reading your own letter of rec

[alexis]

Two of my professors are giving me copies of my letters of recommendation. I didn't ask, and waived my right to view it, but they're giving me a copy anyway, which I actually really appreciate.

I got my first copy today. Super props to my advisor for being so on top of my letters. But I think it's maybe a bad thing to have access to this letter! He did write great things about me and rated me in the highest categories for pretty much everything. I should be so thankful, and I am! But I find myself questioning it--did he paint too rosy of a picture of me, i.e. like I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, and the adcoms won't take it seriously? Also, he wrote one standard letter...and referred to me pursuing a future in psychology teaching/research...though only half of my programs are psychology, the rest are business. I didn't want to correct him, I mean my topic *is* interdisciplinary, but the perfectionist in me starting freaking out.

I didn't say anything and just genuinely thanked him. The letters were sealed up and ready for mailing at this point anyway. Is this the right approach? I'm hesitant to say anything about the letter unless I feel it was a major deal, like if he used the wrong name in referring to me or something.

Gosh, just like me to take a great letter and to turn it into something negative! Has anyone else read their own letters and wondered the same thing?

Edited October 27, 2009 by alexis

[shai]

Hey,

How about taking this and turning it into a goodthing ? maybe look at things that you can clear from your SOP because they were already stated by someone else...

you can also try and see if there are things you would like to explain in your SOP that your recommenders stated.

I wish i could read mine...

[zilch]

most rec letters paint a pretty rosy picture. The most important parts are where he/she talks about what you did with them (research experience or whatever). Adcoms are looking to see what the rec writer is saying but also how qualified they are to make those statements. For example if a previous supervisor for a job starts commenting on your research ability in an academic setting then it's not going to mean nearly as much as your research advisor saying the same things.

regarding your writer not writing two versions for the two different types of programs you're applying to, it may be that it just slipped his/her mind that you were looking at business programs as well.If they're already mailed then you're pretty much out of luck. You can go to your other rec writers and just say 'hey, wanted to remind you that I'm applying to 2 different types of programs, it popped into my mind the other day when I almost mailed my psych SOP to a business school' or something to that effect.

[johndiligent]

most rec letters paint a pretty rosy picture.

Yup, I second this. It's sort of a Letter of Recommendation Compliment Inflation kind of thing. So many applicants will have letters of recommendation that basically say that they're the next incarnation of (insert your favourite deity here) on earth, and as a result a letter which is basically just honest, says lots of good things but is also straightforward about the stuff you have to work on actually becomes a bad letter in comparison. So as a result every letter written for an applicant that a LOR writer actually wants to get in to a graduate programme has to be way over the top in its assessment of the applicant.

[acup313]

Yes one of my professors sent me the letter he wrote for me and it made me look like Einstein reincarnated. I handled it differently than you, as I was excited to look so good. It is much better than the alternative of someone saying you are average. I could tell that the professor knew what they were looking for and he said I was awesome in every aspect of their criteria. If I were you I would just be happy that they are making you look good, I have heard from many people who struggle to find enough people to write the letters and do so in a timely fashion.

[Ziz]

Just to shed some light on the "Compliment Inflation" issue...I was speaking to a former professor of mine who has 50+ years of teaching/admissions experience in the UK and Canada. He was saying that from his experience anyway, letters that go on and on about how the student is the best one they've ever had in the history of the world are often overlooked. Adcoms know that not EVERY student can be the best student in the history of the world so they actually take letters that are more nuanced and realistic more seriously. Nobody is perfect and a letter that says "this student is very shy and quiet in class but makes insightful and interesting comments one-on-one" would be taken more seriously than a letter taht says "this student makes genius comments at every opportunity" because they figure the person who shows both sides of teh student is being more honest in their assessment.

[coyabean]

My LORs have become my therapy on demand. Whenever I start to question why I'm running this insane gauntlet I pull them out and read them. LOL Obsess positively.

[alexis]

Thanks guys! Oh I'm COMPLETELY thankful for the nice letter, sorry if I made it sound otherwise. It was complimentary, and like you coyabean, reading those compliments definitely help my self-esteem when I doubt myself.

