Readjusting to Academic Life

[runjackrun]

Hi there, fellow gradcafe-ers!

So there seem to be a considerable number of topics about taking gap years between undergrad and grad school, but relatively few topics for those who actually do this and plan to jump back into academic life. I'm still what I would consider a recent college grad, but I've spent the past two years building a career, pursuing personal relationships, getting and furnishing my own apartment, etc. In a couple months, I'm going to be moving across the country for a graduate program and I'm of course both very excited and a little apprehensive. Over these two years I've started to feel more "rooted" than at any other point in my life, so I can't even imagine what this must be like for someone who has been out of school for a decade, or longer!

I've been thinking about this more as I look at housing options (grad student housing vs. room in a house vs. my own place; live next to campus vs. add a small commute), but also in adjusting my finances, making friends, moving with a significant other, and maintaining connections. In meeting others attending the program, there has been a nice mix of professionals from "the field" and "straight-from-undergrad" students. I'm still pretty young, but I can't help but feel like my two years out of college have given me new perspective and some additional life experience. This is precisely why I think folks recommend some "real world" experience before returning to school, but I think it also makes the transition back a little more intimidating. 

So, for current grad students who did take some time off, how was your transition back to academia? What surprised you? How was it different than undergrad? Obviously I know it will be QUITE different, but what stood out to you? For those who are going to grad school this fall after some time off, what are you most looking forward to about returning? What are you nervous about? Are you doing anything to make the transition easier? 

And I'll wrap up by saying that none of this is intended to pass judgment on the path students take to get to grad school (straight from undergrad, years of work experience, a gap year). I think everyone makes decisions that are right for them and I know I am looking forward to the diversity of contributions from people with unique experience levels, backgrounds, ages, etc. in my program. 

P.S. Feel free to move this if there is a better place/existing thread for this discussion!

[winterstat]

 

Such a great topic to discuss! I'm one of those who will be going to grad school this fall after time off. I did my bachelor and master's degree in one go, and then decided to take a break. During the past three years, I've been a freelance consultant within my field and have stayed on part time at a university as a researcher (also within my field). Now, I'm getting ready to pursue a PhD on the west-coast (moving from the Netherlands).

Most of the other students in my cohort haven't taken time off, so with my extra years of master's education and my 3 "gap" years, I'm a bit older than them, but I felt like I could still connect with most of them. I'm a bit apprehensive of living with fellow students again -did it during undergrad- but I also have very fond memories of living with a group of girls, so I'm hoping this will be a fun time again.

 

I'm looking forward to spending all my time working on something I am passionate about. As a freelancer, I sometimes had projects that weren't really inspiring or challenging. I think the fact that I've kept my part time gig at the university will help in the transition since I've been a part of an active research group for three years now. I'm just hoping that I can deal with having coursework again 

 

 

[runjackrun]

1 hour ago, winterstat said:

I'm looking forward to spending all my time working on something I am passionate about. As a freelancer, I sometimes had projects that weren't really inspiring or challenging. I think the fact that I've kept my part time gig at the university will help in the transition since I've been a part of an active research group for three years now. I'm just hoping that I can deal with having coursework again 

I definitely agree with this. I'm certainly passionate about my job right now, but I'm looking forward to a more dynamic atmosphere in school. I'm looking forward to classes changing each quarter/semester, and to working on new projects and new papers and new research. With my employment it has been so easy to fall into a rut, working on the same surface-level stuff regularly. I'm really happy to be breaking out of that. 

And yup, I hear you on coursework! I've been coming back to my apartment for the past few months and trying to imagine doing homework--it feels a bit foreign. 

[TakeruK]

42 minutes ago, runjackrun said:

I definitely agree with this. I'm certainly passionate about my job right now, but I'm looking forward to a more dynamic atmosphere in school. I'm looking forward to classes changing each quarter/semester, and to working on new projects and new papers and new research. With my employment it has been so easy to fall into a rut, working on the same surface-level stuff regularly. I'm really happy to be breaking out of that. 

And yup, I hear you on coursework! I've been coming back to my apartment for the past few months and trying to imagine doing homework--it feels a bit foreign. 

Although I didn't have a gap from school like you (5 year BSc, 2 year MSc, then moved to PhD), I have some similarities with you. During my undergrad, I took 16 months off from courses to work full time (on research in academia though). The Masters is typical in Canada (2 year Masters then 3 year PhD) but I am now in the US for my PhD so I started over again. This means I started with people around 3 years younger than me. Also, during my Masters, I got married and we had our own place with our own stuff that we moved with us. So, we generally had a different set of issues to deal with when relocating (moving, finding our own apartment off campus, finding work for my spouse, etc.) that has some similarities with you!

