MammaD

I am a single Mom with a 12 year old daughter and the only way I was able to go back to school and pursue my Masters is by doing it online. I have NO social life but am almost finishing my degree, working 30 hrs a week as a Registered Nurse, and still being a good parent  . Next step is my DNP but plan to take a year off of school. You can do it! I am a single Mom with a 12 year old daughter and the only way I was able to go back to school and pursue my Masters is by doing it online. I have NO social life but am almost finishing my degree, working 30 hrs a week as a Registered Nurse, and still being a good paren. Next step is my DNP but plan to take a year off of school. You can do it! 

I put a pizza in the oven still plastic wrapped. 

Anybody else torturing themselves by searching for apartments and researching neighborhoods near schools they haven't been accepted to yet?

I'm planning (hoping?) to begin a PhD program in the fall, and I have two young children. They will be 2 and 4 when I begin. I agree with previous posters that extraordinary time management skills are a must! I have a super supportive husband who does a lot of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Personally, I don't think I could do it without him. 
 
I strongly recommend NOT scrimping on self care. While balancing two young kids, a full time course load, a TA position, and two independent research projects, I still make time for a reasonable amount of sleep (6+ hours, for me), nutritious meals, and time with my friends and spouse. It can be done. And I've found that when I do not eat and sleep, every single other thing suffers. For example, if I'm up against a deadline, so I choose to only sleep 4 hours or so for a few nights and eat out of bags, everything I do takes longer, I make more errors, I'm irritable with my sweet kids, I forget to take the trash out, etc., etc., etc. Everything just goes to hell. It's much better for everyone for me to take care of myself and use the hours that are set aside for work very efficiently. It took me years to figure out how to do everything well at the same time, though. It's not easy.
 
Though my situation is different, I do have a couple of friends who have had babies during grad school, and they're doing okay too! Overall, I think everyone agrees that being a student parent is tough, but so worth it. If you really want to have a demanding career and a family, there's no great time to have young kids. It probably won't be easier during the pre-tenure years. It may not be possible after. I think you just have to do what you feel is best for you and your family. Good luck!   

Veteran mom here -- my little ones are 10, 8, and 5. I'm also a military Veteran ... 17 years in the Army (got out in July, oldest was 9-1/2). I'm finishing my MPH in May. My husband is still on active duty and I might be a geographical single mom if I get into a PhD program -- he'll have to stay here unless we find another assignment he's qualified for closer to where I've applied. I don't sleep much. I have to manage my time very closely and I spent a few hours Christmas night working on my thesis questionnaire because I need every hour! My husband believes in me and does a lot at home. Our house is messy but not dirty or gross (we keep the kitchen clean, trash goes out ... but I have piles of paper and textbooks all over the place). My kids are old enough to be ok with some separation now but in the early years, they stayed with me -- traveled, came to conferences, everything. If you can time your pregnancy to coincide with some time off, summer, LOA, some way to enable you those first few precious months ... I'd highly recommend that. I had 12 weeks leave with each baby and it wasn't enough for me -- I went back to work tired and missing my baby. But -- school might be a better time than when you're new in a job after graduation. I'm a little freaked out about potentially being way older than everyone else and managing parenting, a new school, new house, new life for them and me, but hopefully, it'll be worth it (if I get in).

My meltdown plans usually involve becoming a muppeteer.

I didn't contact any professors before application time (some schools actually discourage it) but still wanted to sound knowledgeable about the schools to which I was applying. So I sort of edged around the issue by saying something along the lines of "At XYZ University, I am especially intrigued by the work of Drs. ABC and DEF and would relish the opportunity to learn and work in the same environment." So I wasn't entirely saying that I absolutely wanted to work with John Smith, but that I was aware of the faculty whose interests align with my own.

I'm a single mom to a 2 year old girl, and I've gotten mixed reviews about this as well. I had kind of assumed that it would be detrimental to mention her, as she will obviously always come first, before a PhD or anything else. Plus, if I have to move across the country alone with a toddler, that can obviously be seen as a risk to such a big commitment. Some faculty members that I spoke with at my alma mater said that they would not personally care that I had a child, but that I should not give admissions commitees any reason to turn me down. Others told me that it would show motivation and tenacity that I still graduated Magna Cum Laude while working full time as a single parent.
 
