Neist
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Posts posted by Neist
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20 hours ago, southcat said:
I suffer from anxiety, especially presenting in front of people. I wish wish wish I could be good at it, but after 20 something odd years of living, I just haven't gotten there yet. On that day, I pulled through on the presentation. After my presentation, my professor started talking about "Can people with mental illnesses still be therapists?" and her conclusion was basically, "yes, but you have to have your shit together." I broke down. I had to step out of the class and had my first panic attack in a year in the bathroom.
I'm so mad at my cohort situation, but I'm also wondering if I need to take more time off before really starting grad school. And also figure out if this is for me (i've been considering other vocations). I'm considering that I may need to drop it for now and resume my education later. (I graduated early from undergrad and gave myself 6 months off.)
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Any similar situations? I'd love advise for handling harsh criticism.
Thanks for reading my rant!
1Contact your school's disability resource center (or whatever the like organization is called where you go to school). Obviously, we don't know the entirety of the situation, and intentions could potentially be misconstrued, but it's at least possible that if what she said was targeted at you, then she could be breaking the ADA (at least if you live in the United States, though I'm sure other countries have similar laws).
I was recently diagnosed with Panic Disorder while in graduate school, and I don't think I would have survived without my school's DRC. In fact, it's escalated to a point this semester that if I don't lean upon them I think it's unlikely that I'll complete my degree.
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I've probably listened to more podcasts than a human being ever should, and by far, my favorite is the Memory Palace.
Great podcast if you love history.
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15 hours ago, tellme said:
Hi, I'm back again with another question.
Now I'm majoring in history in undergraduate, and have not taken any courses in science. But, actually, I'm really interested in information science and technology, and its historical development and adaptation in management and business area. So, I want to know if I could apply for the Ph.D. program in the history of science and technology. I mean, the relevant courses taken are essential when applying for the programs in HST? If yes, should I take any courses during my left undergraduate period?
I'm looking for any valuable advice!
You should be fine if you have limited experience in the subject as long as you demonstrate in your application materials precisely why you want to study it. Also, knowing and referencing active scholars in the your specialty is a big plus in your application materials.
Very few universities have undergraduate programs in the history of science, and only a slightly larger pool of universities employ faculty members who teach courses in the history of science, let alone any particular facet in the history of science.
In the contingent of students entering into my program when I did, out of five of us, I was the only student with any extended
Oh, and I should also add that some programs do require some familiarity with the sciences, but these programs tend to be more uncommon than ones that do not.
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1 hour ago, Sigaba said:
My theory is that you're having a bad case of pre-qualifying exams jitters
Just to stick a nail in that coffin. I'm in a double degree program which requires a profoundly long period of time to degree. I won't take comps until, roughly, Spring 2021.
So, yeah.
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1 hour ago, telkanuru said:
- Withdrawing from the discussion by depicting it as irresolvable seems to be a form of surrender to me.
- That's usually the purpose of these forums, so that sort of reaction doesn't seem very out of line. And I've re-read your initial post after seeing this; it still looks like you're seeking advice.
- You got a discussion, it's just not the one you wanted. What conclusions do you draw from that?
- Sure, I guess? You've been very congenial, but not everyone has. Why would I willingly engage a hostile situation? Willing disengagement is a choice, and I don't consider that choice the same as surrender, though I won't fault you for thinking otherwise.
- Your first point makes perfect sense, but again, I can assure you, I'm definitely not looking for advice. I was looking for fellowship. Perhaps a poorly worded seeking of it, but that's what it was. I have plenty of failings, and an inability to communicate effectively is definitely one of them. Further, people repeatedly trying to convince me that they know my intentions more than I do is rather insulting. Who has the gall to think that they know another person better than that person does?
