Sigaba

OK, really? I hate to say this, but your mental health NEEDS to take priority over your boyfriend. Period. I don't care how good you think your relationship is: if he's not willing to let you do /supportive of your doing what you *almost certainly* need to do, you need to tell him to take a flying leap.

A bit of background: I discovered that I suffered from severe depression about 3 months into my marriage. My husband told that it was "no big deal" since "everyone gets a little blue now and then" (seriously? I was suicidal at some points) and that therapy was no good since "all they will do is talk"--and he had a severe dislike of medication, too.

I spent 15 years listening to him say (and accepting) that I shouldn't get treatment. Finally I convinced him that I should get treatment, but he would only let me do it if I were willing to pay for it out of my own money. (This was at a time when the total amount of money he let me spend on myself would have paid for 2 or 3 visits. Tops.) I put up with this for another 5 years.

I spent 20 years of my life being depressed, anxious, and occasionally suicidal, because I didn't want to upset my husband. The depression affected every aspect of our marriage--but so did the intense control he exerted over every facet of my life (including mental health treatment). We are not married any more, I've been in therapy for almost a year, and I'm SO much better off than I used to be. And HAPPY.

I say: get on medication. You've given other treatments a fair try, and you need to do this for your own good. If your boyfriend doesn't like it, tough. Now, he may change his mind if he sees a big improvement in you--in which case, great! Things will work out just fine. But if he isn't supportive of your getting the help you need, you really are better off without him.

I personally prefer to use the more professional approach with someone I haven't met, even if indications are that they're fairly relaxed about such things.

It's a LOT better to get a reference from a professor who has completed grad school, as opposed to a student who is still going through. You must have other professors that know you well.

^ I wish. I am very much left to fend for myself. I don't know what to ask or who to ask but I know I don't know much and I need a lot of help. An orientation of some sort would have been nice. I know I need to ask people for help but it's difficult when you don't really know who to ask.

You're correct in regard to it not being City property, but that doesn't mean people can camp out in it or that laws don't apply. It's not as if OWS bought or rented the property. Brookfield Properites doesn't want these people there either but got their hands tied by politicians and other movers and shakers. Brookfield has posted rules for the park as is its right to do and this includes no camping equipment, sleeping bags, sleeping overnight, etc. FDNY finally removed the illegal generators and gas cans yesterday. The only reason the squatters themselves haven't been removed is because they have become darlings of the mainstream media and the mayor doesn't have the courage to order what would unfortunately likely become a violent eviction.

(this part after Edit)

Also, although it is not Public (as in owned by the City) the park is public in that Brookfield (and any other future owner of Liberty Plaza across the street) has to ensure that the park is open to the public (small "p"). This includes anyone who wants to go in there to among other things enjoy lunch, sit on a bench, etc. As it is now the place is crammed with people's private property and is being used as a de facto headquarters for a private movement. I (and others) argue that this is impeding the public's ability to use the park for its intended uses.

What about all the undergrad "meet the page limit" tricks? 1.9 spacing, 1" side margins (it's the default in OpenOffice, so you even have an excuse on that one...)? Just make sure your SOP matches the format.

Cheap, yes. Cheating, perhaps. ...It worked for me.

Although, what *really* worked for me (25 pp + biblio => 15 pp including bibliography) was to have someone else go through it and be merciless. Often times other people are better at picked out what *can* be cut and what absolutely, absolutely must not.

Safferz--

Here's a suggestion for you to take or leave, in whole or in part, as you see fit.

Print out the document. Read through it one time each for each of the following:
Smoothing out sentence structure. For example, prepositional phrases.
Simplifying verbal constructions. For example, get rid of the passive voice.)
Removing tangential arguments that, while interesting, do not advance your paper's central arguments. (You can put these comments in the end notes.) A way to help yourself do this is to write an "executive summary." Limit the summary to a number of bullet points (between five and nine). Anything that does not fall under one of those points gets the axe.
Condensing transitional paragraphs.
Sharpening the lead sentences in the more important paragraphs.

