Leaving the family business for peace of mind before starting grad school - good idea?

[klader]

Hi All,

I'll be starting an MA program in August and, after graduating with my BA, I'll be back to work at my family's business until then. To make a LONG story short, working at my family's business is horrible due to family drama, getting taken advantage of, and feeling like I'm "less" than others because I went to college and am continuing on with my education (how backwards, right?!).

I'll thankfully be moving far away from it when I start graduate school (far enough to not have to work there), but until then, my family still expects me to work. However, I kind of want to celebrate the last little bout of freedom I'll have over the next few years (I also plan on continuing with the PhD). I also want to start prepping for grad school (i.e., get living arrangements/furniture/house items in order, create a new wardrobe, sort through my undergrad school stuff and decide what to take with me, do some reading, work on some ongoing research, etc.).

So, basically, how would you all suggest I approach the subject of me taking a couple months off? Should I even do this? Summer is the busiest time of the year for us and they depend on me to help run things, but I'm so burned out. I've been going to school full-time during the year and then working full-time every summer since I was an early teenager, and I have enough money set aside to give me a cushion in grad school (plus I'm choosing between fully-funded offers). I was thinking that I could work maybe the first month or so of the summer (and train any new people they decide to hire) and then take some time off to do my own thing.

Does that sound reasonable? I know I'd be missing out on some money, but I feel that my mental state is far more important. I want to enter the new school year with a clear, refreshed, and open mind, not one fizzled out by the stress of my family business. I do feel bad, though, because it's my family and I know that they need my help, but I've always put them before me and I feel like I finally need to take a stand and do what's best for me.

I'd appreciate any thoughts/comments/advice! Thanks!

[Need Coffee in an IV]

It sounds more than reasonable to me! Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they get a free pass on taking advantage of you, What I would do is give them a hard deadline for when you are leaving. Then leave/resign on that date. If they didn't take you seriously and they didn't hire anyone thats on them. Sometimes we have to firmly establish boundaries with our families.

[MarineBluePsy]

It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into what you want to do and why which is reasonable.  You also aren't planning to leave them high and dry either.  I would say if you're going to do this then go about it the way you would if this were any company and not your family.  That means drafting a formal letter stating your availability and last day and having a meeting to break the news.  Do whatever you need to do in order to mentally prepare yourself for them to react negatively or try to guilt you into changing your mind.  If you know of someone who might make a good replacement then suggest them, but it is their responsibility to make sure their business needs are met without you.  During your remaining time do your job well and let them know you've appreciated their support.  They may not get your academic path or given you the support you wanted, but they certainly haven't been on the do nothing side of helping you become a fully functioning adult.

[knp]

A trick that works for guilt situations like these is, after you've given the full-ish explanation that it sounds like you want to provide, have ONLY ONE SENTENCE that you repeat every time they try to pressure you to change your mind. "This is what I've decided." "BUT FAMILY." "This is what I've decided." "BUT WHY" "This is what I've decided." Etc. etc. There may be in a tantrum in the middle, but if you sound like a broken record for long enough, eventually they'll get bored cycling through strategies to get more out of you and leave you alone.

[klader]

Thank you all for the advice! I will incorporate your suggestions into my exit strategy and will hope for the best.