If Bacteria had Cybersex

[AlexM451]

StaphA47, you have entered the "I hate Beta-lactams" Chat Room

YersiniaP23: Ya'll know you want some of my bubonic plague!

xxStrepPxx: Anyone looking to conjugate?

Ecoli157: Age/F-type/Gram-Stain?

xxStrepPxx: 28 minutes/negative/positive

Ecoli157: eh, not for me

MycoTuberc: Who wants to see underneath my capsule?

T4_phage: hey guys!

Ecoli157: oh shit...

You have entered private chat with xxStrepPxx:

StaphA47: hey, wanna conjugate?

xxStrepPxx: A/F/G?

StaphA47: 17 minutes/positive/positive

xxStrepPxx: ooh a younger microbe, i'm into it

StaphA47: after an evening of secreting toxins and metabolizing glucose, we spread to the epidermis and find a comfortable, romantic spot on an adipocyte

xxStrepPxx: i tickle you playfully with my flagella, and start secreting mating factors

StaphA47: I begin to extend my long sex pilus

xxStrepPxx: oooh yeah how big is it?

StaphA47: 3 micrometers baby

xxStrepPxx: mmmm that's huge

StaphA47: my pilus makes contact with your surface coat, forming a mating bridge, i draw you in close

xxStrepPxx: yes, i want your antibiotic resistance genes!

StaphA47: within milliseconds i shoot my plasmids all over your surface coat

xxStrepPxx: ughh...well that's disappointing

StaphA47: I swear this never happens, usually i last much longer

xxStrepPxx: whatever, i'm going to talk to my ex-mate, neisseria gonorrhoeae

StaphA47: i wouldn't do that, i hear he gets around

xxStrepPxx has exited private chat

[bgk]

... someone with too much free time?

[kinjal]

LOL

[hippopotassium]

This is amazing. I <3 fellow micro nerds.

[UnlikelyGrad]

Hilarioius!!

[surprisecake]

hehhheh that's awesome

[centurysun]

LOL:lol:

[bhmlurker]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Well done!