One thing I learned to do during my full time research work and my Masters was to treat graduate school more like a job than school. I wanted to be able to just go home at the end of the day and not have to do any more work. I am able to make this work mostly in the PhD, except for crunch times. I found that it really helps when you do your homework at school, so that when you go home, there's no more work. Separating work and home/life was really helpful for me. I was not able to only work 9-5 though, since my program has almost all courses in the first year and in order to do both research and courses, it was about 50-60 hours per week, so my normal schedule would either be long days 5 days a week or working shorter days and working half a day or a full day on a weekend, depending on what schedule was more convenient in any given week. 

Basically, I consider coursework as part of my "job" (i.e. I just treat it like required training if you had a non-academic job). I schedule 9 hours per week per course and I do as much as I can in those 9 hours. Sometimes it means I don't get everything done but it's okay. In my program, 9 hours per week per course generally will get you an A or A-, and it would take another 9+ hours to get an A+ and there's just no point. With this scheduling, my weekly time breakdown in my first year was about 30 hours per week for courses, 20 hours per week for my RA and 0-10 hours that were flexible (maybe some weeks I would choose to spend more time on coursework or research etc.)

[winterstat]

42 minutes ago, TakeruK said:

Basically, I consider coursework as part of my "job" (i.e. I just treat it like required training if you had a non-academic job). I schedule 9 hours per week per course and I do as much as I can in those 9 hours. Sometimes it means I don't get everything done but it's okay. In my program, 9 hours per week per course generally will get you an A or A-, and it would take another 9+ hours to get an A+ and there's just no point. With this scheduling, my weekly time breakdown in my first year was about 30 hours per week for courses, 20 hours per week for my RA and 0-10 hours that were flexible (maybe some weeks I would choose to spend more time on coursework or research etc.)

 

Thanks for giving a breakdown of your hours! I've been wondering what a realistic amount of time to spend on coursework would be, so this really helps  I'm also hoping that I can treat grad school as a job, so efficient time management is of the essence. 

I also live with my SO right now and our plan was to move to the US together. However, his work-visa recently fell through (H-1B had too many applications so they did a lottery...), so now we need to figure out something else, and probably deal with being in an LDR for some time. It feels like such a step back after living in the same house for over three years, but we'll have to deal.

[runjackrun]

Thanks, @TakeruK for the input!! I agree, the schedule is really helpful. While talking with one of the current students in my program, they said they thought the most successful students were those who treated grad school like a job--arrived and left campus at normal hours, did homework between classes so as not to have as much in the evening, etc. That was really good to hear. I feel like if I talk about things like "work life balance" (regardless of how important we all acknowledge it is) or "treating grad school like a job," it comes across a little like I'm unwilling to really devote myself to this program, which is certainly not the case. That's probably just me overthinking though. 

12 minutes ago, winterstat said:

I also live with my SO right now and our plan was to move to the US together. However, his work-visa recently fell through (H-1B had too many applications so they did a lottery...), so now we need to figure out something else, and probably deal with being in an LDR for some time. It feels like such a step back after living in the same house for over three years, but we'll have to deal.

That is so tough, I'm sorry  I'm here fretting about how to move with my SO who won't have a job right away in our new location, but we're already in the US. The international component is a whole extra layer of madness, I'm sure (well, probably several extra layers actually). 

[TakeruK]

22 minutes ago, runjackrun said:

While talking with one of the current students in my program, they said they thought the most successful students were those who treated grad school like a job--arrived and left campus at normal hours, did homework between classes so as not to have as much in the evening, etc. That was really good to hear. I feel like if I talk about things like "work life balance" (regardless of how important we all acknowledge it is) or "treating grad school like a job," it comes across a little like I'm unwilling to really devote myself to this program, which is certainly not the case. That's probably just me overthinking though. 

