Anxiety/Nervous about Starting Grad Program

[lcmerrill]

Hi Everyone,

 

So I'll be starting my program in just less than a month and I'm having all sorts of anxieties regarding it. Mainly, if I chose the right school, if my apartment will be livable or not (reviews weren't that great but it honestly seems like a step up from my undergrad apartment), and if the professor I anticipate wanting to work with will also want to work with me/if I will like her advising style. 

 

I understand that it is natural to have these types of anxieties, especially considering it's a big change and I'll be leaving my comfort zone, but I can't help feeling unsettled about it. I was wondering if anyone had any tips about calming nerves and dealing with such anxieties before moving and starting a PhD program?

 

Thank you in advance. 

 

 

[TMP]

Mainly, the best thing you can probably do is just think positively!  Why are you going to grad school?  Take a look around the city/town you'll be living in and see what's happening (restaurants, bars, museums, parks, etc).  Make a bucket list of fun thing you want to do before classes start.

 

You could also reach out to other (new and old) graduate students and ask for suggestions for ways to settle in.  If you don't have their contact information, you could e-mail the graduate coordinator and ask to be put in touch with someone close to your interests.

[random_grad]

Make a checklist of things you have done and still need to do for the move. Check off all you have completed successfully. When nothing else is on the list - celebrate the achievement with friends and family and yourself. Relax and enjoy the summer, you deserve it!

If still worried, create a table with worries on the left, hard evidence in support of that idea in the middle and hard evidence which does not support on the right. This is a variation of a helpful technique from Mind over Mood book which I strongly recommend.

Finally, get to know your new school s mental health resources.

The first week will be rough but don t let it "prove" your worries.

Sign up for mental health workshops or group sessions if there are some, or get in queue for consultation. At one of my previous schools students complained of long waits so it s good to sign up early.

[rising_star]

I think all of this is really common, if that helps to hear/read. Focus on the fun stuff, like learning about your new city, finding Meetup groups or other activities you might want to do, getting excited about the classes you're going to take, and decorating a new apartment. You could even join an online dating site (like OkCupid or Plenty of Fish or something) and browse potential dating options in your new location. That will help distract you from some of the anxiety (and possibly be good for some laughs too!).

 

But also realize that everything you're worried about does indeed have a way out. If you hate the department or realize it's not the right fit for you, you can leave. If you hate your apartment, you can break your lease and find a new place to live. 

[fuzzylogician]

Beyond what was already said, the two things that help me the most are to (1) keep detailed lists of actionable goals, things that I need to do to get settled in the new place (or whatever is causing the anxiety). I like crossing off things I've done (gives me a sense of accomplishment) and be specific about what I need to do next (gives me a sense of control over the situation); (2) remember that nothing is set in stone. You can always move to a new apartment next year, and it'll be easier once you're there in person and get to know the city. You can switch advisors or programs or fields, if any of that becomes necessary. No decision you make now pigeon-holes you in a way you can't recover from. If advisor A isn't a good fit, I am sure that advisor B will come along. I've long been a believer in "personal fit over research fit", when it comes to grad school. Things have a funny way of working out, if you let them.

 

That all said, these are all natural doubts, and above anything I think it's important to concentrate on seeing the good in your choices and getting excited about everything that is about to begin!

[drownsoda]

I've got jitters myself and totally understand where the OP is coming from. If you looked into the program, applied, and visited, then you enrolled for a reason. Nerves are understandable, but go with your gut feeling. I'm moving to New York at the end of the month, literally one day before my classes start, so it's going to be a mad dash of stress and insanity— I've never lived in a city that big either. We are all creatures of habit, and I am especially ritualistic in how I go about my days, so I think it's just having to deal with adjusting those that's going to be tough. 

One thing I've tried to focus on is how I'm going to make new routines for myself— where to shop, finding restaurants, coffee places, whatever. My apartment is across the street from the Bronx Zoo and the Botanical Gardens, and a 10 minute walk from Edgar Allen Poe's cottage— that alone is enough entertainment for a couple of weeks. Find things to do around your school.

As far as the program itself goes, I am clinging to the words that the touring grad student gave me when I visited: he said that the program was small, less than 30 people—MA and PhD students combined— and that it was literally like one big family. That made me feel good. Hell, the department has parties on the roof of the library every semester where they serve beer. I'm an introvert by nature but am also a sociable person, so I hope to make some friends there. I also am going to be working as a TA at the business college, so I'm going to be so busy that I don't even know what I'll have time for. Are you TA-ing? That'll be one way to meet people as well and form more connections with faculty and other students.

Anyway, good luck to you— we're all a bit nervous I think, but we're not alone. It's a time for adjustments, but that shouldn't be feared.

[justanotherlostgrrl]

Yay gitters! Nothing much to add other than it's understandable and a normal reaction - as an adult, grad school is probably one of the most stressful things you can do.  It's also the anticipation of not knowing quite what it will be like, and the higher stakes.  Even if you had a free scholarship, you'd still be nervous in that it's a performance related system - you'll have to perform/create/analyze at a higher standard than you have in your life, so it's healthy to be nervous.  It would be a little worrisome if you didn't be nervous on some level.  Think of all the actors and performers who say they still get stage fright at times - it's our body's way of preparing for something, but you've crossed one threshold, so you'll succeed to another.

There's some excellent advice in the thread, and definitely look into resources on campus - my school has a crazy about of wellness programs, and most of the groups look like they're free, so the schools often know this is a stressful experience.  Try to attack the process with a positive, realistic view, and go kick arse at what you do.  You've made it so far, and you'll continue!

[Coriolis E.]

I'm probably late on this, but maybe someone will find this useful in the future. There's a lot of great advice that's already been laid out in other replies, but I will offer two things that some folks were starting to hint at.  They made all the difference for me in times of anxiety and stress in grad school:

1.) (Pro)actively define, or re-define, your well-being so that your happiness, satisfaction, and comfort in life is only partially dependent on grad school.  Academia teaches us to focus inwardly, all the time.  Find activities and resources that allow for interaction and or engagement with people who are not fully engrossed by their research, or engage in a service that requires no overly-analytical thinking (e.g. volunteer, or tend a community garden plot).  Having this multi-dimensional criterion for your well-being and persona means that when your external hard drive with all your backed up data gets eaten by the neighbor's pitbull, you don't fall as hard. The world does not end, and you still have your tomatoes.

2.) Know that it is perfectly okay to not know.  It can be terrifying to be out of your comfort zone, and in a community of hyper-critical/analytical peers, especially when there is an unfamiliar topic or complex research problem at hand.  Showing your vulnerability, and having self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses and being honest about them is one of the most refreshing, yet rare things that a grad student can do.  You'd be amazed at how the atmosphere changes in a class discussion or lab meeting when someone simply confesses that they are at a loss, or just don't know.  Likewise, if something isn't working with your advising situation, just lay it out on the table, because it happens all the time, and students go through undue stress trying to tolerate situations with fairly easy fixes.

Regarding the new environment, the original poster is likely reveling in their new adventure at this point, because that's what it is.  The last time that I got worked up over my research trajectory I received a small card in the mail from a former professional development adviser, with just one hand-written line: "You'll always have the potential for stress; try to enjoy the ride".   Hope you're enjoying yours!