Buyer's remorse

[CounselingPsych]

I was lucky to be offered admission to more than 5 PhD programs and offered fellowships at several of the programs - this was incredibly stressful, as one of the offers came from my letter-writer who pressured me to accept.  I felt so indebted to her for all of her support in the process, and I really like her approach to working with her students generally - that I accepted, (I also had a lot of things going on in my personal life at the time which made things stressful) but am now having very bad buyer's remorse.  I had been offered admission to a more highly ranked institution with someone with whom my research interests more closely matched - an academic idol of mine and I can't stop thinking about having rejected this offer, even though this program seemed to have its flaws, as well.  To make matters worse, my funding package at my current institution where I had accepted was miscommunicated, and it is several thousand dollars less than what I had thought it would be, I have no fellowship at my current institution, and it looks like I will be stuck working on something I do not feel passionate about.  I am wondering what others would do in this situation.  I really feel like I don't want to start the program feeling regretful and like I made the wrong decision due to pressure/overwhelm, but so much work went into the application process, that I also feel like I'd like to make it work if I can.

[johnallen]

You have to do what's best for you. Pick the program the aligns closely with your research interests.

[kaboom987]

Definitely call the other school you want to go to and see if the offer is still available, just say something fell through at your current institution (lie). 

[Kartopery]

Absolutely go with the other program.

This is 4+ years of your life. You got accepted to these other programs, and your letter-writer should understand your desire to attend another school. If they don't, then honestly, I think it's fine to burn that bridge. Clearly that person doesn't have your best interests at heart if they are personally offended by you not accepting the offer to their program.

Do what you want. Life is too short to live it on other peoples' terms.

[Yanaka]

I hope you can have the offer back... :/ let us know, please!

[hopefulPhD2017]

On 7/29/2016 at 11:11 AM, CounselingPsych said:

I was lucky to be offered admission to more than 5 PhD programs and offered fellowships at several of the programs - this was incredibly stressful, as one of the offers came from my letter-writer who pressured me to accept.  I felt so indebted to her for all of her support in the process, and I really like her approach to working with her students generally - that I accepted, (I also had a lot of things going on in my personal life at the time which made things stressful) but am now having very bad buyer's remorse.  I had been offered admission to a more highly ranked institution with someone with whom my research interests more closely matched - an academic idol of mine and I can't stop thinking about having rejected this offer, even though this program seemed to have its flaws, as well.  To make matters worse, my funding package at my current institution where I had accepted was miscommunicated, and it is several thousand dollars less than what I had thought it would be, I have no fellowship at my current institution, and it looks like I will be stuck working on something I do not feel passionate about.  I am wondering what others would do in this situation.  I really feel like I don't want to start the program feeling regretful and like I made the wrong decision due to pressure/overwhelm, but so much work went into the application process, that I also feel like I'd like to make it work if I can.

What a predicament. I can totally see myself doing something like that. I agree,  you should call the other institution immediately. We're all allowed to make mistakes and change our minds. It's part of the human experience (and a curse of being overly analytical, I'm afraid).

[Neist]

On 10/16/2016 at 8:09 PM, kaboom987 said:

Definitely call the other school you want to go to and see if the offer is still available, just say something fell through at your current institution (lie). 

I'd like to counter this statement and highly advise against lying. The academic world isn't exactly huge, and a lie could very easily burn you later.

[muskratsam]

I think it would be okay to say that the financial offer was miscommunicated and not workable.  That is not a lie.