- Conclusions? My conclusion is that this forum is a far less friendly place than I imagined it, and if those responding to this post are a representative sample of historians in general, I need to seriously reconsider becoming a historian who works within the historical discipline because there are plenty of disciplines within which I can produce historical scholarship. Again, you've been congenial, and I greatly appreciate it, but again, some were certainly not.
I'm really disappointed in this community if this is the way it is deemed acceptable to treat others. And I'm doubly disappointed considering that some of the most long-standing members took part in this behavior.
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10 hours ago, Katzenmusik said:
O....kay. Just gonna pirouette over all of the above comments and offer my perspective.
It sounds like you might be doing something that is viewed as unfashionable or possibly antiquarian or overly technical by the historians in your department. (Though I confess your method doesn't seem that strange to me -- it appears analogous to art historians who focus on the art itself, or like or anything in material culture studies.) Are there historians of science whose work you can point to as examples of what your method can accomplish? That might help them figure you out.
I would advise you to at least try to see the professors' perspectives and learn from what they have to say. It's their job to get you to defend what you are doing and explain its importance. Right now it sounds like you are writing them off as people who refuse to comprehend the significance of your research. But they are most likely just doing their best to help you. Let yourself be stretched a little.
Of course, if you are confident of your career path in librarianship, you can get through as best you can, then do whatever you want afterward. While in the program, look into opportunities like Rare Book School or any kind of relevant side-job you can get working in special collections or research libraries.
As I stated previously, I wasn't really looking for answers, but I admit, this is likely the best comment I've yet received in this thread. Thanks a bunch.
I've actually already attended some Rare Book School courses. They are great experiences, but I'm somewhat conflicted about attending more given how expensive they are. I received a more than a generous scholarship for the last class I attended, but it was still rather pricey. I might consider applying for the fellowship program once I'm a doctoral candidate; it allows one to take the courses free of tuition.
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9 hours ago, telkanuru said:
Sure, but that's the reason you try harder, not surrender.
Reading back through this thread, I'm even less sure of what you wanted from it than when we started.
Well, I'm not surrendering? Sure, I don't feel the need to receive the approval of every scholar I meet, but I'm pretty certain that's par the course in the humanities. We don't agree. Frequently. Sure, there's a certain decorum where two might mutually disagree amicably, but I know I'm not the only person who's witnessed very intense professional feuds, even within the same department (I've been in some very uncomfortable meetings....). Academics aren't hired because they get along. They're hired because they know a lot about something and, hopefully, have the skills required to teach others that something.
Also, I think this might be key to some of the miscommunications in this discussion. I think some people think I'm seeking answers or advice. I am not. I just wanted a discussion and perhaps some camaraderie between fellow graduate students about the issues we face.
1 hour ago, WhaleshipEssex said:If this is your response to @Sigaba's mild suggestion that you take a step back and reevaluate, then maybe they're not as off base with their comments as you want to think they are.
Re-evaluate? What exactly?
A lot of @Sigaba's post presupposes so much about who I am (which, just to clarify, is very much off-base and occasionally, borderline offensive), that, quite frankly, I don't know how to respond. If I respond to these mild suggestions then I affirm his view about who I am. I don't need to validate myself to a bunch of strangers online. Nor do I have the time to.
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2 minutes ago, telkanuru said:
Do you think that's because you're very clear and everyone else is dumb, or that you really need to work on articulating what you're thinking to your audience? If we're having the same basic reactions as people you've explained your ideas to in person...
Certainly, the latter. But for whom isn't that an issue? There is as much of a struggle articulating my thoughts as another person will have interpreting those thoughts. Communication is hell, and written communication is routinely inadequate. Case in point, the previous post by @Sigaba.
2 minutes ago, Sigaba said:Insert toxic comments here.
You really pulled all of that from a few hundred words and vague comments on a message board post that was casually written? I think you're reading a bit deep there, buddy.
