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Posted

Dear Grad fellows,

I've been in a MA program for a year now, and seriously considering switching to somewhere else. The situation is that I don't feel good studying there at all. It was not such a good year, and I didn't do my very best because it was hard being in this university. When it comes to bad behaviours, Academia is certainly not stranger to it. I thought that because it's a well-ranked program, people will not engage in low behaviours but I was wrong.

Basically, I'm being singled out because of the way I look. Not my ethnicity, but because, and I heard it from students, I get a lot of attention due to my physical appearance which is apparently very pleasant. They told me that I shouldn't be studying but rather do something that show off my face and curves. What kind of nonsense is that? This is one stupid attitude but it is true, and I was very disappointed by this. The head of the program, the secretary and the students (99% are female) ignore me or at best belittle me. I thought it would subside when they get to know me but it did not. I participate in the group work, but when it come to socializing they just leave me out, they don't want me to join. They exclude me completely unless it's uni related.

The only one who is nice to me is the program coordinator, a young male PhD stduent. So I'm polite but I don't familiarize too much with him because of the situation.

It has made my year very unpleasant. How can I be and do my best in a hostile environment? I have self-confidence and know my worth but still, I'm a human being. 

There's one year left but I can't see myself going through this again next year. It's normally a one year program but because they were so annoying I went part-time to spent less time with them. So next year, there will be a new group, but I'm afraid it will be the same atmosphere. I think that I deserve to be in a healthy environment and not being treated that way. I wanted to complaint to a third party on campus, but I was afraid that it would make things worse. 

I think the best thing to do is to find another program where they are nicer, and get a validation for the classes already passed.

What would be your advice? Thank you in advance.

 

Posted

Luckily, I have never been in that situation.  Sounds like a pretty nasty bunch.  Unfortunately, my guess is that transferring won't be too easy to do unless you take a year off.

Perhaps you can forestall future comments in that direction by saying you went part-time last year to accommodate your sex-change surgery?  There's nothing quite like dropping a hint that you know just a little more than the others in the room.   :)  

 

Posted

I've dealt with this throughout my life endeavours. I have always found that my best defense was to be the absolute best that I could be so that in the end, there was never a real question of how I got where I was. My grades, remarks, or success could never legitimately be questioned, because my work was always superior.

Of course I still got plenty of remarks, by usually from jealous people (always men). But in the end I was always confident that I earned my success and respect, and it wasn't just given to me.

Posted (edited)

@Concordia Yes, I get your point. For me, it's a ridiculous situation because I don't even think I'm special because some people find me attractive. Who cares, really. What bothers me is their meanness, and the fact that they think it's ok to pick on me because life must be so easy for me in many ways otherwise, which is not even true...they just want to shame me for the sake of it.

I'll think this through by June, hopefully, and decide if it's worth changing program or just suck it up for another year then get the hell out of there.

@sjoh197 very good advice indeed. I do my very best, but sometimes the atmosphere weighs on me and it's not easy considering my MA is far from home, in a city where I only know people from my program...What's important is to keep the focus on my learning. I'm a good student but not the best of my class, and that's fine.

Edited by Anonymous36
Posted

Sorry-- I had no point, unless you look like Wally.  It's the Internet, so we have to consider all options.

 

seriously, though, it does sound like a pain.  Toxic culture is a hard thing to get past.  

 

Sometimes conspicuously taking one for the team can get you past the worst of it.  In my consulting job out of business school, I got put with a primary who apparently liked hazing junior people.  This in a financial firm that was allegedly lifestyle- friendly.  I was putting together some research when he/she dropped a set of corrections on my desk before driving home at 6pm.  It was probably the only time I had to stay past midnight but when I told him/her at 8 the next morning after the inquisitive look that the corrected draft was on his/her desk, things lightened up a bit.  I did get reassigned, but not before getting the right kind of gossip onto the grapevine.

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