The Whistler

Hey guys, another English grad school candidate here. Apparently, I've decided that whining on the other thread on the "Waiting it out" subforum wasn't enough, so I decided to do it here too. I apologize in advance. This is killing me. I've applied to both. I feel like I'm dying right now.

Oh god, Northwestern started sending e-mails on the 26 January last year for my field. That's in three days. Hyperventilating. I'm so nervous I could cry.

Oooh, the Sims! I started about a month ago, but I gave up after noticing that I basically play my own life. The poor guy was working all the time. As for other guilty pleasures, I kinda don't have the time. I read when I get a few hours off, but that's not as often as I'd like. Although, come to think of it, my job IS translating movies and TV shows for a living, so, does that count as pleasure?

Yeah, the problem is I could have applied to two more universities that had POIs whose work I liked, but I didn't have the money. Somehow I regret that I didn't starve or something, so I could save up for two more. Ah, well... Oh, I think they won't take this the wrong way. I mean, they're people, they understand the anxiety that prospective graduates feel while applying, it's not a big mistake. I put in a wrong month for the beginning of my undergraduate studies. I put in June, because that's what it says in my student's book (I don't know how it works in the US, but we have student books that we get our grades and attendance signatures in). After I submitted, I saw that my official transcript has September as the beginning. And this is, of course, for the school I want the most. After that, I decided not to read my submitted applications again And then I did.

I can very easily understand why it was infuriating, but the only person who should feel humiliated is the jerky uncle. I would have probably smiled. Like this:

That, and, apparently, Blue Monday. Woo. Hoo. Yes, yes, yes. All the time. And it's killing me. Together with the fact that I applied only to six schools, I should've applied to more. Not that I won't have the chance, later this year.

Wow, good news all around Congratulations people! Meanwhile, terrible headache, terrible stomachache, and terrible feelings of being grad school unworthy today. Was I really thinking I'd get accepted anywhere? Really?

THIS. This happened to me when I was teaching in primary school. The cleaning lady scolded me for being outside of a classroom after the bell. I was 24, the oldest kids in primary school are, like, 15. And it didn't happen once. I guess converse and no make-up wouldn't be a good choice for grad school either, then.

Feeding helps. I think my cats would sell their souls for food... A comforting thought for the future...

Good luck, PhDreams! Fingers crossed

Oh dear, well when's the deadline for those letters? Could you politely remind him somehow? I'm a bit of a nervous nelly when it comes to deadlines, so I sent an "I'm not sure if you got the e-mail from school X, and I was wondering if everything is OK" letter to one of my recommenders, just to make sure he still knew I existed. He's a pretty cool guy, so he didn't take it the wrong way.

This, I believe, is the main problem. I wouldn't mind having kids at one point in my life, but definitely not now. A year I spent teaching primary school English (second language) definitely strenghtened that notion. I don't have the nerves yet. Keeping those plans for yourself seems like a good idea, though. Just so you're sure no one will be bothering you about finishing those studes allready. Hehe, we have five, mom's probably hoping for grandchildren because they wouldn't be as evil.

Oh, I didn't explain the context. My country is pretty traditional when it comes to marriage and kids, so basically, if you don't have a husband and kids, it must mean something's wrong with you. Ergo, any woman who has a family, has it because that's what she wanted, and any woman who pursues a career, does it because she can't get a husband. Not to mention that here, bad marriage > no mariage. Because all couples have problems, and that's life. Which I don't know anything about. Because I'm not married. Therefore, every conversation I have about a PhD with someone who's my mom's age ends up with: "When you're old and alone, you'll see that studying isn't everything." Coincidentially, everyone seems to know someone (most likely imaginary) who regretted not having children when they were younger, because now they're all old, alone, and unhappy. It isn't like this with the younger generations, but the older ones can annoy you just as well.

"When will you have children?"

Same here, international, and considering schools to apply to in the fall. University so unknown that I had to choose "other" in all of my online applications. How fun.

