PLEASE read and rate my GRE essays!

[Chewbacca1]

I'm taking the GRE for the first time in a few days, and I would really like it if anyone could help critique my essays. I have no idea where my essay scores lie on the GRE scale from 0-6, so if anyone has any advice or comments, please let me know! I would really like to improve as much as I can in the next few days, if possible. Anything is appreciated!

 

Prompt 1 (Issue Task): The best leaders are those who encourage feedback from the people whom they lead.

Essay 1:

Leaders throughout history have all lead in their own way. Some do their best on their own, while others create the best solutions with their people by their side. Regardless, understanding the minds of citizens around you is a key aspect to governing.

If you stand as a leader, it is important to encourage feedback from people around you. This will not only allow the people to feel involved in decision-making, but it will also provide different perspectives. Having more than one idea on an issue can lead to better governing in that it will give the leader a look from multiple angles. If a leader were to decide how to resolve all issues alone, it may be more difficult for the leader to succeed by reducing the likelihood of a problem being solved in the best way.

Encouraging others to give their opinions on an issue will also create stronger future leaders. Great leaders should be able to share their wisdom and power with others while holding the ability to maintain a firm leadership on their own. If a powerful person is in charge and asks those around him to use their minds to help resolve an issue at hand, the people will grow in intelligence and confidence as a whole.

Although having opinions of others can prove to be beneficial a lot of the time, there are also times where it is appropriate for a difficult decision to be made alone. Sometimes having different viewpoints from many people can make a decision more challenging. Hearing what others have to say can add bias to a solution, and sometimes the direction that the majority votes towards may not always be the best. If a leader is leaning toward one side, but the people are leaning toward the other, this may negatively impact the leader's decision. It is important to note that if someone is in charge, they are in charge for a reason, and the people must be able to trust their leader's judgement.

Some of the world's best leaders lead alongside with their people. It is important to be wit others.

 

 

Prompt 2 (Argument Task): The following was presented as part of a business plan by Apex Corporation.

"To answer the increased demand for artisan coffee, Apex Corporation is releasing a new line of coffee, "Gourmet Select." Apex Corporation will first introduce the coffee into major supermarkets, where it hopes word-of-mouth advertising will sustain sales. After a few months Apex Corp. will run an advertising campaign aimed at television and radio while simultaneously releasing the brand to several major chain restaurants. Based on this strategy, Apex Corporation hopes to make "Gourmet Select" one of the top sellers in the coffee market."

Essay 2:

Many companies attempt and fail at making a new product a success, and oftentimes, it is the business plan that is responsible. Apex Corporation's business plan is weak and flawed in several ways.

Firstly, an increased demand for artisan coffee will not necessarily be solved by introducing "Gourmet Select," a new line of coffee. Buyers may not want a new product but rather, more of an original product. Gourmet Select may not bring the same taste or be of the same quality as those products that consumers are already used to. Releasing a new line of coffee does not mean that the demand for artisan coffee will be met.

Furthermore, the next step in Apex Corporation's business plan is a poor step because sustaining sales can require more than simply word-of-mouth advertising. Introducing Gourmet Select to major supermarkets may help sales increase a little, but there's no telling how much it will help sales. Relying on customers to spread the word of a new line of coffee is at the very least naive. If customers dislike the new coffee product, they may advertise the product negatively. Many factors of the new coffee line such as quality, taste, and smell must all be stellar for Apex Corporation to be confident in selling their coffee through word-of-mouth, but there is no way to know this through the presented business plan.

Finally, advertising on the television, on the radio, and through major chain restaurants may increase sales, but it does not guarantee that Gourmet Select will become one of the top sellers in the coffee market. The product itself must prove to be of top quality in every aspect to make its way to the top of the coffee market, but this business plan mentions nothing of the product's quality. This argument should include reviews on Gourmet Select in order to predict how it will sell in the public market.

Due to a number of flaws and weak assumptions, it can be concluded that this business plan will fail. Apex Corporation should review and improve each step in this strategy for a chance to make Gourmet Select a success.

Edited August 7, 2017 by Chewbacca1

[sajjadahmad042]

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[HealthPolicyPhD]

Hi Chewbacca1,

Overall, I would place you at a 3. Your Argument essay (3 or 3.5) is much stronger than your Issue and shows a stronger command of language/syntax. In the Issue task, there are a number of mispellings and grammatical errors (ex: "be wit others" or "be with others") and your points are somewhat unclear. While I understand what you are trying to say in the intro paragraph, your language choice is repetitive and syntax is a bit awkward (ex: the word "their" is used 5 times). You also assume that a leader is someone who governs, while a leader can also simply be someone who inspires others (like a teacher).

"Leaders throughout history have all lead in their own way. Some do their best on their own, while others create the best solutions with their people by their side. Regardless, understanding the minds of citizens around you is a key aspect to governing."
Could be rewritten as:
Leadership styles have differed throughout history - from tyrannical kings to revolution-inspiring rebels. While some lead best alone, others create collaborative solutions and value the feedback of peers. In the end, however, leaders who fail to understand the needs of constituents fail their communities.