I think there are more than one way to do grad school. The "treat it like a job" group probably works at 90% effort for the full 8 hours a day (90% because realistically, you'll spend some time taking breaks, getting up and walking around, chatting with colleagues and taking advantage of the collegial nature of our field. And there is another group of students that take advantage of grad school's flexibility and they might spend 12 hours a day around their office but maybe working at 60% effort, spending more time socializing, taking breaks for Facebook etc. And there's everything in between as well. Overall, both ways are good and it's just up to each person to do what they want to do. Your style will be accepted, most likely

39 minutes ago, winterstat said:

Thanks for giving a breakdown of your hours! I've been wondering what a realistic amount of time to spend on coursework would be, so this really helps  I'm also hoping that I can treat grad school as a job, so efficient time management is of the essence. 

I also live with my SO right now and our plan was to move to the US together. However, his work-visa recently fell through (H-1B had too many applications so they did a lottery...), so now we need to figure out something else, and probably deal with being in an LDR for some time. It feels like such a step back after living in the same house for over three years, but we'll have to deal.

We are also international (from Canada, so not really in some ways, but very much so in others!). It took quite a while for my spouse to get work permission through visa status. My spouse didn't go for H1-B though (they joined me as a dependent on my visa). I had to find a school that would grant me a J-1 student visa instead of F-1 because my spouse is allowed to apply for a work permit as a J-2 (but they would not be allowed to do so as a F-2). It depends on what you and your partner wants to do---you know your situation the best of course, but if you are able to get a J-1 visa, then perhaps your partner can join you and get a work permit through J-2. There are extra complications with being on J status, especially with future implications for visas after you graduate, but it's worth considering if you haven't already. I'll be happy to direct you to some information already posted on GradCafe and answer specific questions too!

[winterstat]

1 hour ago, TakeruK said:

We are also international (from Canada, so not really in some ways, but very much so in others!). It took quite a while for my spouse to get work permission through visa status. My spouse didn't go for H1-B though (they joined me as a dependent on my visa). I had to find a school that would grant me a J-1 student visa instead of F-1 because my spouse is allowed to apply for a work permit as a J-2 (but they would not be allowed to do so as a F-2). It depends on what you and your partner wants to do---you know your situation the best of course, but if you are able to get a J-1 visa, then perhaps your partner can join you and get a work permit through J-2. There are extra complications with being on J status, especially with future implications for visas after you graduate, but it's worth considering if you haven't already. I'll be happy to direct you to some information already posted on GradCafe and answer specific questions too!

 

 

Ugh... I just got my F-1 visa in my passport  Probably can't change it again now... I feel like we trusted in our US contacts a bit too much regarding visas. They were all "Oh he's so specialized, it'll be easy to get him an H-1B visa!", so we didn't consider alternatives (except for them opening a local office in the Netherlands - which they were planning on anyways - and putting my SO on the L-1 track). I'm so sorry for being bitter about it, we just found out 2 days ago, so it's still kind of sinking in.

But thanks for suggesting this solution! I might ask the lawyer if this is still something we might be able to do, just in case. We would have to get married though haha 

Edited to ad: Thanks @TakeruK ! I just read all your informative posts on the J1/J2 issue and have immediately emailed the international student offices at my future university to see what my options are. Fingers crossed!

Sorry for sidetracking this topic!

Edited April 28, 2016 by winterstat

[sjoh197]

I don't start until august, and have had the last year off... but I am so glad that I already have furniture, and a stable relationship, and live off campus. 

[winterstat]

@sjoh197 I do think it helps to already have the support that comes with a stable relationship  and having furniture saves a lot of time + money. However, I'm kind of looking forward to getting some new furniture which will be all mine (since I live with my SO atm, most of our furniture was a joint decision. While our taste in furniture is pretty similar, there are some things that I like that will never be part of our together place...).

[hippyscientist]

I took a year off between finishing high school and starting college, and another 2 years between finishing undergrad and starting my masters. I will be transitioning straight from my masters to the PhD. I definitely feel older and more with it than a lot of my current cohort, but at my PhD program, they tend to take most people with a few years experience. I'm looking forward to being treated as an adult again! 

My long-term relationship ended during the application process so now I'm going to have to figure out the dating thing. I've never actually dated so that's going to be a big change for me. But I am looking forward to having my own place, and being able to settle and put down roots. Despite being an international student, this PhD will be the longest I've been in one place since I was 16 so I'm looking forward to buying furniture and getting a dog and starting my life. I feel like the manic-ness of the past 8 years has prevented me from settling and so, while mature in outlook, I don't have the things associated with "adulthood". 