In a perfect world, you would print out a draft, make a run for one type of correction, make the correction, and then print out the draft again, and then make the next run. However, this approach can be costly and time consuming. So you may need to do two or three runs with one print out--maybe using different colored pens for each pass. However, I do not recommend using one print out to make all of these changes because you could end up with a sentence fragment or some other glaring mistake that you'd otherwise not miss.

If you've made all of these changes and you're still over the page limit, identify a "weakness" in your writing and make another run. (For example, I sometimes use too many prepositional phrases and those eat up space.)

When you've got it under twenty five pages and you're about ready to button up the essay, make two more passes. This time, read the essay backwards. The penultimate pass could be sentence by sentence or paragraph by paragraph. The last pass should be word by word.

I want to emphasize the importance of making these passes using a physical copy of the essay rather than reading it on your computer screen. For what ever reason or reasons, one starts to miss things on a computer screen that one might otherwise catch on a piece of paper.

HTH.

Also, to all concerned. I understand that many of you are stressed out and besides yourself with anxiety. Please do not let your concerns keep you from enjoying something this weekend or next. If you're a fan of football, watch some of this Sunday night's NFL game and/or next weekend's "game of the century." If you like kids, be sure to walk around in a neighborhood to watch families going trick or treating. If there's a big "adults only" Halloween parade/festival in your city, consider going (but maybe not all night and definitely play safely).

If none of the above activities work for you, find someway to take a step back from the process--if only for a moment--and to relax, to breathe, and to enjoy the moment. Take pride in how hard you've worked. Reflect on what you've learned, not only about history, but also yourselves. Understand that in this process you're developing skills that you can use for the rest of your lives.

And eat some candy.

Safferz--

Here's a suggestion for you to take or leave, in whole or in part, as you see fit.

Print out the document. Read through it one time each for each of the following:
Smoothing out sentence structure. For example, prepositional phrases.
Simplifying verbal constructions. For example, get rid of the passive voice.)
Removing tangential arguments that, while interesting, do not advance your paper's central arguments. (You can put these comments in the end notes.) A way to help yourself do this is to write an "executive summary." Limit the summary to a number of bullet points (between five and nine). Anything that does not fall under one of those points gets the axe.
Condensing transitional paragraphs.
Sharpening the lead sentences in the more important paragraphs.

In a perfect world, you would print out a draft, make a run for one type of correction, make the correction, and then print out the draft again, and then make the next run. However, this approach can be costly and time consuming. So you may need to do two or three runs with one print out--maybe using different colored pens for each pass. However, I do not recommend using one print out to make all of these changes because you could end up with a sentence fragment or some other glaring mistake that you'd otherwise not miss.

If you've made all of these changes and you're still over the page limit, identify a "weakness" in your writing and make another run. (For example, I sometimes use too many prepositional phrases and those eat up space.)

When you've got it under twenty five pages and you're about ready to button up the essay, make two more passes. This time, read the essay backwards. The penultimate pass could be sentence by sentence or paragraph by paragraph. The last pass should be word by word.

I want to emphasize the importance of making these passes using a physical copy of the essay rather than reading it on your computer screen. For what ever reason or reasons, one starts to miss things on a computer screen that one might otherwise catch on a piece of paper.

HTH.

Also, to all concerned. I understand that many of you are stressed out and besides yourself with anxiety. Please do not let your concerns keep you from enjoying something this weekend or next. If you're a fan of football, watch some of this Sunday night's NFL game and/or next weekend's "game of the century." If you like kids, be sure to walk around in a neighborhood to watch families going trick or treating. If there's a big "adults only" Halloween parade/festival in your city, consider going (but maybe not all night and definitely play safely).

If none of the above activities work for you, find someway to take a step back from the process--if only for a moment--and to relax, to breathe, and to enjoy the moment. Take pride in how hard you've worked. Reflect on what you've learned, not only about history, but also yourselves. Understand that in this process you're developing skills that you can use for the rest of your lives.

And eat some candy.

Tonyum--

Hang in there. You can do it!

Remember that your department believes in you, your ability to work hard, and your potential--otherwise they'd not have offered you admission. Your department believes in you. Trust their wisdom. It wasn't by accident that they said "Come, be one of us."

