AGONY

[fauxtog]

i don't know what to do with all this nervous energy. i'm working out and doing yoga so much that my entire body is killing me.

i can't sleep! i can't focus! all i can think about is getting in or not getting in. my mind oscillates between fantasizing about acceptance letters and then immediately landslides into rejection daydreams and then my heart starts to race and i break out in a cold sweat.

aaah! am i losing my mind???

i've already been wait listed at one school and i recieved an email from another this morning saying my application is currently being reviewed and to check the website on feb 18 (that can't be very hopeful news...).

i am majorly jacked up and it's really becoming painful. my mind is yo-yoing. i'm grinding my teeth! i feel like i'm coming down from some insane drug and it's not pretty!

words of advice, suggestions on how to chill and xanax welcome.

[JerryLandis]

Try getting into a creative hobby. Drawing, home improvement odds and ends, building a terrarium, making a scrapbook, whatever. That helped me during my break because it diverted my attention from sitting in front of the computer refreshing various windows.

[fauxtog]

i've been baking muffins multiple times a week and giving them to friends and neighbors. before that i was baking cookies. i could start my own bakery at this point! i'm going nuts! i have a lot of downtime at work and i sit in front of a computer all day, so it's just torture to keep refreshing my inbox.

sublimation! sublimation! sublimaaaaaaation!

[jose]

You just gotta keep busy and keep your mind occupied - I try to get out as often as possible (to get away from the computer), and when I'm home I play a lot of guitar.... almost too much. My fingertips are killing me, but it eases the mental anxiety

[parapluie]

This is my favorite thread hahaha. I am in the exact same position. My friend at work is also applying to grad school and we sit there all day stressing out about not hearing back, going over victory and horrible, fiery defeat scenarios over and over and over again. It is driving me insane! I wish I could just find out NOW! I am waking up thinking about it, go to bed thinking about it, checking my email like a mad-woman. I don't know WHAT I will do if I don't get in! Eeek! Whew.

[chocker]

same here. I couldn't work on anything since new year .

[boxboss]

i find that refreshing my inbox every 30 seconds really relieves stress

[katalytik]

i find that refreshing my inbox every 30 seconds really relieves stress

Or obsessively looking at the department websites..........that seems to calm me down

[Timothy Vallier]

The only truth is that you are not alone, and that there is more to life.

[snoopy]

I try to be busy at work as much as possible. I'm a teacher and it's almost the end of the semester. I usually don't have much to prepare after handing in final exams, but I try to come up with new learning materials or lab activity. Just to keep myself busy and not checking e-mail every single minute. The hard part is that I feel anxious all the time, no matter how much I try to be relaxed. And I can't sleep well, either. I hope I will get some good news soon! Otherwise, I don't know I would be a walking zombie from lack of a good sleep.

[Branwen daughter of Llyr]

Keep yourself as busy as possible with other stuff.

Despite my life being a mess at this point, I guess I'm lucky, because between dealing with my financial snafus, looking for a proper job, taking any freelance translation work I can find, and working in the stupid store I work at 6 days a week, my "grad school" stress is limited to the few hours a day I have at home in front of the computer.

And as I stated in my other post, I've found some bizarre ways to cope with the wait. I highly recommend getting a pet (dog, cat, what have you) - they are a constant distraction (and they love you even if you have rejections in your inbox hahahahah), and are also a constant source of amusement. The politics between my two cats and my dog are immensely amusing. Get hooked on a series you like. Read loads (and no, NOT the department websites).

The wait is almost over keep your chin up, and since Yoga is the most relaxing thing I know, don't forget to actually breathe!!

[Nytusse]

I'm with you. I have homework to do, and I just can't bear doing it. I don't want to talk to people out in the world. Every new day increases the anticipation and fear. Plus, I've applied to so many schools, and the snow seems to have slowed things down so much, that I'm afraid of some kind of epic three-rejection-day which I will never recover from.

I've been playing an addictive video game where you get to take over the world, while pedaling on a mini exercise bicycle. Well, now my legs hurt so much I can't really move, and the freaking out and boredom can set in.

One would not think things could be so exciting and yet so effing boring all at once.

[grad_wannabe]

Ah! I understand the evils of sitting in front of a computer at work all day, with the devil's "refresh" button there taunting you. Baking muffins and getting a dog is all well and good and wonderful on your own time, but the frustration of waiting can get especially hard at work.

I try to find giant, in-depth online databases of fun stuff that I can troll through ad infinitum.

Recently I've been working my way through the websites for the London Review of Books, The Journal of Aesthetics and Art Criticism, and Atul Gawande's and Woody Allen's written archives for the New Yorker - most completely online.

Find something you like, then find a treasure trove of related material that will keep you diverted and riveted for hours.

[bikefarm]

Or obsessively looking at the department websites..........that seems to calm me down

Agreed! And then on top of that, what makes it even more frustrating is knowing that other people are hearing from schools. Even if these people didn't apply to the same program/school I find that it drives me even crazier!!!

[mbs191]

OMG, I feel like I have found a group of peeps that actually understand what I'm going through!!!! I was ridiculously bad at checking/refreshing websites while I sit in my cubicle at work (also, with NOTHING to do!!!!) that I have a new self-imposed limit during the workday. I let myself check my email once in the morning, once at lunch, and once in the afternoon. Once I get home it is not that easy, AND I should be working on my Masters Thesis, but checking GradCafe is just so much more entertaining (and you can do it while watching TV haha).

Ugggggh, but one thing that is helping is to think back alllll those months ago when I was down the shore studying for the GRE and in a few weeks I will know that it was worth learning the word meretricious lol.

Good luck everyone!

Edited February 12, 2010 by mbs191

[BlueSwedeShoes]

(skip to 1:10)

Like others have posted, either you just keep yourself really busy, either with other work or going F5F5F5F5F5 on the application pages.

I find it helps to set fixed times for when to stop doing anything at all. Say 7 pm, after 7 pm there's no work, no checking statuses, no nothing. No computer even. Just do something completely different, a hobby, a warm bath, a book or get drunk. Also, hanging out with friends is great for taking your mind of applications and such

[alexis]

Since I've accepted the fact that I can't not think about PhD applications, I've started planning for next year's round of apps. Been researching a ton of schools (going from 3 schools/5 programs to a preliminary list of about 21 schools/programs) and getting excited about the prospects for next round. Granted, I don't know for sure if I'm out for this round yet, but by thinking about next year, I've kind of accepted it if things don't work out this time.

[waytooold]

Yes. Looking at departmental websites trying to divine something from the application FAQ's I didn't get the first three thousand times around. Sneaking back to the results list just in case and looking at the one school that has a website for results, alternating with refreshing my g-mail....how I billed any work this week is something of a mystery.

[chocker]

another week is gone

probably I am waiting for the batch rejections in batch ( from all of my schools together) .