As for making friends, I've always had a group of people who have a diverse age range (~12 - 50 years old) so I'm not so concerned with straight from undergrad students or those who've taken time out. We each have things to learn from each other. Younger students will challenge me to go out and party every now and then, older students will be able to pass on wisdom that they've learnt. It's all just exciting. I honestly have no nerves about moving, or starting or the PhD itself or any of it. Just excitement! 

[smallaxe]

I took 4 years off between my undergrad and my MA, which is a 2 year program. I'm really glad I did because it opened my eyes to the different options I had and gives me a breadth of experience to consider when it comes to deciding whether I would like to pursue a PhD or go back to the workforce. One thing that struck me about coming back was how I am as a student--I feel much more confident in myself and my ideas and I feel like my professors are closer to peers than monolithic authorities. I also had a reason and desire to be a student again. I was quite successfully working as a freelancer and travelling a lot, but I missed the learning and discovery, and discussions with like-minded people that you get in academia. I didn't like pandering to clients and I felt like I wasn't making any difference in the world besides putting more money into the pockets of people who only cared about their bottom lines. What that meant was that when we had readings or assignments, I didn't look at it as a box-ticking exercise. I looked at it as an opportunity to add to my knowledge.

The transition itself was funny. I had completely forgotten how to write a paper. I found facilitating seminars stressful. I felt like I was reading more than my classmates but getting less out of it (partly due to me starting in a completely new field). Last month I went to a graduate student conference and it was there that I was able to see my own intellectual growth and how far I'd come since September. A lot of what would have sounded like gibberish to me I could actually follow! I was discussing research with people and I actually felt like I knew what I was talking about! It was very motivational.

You'll enjoy it and chances are, if you took that leap to go back, you'll be glad you did!

[ShogunT]

On 4/28/2016 at 3:21 PM, TakeruK said:

One thing I learned to do during my full time research work and my Masters was to treat graduate school more like a job than school.

Completely agree with this.

I took few years off school to work in industry. When I came back to grad school for my PhD study, I treat it like my former job more than a school study.

[MarineBluePsy]

On 4/28/2016 at 10:37 AM, runjackrun said:

For those who are going to grad school this fall after some time off, what are you most looking forward to about returning? What are you nervous about? Are you doing anything to make the transition easier? 

Excellent topic and one I've pondered often.  After undergrad I took 8 years off to explore several fields, live on my own, work several dead end jobs, and really figure out what I wanted to do.  Then I went for a Master's degree while working full time in a dead end job and after graduating landed a job in my field.  2 years later I'm about to start a PhD and am both excited and annoyed by it lol.

What am I most looking forward to about returning?  Learning.  I really enjoy the academic environment with classes, reading, trips to the library, seminars, etc.  I have found that in the working world the desire to learn/learning on your own may be frowned upon or even considered threatening in some fields.  I'm tired of this.  

What am I nervous about?  Moving across the country alone with no support system.  There's always unforeseen things that just can't be planned for and I won't have anyone to rely on should I for example need someone to help me out after emergency surgery.  Sure I could call my family, but I can't actually count on them to drop everything to help me as they live on low or fixed incomes and traveling/missing work just isn't an option.  

What am I doing to make the transition easier?  In terms of getting back into the groove of school I've continued to be active in research by volunteering in a lab.  I also read quite a bit in general to prepare for all the reading assignments.  

I also plan to structure my program requirements as a job as much as possible.  I did this in my Master's program and it was the smartest move I made.  I went to campus early to study, use the library, meet with professors, and work on group projects.  This was so much more productive than studying at home the way I did in undergrad because there were fewer distractions and I had to stay on task since the campus would eventually close.  I also kept research articles or a textbook with me most of the time so I could take advantage of unexpected downtime standing in line, at work, etc.  

During the week I didn't care how much homework or reading was left, I went to bed when I was tired.  I kept a detailed calendar of everything I needed to do in order to avoid procrastinating or sucking up my entire weekends with homework.  If I had to study or do homework on the weekends I set a fixed amount of time, did whatever I could, and then forced myself out of the house to do something fun.

In terms of everything outside of school I'm just trying to think of it as an exciting opportunity rather than dwell on the fact that I'll really be alone.  I'm making a list of things to do so I don't end up sitting around at home going crazy.  I tend to enjoy solitary tasks despite being extroverted so I'm trying to be mindful of not spending so much time alone.  I will likely just add social activities to my calendar and hopefully will find friends that way.     

