Rejecting a program?

[anxietygirl]

Hi! So, I was recently accepted to several of my top choice programs, and I have (mostly) made a decision about where I want to attend and I need to notify the other programs so that they can accept people off the waitlist. Here is my dilemma: I want to be as nice as possible to these other schools because I had great conversations with the faculties there and I definitely don't want to burn any bridges. It was really hard making my decision in the first place because I connected so well with these departments. Do you guys have any suggestions for how I should word these emails/what is the best way to turn down an offer? 

 

Thanks! 

[ashiepoo72]

First of all, I think it's great you're planning on declining offers right when you know for sure you won't attend them rather than holding onto them longer. If these programs have a wait list, the people on it will be very grateful.

Secondly, you're going to have to email the DGS or whoever coordinates admissions, but I would also send a personal email to any POI you were in contact with. For the DGS, I said something like this: "Dear Professor [last name], after careful consideration of my offers, I have decided to decline [X Program]'s offer of admission. [if you attended recruitment, thank them for their hospitality here. Thank the DGS for any information/assistance provided. Wish the department well if it doesn't feel weird to do so]." For your POI/s, I would be much less formulaic and reiterate that you were excited to have the opportunity to work with them and hope you can stay in touch/grab a coffee at conferences/get in contact when you're in their area/etc.

Some programs need you to decline an offer through the online system, so look out for that. But definitely email the DGS even if that's the case.

[fuzzylogician]

Short, professional, and to the point. You don't have to apologize and you don't have to explain yourself. Thank them for their time and for the opportunity and simply say that you have decided to accept another offer. If you know which one, you might tell them (or they might write back and ask, if you don't). I would send this as a reply to the official acceptance email, and I would let POIs know separately, if you emailed with them. 

[rising_star]

5 hours ago, fuzzylogician said:

Short, professional, and to the point. You don't have to apologize and you don't have to explain yourself. 

Just wanted to reiterate this part. You do not have to explain where you're going or why. If they really want to know, they'll ask. But, even then you don't have to tell them.

[fencergirl]

Do you recommend not telling them? In a lot of fields it seems like you'd definitely meet them again so it's not like they won't find out anyway...

[pterosaur]

If you'll see them again, that's all the more reason to let them know, I'd think. It's polite and respectful to let them know directly.

[rising_star]

7 hours ago, fencergirl said:

Do you recommend not telling them? In a lot of fields it seems like you'd definitely meet them again so it's not like they won't find out anyway...

I would tell me POI but probably wouldn't tell the general admissions folks or DGS. Yes, you'll see those in your subfield again but, it's unlikely you'd run into a DGS outside your focus area at a conference who wonders where you went and why, you know?

[fencergirl]

33 minutes ago, rising_star said:

I would tell me POI but probably wouldn't tell the general admissions folks or DGS. Yes, you'll see those in your subfield again but, it's unlikely you'd run into a DGS outside your focus area at a conference who wonders where you went and why, you know?

Right that makes sense!

[Villain Elle]

16 hours ago, rising_star said:

Just wanted to reiterate this part. You do not have to explain where you're going or why. If they really want to know, they'll ask. But, even then you don't have to tell them.

I agree that you don't have to justify your decision to anyone, and I get that you don't HAVE to tell any DGS where you've accepted. But why would you specifically want to keep it secret if you HAD decided? 

[svent]

When you get rejected by a program, they don't write a personalized rejection letter. They certainly don't tell you who they chose over you. When the shoe is on the other foot, you don't owe anyone anything.

[rising_star]

35 minutes ago, Villain Elle said:

I agree that you don't have to justify your decision to anyone, and I get that you don't HAVE to tell any DGS where you've accepted. But why would you specifically want to keep it secret if you HAD decided? 

I didn't say to keep it a secret. I'm saying there's no reason to include it in your rejection email. If they ask, then you can decide whether or not to tell them.

[ChrisTOEFert]

"Dear Dr. xxxx,

I am just writing to notify you of my intent for grad school.  I unfortunately am going to have to decline the offer presented to me by XYZ.  While this decision was extremely difficult and I was excited at the prospect of working with you, I have decided to go elsewhere.  I really hope we can stay in touch and collaborate in the future.  If possible, I would also like to be seriously considered for a post-doc position under you and with the department in the future (Note: only relevant if that is true).

Thank you very much for backing my application.  Please email me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

yyyyy"

 

I used this letter pretty much as is for notifying 3 of my potential POIs.  Most (seemed) sad but understood that it is the nature of the beast that they aren't going to get everyone that they want as other offers do exist, lives need to be balanced, and sometimes a program is just a safety school.  They understand because they were in the same boat at some point in the past.  All of my POIs have responded favourably about the post-doc position and want to stay in touch in my new position.  They all asked where I was planning on going and I told them, none of them appeared to have hard feelings about the decision.  This worked even for my current advisor whose offer I declined.  It still hurts to hit send though, but on the positive side, you are making a wait-listed student happy because they now have a potential option of attendance.   

[ChrisTOEFert]

13 minutes ago, KaffeeCafe said:

I never thought of hinting at the post-doc. I have some hard decisions coming up between departments and professors whose research I really could see myself enjoying at either place, hopefully mentioning this nod towards the future could keep some doors open to some great research I feel I am about to close.

