Getting out of a downward spiral

[wand3er3er]

 

So I am just finishing my fourth year in graduate school and academically things are going well.  I am finished with classes and I have a research project that is slowly coming along.  The problem I just don't feel the desire to do this research anymore.  If it was only going to be a few more months I know I could tough it out but the way my field works I only get data to further my thesis once or twice a year so my advisor is projecting that if things go well I will be finished in two more years.  Of course after that it is time for a post-doc which is another two years and then hopefully a full position after that.  I am actually lucky as far as grad students go in that I get to work fairly normal hours and my advisor is good to work with.  The field just doesn't excite me anymore and every day is a struggle to get to work. ( I should note that the disinterest is only in the research, I do not have this issue in other parts of my life).  

I go to conferences and I struggle to find talks or posters that even remotely catch my interest.  I read papers but the only ones that remotely keep my interest are those that can keep my research moving forward.  I think the problem is that although I know intellectually that research should be done for the sake expanding knowledge, it bothers me that there really is not an application to my work.  The whole concept of publishing for the sake of publishing seems wrong and it just seems like a lot of work is done to stroke the ego.  Looking ahead at life after grad school I just don't know if I could keep this up for a career.  I know I am looking at things very negatively and the more I think like this the worse things look.  I am trying to look at my options objectively but I know with my current mindset  I am leaning heavily toward getting out and the more I think of getting out the more my productivity slips.  I am trying to take a step back and see things from a neutral position but have so far failed to do so.  I would definitely love to get some advice from others. Thanks!!

  

[fuzzylogician]

I think you want to separate the question of whether you want to pursue your PhD from whether you want to then continue in academia. Maybe what you're realizing is that this is not the life for you, and that perfectly alright. Given the job market in pretty much every field out there, it may even be the wiser choice. I think you should probably spend some time thinking about what other careers are out there for you and what would make you happy. This soul searching process can be lengthy and difficult, but I think it's more than worth it. There are probably also resources online and at your university's career center to help the process along. Once you have some idea of what you might want to do next, if it's not academia (which at the moment it sounds like it isn't), then the question becomes what the alternative is, and what training you'll need to have in order to get that kind of job. This is actually a good time to be having these thoughts, as it's still early enough that you can add courses or change your training to make yourself more marketable in other professions as well. And then finally the question will be if the PhD is necessary/helpful or not, and if it's not going to help at all, whether you want to complete it anyway for whatever personal reason or simply to finish what you started. It's easier when the end is in sight.

This is a very personal decision, but I think what's important is that changing your goals and even deciding you don't want to pursue your PhD anymore is not a failure, it's a natural and healthy part of growing up and being an adult. On the other hand, bad times where you don't like your research anymore is something that probably happens to everyone at some point, so this is why it's important to explore these feelings and decide if they are just a natural part of working on your dissertation and they'll soon pass, or if they are more general and persistent. It's hard to know for sure which it is without knowing you better.

[wand3er3er]

The one thing that I have been struggling with is knowing whether a new career would be something I would enjoy or merely  something I  "think" I like.  I know that the only way to really know for sure is to experience the field and so far I have been looking around for part time work or volunteer opportunities in my areas interest but it is difficult to do while also keeping up my research.  After my experience in Grad school I am paranoid about being able to discern a good career since I thought I was really excited about my field when I started and now can't stand it.

[knp]

It's fairly normal for it to take a year or three for you to tell if the field you get any new job in will be the field for you. Your experience with graduate school is normal that way! The burnout shouldn't usually be so intense, though, because in most urban labor markets in this country, it's normal to change jobs after a year if it isn't working for you. I.e., unlike in grad school, there's not the pressure to stick with it to the point of exhaustion and then for another year or two afterwards. So don't pressure yourself to find exactly the right job and exactly the right career in your next first try. During that first try, you'll learn some more about what you like and what you dislike; maybe you'll get lucky and you'll have found your dream niche, but even if you don't, you'll meet a lot of people, some of whom might have jobs that are closer to what you'd like to do, and which you can pursue instead. You'll have a lot of chances to get this right.

[Need Coffee in an IV]

My boyfriend left his masters program after the first semester. He realized that he didn't like research and it wasn't the type of research he was expecting. I think our culture has this obsession of "never quit, no matter what!" Maybe see if you could leave with a masters? Its healthy for things to change. You aren't the only one who goes through this! Good luck!

[juilletmercredi]

Around my third year in my PhD program I started to have the same feelings. I could've written your post myself - I hated conferences because other than chatting with and meeting people (which I later found out was "networking"), there was very little that interested me about them. I hated reading and writing journal articles because I felt like I was trapped in an endless cycle: writing papers so someone else could read it (or "read" it) to write their paper, so that later I could read it and write another paper. I wanted my research to have direct applications to real changes in the real world, not a tiny audience only of other social scientists. The longer I stayed in academia the more sure I became, although I did decide to finish my PhD and even did a year of a postdoc to be really sure. What I ended up doing was taking a non-academic research job in the private sector, where I use my research skills to conduct research and give recommendations to non-researchers to make changes to their products/designs/plans. I love my job and leaving academia was the best decision I made.

So I agree with fuzzy in that you should separate the question of whether you want to finish your PhD from whether you want to continue in academia. It is entirely possible to finish a PhD without drinking the Kool-Aid - or maybe as much of it - and entirely possible to leverage your PhD into a non-academic career. However, like fuzzy says, I would highly encourage you to start seeking out opportunities to intern or work part-time to get a taste of non-academic experience. I did this when I was in graduate school because I was never really sure I wanted academia, and it helps a LOT when you go on the non-academic market and can point to non-academic experiences you've had.

If you do choose to finish, you can view the rest of your PhD as a paid professional training ground - time for you to take the time to prepare for the career you really want while having secure employment. Continue to do your research, but make time to slot in other professional activities. Join professional orgs in your city for career areas you're interested in, do some informational interviews with people who hold careers that seem interesting, and try to find some kind of internship or part-time opportunity that you can gain some non-academic experience in. (Feel free to conceal from your advisor as much as you need to. I told my advisor about some things I did and not others.) There's no harm in putting out feelers, and you can do these kinds of activities while still publishing actively and getting academic research experience - you just have to be planful about it.

Of course, if you have been nose to the grindstone with research spending an inordinate amount of time in the lab, you may have to cut back your research hours a bit to make time for professional development. That's okay, too. Remember that the PhD is an academic program and a professional development program for YOUR career. It's a nice secondary bonus that your advisor gets help in her career, vis-a-vis your work, but that doesn't mean that's your primary goal.

I also agree with the advice to visit the career center. My university's career center was surprisingly excellent for graduate students, and actually had a whole little program for PhDs who were considering non-academic careers (or careers in higher education that were not faculty positions). They brought many alumni speakers to campus who had successfully transitioned and would read and review your resume and cover letter for free, including having a 30-minute consultation with you about it - and more, if you wanted that! I started attending these workshops pretty early, probably around the beginning of my third year, because I was curious. Just hearing about it made me realize the variety of careers out there for someone with a PhD in my field and let me know what I was interested in. That helped a lot later, when I decided for sure to leave academia, because I already knew which fields I'd want to move into.

Lastly - you'll never know for sure whether a new job/career you've never tried is something you'll enjoy until you actually work it. This is not a bad thing. Honestly, in careers outside of academia, it is FAR more common for people to reinvent themselves and their careers a couple times over the course of their working lives. Whatever the next thing you choose to do - even if that next thing IS academia - doesn't have to be the last thing you ever do! You can try it on for a few years and if you don't like it, you can lateral yourself into something else. Don't be afraid to try things out!