Oh, if it makes you feel any better, I think my quantitative section would've been better if I took it blindfolded. Seriously, it sucks. And for someone applying to English programs, my verbal isn't as good as it should be either. I think that, if they like the rest of your application, there's no GRE percentile in the world that would keep them from accepting you. And you seem to have and excellent CV.

Congrats to everyone who got interviews, that's awesome! One step closer to acceptance But if you have an MA from an American uni, wouldn't they treat you the same as American students? I mean, you were obviousy competent enough to get it.

I know! The worst thing is that I should be working. I have a deadline tomorrow, and all I do is refresh my e-mail, refresh the forums to see if someone got accepted, and refresh the results page to see if my programs started sending out anything. And I have a feeling I'm flooding the thread. Am I flooding the thread? Should I shut up already? Sorry, I talk (type) a lot when I'm nervous.

Oh, no worries. I was kinda aware of that, but it was just one of those things I had to try, even though my chances were minimal. I basically did it so that I would't have any "what ifs" later. The Director of graduate studies there told me the same thing, that I wasn't really qualified, but that I'll only know for sure if I apply and see. Applying for an PhD in English in a country where English is not a native language is a bit naive. Except if it's your own country. At least I know now that the world doesn't end if I do get a rejection. It sucks, but it doesn't end.

Well, that's the only thing that keeps my hopes a little bit up. That, and the fact that I've heard unis have a foreign students quota they have to meet. But then again, who nows how many stellar foregners are applying. Someone mentioned you're from Sweden? Sweden has some excellent, well known unis, I've applied to Uppsala last year, but I was rejected because I did my M.A. in translation studies, and not in literature. Which sucked, 'cause Sweden's pretty much a dream country for me. In fact, I'll be taking language courses in Swedish this year.

In this case, yes. But, of course, there's still the nagging voice that keeps telling me I come from the middle of nowhere, haven't studied in a well-known (or known, for that fact) university, and that they'll laugh at my application and use it as a coffee coaster, since all other applicants are English native speakers from top universities, have stellar GREs, and awesome SOPs and writing samples. Self confidence FTW!

Yeah, NYC is, from what I've heard, hell in this aspect. I've applied to Columbia, which has grad housing during the whole time of your studies, and to NYU which, if I remember correctly, houses grad students in dorms, but only for the first year. As far as Chicago is concerned, I have a friend who's a grad student there so maybe he could help me with finding a place, if I get lucky and end up there. But I haven't checked out Craigslist yet. Thanks for all the advice, I hope I'll need it.

I actually went to one of my desired school's department web pages and counted the grad students that already work in my desired literature field. SIX. Now I'm thinking I'm definitely not getting in, since six students is too many, and why would they need more. Even though, I was told that if they like you as an applicant, you'll get accepted regardless of your favored field, and you'd just end up doing something similar. It didn't console me. Thank goodnes some schools don't have the grad students list availabe, if they did, I'd freak out even more.

I've actually heard that too, but I guess I'd still be able to live off the stipend I'd get. Maybe? The problem is that the majority of my preferred schools are in big cities, NY and Chicago, and I've heard that it is quite hard to find accomodation there. Graduate housing just seems like the safest choice, and then I'd have a year to maybe find something more affordable.

Oh wow, it really isn't easy for the most of you, and I thought I had it rough. I guess in this situation, being single is a good thing, so basically, I "just" have to move overseas, at least 4000 miles from where I live. Since I live with my parents (they need the financial support because my country has been hit hard by the recession, and the consequences of the war we were in 20 years ago are still more than obvious), I guess it would be hardest on them, both emotionally, and financially. But leaving them and my friends also won't be easy for me, if I'm lucky enough to get accepted anywhere. Then there's moving, oh god, I get nervous even thinking about it. I live in a really, really small town. So small that we don't need public transport. I just keep thinking about how I'll have to pack everything I need into two huge suitcases, I'll get out at the airport of this huge city, and be clueless about what to do next and where to go with all this luggage. I could cry already. As for house hunting, I see most of you are already looking for options. I kinda rely on graduate housing, at least for the first year. Is that a mistake? (I also don't want to jinx it by looking for apartments without even being accepted yet. Crazy, I know.)