I honestly never thought about it either until a friend of mine joked about it.  The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  You really are considering them, but there is sometimes a better offer.  Good luck in your decisions.  

[fuzzylogician]

3 hours ago, KaffeeCafe said:

I never thought of hinting at the post-doc. I have some hard decisions coming up between departments and professors whose research I really could see myself enjoying at either place, hopefully mentioning this nod towards the future could keep some doors open to some great research I feel I am about to close.

Honestly, I wouldn't do this, it's very premature. This is something to do the year you are applying for jobs (=5-6 years from now). If you made a good impression, they'll most likely remember you. You will also want to make connections at conferences and maybe visit these schools and give a talk, but -- again -- not now. Probably not even in your 1-3 year (though conference connections are always good). Having said your want to maybe do a postdoc with them now won't make any difference in 5 years. It'll be about your research and compatibility and the bottom line question of whether the department/professor will have money to hire a postdoc. 

For that matter, you also don't need to say it was a hard decision and you hope to work with them again. All you need to say is that you appreciate the opportunity, but have chosen to accept another offer. 

[svent]

Yeah, this postdoc talk is crazy. You don't owe anyone anything. There's a decent chance you end up not finishing your PhD anyway.

[ChrisTOEFert]

On 2/23/2016 at 0:17 PM, svent said:

Yeah, this postdoc talk is crazy. You don't owe anyone anything. There's a decent chance you end up not finishing your PhD anyway.

And why is that?

[svent]

Because dropout rates are around 50%, give or take, depending on the school.

[fencergirl]

On 2/22/2016 at 8:14 AM, fuzzylogician said:

For that matter, you also don't need to say it was a hard decision and you hope to work with them again. All you need to say is that you appreciate the opportunity, but have chosen to accept another offer. 

I'm not planning to bring up a postdoc as I think that's premature, but what if it really was a hard decision and you do hope to work with them in the future? Still too much information? This is for POIs that I have been in communication with fairly extensively, not POIs that I barely had contact with. 

[fuzzylogician]

1 hour ago, fencergirl said:

I'm not planning to bring up a postdoc as I think that's premature, but what if it really was a hard decision and you do hope to work with them in the future? Still too much information? This is for POIs that I have been in communication with fairly extensively, not POIs that I barely had contact with. 

I think saying that is fine, especially when it's someone who you've established a relationship with. Make sure the email is sincere and personalized. I still think that sending a "rejection" email to the professor that reads like the formulaic email that students sometimes get from schools is ill advised. You need to be careful with your tone, which can be hard to do if you don't know your audience very well. The email above reads to me somewhere between naive and ridiculous, which is not the impression you want to make.

[KhiCompLit]

On 2/23/2016 at 10:17 PM, svent said:

Yeah, this postdoc talk is crazy. You don't owe anyone anything. There's a decent chance you end up not finishing your PhD anyway.

Lol that's more like it.

[ChrisTOEFert]

17 hours ago, fuzzylogician said:

I think saying that is fine, especially when it's someone who you've established a relationship with. Make sure the email is sincere and personalized. I still think that sending a "rejection" email to the professor that reads like the formulaic email that students sometimes get from schools is ill advised. You need to be careful with your tone, which can be hard to do if you don't know your audience very well. The email above reads to me somewhere between naive and ridiculous, which is not the impression you want to make.

I think that is overly harsh.  The only reason I brought up postdoc positions to profs is because I am very interested in working with them and continuing to stay in contact with them.  I realize there is a large drop out rate for PhD students but for some reason I think that is a very U.S. thing due to the length of the program (5+ years).  I never really thought about a post-doc until 3 of my accepts brought it up to me before I even rejected them.  How am I being ridiculous and naive when I am acknowledging what they said to me, and for thinking ahead about my future?  Maybe I don't want to teach! 

[fuzzylogician]

1 hour ago, ChrisTOEFert said:

I think that is overly harsh.  The only reason I brought up postdoc positions to profs is because I am very interested in working with them and continuing to stay in contact with them.  I realize there is a large drop out rate for PhD students but for some reason I think that is a very U.S. thing due to the length of the program (5+ years).  I never really thought about a post-doc until 3 of my accepts brought it up to me before I even rejected them.  How am I being ridiculous and naive when I am acknowledging what they said to me, and for thinking ahead about my future?  Maybe I don't want to teach! 

You think maybe it would have been relevant to mention that postdoc positions came up in your prior conversations with these POIs, so it doesn't sound like you're suggesting that it's a good idea for people who've never had such a conversation to suddenly bring it up? Your justification before we pointed out the absurdity of it was "I honestly never thought about it either until a friend of mine joked about it." So yeah, without this additional background, it's on the ridiculous side.

And "I unfortunately am going to have to decline the offer presented to me by XYZ.  While this decision was extremely difficult and I was excited at the prospect of working with you, I have decided to go elsewhere" sounds like it was taken from one of those form rejection emails you might get from a school, but isn't how I would advise anyone to write a POI. Not that I think that it's such a big deal, just not how I would advise anyone to do it.

I have no idea what that comment about teaching is doing there, and I didn't say anything about dropout rates, so I don't have much to add there either.