Awkward negotiating conversation - help?!

[scurvs22]

Hi wonderful gradcafe community! I couldn't find any previous threads that covered my dilemma so I am throwing this into the hive. I received a phone call yesterday from the head of a program saying that they were really excited to have me, but she "doesn't want to fill out all of the paperwork if I am not seriously considering that school." She also said that my offer on paper will be lower than what I can actually get, and she can negotiate a little bit more money if I actually send her my acceptance letters from other programs. Is this normal? I was a little put off by the conversation and not feeling particularly comfortable sending her my offer letters from other schools. Has anyone done that before? I really don't know how to handle this.

[stereopticons]

I've never dealt with this before but it seems super sketchy. I can see why you were put off. I would have been too! Do you have an advisor or a mentor you can ask? They might know if this is actually a thing. Good luck!

[TakeruK]

This is actually very normal and typical in academia. Many postdoc and other positions have the same procedure. I'll address the two parts separately (asking if you're still interested and asking for other offers).

This is more normal for programs that only accept a few students, or for programs that have very qualified applicants and they want to get the most qualified ones. Let's use an example of a program that wants to accept 5 students and they have 100 applicants, 10 of which are really good. Ideally they would want to take their 5 students from this pool of 10. However, for whatever reason, they know that their candidates also have good offers from other places (either because the school itself is a top school or they are often a second tier school for top candidates). Let's say you are the #2 ranked candidate. For Candidates #1 through #5, they might want to check if you are still interested before issuing an official offer. An official offer might have a deadline to decide like April 15 so if you sit on that offer until April 15, then by the time you say no, it's likely that Candidates #6 through #10 already took offers elsewhere. So the school will either have less students or take on less desirable candidates (#11 onwards). Therefore, it makes a lot of sense to check in on Candidates #1 to #5 to see if you are still interested before going ahead.

The right thing to do? Be honest. Are you still seriously considering this school? If so, then say yes. If you have some questions before you can know if you're still interested, this is the right time to ask them. If you already have offers from the your top 3 schools so this school is no longer something you want, then be honest and say no. It would be a good time to withdraw your application too. If you say yes now but then get good offers that interest you more later, then it's okay to give them an early decline so that they can move down their list.

As for the asking for other offers thing, this is totally normal as well. If you want to negotiate your stipend, the only real leverage you have is offers from other universities. I am betting that this school has a set base stipend that they initially offer and there's a small pot of money that they can use to make their offer more attractive to their top candidates. So I would interpret this as meaning you are one of their top choices (or at least a top choice for this particular professor) and that they are willing to increase their stipend offer if stipend is what you need to take their offer over another one. 

Your offer letters from other schools are not secret nor confidential (unless otherwise stated?) and you are free to share them. If you are still seriously considering this school then wait to see their official offer. If you have offers from other schools with a larger number, send those letters to her so that she can negotiate for a higher stipend. However, only proceed with this step if you are prepared to take their offer should the negotiation succeed. The prof may have to use some political capital to get you more money and you only want someone to take this effort if you will take the offer.

[scurvs22]

Thank you both so much for your responses!  This is really helpful. 

 

 

[hopefulPhD2017]

I'm in a similar position and have been told by my friends in academia to go back to school A and use school B's offer to see what I can get (awaiting funding decisions), but it makes me nervous and I haven't yet. Glad others are dealing with this as well.