As someone who suffers from quite a bit of mental health issues myself, I think you should talk to someone if your vitriol runs so deep that you feel compelled to project that much hatred onto others. A great deal of what you've stated is assumptions based on casual statements devoid of any person-to-person interaction. You have no idea who I am or my relationship with my advisors. You have no idea how I perceive myself or how I perceive the merit of my work. You immediately assumed I believed myself better than others, which, just so it's out there, is certainly not the case.
I can't even engage with you. How do you engage with someone who assumes you're someone you're not? And quite frankly, I'm sickened that you'd spend this much effort trying to break someone down.
I'm done with you. I refuse to engage further.
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1 hour ago, Sigaba said:
It's increasingly apparent to me that you may be feeling overwhelmed by the process of preparing for your qualifying exams and that you're using this thread to blow off some steam.
To be frank, my response was a struggled and diplomatic attempt to respond to replies which I consider ranging from slightly patronizing to entirely off-base. Indeed, some of the comments are so wholly off-base that I'm uncertain how politely to respond. But then again, I feel obliged to answer as I believe it impolite not to regard comments which were written in good nature, even if possibly unintentionally off-point.
How should one respond to comments which imply increasingly codified assumptions about one's intentions? How am I supposed to politely say, "Actually, I'm not talking about that..."? How am I supposed to say, "Isn't it perhaps a stretch that you assume that, specifically, is my concern?" How does one politely articulate "Yes, I've already considered everything you've written, extensively" without a "Nu-uh, I don't think you have!" response?
I'm thankful for the good nature inspiring the replies, but very little of the advice given here is especially profound or relevant. So here I am, at a loss.
Consider this a second attempt at my struggled attempt at diplomacy.
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Thanks for the responses, everyone.
I apologize for being deliberately vague, but considering a rather large of my research is a methodological defense of my work, one can't honestly expect me to work expend the effort typing it out here. Though, I'll briefly state that some of your advice, while worthwhile, is not relevant to my particular case.
First, I don't consider myself a historian. I consider myself a bibliographer who works historically. There is somewhat of a distinction, and the distinction is a larger discussion than what I, unfortunately, have the time to discuss here. But regardless, bibliography is very much a different way of producing scholarship. My committee supports my work, but my committee is somewhat of a unicorn. I don't feel as if, very generally, historians consider my work worthwhile.
Second, as I've stated before, I likely will work in libraries, so ultimately, it doesn't matter what other historians think of my work. All that matters to me is that I produce historically sound work. I'm not planning on playing disciplinarity politics, which to be honest, has turned me away from working in academia in general. People are so catty.
Again, thank you for your responses.
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22 minutes ago, psstein said:
If you want a dedicated history of science job, there aren't too many of those. However, historians who can also teach history of science are valuable. We just hired one here as our new Ottomanist.
True, but I, unfortunately, suffer from interests in highly studied areas.
If I had to generalize, I'd state that I study the history of books, evolutionary theory, and progressive era United States. The latter two are somewhat saturated fields.
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4 minutes ago, telkanuru said:
Can you give a concrete example? You say 'method/perspective', but it sounds like the pushback you're getting is over the "so what".
The broader problem is that no matter how confident you are in your own outlook, if the general reaction to what you're attempting is negative, you're going to have substantial problems on the job market where no one will wait around for the explanation. Plus, it sounds to me like the people you're talking to don't find your explanations satisfactory in any case.
I should note that this can be more of a problem of framing and phrasing than of approach - it took me a solid hour of describing what I wanted to do for my dissertation to my adviser to have her go "ah, yes, that will go somewhere." When you strike on a description that resonates with others, it's important to remember and use it elsewhere.
Eh, well, the most general issue I encounter as I perceive it is that I'm a book historian who is more interested in the "message" than the "messenger". I consider books as cultural artifacts and believe they can be and should at least be considered important materially distinct from those who have created them, just in the same way that a magazine advertisement of a woman in the 1950s smoking a cigarette while cooking a meal is historically interesting beyond as to who created that advertisement. I see books as potentials of what could be known, not as evidence of what a person conceived as being known or worthy of being known. It's a subtle distinction, but a lot of the critiques I receive about my work, while valid, presuppose a different approach than that which I'm attempting to formulate (the specific method of my work is somewhat novel, and while known historians have used it, I'm plowing untowed ground).
