How To Handle Rejections?

[ThePastelCalico]

So, I know there may be similar posts like this on the forum, but for many of us the 2016 application season is rapidly approaching. I feel like it may be good to have current advice from people who have gone through the application process recently and have had to deal with rejections. Personally, I'm terrified because I've emailed all my POIs about their programs about three weeks ago and have only heard back from 3 of my POIs (with one response being particularly lukewarm), so I'm already sort of starting out this application season a little disheartened. Maybe that makes me a pessimist, I'm not sure. But, rejections are going to happen; even so, knowing they'll happen doesn't necessarily mean they're easier to deal with. Any advice for some scared undergrad who's future rests on this application season on how to deal with rejections? 

[FantasticalDevPsych]

I should be long in bed by now but this topic really speaks to me. I was this undergrad for the Fall 2015 season and everyone that knew me thought I'd get in somewhere. During the regular application season I applied to five schools and was rejected from all of them (with just one interview). However, I am now a grad student and able to look back on this.

What I ended up doing was only talking about apps to people who understood the process (much more difficult than it sounds) and/or support you no matter what (I had a fantastic friend who was already a grad student). I also suggest finding a hobby you enjoy and sticking with it (for me this was Martial Arts - it let me forget about apps and release the stress)!

One of the best pieces of advice/encouragement I heard from a professor was to remember that in academia even the superstars have had rejections (it's just no one sees the rejections on people's CVs), but they've done well in part because they kept trying. When I heard that from a professor I looked up to (who was actually in the country because they never gave up) it meant a lot.

I am in grad school now because I never gave up. I went to a conference in my area (even after the five rejections) where I met my advisor who saw the research match and potential in me to where they made it possible for me to be admitted late (about a month after April 15th).

I'm going to end with this: there are so many reasons besides you that can lead to rejection, so at that time it might not be you.

If you really want it and it's meant to be, you'll get there.

(PS Howdy from another Texan!)

[sociologyguy12]

My senior year of undergrad, my advisors told me I would get in anywhere (ok, maybe not, but they said I'd get into some really good programs). April came and went and I had little more than unfunded MAPPS offers from Chicago. I was extremelly sad and thought about giving up on grad school. I didn't think about it for months. August hit and I figured I'd try it again. I upped my GRE a few points and perfected my Statement. I don't feel I improved my application that much though. It was good enough to get me into some top schools.

 

Lesson here: The application cycle is completley random and often unpredictable. Amazing students get rejected all the time.

 

Don't take the email responses personally. These people are really busy and emails from undergrads wanting to study with them can often be seen as useless (unless you have a real reason to email them). Some professors, especially big names, have very strict spam filters and it's quite possible they'll never read your email or read it months later when looking for something in their spam.

At this point, only worry about you. Improve on components of your application you can control. For what it's worth, the only program you applied to that I know anything about is UCSB. Don't let the mid-level ranking fool you. It is extremelly competitive to get in there. I currently attend a program with a MUCH higher ranking, but was rejected there both times I applied.

[yomamabf]

I should be long in bed by now but this topic really speaks to me. I was this undergrad for the Fall 2015 season and everyone that knew me thought I'd get in somewhere. During the regular application season I applied to five schools and was rejected from all of them (with just one interview). However, I am now a grad student and able to look back on this.

What I ended up doing was only talking about apps to people who understood the process (much more difficult than it sounds) and/or support you no matter what (I had a fantastic friend who was already a grad student). I also suggest finding a hobby you enjoy and sticking with it (for me this was Martial Arts - it let me forget about apps and release the stress)!

One of the best pieces of advice/encouragement I heard from a professor was to remember that in academia even the superstars have had rejections (it's just no one sees the rejections on people's CVs), but they've done well in part because they kept trying. When I heard that from a professor I looked up to (who was actually in the country because they never gave up) it meant a lot.

I am in grad school now because I never gave up. I went to a conference in my area (even after the five rejections) where I met my advisor who saw the research match and potential in me to where they made it possible for me to be admitted late (about a month after April 15th).

I'm going to end with this: there are so many reasons besides you that can lead to rejection, so at that time it might not be you.

If you really want it and it's meant to be, you'll get there.

(PS Howdy from another Texan!)

Can I ask what your GPA and other qualifications were? Did you also have research experience?

[ThePastelCalico]

At this point, only worry about you. Improve on components of your application you can control. For what it's worth, the only program you applied to that I know anything about is UCSB. Don't let the mid-level ranking fool you. It is extremelly competitive to get in there. I currently attend a program with a MUCH higher ranking, but was rejected there both times I applied.

