NatureGurl

I would agree with this advice. It might seem like favoritism to you, but you do not have all the facts, in which case your judgement is skewed. However, if you do want to mention it to the department head, I would frame it as, "I'd really like to teach. Could you consider me for teaching next year?" Focus only on yourself, not on what you perceive to be happening with others. It's all in the framing--keep it positive!

One of my favorite rebuttals to this (inaccurate, not scientifically proven) idea is the following article. Love, love, LOVE that she uses a Tiny Fey, Amy Poehler et al. SNL bit as part of her supporting evidence:
 
How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby?
 
 
 
Awesome! I am secretly hoping that she lectures exactly like she writes/blogs...would be hilarious. 

This is my 4th year as a graduate student but I was a first generation applicant, so I'll add my thoughts too
 
1. I'm the first in my family to pursue graduate school and also the first in my immediate family to pursue higher education (anything past high school). I have a much older cousin and an uncle who have undergraduate degrees in engineering. My parents moved to Canada as war refugees, so my father only has a high school education and my mother did not finish high school. 
 
2. Most of my struggles are from my complete lack of how universities work and basically a lack of a support network. It was very scary to start University but luckily I had some friends from high school attending too. I commuted from home, which was a 2-3 hour roundtrip commute, depending on the traffic and bus schedules. This made it even harder to get immersed and build a support network of people who knew what academia was like, since I would arrive in time for my first class and go home shortly after my final class. Most of my friends were in similar situation. When it was time to apply to grad school, I had a lot to learn about how everything works. 
 
Also, like others above posted, I had to fund my own way through university with scholarships and working as a research assistant later on. As refugees to Canada, my parents were working near minimum wage jobs when I was born so there was no college savings fund etc available.
 
Another part of my struggle came from my family, despite meaning their best. My family didn't quite understand what graduate school meant, and they thought that a bachelors in X meant that you were fully qualified to work in X. There was a lot of resistance to doing more school, especially the idea of moving away for school (since I lived at home during undergrad). Like others above posted, these doubts from your family can really make you question yourself during the big decision moments. But my family has also been incredibly supportive! The majority of their concerns went away after I was able to explain to them how graduate school works, and how you need a post-graduate degree to actually work in your field as a researcher! The hard part was me having to figure this out first with all their doubts.
 
3. I think I have had a lot of successes despite being a first generation everything-beyond-high-school student/applicant. A chunk of my undergraduate tuition was funded through scholarships. I also won graduate level funding from the Canadian government for both my MSc program in Canada and my current PhD program in the US. I am currently in a top US program for my field. Basically, I feel that at this point, whatever disadvantage I had is now negated and I have overcome the challenges! Yay!
 
4. One major reason I was/am able to succeed is the mentorship of my supervisors. They played the role of my "academic parents" and guided me through all of the complications and unwritten rules of academia. They helped me understand how everything works so I could explain it to my parents. My family also were incredibly supportive. Even their doubts mentioned above was done in what they thought was my best interest. Throughout childhood, they have always stressed the importance of an education so that I would have an opportunity they did not have. Once they understood what my graduate goals were, they were behind me 100%! My friends and peers in undergrad were also a great. Although most of us were also first generation everything, we figured things out together and eventually became a strong support network too. And finally, the most important part of my success, I think is my spouse! Her support and patience has been incredible. I definitely feel that although I am the one officially registered as a student, the work towards this PhD is something we both have contributed a great part of our time and effort into!

I've been learning how to deal with this the past few months.  We have a bunch of undergraduate RAs, some are great, while others…echo the statement OP posted. It's frustrating and here's something of the things I've learned that maybe will help others:
 
1) Create an application process for undergrads who are interested in working with you.  It helps to weed out those who are just there to get "credit" and don't actually want to work and learn. You'd be surprise how easy it is to weed out the lazy students just by making an application where they have to fill in and articulate their thoughts.
 
2) TRUST YOUR GUT.  This is the biggest thing I've taken from this semester. I interview all my undergrad RAs before I take them on.  I had an uneasy feeling about two we took on this semester, turned out I was right, they were very unmotivated.  Left early or didn't show up for their hours, one eventually dropped out. When interviewing ask questions about what they're looking to gain out of the experience, etc and from their answers you can usually get a feel of what they're looking for, but trust your gut feeling.
 