In short, I foresee having to dedicate more space in my dissertation than preferable defending the methodological framework I'm developing. Perhaps an entire chapter.
I'm not concerned with the job market because I'm nearly sure I won't work in a history department. I had a reasonably long professional career in libraries before attending graduate school, and the program I'm attending rewards an MLIS along with my history degree. That and job prospects in the history of science are beyond dismal.
I think what I'm going to have to do is just write up a methodological essay discussing how I intend to study books and the literature supporting the worthiness of said approach. Maybe such a composition can be an eventual component of my dissertation.
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20 minutes ago, AfricanusCrowther said:
I have colleagues whose primary method is historical linguistics, and they get tired of explaining to fellow historians how they do what they do and why it should be considered history. A large part of their work involves explaining and defending their methodology to non-specialists. But such is the price of getting to do the work you want.
That is precisely the sort of situation I'm faced with regularly.
Professor A: "What do you want to write about for your final paper in the course?"
Me: "I want to write about X, Y, and Z."
Professor A: "But that's useless, and it doesn't tell us anything."
Me: "Yes it does, let me try to explain it..."Then I'm forced to both explain it in person and spend a significant portion of my paper defending my work, to which I'll likely be criticized for spending far too long describing my work.
I think I'm just going to have to sort of adopt a benign apathy to the criticisms and tally forth with the work I want to do.
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Now that I'm into my third year, I'm increasingly confident that the framework in which I view historical narratives is sound and worthwhile. However, I've simultaneously realized that the framework that I value is not a framework that I find others tend to value.
Has anyone else encountered a similar situation? I feel as if I'm constantly required to defend my methodological approaches to my work. It's somewhat tiresome.
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On 9/18/2018 at 2:49 PM, Taylor_Xo said:
Anyone having issues making friends and being social? My school is very catty and not very nice. I'm not getting the warm feeling I had originally gotten. I'm contemplating transferring but I don't know if that's a complete mistake.
I have, but I you have to remember that for a lot of people graduate school is likely the most stressful time of their life up to this point. Understandably, some people have probably put social graces aside and have entirely focused on surviving.
It's possible that your peers are indeed simply catty and unfriendly, but try to contextualize their behavior against the extremity of the experience of graduate school. Admittedly, such thinking might not help a lot, but it might help you sympathize with others or perhaps build bridges with them. Suffering sort of loves company.
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9 minutes ago, telkanuru said:
You've read Truitt already, right?
I have not, but Medieval Robots: Mechanism, Magic, Nature, and Art looks fascinating.
This course is a required survey in my program, but it's far from what I usually study. I mainly study biological sciences in the progressive era United States; anything pre-early modern is pretty outside of my wheelhouse. As an undergraduate, I took a few religious history courses and a dedicated science in medieval Islam course, but I've managed to dodge pretty much any scholarly histories of medieval Europe.
I was actually quite afraid of this course due to my lack of experience with the period, so I'm glad that I've found something which I find interesting enough to dig my teeth into.
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Graduate school is a soul-crushing experience. I mean, I love it, and there's no reason why I believe you won't either, but you really need to be prepared to adapt and change. You will not be the same person going in that you will be going out. Understand that and embrace it.
I could easily imagine graduate school as a PTSD inducing experience if one tries to grind through it with the wrong mentality. Graduate students tend to be gritty, high achieving individuals, but the strategies that made you successful in the past will not necessarily work in graduate school. It's too strenuous. And If you don't bend or adapt, you'll break.
Don't feel as if you don't need to rely on others, be it friends, mental health professionals, or physicians (I'm pretty certain I've developed more than one illness over the years, both mental and physical, due to the stress of graduate school).