Right now, the learning curve looks steep because you're building upon your previous experiences to build new skill sets. As formidable as the new terrain may seem, you have it within you to figure out ways to navigate it successfully.

Let go of fear. Your legs are shaky now. Yet visualize yourself on that day in the not so distant future when you'll be running, looking over your shoulder, and laughing "Hey, slowpokes, keep up!" You can do it.

Now, in addition to the options outlined above, please consider the utility of the following.

Get to know some of your professors. As they have been there and done that, they know what you're going through. Among them may be a professor or two who can offer words of wisdom, an empathetically appropriate response, and maybe even friendship. (If a friendship does develop, keep the boundaries clear in your own mind. And remember that empathy is different than sympathy.)

Get to know some of the grad students who have been around a while. They may know some tricks of the trade that will benefit you.

Carve out some "me time" in your schedule. As an example, when I was doing my coursework, the interval between the end of my last class of the week and the evening of the following day was mandatory decompression time. Concurrently, I made a commitment to watching most of my favorite team's games--no matter what.

Now and again, these requirements led to some long nights to make a deadline. And maybe I'd have been better off missing a Lakers' game to peck away at a draft. But sometimes you just have to stick it to the man.

If you do designate "me time," consider a counter-programing approach. For instance, if you're going to have a "Friday night" make that night Wednesday. This way, you'll have to deal with less traffic at popular venues.

Carve out some discretionary funds in your budget. I know times are hard and the life of a graduate student can be austere. But designate a certain amount for certain activities and then pursue those activities. As an example, budget fifty bucks a month for music and/or a similar amount for Starbucks. Spend some of your "me time" leisurely spending your money. (Alternatively, you could get some magazine subscriptions at the student rate.)

Then, just before you get ready for another session of hitting the books, put your feet up on a chair, take a sip of your mocha while you listen to your iPod, look around, and take pride that you are on your way to knowing more about chemistry than most people who will ever walk the face of the Earth.

What ktel said.

I find the Tea Party completely nonsensical and find the OWS to be too vague. I'm for the restructuring of certain financial institution to prevent gross misconduct by bankers and corporate execs, but too many people in the OWS right now are advocating for explicit re-distribution of wealth, which I am not for one bit. Capitalism has some blatantly obvious problems, but so does socialism in the way it's governed in modern (and limited) society.

And just because you are passionate about a topic doesn't mean you can't argue with a more neutral voice and using such sweeping generalizations (anti-OWS => pro-Tea Party? really?). I commend people who use their personal beliefs to advance the knowledge and opinion of others, but only when it doesn't sound so accusatory.

Tonyum--

Hang in there. You can do it!

Remember that your department believes in you, your ability to work hard, and your potential--otherwise they'd not have offered you admission. Your department believes in you. Trust their wisdom. It wasn't by accident that they said "Come, be one of us."

Right now, the learning curve looks steep because you're building upon your previous experiences to build new skill sets. As formidable as the new terrain may seem, you have it within you to figure out ways to navigate it successfully.

Let go of fear. Your legs are shaky now. Yet visualize yourself on that day in the not so distant future when you'll be running, looking over your shoulder, and laughing "Hey, slowpokes, keep up!" You can do it.

Now, in addition to the options outlined above, please consider the utility of the following.

Get to know some of your professors. As they have been there and done that, they know what you're going through. Among them may be a professor or two who can offer words of wisdom, an empathetically appropriate response, and maybe even friendship. (If a friendship does develop, keep the boundaries clear in your own mind. And remember that empathy is different than sympathy.)

Get to know some of the grad students who have been around a while. They may know some tricks of the trade that will benefit you.

Carve out some "me time" in your schedule. As an example, when I was doing my coursework, the interval between the end of my last class of the week and the evening of the following day was mandatory decompression time. Concurrently, I made a commitment to watching most of my favorite team's games--no matter what.

Now and again, these requirements led to some long nights to make a deadline. And maybe I'd have been better off missing a Lakers' game to peck away at a draft. But sometimes you just have to stick it to the man.

If you do designate "me time," consider a counter-programing approach. For instance, if you're going to have a "Friday night" make that night Wednesday. This way, you'll have to deal with less traffic at popular venues.

