Worried I've made the wrong choice

[monsieurpsychosis]

I'll try to make this story as short as I can. I applied to Brown and Duke. For whatever rankings are worth, they are both top 10 programs in my field (I really don't want to specify what it is in case someone finds this)--some metrics have Brown higher and some Duke, it's a bit of a wash. Going into applications, both programs were extremely appealing, but I'd be lying if I said Duke weren't my top choice; it has some very well-regarded scholars who inspired a lot of my work during undergrad. I received an interview from Duke but was ultimately waitlisted.

A few days later, I received an acceptance from Brown. I was of course overjoyed regardless of Duke, and I enjoyed the program a lot when I visited. I had received some other offers, but Brown really seemed like a no-brainer a week ago when I officially accepted. Now, I THOUGHT that I had considered everything from all angles; I did think about what I would do if Duke took me off the waitlist, and for whatever reason felt confident enough in Brown to go ahead and accept.

Two days ago, I got an email from Duke saying they were thinking about taking me off the waitlist and asking if I still wanted a spot. Granted, this was not an actual offer, but the wording was such that I think I would more likely than not have gotten one if I had said I wanted it. I spent two days panicking; I'm surprised at how differently I felt when the possibility of switching was actually in front me. My first instinct was actually to tell them I had accepted another offer but was still interested in seeing theirs, but after thinking about how awful it would look to Brown if they found out I was even entertaining another offer and how there really wasn't enough of a difference for me to justify considering switching, I sent them an email this morning regretfully taking myself off the waitlist. 

I'm worried I've made a bad choice, either today when I took myself off Duke's waitlist or a week ago when I accepted Brown. Now, importantly, if I step back and look at what I know now about the two programs and schools, I think it's more likely than not (maybe 65-70%) that I would have chosen Brown in the end even if I was accepted to Duke right away. That said, it's far from certain, and I never actually got to visit Duke. In terms of location and overall school culture, Brown is clearly a better fit for me. In terms of program fit, though, both are strong fits, but I keep thinking about all the people at Duke I won't get to work with now; I'm tempted to say it's just a slightly better fit with my interests. Funding was likely close to a wash; Brown probably is giving a bit more than Duke would, but difference in cost of living might make up for it.

I know I can't do anything to change this now, but I really want to be as thrilled about attending Brown as I was a week ago (it's an awesome program, and this was my dream school going into undergrad, after all). Did anyone else have second thoughts when they made their decision? How do you feel now? Looking for something reassuring.

[Neist]

I think it's normal to have some apprehension. It's a big decision, after all!

From what you've written, it sounds like you've made the right choice. And although I don't know your discipline, it's always possible that you can converse with scholars from Duke via correspondence. In history, this is not necessarily uncommon. Specialty circles can be small.

I'm not expert, but I think you're fine.  

[fuzzylogician]

Used to be you had one excellent option and you took it. 100% of options utilized to the full! Now you have two excellent choices and you have to give one up, 50% of your chances feel like they are going away and you worry about what might have been. This is completely normal, and would have happened no matter what choice you would have made. Give yourself time, but eventually you just need to remind yourself that there were reasons why you chose one school over the other, and they sounded reasonable and well thought out. A lot of what will come out of your grad school experience depends on you and what you will make of it, and at the end of the day it'll work out, one way or the other. 

[monsieurpsychosis]

Thank you both, this was what I needed to hear.

[betun]

Your decision was based on sound logic and several good reasons. Obviously both places would have individual advantages. It is a very difficult decision and no one really knows how it will work out. I think about my first grad school decision in 2010 and am still not sure about whether it was right. My career could have been markedly different with the other decision. Yet, I think it has worked all right for me. There were sound reasons for my decision then and I stand by my reasons as well as my decision. As fuzzylogician said, what matters is what you make of grad school.

[Need Coffee in an IV]

I think it was the right call, don't doubt yourself! I had similar thoughts in my process but I think we pick our schools for a lot of reasons. Its easy to forget them!

[lew]

Choosing between two excellent schools is a good decision to have to make  I don't think that you could have made a bad decision here. I recently had to decide between two programs and received some advice that was very helpful: you'll never know what your life would have been if you had chosen the other one.

Congratulations on being accepted to two excellent schools and best of luck in the future!

[Danger_Zone]

I think there is nearly always some doubt or feelings of "what if" even when you do make the best decision for yourself. When I was deciding between my offers, there was one school which - to me at least - was clearly the best fit for me in nearly all aspects. I recognized the qualities of the other programs but I was really happy and excited about my decision. Yet when I clicked that "I accept this offer" button, I did experience some feelings of doubt, and of the realization that I had just determined where I was going to be for at least the next 5 years of my life (that's a huge decision!) Any decision that big is going to give somebody those iffy feelings, but hopefully a lot of excitement as well.

[msmalcolmx]

On 4/13/2016 at 1:03 PM, Neist said:

I think it's normal to have some apprehension. It's a big decision, after all!

From what you've written, it sounds like you've made the right choice. And although I don't know your discipline, it's always possible that you can converse with scholars from Duke via correspondence. In history, this is not necessarily uncommon. Specialty circles can be small.

I'm not expert, but I think you're fine.  

Can you share funding info, @Neist?

[Neist]

8 hours ago, msmalcolmx said:

Can you share funding info, @Neist?

Of the school I'm attending?

http://cas.ou.edu/funding-your-graduate-education

I was awarded a standard 10 month assistantship. Nothing overly special. However, I am applying for one of the higher-paid 12 month ones; the one for the Isis Bibliography aligns nearly perfectly with my research, and I'd love to be involved.