PhD candidate, it can still seen as disrespectful and contrary to social norms.  My conjecture is he is older and the previous generation may be more accustomed to etiquette compared to today's YOLO millennials generation.  Anyhow, my point is it may have been surprising to see you just use his first and last name without "Dr."

 

Another thing...who knows...maybe he was being sarcastic and intended his comment to be a funny remark.

 

In any case, it's cool things worked out during your meeting with him. It was a minor blunder.  As you said yourself, "it's almost your last chance to get admission this year" and so while others have a valid point of not working with/under someone who may be arrogant, self-centered, egocentric, etc...., please don't let strangers off the internet discourage or deter you from something pretty important to you.

[ChuckCL]

 

I don't know how things are throughout the country, but in general, the area of the country I live in, people don't typically use a person's first name in a professional manner.  With many of my professors, they are usually addressed as "Professor 'Last Name'" or "Dr. "Last Name."  It's rare to see other students address a professor by his/her first name.

 

 

 

I agree that the "Don't work with that guy!" posts might have been reactionary, but I stand by my calling the professor a dick. It's not the fact that he wants to be called "Dr." which is totally (TOTALLY!) understandable. It's the way he went about correcting it (assuming the original post wasn't embellishing the situation) that most of us are bothered by. There's a huge difference between "Hey, I prefer Dr Lastname, actually" and "How dare you drop my title!"

 

Academia is seriously suffering under the weight of inflated egos and ritualistic nonsense. I firmly believe that if scholars were less caught up in the act of being "Dr Lastname" and more worried about researching and teaching with enthusiasm and passion, higher education would improve exponentially. 

[.letmeinplz//]

I personally just always copy their sign off / signature when I reply.

 

So if they say Dear Me, Blah Blah. Love, Dr. First Name Last Name I will reply with Dear Dr. First Name Last Name. If they say Dear Me, Blah Blah. Love, First Name. Then I reply Dear First Name.

 

I'm not sure this is the correct way about doing it but I've just always assumed you will call yourself what you want to be called in correspondence.

[Asperfemme]

I personally just always copy their sign off / signature when I reply.

 

So if they say Dear Me, Blah Blah. Love, Dr. First Name Last Name I will reply with Dear Dr. First Name Last Name. If they say Dear Me, Blah Blah. Love, First Name. Then I reply Dear First Name.

 

I'm not sure this is the correct way about doing it but I've just always assumed you will call yourself what you want to be called in correspondence.

Yeah, that is the right way to do it. I know that for a fact.