Carve out some discretionary funds in your budget. I know times are hard and the life of a graduate student can be austere. But designate a certain amount for certain activities and then pursue those activities. As an example, budget fifty bucks a month for music and/or a similar amount for Starbucks. Spend some of your "me time" leisurely spending your money. (Alternatively, you could get some magazine subscriptions at the student rate.)

Then, just before you get ready for another session of hitting the books, put your feet up on a chair, take a sip of your mocha while you listen to your iPod, look around, and take pride that you are on your way to knowing more about chemistry than most people who will ever walk the face of the Earth.

Tonyum--

Hang in there. You can do it!

Remember that your department believes in you, your ability to work hard, and your potential--otherwise they'd not have offered you admission. Your department believes in you. Trust their wisdom. It wasn't by accident that they said "Come, be one of us."

Right now, the learning curve looks steep because you're building upon your previous experiences to build new skill sets. As formidable as the new terrain may seem, you have it within you to figure out ways to navigate it successfully.

Let go of fear. Your legs are shaky now. Yet visualize yourself on that day in the not so distant future when you'll be running, looking over your shoulder, and laughing "Hey, slowpokes, keep up!" You can do it.

Now, in addition to the options outlined above, please consider the utility of the following.

Get to know some of your professors. As they have been there and done that, they know what you're going through. Among them may be a professor or two who can offer words of wisdom, an empathetically appropriate response, and maybe even friendship. (If a friendship does develop, keep the boundaries clear in your own mind. And remember that empathy is different than sympathy.)

Get to know some of the grad students who have been around a while. They may know some tricks of the trade that will benefit you.

Carve out some "me time" in your schedule. As an example, when I was doing my coursework, the interval between the end of my last class of the week and the evening of the following day was mandatory decompression time. Concurrently, I made a commitment to watching most of my favorite team's games--no matter what.

Now and again, these requirements led to some long nights to make a deadline. And maybe I'd have been better off missing a Lakers' game to peck away at a draft. But sometimes you just have to stick it to the man.

If you do designate "me time," consider a counter-programing approach. For instance, if you're going to have a "Friday night" make that night Wednesday. This way, you'll have to deal with less traffic at popular venues.

Carve out some discretionary funds in your budget. I know times are hard and the life of a graduate student can be austere. But designate a certain amount for certain activities and then pursue those activities. As an example, budget fifty bucks a month for music and/or a similar amount for Starbucks. Spend some of your "me time" leisurely spending your money. (Alternatively, you could get some magazine subscriptions at the student rate.)

Then, just before you get ready for another session of hitting the books, put your feet up on a chair, take a sip of your mocha while you listen to your iPod, look around, and take pride that you are on your way to knowing more about chemistry than most people who will ever walk the face of the Earth.

Tonyum--

Hang in there. You can do it!

Remember that your department believes in you, your ability to work hard, and your potential--otherwise they'd not have offered you admission. Your department believes in you. Trust their wisdom. It wasn't by accident that they said "Come, be one of us."

Right now, the learning curve looks steep because you're building upon your previous experiences to build new skill sets. As formidable as the new terrain may seem, you have it within you to figure out ways to navigate it successfully.

Let go of fear. Your legs are shaky now. Yet visualize yourself on that day in the not so distant future when you'll be running, looking over your shoulder, and laughing "Hey, slowpokes, keep up!" You can do it.

Now, in addition to the options outlined above, please consider the utility of the following.

Get to know some of your professors. As they have been there and done that, they know what you're going through. Among them may be a professor or two who can offer words of wisdom, an empathetically appropriate response, and maybe even friendship. (If a friendship does develop, keep the boundaries clear in your own mind. And remember that empathy is different than sympathy.)

Get to know some of the grad students who have been around a while. They may know some tricks of the trade that will benefit you.

Carve out some "me time" in your schedule. As an example, when I was doing my coursework, the interval between the end of my last class of the week and the evening of the following day was mandatory decompression time. Concurrently, I made a commitment to watching most of my favorite team's games--no matter what.