Two cents.
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During a medieval science seminar, I recently discovered Magic in the Middle Ages by Kieckhefer. My mind was blown. "Magic" during the period is fascinating. I could see myself easily burying in the topic.
Now I'm digging into Forbidden Rites: A Necromancer’s Manual of the Fifteenth Century by Kieckhefer and Grimoires: A History of Magic Books by Davies.
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I study something as equally esoteric, and I'd like to comment that if you do manage to find a location to study your interests, you might consider career paths outside of the traditional, academic. Indeed, it might be the wisest course of action.
I'm planning to work in libraries. No department would ever want someone who specializes in what I do.
Well, it's highly unlikely, at least. Job prospects are generally based on departmental needs which are in turn based on archetypal historians.
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On 8/20/2018 at 3:44 PM, telkanuru said:
A caution: you can not like departmental politics all you want, but this is no excuse for not engaging in them. There is not, in point of fact, any means by which you can avoid engaging in them; either you participate actively or you participate badly.
Great advice. For the sake of complete disclosure, I imagine every single department will have its share of politics and drama. And it's likely that you'll be pulled, or at least circumstances will attempt to pull you, into them.
Academia is a bitter, bitter world.
I love it, but nurturing environments are rarer than they should be, in my experience.
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Had to start digging into course reading, despite all of my best attempts to avoid it.
Currently reading Ramon Llull: A Contemporary Life, edited by Anthony Bonner. These medieval autobiographies are so much fun. Fluffed, yes, but fun.
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Yeah, so, well, I've given up trying to update every read I've undertaken on here because my reading pace has become a bit supercharged.
That said, I'm currently reading The Map Thief: The Gripping Story of an Esteemed Rare-Map Dealer Who Made Millions Stealing Priceless Maps by Michael Blanding. Haven't gotten too deep into the semester yet, so I'm just reading popcorn titles. For the better part of the last month and a half, I've been enduring a painfully close read of the primary sources for my thesis. I need a break.
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I regret not seeing this earlier, but I agree to register with the disability office. That said, as to reporting conditions, it... well... depends. And to be honest, you'll likely get completely different answers from different people.
I've completely and openly reported my mental health issues to my professors, or at least when necessary (i.e., when I work with them more closely, be it as an advisee or course student). The way I perceive it, I'd rather disclose before issues potentially arise, even if they never arise, because I see it as bad form if I bring it up after a potential, future occurrence.
Will reporting to your faculty members affect how they perceive you? Definitely. But not disclosing at all is also problematic if an issue were to arise. It's a bit of lose/lose, and only you can say what decision is best for you and your situation.
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If I'm briefly given a moment to reminisce, it seems only yesterday that I was in everyone's situation. I just thought I'd chime in and say that no matter where you end up, I want to assure everyone that if you don't get the acceptance that you hoped for, it's not necessarily because you're inadequate for graduate school. To be honest, as I sit here writing a book review for a course tomorrow, I've concluded, now after several years in graduate school, that everyone is both inadequate and adequate.
This graduate school thing is rough. Lots of reading. Lots of writing. Nowhere near enough time for either if one wishes to do them well.
- grubyczarnykot, ltr317 and psstein
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Norman/Oklahoma City, OK
in City Guide
Posted
I still live in the greater OKC area, though I sadly cannot comment directly in regards to city life in the last couple years. Been rather a shut-in! That said, for one person, $50k is probably fine for an individual, but that's going to depend on your standard of living. I've supported a family of three, renting an entire house, for about $60k. It's not an especially high cost of living city.
The Norman area, where OU is located, is a great area, but it's definitely going to be around a 30 minute trek to get to downtown Oklahoma City. More so during rush hour.
I'm not sure if I can answer any of the other specifics, but if you have any additional questions, I'll keep an eye on this thread. :)