In the end, I briefly mentioned the fact that I had a daughter in my SOP, but only because it directly related to my interests/goals and pertained to the questions asked. I was extremely nervous to submit it, and I know I took a huge risk by virtually saying that I would be moving to a new city, alone with a 2 year old, and into a rigorous PhD program. So far, I've been invited to interview at one of my reach schools and top choices, so it obviously didn't leave too bad of an impression. I'm feeling a little better about it now, so hopefully other schools will follow suit.

I just got an acceptance to my first-choice program.   More info will come with the "official" acceptance, but they're providing a bunch of money as travel support to come out for their welcome weekend and the prof who wants to work with me (I think? She's the one that emailed me) is going to try to be there to meet up with me that weekend - she's on Sabbatical!!!
 
I am on top of the world. My mentor is BEYOND excited, as is my Mom. Oh my gosh!!! I'm going to graduate school!!!!!
 
Mentor is talking about possibly multiple acceptances, etc...   I feel so cool.

I made the mistake of looking at one of my POIs' twitter accounts (because let's take the craziness up a notch, shall we?!)... and saw she posted something about reviewing apps and complaining about SOPs not addressing why they wanted to get into that particular program.  Cue me immediately opening my SOP to make sure I didn't botch it somehow, lol.  (I didn't... I think...)

No, this is probably common. Or at least I'd like to think we aren't totally insane. I have an Excel spreadsheet with a list of my schools and their notification dates for 2012 and 2011. Lol.

I wish I could just hibernate for the next month, and when I came out, POOF, all of the decisions would be sitting in my Inbox!  

After the applications were completed and the deadlines all passed, I waited. When I got an interview I emailed all my recommenders a personalized email and told them the good news. (After the interview I sent thank you note to my interviewers.) When I got accepted, I went to see my recommenders in person and told them the good news. (I had 6 recommenders; some for specific programs/institutions.)
 
Since I was still in my last semester of UG, I waited until the semester was over to give a small gift. I got them all the same book: "F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers" which I found HILARIOUS (and they did too). It's a small, cheap book ($9.99 new) and it's very light hearted so there's no (or less) weirdness about it. And since they all got the same thing too, there was no weirdness on my part. 

I think you've gotten some good advice. I just want to add another factor to think about: do you think you'd be happy in a program where "admitting" that you have children would hurt your chances?  I know we're all focused on getting in, and nobody wants to say something that could negatively impact your admission odds.  But if you don't tell them you have kids, you risk not knowing ahead of time if your program/advisor/colleagues are likely to make disparaging assumptions about motherhood.  I've struggled with some similar questions ("Do I tell them XYZ up front, even though it might hurt me?"), and I just keep reminding myself that a program where I can't get in as myself is not a program I want to devote the next 5-7 years of my life to.  Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

If you want to enter a whole new stage of crazy, you can devote hours upon hours to searching for your programs in the Results Search. That way, you can see how early your programs have notified their applicants in the past. However, I do issue a warning: the Results Search is a blackhole of time, sanity, and time. 

Phone dings an email.

Heart skips -- maybe I got in?

Damned advertisements.

(This was supposed to be haiku but I don't know how to make the text start on the next line. It looks right in my draft but not the actual post.)

Is there anyone at all in the area you could hook up with, who might be able to wear your baby in a sling/carrier while you're in interviews? Or a friend who might meet you there, or a home schooled member of your church or older child of a mom's group friend you could take along? If you feel like not interviewing in person will hurt your chances of getting in, there are options for going, taking your baby, and still presenting yourself as competent, professional, and able to juggle the demands of school and motherhood. I know you don't feel like right now is your time to be a pioneer in your field -- but I applaud you for mothering your baby in the manner that feels right to you, and I believe you will be a great example to your colleagues and fellow students that a woman's contribution to society can extend beyond her incredibly important but often hidden role as Mother. I'd love to help you brainstorm some more. I combined breastfeeding with military service for a decade and I'm now seeking to combine motherhood (all of my babies are weaned!) and a PhD program (currently combining motherhood with a MPH). You can do it, mamma!