[Cat_Robutt]

It's great to know returning to school is a commonality––most of my cohort will be just finishing their masters, while I've been working since completing mine two years ago. Age-wise, though, I will still be on the younger end. My college has a wide range of ages, from students with human children to middle-aged students returning to realize a lifelong dream to people slightly younger than me who are trying to figure out the whole academia bit. There's so many perspectives from which to learn.

I spoke to a current student about being apprehensive returning to academe, and they told me it does take time to catch up, but to be unafraid of asking questions even if you are worried you will look dumb; no one will judge you for your learning style and if they do, best to not collaborate with them. This student also said to learn about your classmate's strengths and collaborate with them, offering them co-authorship for a shared research paper or conference presentation. Approaching classmates as professional colleagues can also tamp down imposter syndrome with you comparing yourself to them as well as making it easier to collaborate with classmates you may not necessarily love as people, but can work with as professionals.

[runjackrun]

There are some great replies here! Thanks everyone for sharing your insights! 

On 4/30/2016 at 2:12 PM, MarineBluePsy said:

What am I nervous about?  Moving across the country alone with no support system.  There's always unforeseen things that just can't be planned for and I won't have anyone to rely on should I for example need someone to help me out after emergency surgery.  Sure I could call my family, but I can't actually count on them to drop everything to help me as they live on low or fixed incomes and traveling/missing work just isn't an option.  

I think I am also nervous about this, and not even so much in the "what if everything goes wrong and I'm on my own" way but more in the "I have an established life right now, and I'm giving it up for a big unknown." It's both exciting o be breaking out of this dull pattern I feel like I've been in since undergrad, but I'm also a creature of routine and I struggle with the thought of changing that up. Alas, this is a bigger issue than just preparing to return to school  

21 hours ago, Cat_Robutt said:

It's great to know returning to school is a commonality––most of my cohort will be just finishing their masters, while I've been working since completing mine two years ago. Age-wise, though, I will still be on the younger end.

Funny, I'm in a somewhat similar situation. In my case, I finished undergrad a year early and went right into the workforce. I've been there for two years, so even now I am the same age as many who will be starting this program right out of undergrad. I keep meeting incoming students and thinking "they're all so young" and then realize we're the same age. Maybe I've been playing adult in the proverbial "real world" for too long, but I think back to who I was at the end of undergrad and acknowledge that I've changed a lot since then. It just makes me more self-reflective and also makes me think more about things like class discussions and group projects where I'll be interacting with others more. It's not a bad thing in the least and I'm excited for the new opportunities before me, but it contributes to that feeling that I'm going into an unknown, or at least a very different situation than I am in presently.

[Cat_Robutt]

It is definitely an unknown @runjackrun and @MarineBluePsy....I've lived far removed from family and friends for the past two years, and it can be stressful during emergencies. As a result, I've had to do a lot of independent research and gather my own kind of support network for different kinds of weird things, from medical (like emergency wisdom teeth removal) to personal (depression). At your new program, seek out medical professionals sooner rather than later in case of that kind of emergency, and see if you can find counselors, psychologists, even clergy in case of a professional yet also personal difficulty. And making friends outside of your cohort can also be helpful, like a book club, hiking group, and/or another graduate group.

[MarineBluePsy]

11 hours ago, Cat_Robutt said:

It is definitely an unknown @runjackrun and @MarineBluePsy....I've lived far removed from family and friends for the past two years, and it can be stressful during emergencies. As a result, I've had to do a lot of independent research and gather my own kind of support network for different kinds of weird things, from medical (like emergency wisdom teeth removal) to personal (depression). At your new program, seek out medical professionals sooner rather than later in case of that kind of emergency, and see if you can find counselors, psychologists, even clergy in case of a professional yet also personal difficulty. And making friends outside of your cohort can also be helpful, like a book club, hiking group, and/or another graduate group.

Before committing to my program I read the entire health insurance brochure lol.  Part of me was proud to be proactive, but another part of me just felt like an old fart hahaha.

[Cat_Robutt]

@MarineBluePsy I did the same thing!!! Insurance is really important! It's such a relief to know that if something DOES happen, you have options.

[MarineBluePsy]

7 hours ago, Cat_Robutt said:

@MarineBluePsy I did the same thing!!! Insurance is really important! It's such a relief to know that if something DOES happen, you have options.

Exactly!  Then of course I really grumbled like an old fart because my programs coverage is going to cost me more than what I have with my current employer.  *sigh* There is just no winning.