 

I haven't applied anywhere yet, I just changed my signature to match the schools I'm most likely applying to. Honestly, I don't even want to apply to UCSB, but my undergrad advisor wants me to apply. I don't feel like I'd be a good fit for the program and really would prefer to not waste the $90 application fee when I feel like they're just gonna say no because I'm not a good fit. Frankly at this point I'm still trying to decide where to apply and I'm feeling like applying to more MA programs may be better for me in the long run. 

[sociologyguy12]

what are your interests? 

[drownsoda]

You're overthinking and getting ahead of yourself here. Worrying about getting rejected is the last thing you should be thinking about in August. Take things once at a time— when are your application deadlines? They are typically toward the end of the year, around November/December, sometimes in January even.

Here's the thing: you may or may not get rejected by any given program no matter how much you do or don't worry about it. I understand being stressed out while compiling everything for an application (I was a chain-smoker for about 2 and a half months straight), and waiting it out after you've submitted them is tough, but I really do think you're jumping the gun here. Breathe. Just work on what's in front of you.

I remember being on here last year and everyone saying "Well, if you get rejected, you can always try again next year." I'm more like you— my mindset was "Fuck that. I AM getting into a school. I may not get into all of them, but I AM getting in to one." I was determined, and I was also mortified because I felt like a crappy candidate compared to so many other people.

Long story short, I got rejected by two schools, though I got into my dream school where I'll be attending here in a couple of weeks, and it's actually a much more prestigious university than one of the others that I was rejected from. The admission process in grad school seems to be very random to me; not like "winning the lottery" random, but it's definitely inconsistent and weird.

Grind away on your applications, and stop thinking too far ahead. You don't need to be focusing on getting rejected next year. You need to be focusing on making sure your applications are solid so that you have a shot at not getting rejected.

Edited August 21, 2015 by drownsoda

[EdNeuroGrl]

I've run through 2 rounds of rejections, then took a break from academia (to work a 9 to 5 [actually a 4 to Midnight]), just to see what kind of option that would be for me.

Best advice I have is to have a couple back-up plans. After you finish applications start asking around and see if there are any Research Assistant jobs that will keep you doing what you are going to be doing. Keep in mind that often it is hard to get a paid RA job unless you've spent some time interacting with them. 

Think what options you have that will still move you toward your goal.

For me, the hardest part of dealing with the rejections is more of the "now what" situation. The "I've spent all this time and energy on this thing and I didn't get in, I'm screwed." situation.

 So, having back up plans that will keep me working for what I want make everything a lot easier to handle. It still sucks hard to be rejected, but knowing that this rejection won't be the end of this journey keeps that from becoming a crushing loss.

My backup plans stand as:

• Try to get full time work at my current Per Diem RA position
• Teach Statistics (any level)
• Do research consulting or be a statistical adviser on research
• Continue working on my 4 current projects until they are published
• Work as an educational advocate for students with disabilities

If I don't get in this year, I'm only going to get better with time. It is frustrating, because I can feel my time slipping away (I don't want to be gunning for tenure at 50), but I also know that I'll get there eventually.

 

People already mistake me for faculty or ask me about their dissertations etc. I figure if I'm in it long enough everyone will just forget that I don't actually have a degree yet ;-)

[Anonymona]

I echo what people have already said - focus on your applications now and worry about how to deal with hearing back after your applications are in.

When it comes to the time leading up to and then hearing back, though, I think it's smart to have some sort of plan in place to make the anticipation (and sometimes the disappointment) better. Something else might work better for you, but I'll tell you what I did:

- I second FantasticalDevPsych, I only talked at length about how I was thinking and feeling about the process with just a few people who I was close to and either were very familiar with academia or were willing to learn. People outside that circle still asked questions and made comments that made me really anxious, but I tried to let those people know that I wanted to be distracted and talk about other things.

- I blocked this site from mid-January until I heard from the two schools I was most nervous about. I was accepted to one and rejected from the other, but I was glad to be spared from a few days of seeing that other people were accepted and not knowing my own standing. This site was a great resource for me during application season, visit days, and the decision making process, but when I was waiting to hear back I had to remove myself.

- The other thing I did, which my friends thought was neurotic but I was glad I did, was to print out a "reject kit" for my boyfriend. I wrote a cheat sheet with information about how I thought I would feel and how I'd like to be reassured for each school individually in case they rejected me, and I sealed them all in envelopes. When I got into a school, he'd throw the envelope out and we'd celebrate. When I got a hard rejection he was able to understand exactly what I was thinking and say insightful things about why those schools weren't as good a fit as others.

Again, I don't know how well any of those things will work for you or anyone else, but I definitely think having a plan helped me. Good luck with your applications!