Oh I am so there. I had a dream I was on a bus to an interview, but nobody on the bus would tell me which school I was interviewing for. Then the bus driver told me it was a hopeless cause because I clearly wasn't prepared for my interview, and he turned the bus around and drove me home even though I kept insisting that I could do the interview. 

The way I avoid that is that I name each one "Draft 1 Personal Statement," etc every time I make a major change (like adding or subtracting a whole paragraph). When I get it done, I name it "Personal Statement Final" and then make a PDF of it named "My Name Personal Statement School.Initials" so that I know which copy goes to which school. Each school also has its own folder where I've put my list of professors, some papers they wrote that I downloaded, and other info specific to that program. Obviously if I have written the wrong school in one of the statements in an essay I'm not going to know it from the title alone, but I will at least know which one is my final draft. Hopefully I catch stuff like that in my final read throughs for future writings. The people who proofed it didn't catch it, either.

Is there anyone at all in the area you could hook up with, who might be able to wear your baby in a sling/carrier while you're in interviews? Or a friend who might meet you there, or a home schooled member of your church or older child of a mom's group friend you could take along? If you feel like not interviewing in person will hurt your chances of getting in, there are options for going, taking your baby, and still presenting yourself as competent, professional, and able to juggle the demands of school and motherhood. I know you don't feel like right now is your time to be a pioneer in your field -- but I applaud you for mothering your baby in the manner that feels right to you, and I believe you will be a great example to your colleagues and fellow students that a woman's contribution to society can extend beyond her incredibly important but often hidden role as Mother. I'd love to help you brainstorm some more. I combined breastfeeding with military service for a decade and I'm now seeking to combine motherhood (all of my babies are weaned!) and a PhD program (currently combining motherhood with a MPH). You can do it, mamma!

Is there anyone at all in the area you could hook up with, who might be able to wear your baby in a sling/carrier while you're in interviews? Or a friend who might meet you there, or a home schooled member of your church or older child of a mom's group friend you could take along? If you feel like not interviewing in person will hurt your chances of getting in, there are options for going, taking your baby, and still presenting yourself as competent, professional, and able to juggle the demands of school and motherhood. I know you don't feel like right now is your time to be a pioneer in your field -- but I applaud you for mothering your baby in the manner that feels right to you, and I believe you will be a great example to your colleagues and fellow students that a woman's contribution to society can extend beyond her incredibly important but often hidden role as Mother. I'd love to help you brainstorm some more. I combined breastfeeding with military service for a decade and I'm now seeking to combine motherhood (all of my babies are weaned!) and a PhD program (currently combining motherhood with a MPH). You can do it, mamma!

Some schools allowed my wife to visit with me, so I think it would not hurt to ask about your child. By springtime, the decisions will have been made, so you have the balance of power now. You can use the school's reaction to this information to help you make your decision on where to go too! Not all schools will be able to fly an addition person out but at least there's not going to be extra costs like food, hotel etc. But the way they say no might provide useful information too.
 
Some schools are very supportive of students who are parents. Some schools increase your stipend if you have dependents (by way of benefits usually) and I know my department has a lactation room for staff, faculty and students who may need to breastfeed during working hours.
 
I think if you wait until the school already made a decision on you, then it can't hurt you too much if you mention this special case and see what they say. You might end up doing a "virtual visit" but it doesn't hurt to ask. If you do want to travel with your child, they might even be able to help you out partially or fully.

I read an article on that which might interest you.
 
http://contexts.org/articles/fall-2009/breastfeed-at-your-own-risk/
 
Good luck,
 
HM

I've been unsubscribing to every email list I'm on, even if it's something I like. I can't be having a heart attack every time I get an email about a sale at Ann Taylor LOFT.