That's interesting reading the two different perspectives on letter inflation on the one hand, and adcoms overlooking the "best student in the world" letters. Fortunately, he didn't say anything to that extreme, so I'm hopeful it will be a letter that will definitely help. And he talks about the research I'm doing for him, and he makes me sound very promising in the research area.

I guess it's really less about the letter and more an example of how much I'm stressing over irrelevant, nitpicky things during this application process. I get so frazzled that I can't just take a step back. When really, I am VERY appreciative of the great letter.

This is definitely a good thing, and I will think of it that way from now on!

[Thanks4Downvoting]

At this point, I think you're pretty much forced to just go with it on the Psych/Business end of the equation. If your program is interdisciplinary, then it shouldn't be a problem really. I wish I could see my LOR's, but you're statements make me a little more hesitant than I was previously. I'm a pretty shy guy and I think I might be slightly embarassed when presented with an overinflated recommendation, but that's just me.

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

I would love to read mine, just so I know what my entire application package looks like!

Otherwise, just do what coyabean does and use them therapeutically for the next few months.

[JerryLandis]

So what if you truly are the best student in the world, a genius? Thankfully I don't think I need to worry about that problem.

I was once given an informal, unsealed recommendation letter (not for school admission), and especially since it was a stressful time of the year, reading it made me feel much better about myself! Wish I had one of those to read right now... one of my teachers just told me he thinks I should ask someone else for a recommendation! I think it's mostly because he's lazy though, and hates teaching, but it still makes me feel stupid.

[iamwhoiam]

Back when I was applying to undergrad, one of my teachers gave me my letter to read, and I was shocked to find it was a very nuanced, sarcastic letter. For example, she wrote something like: "Student shows great zeal in homework, she sends me emails every hour to make sure the assignment is done absolutely right." (Never happened!)

10 seconds after my shocked and disappointed response, my teacher laughs and gives me the *real* letter.

It was pretty funny. I would totally do that to my students.

[shai]

This isn't LOR inflation, but a pretty logical thing :

a. the more zealous / enthusiastic / smart students ask for LORs

b. only profs that think the students are worth their time agree to write LORs

c. LORs are written for better students by profs who believe them to be worth it

there for, "inflation"

think about it - if profs were made to write LORs to everybody they teach they would inflate everyone

[LateAntique]

Hey,

How about taking this and turning it into a goodthing ? maybe look at things that you can clear from your SOP because they were already stated by someone else...

you can also try and see if there are things you would like to explain in your SOP that your recommenders stated.

I wish i could read mine...

Your SoP should not change in any major way because of the knowledge of your LoR. The way you say things about yourself is going to have a different tone than the way your professors say things. Adcomms are going to want that in there. Secondly, if you start addressing things that are in your LoR, someone's going to figure out you've seen them and you lied when you said you waived your right to view them.

[fuzzylogician]

I would love to read mine, just so I know what my entire application package looks like!

To depart from the current view in this thread, I'm actually glad I was never able to see any of my recommendation letters. I'm sure I would have spend hours (days. weeks.) over analyzing every word in the letters and not being happy because there's one small thing I thought was off or missing. In the end I know I had strong endorsement from all of my recommenders, and that's good enough for me.

[LateAntique]

To depart from the current view in this thread, I'm actually glad I was never able to see any of my recommendation letters. I'm sure I would have spend hours (days. weeks.) over analyzing every word in the letters and not being happy because there's one small thing I thought was off or missing. In the end I know I had strong endorsement from all of my recommenders, and that's good enough for me.

Likewise. I have no intention of reading mine even if I'm offered them. I have scrutinized every single word I've put into my SoP - I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I were reading someone else's words. I would inevitably end up dwelling on various parts of the letter for months on end, even after being accepted.

[alexis]

Your SoP should not change in any major way because of the knowledge of your LoR. The way you say things about yourself is going to have a different tone than the way your professors say things. Adcomms are going to want that in there. Secondly, if you start addressing things that are in your LoR, someone's going to figure out you've seen them and you lied when you said you waived your right to view them.

