Embarrassed

[getbacktowork]

I'm not sure where to post this--I suppose under "applications" but I couldn't find a spot where it really fit, so I just came to psych because that's my field.

Anyway, I've hit an absolute low. And I've searched as many threads as I could to try and find if anyone else has been in this situation, but it's definitely looking like I'm the only one in history to have screwed up this badly. 

I want to say I missed my application deadlines, but that's not completely accurate. I was able to submit EVERYTHING, sans personal statement. It's a really long, pathetic, and melo-dramatic story, but I'll spare the details. Bottom line, I am almost 2 weeks out from the deadline of my first application. Last I spoke to the program admin, she told me she leaves the window open for additional materials to be uploaded for atleast a week (which I think is technically for in-transit GRE score reports or transcripts, LOR's) But the more time passed, the more embarrassed I got about submitting it, so now I'm two weeks out and am not even sure that it's even an option...I know that defies logic, but somehow I couldn't get passed it.

My second application was due on the 15th. That was before the long weekend, and when I sent in my application through their online portal, I had some computer glitches--Anyway, they reached out to me yesterday and told me to submit it yesterday night (I couldn't because I was still stressed about the first one...which I know is dumb but the first program is my absolute best fit, so I've been having a really tough time just nixing it and moving on...but I realize now that's just ruined my chances all together.)

My last app is due Feb 1, but it's my last pick and I'm just applying because there aren't a lot of programs out there specifically fitting what I'm looking to study. I had my heart set on the first two.

I won't ask if anyone has ever been in this situation, because I'm pretty positive I'm the only one (unless there were some dire circumstances for which there was probably a good excuse), but does anyone have any insight into the adcom review process...how badly have I sabotaged my application? Should I even bother? What were to happen if I sent in the personal statement now? I'd imagine it might almost be insulting to the program, and it would go in the trash where my application has already had some time to get comfortable.

 I'm just at a loss, basically staring open mouthed at the calendar because I can't believe it. I've been working my ass off for these applications...sacrificed time...wasted application fee money..and LOR time...Then I'm starting to spiral and think about how if I even deserve to go to grad school at this point. 

Does anybody have any thoughts or advice they're willing to share? I'm too embarrassed to really talk about it to anyone in my real life at the moment because it's utterly ridiculous that of all things, it's come down to the personal statement. 

Edited January 20, 2016 by getbacktowork

[TakeruK]

Submit it now!! I understand how you are feeling and sometimes I feel the same way. But there is 0% chance that submitting it late will put you in a worse situation than you are now.

It might not even make a difference. Things vary from school to school, program to program, but typically, there is a deadline. After the deadline, the admin staff compiles the application materials and sends it to the professors on the committee. Then, the committee finds a time to meet and discuss. The time in between each of these steps can be long because it's hard to get faculty to agree on a date and be all there at the same time. So, if you send it in between one of these steps, the admin staff may be able to update your package before most of the faculty are even able to read it. They might not even know it's late.

So, submit it now. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[didion10]

I know a girl who e-mailed a program in July and was like...I didn't know your program existed...can I apply? and they said sure and she got in b/c someone dropped out last minute. Very prestigious school. you never know. Just send it

Edited January 20, 2016 by didion10
spelling

[cpctc1]

1 hour ago, TakeruK said:

Submit it now!! I understand how you are feeling and sometimes I feel the same way. But there is 0% chance that submitting it late will put you in a worse situation than you are now.

It might not even make a difference. Things vary from school to school, program to program, but typically, there is a deadline. After the deadline, the admin staff compiles the application materials and sends it to the professors on the committee. Then, the committee finds a time to meet and discuss. The time in between each of these steps can be long because it's hard to get faculty to agree on a date and be all there at the same time. So, if you send it in between one of these steps, the admin staff may be able to update your package before most of the faculty are even able to read it. They might not even know it's late.

So, submit it now. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Seconding this. It's easy to get caught up thinking about your mistakes, but every day you don't submit it the chances of this turning out positively go down a little. They might accept your application, they might not, but submitting it can only improve the situation you're in right now. If it makes you feel any better, I got an interview to one of my schools with a document missing (provided that I submitted that document), so you never know.

[therapeutic turtle]

Submit them right now. I missed a "priority deadline" for a program due to being a perfectionist and having high anxiety so before the general deadline I went somewhere that wasn't my house, opened a work doc and said "I'm not leaving here until I submit whatever I have". I wrote, read it aloud, made some edits, read it through once more, and submitted it within 2 hours, and I got an interview at that program. Was it my best work, no but it was in. You can do it too, just tell yourself done is better than perfect. You may have a 3% chance with a late app but you have a 0% chance without one. 

[getbacktowork]

Thank you guys so much for the replies. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it, so I've just been stuck in my own thoughts...hearing from other people has helped me snap out of it. Definitely what I've needed to hear. I'm encouraged, I switched environments (and I'm using a different computer so I can literally see things differently), I'm going to submit tonight!  I've been paralyzed by the fact that the end product won't possibly be as good as it was supposed to be, because I no longer have time to work through multiple drafts or send off to my mentors for revision... I have to squash the pity party about the fact that it won't be perfect, and stop hyper-focusing on each word. I've been so upset with myself about this, that I can imagine how hard on myself I would be if I gave up completely. 

Thank you all again for telling me what I needed to hear.

[rising_star]

If it helps, my mentors never gave me feedback on any of my SOPs. If they had, they could've saved me from potentially making a few embarrassing mistakes. But, even with those mistakes, I got admitted with funding to my top choices. So, just submit it.