[Cat_Robutt]

@MarineBluePsy awwww that's a bummer! Would the coverage be better under the Affordable Care Act, or is program coverage the end-all be-all?

[themmases]

I returned after four years working in a related field and I found that the work experience cut both ways.

On the one hand, I'm way more responsible and better at managing my time. I can anticipate how a given person will want my work product to be, take criticism, and just fix stuff without getting bent out of shape about it. And I'm less intimidated by everything because I think of it all as a job. As an MS student I wasn't offered an RA appointment with admission but I found one really quickly and now I have two. I'm keeping them as my funding source when I continue on to a PhD in the fall.

On the other hand some parts of being a student in class are just not closely related to a job. I struggled with those. The idea of turning things in where we wouldn't be going back and forth to polish the final product together intimidated me a lot and I just had to push past it (and allow myself more editing time than I would at a job where I know I'll get comments). I probably didn't make as much use of instructors and TAs as resources I could ask questions of, because at work my approach would be to exhaustively try to find the answer myself.

It was hard to know at first, and then reassess each semester, how much time I had. I have two RA appointments, class, research, and some freelance stuff available to me when I have the time. I handled it by trying to arrange my schedule so I didn't come to campus one day a week, and worked a full day from home instead. I did it that way because my commute was terrible, but if you have a desk on campus that you like and is easy to get to, it would work just as well to schedule a day with no interruptions.

My undergrad was radically different because I studied history and now, cancer epidemiology. Obviously I'm a pretty different person now as well. I got lucky in that my partner's career progression was well-timed with my decision to make less money. So we changed the proportion we each paid for stuff, but not the amount, and skipped upgrading anything for a couple of years.

 

[Juvenile Drum]

@MarineBluePsy

I really needed to read this. I'm heading back to school after 8 years 5.5 of which was spent living in the Carribean, owning my own business and following my passion on the side. I moved back to the USA to pursue that passion full time and in the meantime I am buying a home, trying to conceive and hoping to work full time while studying part time. Treating graduate work like a job sounds like a great plan! Good luck on your move. Hopefully you will meet a lifelong friend and you won't be alone. Just gotta put yourself out there which is the annoying bit. 

@runjackrun

I'm worried I won't be able to write engaging essays, retain information and test well. I guess the adjustment period makes me a bit nervous. Also, balancing life will be a difficult task to accomplish.

To deal I intend to read up on Social Work topics, gather my textbooks ASAP and familiarize myself with a good schedule/space for study.

Question for the group:

Do you have any tips on study methods? Does anyone have any other preparation recommendations?

Edited May 13, 2016 by Juvenile Drum

[MarineBluePsy]

On 5/4/2016 at 1:10 PM, Cat_Robutt said:

@MarineBluePsy awwww that's a bummer! Would the coverage be better under the Affordable Care Act, or is program coverage the end-all be-all?

The plans on the ACA aren't better than what I have with my current job largely because my out of pocket costs would be higher.  So ACA versus my programs plan make them pretty similar in that respect.

On 5/13/2016 at 0:27 AM, Juvenile Drum said:

@MarineBluePsy

I really needed to read this. I'm heading back to school after 8 years 5.5 of which was spent living in the Carribean, owning my own business and following my passion on the side. I moved back to the USA to pursue that passion full time and in the meantime I am buying a home, trying to conceive and hoping to work full time while studying part time. Treating graduate work like a job sounds like a great plan! Good luck on your move. Hopefully you will meet a lifelong friend and you won't be alone. Just gotta put yourself out there which is the annoying bit. 

Sounds like you used your gap years really living and exploring your interests though.  If going to school and trying to conceive are on your to do list you might want to consider school full time.  That way you get more of it over with before you have to be up all night tending to a little one.

[jlt646]

Thank you everyone for posting. My situation is a little different- I didn't take "gap years"- I bombed my first semester of college at age 17, because I wasn't ready to be there, and then took about seven years off before trying again. I finished undergrad in 2015, and I'm starting PhD in the fall...I am excited to be a little older than some folks in my cohort, but my previous experience of really intense failure hangs over my head like a big black anxiety cloud. I'm obviously a much different person now than I was at 17, and I know what I want and how to get there, but it's still terrifying. 

What if I've forgotten how to write? Do I even still know how to read? What is math even? And, the big one...will I still have time for yoga and gardening and baking and all of the things that make me happy to be alive? The transition, and the not knowing what's coming next, are the things that freak me out the most. Reading this thread has helped a little.