3) Make it a requirement that they be able to devote good chunks of time (3-4 a day at least). Otherwise it's hard to gain meaningful experience.  When you start to take on new students, make this a requirement for the lab. I find that makes everything easier scheduling wise as well.
 
It's our job to teach them how research works and the responsibilities that come along with it. Try to give them a sense of ownership over things and that can often help make them more motivated to follow through with things. Also, address their behavior.  If an RA is not showing up or doing poor work, tell them.  In a very professional way of course.  Let them know you see what's going on and that you want them to re-engage in the lab, and that you want to make it known you see this happening.  You want to make it aware before it's too late not only to hopefully help them get on it, but also so they know for letters of recommendation. I assume most undergrads are doing this because they want experience and go to grad school.  Along with their grade for the research credit, dangle the idea of a good vs. bad letter of recommendation and hopefully that'll get them to shape up.
 
If all is lost and you try all these things and still no improvement, see if you can get new RAs.  I wouldn't keep a student like that on for the next semester.  I have a few I'm not letting stay on with us because of that.  I will allow people to "volunteer" but I won't let these type sign-up officially.
 
Despite all the bad that can come with it, mentoring can be really satisfying.  Eventually you'll get some RAs who are really motivated and are extremely helpful!

This blog post (from today) reminded me of this thread and (grudgingly) roused me to participate again. Love her no-holds-barred language about having a baby while in academia.
 
Five Things I Say to Career Women Who Tell Me They Want To Have a Baby

I would agree with this advice. It might seem like favoritism to you, but you do not have all the facts, in which case your judgement is skewed. However, if you do want to mention it to the department head, I would frame it as, "I'd really like to teach. Could you consider me for teaching next year?" Focus only on yourself, not on what you perceive to be happening with others. It's all in the framing--keep it positive!

I think people are always simplifying others because it's easy. 
 
I find myself doing this because I believe others are doing it to me. lol It's because I keep forgetting that I'm not nearly so important in the opinion of others as I am in my own ~ also, it's not like I'm a great judge of character or anything. I get some accurate hunches that I let biases cloud and I need to remind myself that this type of mindset didn't help me in the past. 
 
So I'm with you, OP. 

I think all human conflict arises from the inability/unwillingness to see other peoples' perspectives. No matter how many times we hear the importance of stepping into somebody else's shoes, in situations that evoke any negative emotion (anger, envy, humiliation, hurt of pride) it is very difficult to think logically and step over to the other side. Emotions are often the driving force in how we judge others.
 
Personal Example: I am 23 and poor so when I see people my age have careers and the money and resoruces to do whatever they please, I want very much to think "they earned it, they deserve it, they made it" but I don't necessarily think anything at all. I feel. I feel resentment and jealousy. One of my best friends from college and I got an apartment together after graduation, she soon after got a very well paying job at a top investment bank and in the last six months or so we have drifted apart completely and I am so much less closer to her even though we live a few feet apart. I wish my emotions didn't drive me to the point that being around her made me so bitter, reminding me of everything I am not, so much so that I am hampering a very cherished friendhsip. But I simply cannot stop thinking it's all so unfair and just be happy for her (I am, but I am more sad for myself lol).
 
In short, I think us human beings are very self-absorbed and that's the one thing I wish could change about myself, but for some crazy meta self-absorbed reason. So I cannot not be self-absored. It's a paradox.

I think you have a crush on Bob.

I agree with nnnnnnn. I work in a VERY male-dominate field, and if a woman doesn't see the extra challenges she faces, it's because we're better at hiding it. The prejudices can be extremely subtle. We have a long way to go before gender discrimination is effectively eliminated from the work-place.
 
For example, this offensive monstrosity:
 
 
I will bet you anything that this commercial was written by men. It's an extremely (and obviously) manipulative way to target women. What the hell does shampoo have to do with gender labels and prejudice??
 
---
 
At least in my field, many men I encounter genuinely believe they are better researchers on some level or another. They think they're more creative, more focused, more emotionally stable or some other stereotype. It's very difficult to change someone's inherent beliefs. It might be hard to see men exhibit these beliefs. Your best chance of seeing it is if you catch them under heavy stress. 
 
It's so ironic because we are training ourselves to be scientists, which are trained to see more than just what they want to see. 
DTB

I'm not sure how much of a role the Dept head plays in allocating TA/RA ships. 
The way things work in our Dept is that the PIs let the admin side know who they are intending to support on RAships, and the admin then put the rest on TAships. Basically, RAs are paid for out of the PIs money - TAs are paid for by the Dept. 
 