I don't plan on changing my SoP, so I agree with you there....but I don't think it's lying to read your letters if given to you. I was given the letter AFTER I already waived my rights & signed the form. I never asked for it, and by waiving my rights that means I can't contact the school to get a copy of the letter. I'm waiving my right to see that specific letter sent to that specific school. So I don't really see how this was lying--my prof just gave me a copy (without even asking me, just handed it to me). And there is NO WAY I could resist the temptation to read it, especially because he wanted me to. He checked with me later, and asked, "did you like your letter?"

[modernity]

I don't plan on changing my SoP, so I agree with you there....but I don't think it's lying to read your letters if given to you. I was given the letter AFTER I already waived my rights & signed the form. I never asked for it, and by waiving my rights that means I can't contact the school to get a copy of the letter. I'm waiving my right to see that specific letter sent to that specific school. So I don't really see how this was lying--my prof just gave me a copy (without even asking me, just handed it to me). And there is NO WAY I could resist the temptation to read it, especially because he wanted me to. He checked with me later, and asked, "did you like your letter?"

Its not that you are lying - the professor gave you permission and wanted you to see it. The reason why they say waive your rights is because if professors knew you were going to see the letter (they didn't this all happened afterward i assume..but for the purpose of what I'm saying) they might alter what they were going to say about you. Adcomms don't want this - they want a crystal clear view of you from the professor's perspective, they don't want to have to worry about whether or not the professor left out some not so nice things to spare your feelings or an argument with you... there are professors out there, who will be very blunt about a student - even pointing out their flaws, I've even heard of professors writing letters of rec saying they do NOT recommend the student for grad school. So, its best not to let on to the universities you applied to that you know whats in the letters. I think that's what the person meant when they said you were "lying" ?

[LateAntique]

Its not that you are lying - the professor gave you permission and wanted you to see it. The reason why they say waive your rights is because if professors knew you were going to see the letter (they didn't this all happened afterward i assume..but for the purpose of what I'm saying) they might alter what they were going to say about you. Adcomms don't want this - they want a crystal clear view of you from the professor's perspective, they don't want to have to worry about whether or not the professor left out some not so nice things to spare your feelings or an argument with you... there are professors out there, who will be very blunt about a student - even pointing out their flaws, I've even heard of professors writing letters of rec saying they do NOT recommend the student for grad school. So, its best not to let on to the universities you applied to that you know whats in the letters. I think that's what the person meant when they said you were "lying" ?

Though I don't speak for any particular adcomm, I cannot imagine that they interpret waiving one's right to see the letter in the way it has been interpreted here. Waiving one's right to see the letter seems to imply that you will never see it, thus giving your recommender total freedom and safety to say whatever they would like. I'm happy to be corrected if 'waiving your right' doesn't imply an ongoing state.

[alexis]

Though I don't speak for any particular adcomm, I cannot imagine that they interpret waiving one's right to see the letter in the way it has been interpreted here. Waiving one's right to see the letter seems to imply that you will never see it, thus giving your recommender total freedom and safety to say whatever they would like. I'm happy to be corrected if 'waiving your right' doesn't imply an ongoing state.

Yes, waiving it means that the professor will feel completely free to write whatever they want. Then, if they want you to see the letter, they may give it to you. Their right to write what they want was never infringed upon. It was THEIR choice to share it, not the student's. The student did not ask or expect it. It's one thing to waive your right and then open a sealed envelope or something. This is entirely different.

Soo...I'm supposed to contact my schools and say, "hey, I waived my right to see this letter, but my professor decided to show a copy to me anyway after the letter and the form was sent"? No way.

I see how it can be interpreted both ways. But really, I'm not going to stress over this. My good intention was there--and as far as I know there is no set ethical standard about your professor offering you your letter after writing it--and I can't imagine a university penalizing you because of the decision of your professor to share.

[JerryLandis]

I don't see how it's that big of a deal if you seem to know what information is included in one of your letters. It is expected that you'll have some idea what's written in them, especially since it's so common to discuss with the writers what they might want to talk about in them.