Jump to content

Score my Argument essay? Will return the favor :)

Recommended Posts

Moderator note: Merged two essay scoring requests into single thread. Please read both posts to see both essays.



"The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition. 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position."


My response: 

Today's society is plagued by a sense of fierce competition that sets citizens against one another in an environment of animosity. The strive to be the best can often bring out the worst in people; a paradox that can be seen in today's politics, sports, and even businesses. While some may feel the need to embrace competition as an excelling force towards success, a more efficient way to ensure success is for young people to embrace cooperation as the driving force for their success in society. 

Cooperation is necessary for a person to excel in today's modern age. The elements of collaboration are a key component in developing a successful product, gaining a lead in an election, or performing groundbreaking research. A person who learns to be a team member will benefit from the interaction of other like-minded individuals, and as well being exposed to more beneficial ideas. In the current controversial presidential election, there is obviously a bitter sense of competition present between the remaining candidates. However, the success that has engendered these two campaigns is a result of collaboration between many different individuals with different professions and specialties who have all brought valuable ideas to the table. This teamwork practice has enabled for more success than if those in the campaign were blinded by the competition. 

The ability to minimize inner competitive urges to work alongside others in an efficient manner proves beneficial in more than one way. Marketing oneself to other professionals in and beyond a particular industry or field as a cooperative individual will intrigue attract other key players in that particular field. This approach to a career as a collaborator prioritized over a competitor will likely be construed as having positive personality traits, which can help individuals gain an upper hand in time. Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook, was in competition with other social media platforms during the time of Facebook's rise, His charismatic nature and openness to collaboration and cooperation shown a positive light on his strategies, and many were attracted to the Facebook team for this reason. As we see the success of Facebook today, we realize the effects of the cooperation can have when chosen over competition. 

Needless to say, competition is still a critical factor regarding motivation of individuals to reach a goal. In a sense, if it were not for competition, some of today's greatest contributors to society may have never been pushed to their limits in order to achieve their full potential. This is evident in the case of Steve Jobs and his development of the Mac computer. However, cooperation should still be instilled as a more valuable trait to have than competitiveness. After all, the Mac computer was not created by the genius of Steve Jobs himself, but by the collaboration of many individuals working towards a common goal. 

In essence, while the sense of competition can be considered a benefit, the elements of collaboration and cooperation are undoubtedly a necessity. Across all industries and fields, alike, no great successes ever come from a single competitor alone, but result from a process of cooperation among many. For this reason it is essential for the young people of today's society to embrace cooperation over competition. 



Edited by TakeruK
Link to post
Share on other sites


The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company.

"According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the past year. Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater share of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


My response:

A movie production company, Super Screen Movies, is concerned over the amount of positive exposure that the public has recieved regarding its movies from the past year. It was reported the fewer people saw Super Screen Movies last year than ever before, yet positive reviews about Super Screen movies increased. The production compay has suggested that the problem lies within its advertising and aims to increase advertising budget. However, Super Screen's solution may prove unsuccessful if they fail to account for other conditions. 

The first of these conditions relates to the assumption that Super Screen has made regarding its audiences. The report states fewer people attended Super Screen movies than any other year, and subsequently, Super Screen has concluded that this is due to lack of public exposure. Super Screen needs to assess the matter of whether there is an alternate reason that the public has attended fewer movies the past year. Could there have been an increase in ticket or venue prices that have driven public audiences away from attending the movies? Has there been a decrease of movie theaters and venues that have normally show to Super Screen movies? These are issues that the company should seek to find the answer to before assuming that the lower viewer numbers are due to lack of exposure. 

Additionally, Super Screen's assumption that the public's lack of awarness about their quality movies could altogether prove false if found otherwise. Super Screen should ackowledge that it is possible that the public is not in fact any less informed about their movies than they have been in the past. Even though it is likely the public has still seen positive publicity regarding Super Screen's movies, there could be a number of reasons why they are choosing not to attend them as often. Perhaps specific movie content has simply disuaded certain audiences from attending the movies. Could the advertisement of certain movie genre be driving away audiences away from viewing? Even though the movie has recieved positive reviews, is it possible that the presence of a particular acting cast or the movie's length are factors that are affecting audience's willingness to attend. Seeking to answer these questions should assist Super Screen and navigate it away from making a false assumption. 

Super Screen has suggested that an increase in its advertising budget will lead to more of the public seeing its movies' publicity. While this argument has many flaws in itself, it would not be a safe bet for Super Screen to assume that an increase budget will have a direct effect on the public's perception of its movies. Even with an increased budget, the public still may not feel the urge to attend a particular Super Screen movie, regardless of the kind reviews given to it by a select few. 

The problem discussed by Super Screen Movies and the solution presented rely on the assumptions of many circumstances that must first be addressed before agreeing to increase funding for advertising. If Super Screen Movies fails to address the questions raised about the dilemma, then it may be sadly disappointed at the results of the increased advertising budget come next year. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.