You do not know that this is a case of favouritism - especially since RAships are usually looked upon as more desirable & coveted than TAships - so I would not mention or allude to such a thing. It would go down really badly. 
 
I think if you really wanted to TA then you should first explain to your PIs that you wish to be supported on an RAship. Then look at class schedules way in advance (when do the classes taught by TAs meet? when are going to be in class/otherwise busy?) to ensure that timetabling conflicts are avoided. Talk to the admin staff early and often about your desires - they can't put you down as a TA if they don't know/forget that you want to be a TA.  

I've really been enjoying Thinking, Fast and Slow, a book by Daniel Kahneman, winner of the Nobel Prize in economics.
 
He says that, with limited information, we tend to make up stories that fit what we want to believe, whether it is "true" or not. And of course, we tend to make up stories that put us in a positive light and others in a negative light. Being in the social sciences, I am essentially a student of human nature. And I've observed that, with my grad student colleagues, I really do make up stories about them in order to fit what I want to believe about them and me.
 
For example, I had a classmate, let's call him "Bob," who is a White male, relatively athletic, and good-looking by American standards. I took a dislike to him last year because I felt that he was too flirty with our female professor, thus using his good looks, charm, and maleness to "win over" our instructor. This year, I have class with him again, and now that I've talked with him in small group discussions and worked with him on a small project, I like him better. I now see him as a more complex human being than the superficial characteristics I was focusing on last year. So the way that I framed the issue was to compare him to myself in terms of physical appearance and personality and to find him at fault when really I was the one that was at fault... for judging him in order to make myself feel better (although you never really do feel better, do you?). I was always a sore loser.
 
So now I think that my tendency to judge others is not very helpful. I still do it, of course, but I am more conscious of it and try to think about why I do it. Is it because I'm insecure about my own appearance/abilities/charisma? Are other people really there to outshine and outdo me? Or, are they also just trying their best to figure this thing out called grad school?
 
Bob is not the only person in my department that I've misjudged. I've misjudged others as well (although, there are a handful of people that I did not misjudge!). If others are like me, then I would say we're all very self-absorbed (to varying degrees) and probably we are all just walking around in our own little bubbles thinking that everyone is out to get us when really we're just making stories in our heads to compensate for the truth, which is that we are afraid to face our own limitations and weaknesses.
 
I don't like that I have a tendency to judge others. But I'm working on it, and I'm wondering what others here think.

I've really been enjoying Thinking, Fast and Slow, a book by Daniel Kahneman, winner of the Nobel Prize in economics.
 
He says that, with limited information, we tend to make up stories that fit what we want to believe, whether it is "true" or not. And of course, we tend to make up stories that put us in a positive light and others in a negative light. Being in the social sciences, I am essentially a student of human nature. And I've observed that, with my grad student colleagues, I really do make up stories about them in order to fit what I want to believe about them and me.
 
For example, I had a classmate, let's call him "Bob," who is a White male, relatively athletic, and good-looking by American standards. I took a dislike to him last year because I felt that he was too flirty with our female professor, thus using his good looks, charm, and maleness to "win over" our instructor. This year, I have class with him again, and now that I've talked with him in small group discussions and worked with him on a small project, I like him better. I now see him as a more complex human being than the superficial characteristics I was focusing on last year. So the way that I framed the issue was to compare him to myself in terms of physical appearance and personality and to find him at fault when really I was the one that was at fault... for judging him in order to make myself feel better (although you never really do feel better, do you?). I was always a sore loser.
 
So now I think that my tendency to judge others is not very helpful. I still do it, of course, but I am more conscious of it and try to think about why I do it. Is it because I'm insecure about my own appearance/abilities/charisma? Are other people really there to outshine and outdo me? Or, are they also just trying their best to figure this thing out called grad school?
 
Bob is not the only person in my department that I've misjudged. I've misjudged others as well (although, there are a handful of people that I did not misjudge!). If others are like me, then I would say we're all very self-absorbed (to varying degrees) and probably we are all just walking around in our own little bubbles thinking that everyone is out to get us when really we're just making stories in our heads to compensate for the truth, which is that we are afraid to face our own limitations and weaknesses.
 
I don't like that I have a tendency to judge others. But I'm working on it, and I'm wondering what others here think.

Something something about hills and valleys.
 