Now and again, these requirements led to some long nights to make a deadline. And maybe I'd have been better off missing a Lakers' game to peck away at a draft. But sometimes you just have to stick it to the man.

If you do designate "me time," consider a counter-programing approach. For instance, if you're going to have a "Friday night" make that night Wednesday. This way, you'll have to deal with less traffic at popular venues.

Carve out some discretionary funds in your budget. I know times are hard and the life of a graduate student can be austere. But designate a certain amount for certain activities and then pursue those activities. As an example, budget fifty bucks a month for music and/or a similar amount for Starbucks. Spend some of your "me time" leisurely spending your money. (Alternatively, you could get some magazine subscriptions at the student rate.)

Then, just before you get ready for another session of hitting the books, put your feet up on a chair, take a sip of your mocha while you listen to your iPod, look around, and take pride that you are on your way to knowing more about chemistry than most people who will ever walk the face of the Earth.

I went back 10 years after completing my undergraduate degree. It's hard. You spell things wrong from the fatigue of working a 50 hour week and professors jump on stuff like that as if they could correct the exhaustion out of you. It's par for the course. When you go back as an older student, I think you have to pride yourself on different things, like having a clear direction. Not getting caught up in minutia and petty competitive stuff like that is actually a strength if you're at a point in life that you can let it roll off your back. The real problem is how do you find your unflappable direction? I took non-degree classes at another university before I entered an official M.A. program. It helped quite a bit.

How would one ever know?

Here's my view. Believe what you want and do not compromise those beliefs. Somewhere down the line, you're going to be in at least one incredible brawl. When that time comes, knowing how to disagree without being disagreeable will be a good skill to have.

FWIW, I'm of the opinion that members of this BB who have strong views about the OWS and/or the TPM who are in the process of applying to graduate school should think very carefully before posting in this thread.

Just because I'm paranoid does not mean that cyberspace is as anonymous than one would like to think.. Or as a citizen of the Republic of Korea with the surname of Kim asked me, "How did you find me?" (It took twenty seconds. )

Er, I should have been clearer (or less parenthetical) when I said:

Why? Are you suggesting that people should change the way they do their work for their peace of mind--or for yours?

I'm not sure why you felt the need to quote the part of my post where I explicitly said that I realize it wasn't possible for everyone to do, and then wrote three more paragraphs on why it wasn't possible for you to do. You have posted your situation before, and you were one of the specific cases I had in mind when I wrote that caveat. I don't, however, think that you are the norm. Hence, with that caveat, my post was targeted at the majority of people who seem to have this problem, not the specific set of outliers I pointedly excluded.

I'm also not sure where you jumped to "secret" requirements... The cases I mentioned were specific and explicit policies, and the professors would respond to e-mail requests asking the requester to meet them in person.

While e-mail is convenient, it's also really easy to have things slip by unnoticed or unremembered. Ideally, that would never happen, but sadly it often does.

And not that I'm saying everyone should do it, but for the record I took time off of work and drove a couple of hundred miles to ask for my recommendations in person, and I'm personally glad I did. Asking in person puts a face and a personal touch to the request, and the immediate response was quite helpful for my personal state of mind.

Personally, I don't get the trend of sending e-mails to professors as a means of asking them to write a letter for you.

I actually think it's much better to set up a time to meet with them and ask them in person- it gets you a fast response, and they have a chance to ask you any questions they have about the program, etc. A lot of the faculty at my undergrad institution actually made it a policy that they would only respond to requests submitted in person (save extenuating circumstances), and I see from the CHE forums that it really isn't an uncommon policy.

I asked for all of my recommendations in person when I was applying for grad school, and made time on a visit home to swing by my old school and ask for letters during my first year of grad school when I was applying for fellowships. We just did the same for my wife so she (first year graduate student) could ask for letters.

I realize it's not always possible, but I don't think everyone I see sending e-mails is doing it because it's not possible to get to their institution/professor.

I've mentioned this in other threads, but e-mails, especially those from students/that don't *need* an immediate reply, can get buried really quickly. As a grad student, I get probably 15-20 e-mails on the average day that I have to respond to. My PI gets somewhere around 75+ per day that he has to respond to. Half the time he can't even find drafts of our manuscripts that he's expecting us to send, much less requests for letters of recommendation. The sad truth is that in the ranking of importance, letters of recommendation from past students are sadly quite far down the pile- requests from senior people in the university, grant reviewers, journal editors, and current graduate and undergraduate students take higher priority.