I started off great, now I'm just starting to feel burnt out.
 
 
I'm having the opposite experience. My Masters was a breeze. For my PhD, I felt on top of everything for the first 1-2 months of the semester, then it started snowballing. I feel like I'm constantly swimming against a tide of work with no end in site. At least not till after my quals in January. It's affecting my mood and it doesn't help that I bombed an exam, as in I think I was in the bottom couple of grades in class (my fault) because I prioritized a million other things I had that week (term project proposal, homework, TA review session+exam+extra office hours that I had to prepare for, research) over that second exam and didn't study properly for it. Added bonus, it's an area I'm not very strong in compared to most other classmates who seem to be experts. I think an A is still within the realm of possibility because I have near perfect scores on everything else in that course, just 100 times extra pressure and hard work on giving in a perfect term project.
 
I just feel like I'm working all the time to get things done, and when I'm not, I worry about things like internships, life after grad school and if this was all worth it, and WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!!
I realize I'm very lucky that I'm managing, that I like my advisor and research, that I'm getting an RA next semester so I don't have to deal with TA'ing, and while I don't love my courses, they're okay (except one. Yeah, that one I hate, haha). It's just that I'm so mentally exhausted I'm having a hard time staying positive.
 
Whew... it felt good to get all that off my chest. Back to the hamster wheel.

Prefers_pencils--I would disagree with you about this. First, what if this classmate is not lying? Then I think that would put littlesunshine in a tough spot, you know what I mean?
 
Second, I really think that saying that "you cannot reach your full potential because another student is creating this toxic environment for you" is kind of like saying "I'm not an adult, and I can't handle my own relationships with other people, and I'm can't handle taking responsibility for my own path in graduate school." I mean, what do you expect the advisor to do or say to this classmate? Especially if, as littlesunshine has said, she seems to have the respect of many people in the department, including the advisor? I don't know, I'm just saying, be super cautious about saying things to professors about other graduate students... it could come off looking like you can't handle grad school.
 
It seems like the best thing is to wait for the "real" advisor to come back. I wonder if there's a way to switch temporary advisors now?

Prefers_pencils--I would disagree with you about this. First, what if this classmate is not lying? Then I think that would put littlesunshine in a tough spot, you know what I mean?
 
Second, I really think that saying that "you cannot reach your full potential because another student is creating this toxic environment for you" is kind of like saying "I'm not an adult, and I can't handle my own relationships with other people, and I'm can't handle taking responsibility for my own path in graduate school." I mean, what do you expect the advisor to do or say to this classmate? Especially if, as littlesunshine has said, she seems to have the respect of many people in the department, including the advisor? I don't know, I'm just saying, be super cautious about saying things to professors about other graduate students... it could come off looking like you can't handle grad school.
 
It seems like the best thing is to wait for the "real" advisor to come back. I wonder if there's a way to switch temporary advisors now?

Hello littlesunshine--cute name!
 
Well, I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Grad school is tough enough! I have three thoughts to share with you. First, no, I do not think you should share about this classmate with your professors. The reason is that I was in a similar situation--and a more experienced graduate student told me that unless this person is explicitly, directly, and intentionally causing you harm, it could come off as "complaining" or "whining" if you tell your professor and make you seem like the immature one. I'm glad I followed this advice because it worked out. Just let time do its thing.
 
Second, with all my 30+ years of wisdom, I would have to say that you should not be so quick to judge others (I myself try to follow this rule all the time). Everyone is on their own journey. Focus on what your journey is, and as others say, perhaps you should get to know this person better, or if you truly feel as if this person is "out to get you," then stay away. However, I would add that rarely are people in grad school "out to get you." It could just be that this person is clueless about how they're making you feel. Or it could be that being young and new to grad school, you are taking it all too personally. I'm just trying to offer you different perspectives.
 
Third, is there anyone you've become friends with that you can talk to? Some of my best confidantes have been my fellow grad students--they understand what I'm going through better than anyone else.
 
Good luck! Hope you feel better soon.

Grad school means priority: research>publications>adviser projects>classes>assistantship. Research and publications is how you get jobs and a job with your adviser contacts/recommendations. So if this means you don't sleep for say two nights so be It. It's gad school. About half of all students drop out. I fact I came in with 4 other students with my adviser and there's only two of us left. If your having trouble now reevaluate where your time is going because next year year you will at at least be putting together your reading this for comps, and the comps animal is much worst than any class load could ever be