If you e-mail and don't get a response within a week, follow up. If you don't get a response within a week of the follow up, try calling or going in person. A week gives plenty of response time, but if they didn't respond to the first two e-mails, chances are they aren't going to respond to the third, fourth or fifth. Getting worried when less than a week has passed is expecting a response too quickly, imo.

Have you talked to the professor(s) for these classes?

I'd just be honest, assuming you think they're decent people- ask if you can talk about the midterm, and lay out your worries. Mention that you haven't had a lot of similar material as an undergrad, and it just seems like you're having a hard time playing catch up in addition to learning the new material- and see what they say. They might have some helpful study suggestions for you, additional works that might bridge the gap- or they may say you're not failing according to how they're planning on grading at the end.

If you want to PM me a bit more about the courses you're taking, I might have some suggestions. Some courses are just brutal overall.

Careful with this, though. Make sure your LOR writers know how many letters they'll be writing and that they should have received notifications from N number of schools.

The reason for this is that multiple colleges (of course) use the same general application software. So if the professor's e-mail provider is Gmail-based, like many universities, e-mails sent from the same corporate address even though they have to do with different schools' applications, like rec_letters@applyyourself.com or whatever, they will show up as ONE THREAD in the prof's inbox. Make SURE your profs are aware that this might happen, and to look for ALL the e-mails in the thread, not just the one their browser jumps to when they click on the link.

You really, really don't want to be dealing with the last minute panic when you realize it's a week past the deadline and one of your apps is missing 2 out of 3 LORs, simply because the profs never scrolled up to the first e-mail in the thread!

(ETA: The corollary advice, of course, is don't wait until a week after the deadline to check up on whether the LORs were received.)

I'm not alone! Also a first quarter grad student who applied wanting a PhD, and now really don't want one whatsoever. I've found that profs really only want to consider you for PhD studies, and having an RA/TA/Fellowship already (I won an external fellowship since I wanted a phd originally) means they and the administration expect you to earn a phd.

I've done a lot of soul searching since I applied for the fellowship and chose my school, both from working in an academic research lab for part of the summer and from looking at salary data and hiring statistics....for what I want to do, a PhD is a hindrance. I also just don't have it in me to stay in school for another 5-7 years, especially for a degree that will be ultimately useless and (significantly) reduce my lifetime earnings. I realized that for what I want out of life, I don't need 'Dr' in front of my name to be successful.

However....I'm on a three year full fellowship, and am expected to love eat breathe sleep research. I don't, at all. I also can't afford school without the fellowship, so my plan has been to hide the fact I'm leaving with a masters until absolutely necessary, and to just do research rotations until I find an advisor/project I could stay with for couple years while finishing up the coursework masters(no thesis option offered). I feel somewhat bad about leaving with a masters, but at the same time....a PhD isn't right for me and there's no sense being miserable for 5+ years if I already know that. Unless I find an advisor who is OK with me leaving after the MS, I'm really not sure what to do when the time comes to leave. Family pressure to get the phd is also getting irritating.

My advice would be that if you are funded, don't tell anyone until your last semester or two. When you put in to graduate with the MS 'on the way' to the PhD, just have an honest talk with your advisor and explain that a Phd isn't for you, and that you are absolutely certain, and just hope that he/she will give you a good job recommendation.

Yea...if grad school doesn't work out, I already have a BS degree and can very quickly get a high paying engineering job locally, so...yea. Suicide is the coward's way out.

I think there's two issues here though. Some people are talking about professors being dangerously tardy with completion of the actual letter, while others are complaining about not getting any reply whatsoever. There's no excuse for the latter. Unless the professor is uncomfortable with writing the letter but wants to stew it over for a bit before committing to the job then it takes literally seconds to reply "sure, no problem, I'm a bit busy though so it may take a couple months...". But even if they are uncomfortable it's better for everyone if they are just honest about it.