Nyctophile

thank you. i have no right to complain b/c i have other options but that was the one i was kind of in love with. but oh well, food makes everything better. that is one thing i'm worried about with regards to moving. i'm from california, in california and i need my mexican food. i am mexican, so i know how to make most of the things i like but it's so much easier to just stop at one of the many mom and pop shops whenever i'm craving it. i don't even know if i'll be able to find the things i'd need to make mole, chile verde, or enchiladas, or whatever if i'm in upstate new york. does anyone have info on that? i've been warned by east coaster friends that the "ethnic food" and produce sections at the grocery store will make me cry when i first move but i'm not sure how truthful that is.

I'm guessing a bit of depression is probably normal right now. A week ago I felt like I'd had the best news of my life and today I feel like I had the worst. Looking from the outside, I really have no right to complain, but I still feel crappy. Who knows where I'll be in another week. If you're finding it hard to be optimistic, don't worry, I'll doing the hoping for you in the meantime. And if you ever feel the need to bitch privately feel free to message me.

the summer stipend mentioned in my letter was in the $5000 range

mmm, pupusas...i actually have lost weight because i've been too nervous to eat or sleep...at least that was until today when the news from stanford came out. since then pizza (hello little ceasar's crazy bread), double stuf oreos (literal poison), i have donuts waiting for me, and vodka. making up for lost time I guess.

you have my sympathies mikers, I just got my letter too. my other rejections weren't such a big deal, it was mostly a crap shoot. but dammit, this one stings. :/ i really wanted the opportunity at stanford.

Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!

^^^ THIS ^^^

This is where I'm at. TT may never be in my future and that's okay. One of the benefits of being seriously derailed from my life's goals by blind love of someone who wasn't worth it is the 10 years worth of job experience I gained in various fields. I've had a job where I made a crap ton of money, I've been a teacher, I have options if TT doesn't work out for me. I'm half tempted to just get the PhD and go back to teaching middle school because it was the best-crazy-hectic-heart-rending year of my life prior to this. Whatever happens after I finish is all good because I will have satisfied my desire to go as far as I can education-wise.

Maybe? I'm really not sure how it's all figured but from lurking over in the science forums that's what I was seeing. *shrugs*

And just for the record, the super smarty pants troublemakers were always some of my favorites when I was teaching.

Fiz, no you're not alone, not at all. I'm not sure how old you are but I did that thing before, stayed with what would make me "content". I came from a no-where place, having teachers telling me and my cousins that we would never amount to anything because we were of Mexican descent, the same teachers that said those same things to my father and his brothers. I got married young, choosing family and love and what was safe and familiar over what was terrifying, kept my dreams for "later" and "next year". I ended up completely unhappy. I settled before and I will never do it again. It took me 10 years to realize that the thing that I always felt like I had to do wasn't just a pipe dream...I had that feeling because it was really what I was meant to do. I got my credential and went back to that shitty school and worked my ass off for four years to help students from my community get somewhere. The problems were too big so I quit and went back to school for my master's and now I'm on my way to a PhD. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, like it's a fluke, but I think of the change I might be able to make in the world and the people I might be able to help (in addition to myself) thanks to my education and it calms the qualms. I'll be leaving a family I'm incredibly close to and a significant other who is beyond anything I could have hoped for, and a group of friends that are amazing. It's terrifying but I have to do it. I can understand if you truly decide that home and the life you have now is really what would make you happy but don't let doubt and fear be the reason for that decision. I regret every minute that I delayed beginning on this journey...I can never get that time or the experiences that I might have had back. Even though I hope no one else ever has to feel that level of regret, I totally understand the panic.

from what i've seen on the boards and college sites these discrepancies are fairly standard. sciences seem to get more money than humanities. i'm just glad it's still generous enough that i'll be able to survive during my program if i go to cornell.

I have no idea about international taxes but the stipend for English is only $24K and I expect to be able to live more than comfortably on that while in Ithaca. From what I've heard a one bedroom is in the range of $800ish/mo. $24K divided by the 9 months of the school year gives me about $2600/month, minus rent that seems like more than enough for what I need. Hopefully that helps? (also, hopefully someone who knows more than i do will respond )

I am waiting until my daily quota of upvotes renew so I can come back for this one...

It probably is since I am, at this point, completely certifiable AND I am probably going to attempt it.

*waving arms* thank you someone else said something!!! this is driving my crazy crazy. I applied to a bunch of places but the only one still giving me the squeaks is Stanford. I MUST KNOW!!!

*kermit yay*!!!!

hah! yeah, that's right, this one is supposed to be about san diego.... Yep, got that email. Made me want to smack my laptop. Of all the things that could've gotten done today (like sending out acceptance/funding notifications?!) setting up a google group is the thing that got finished? phooey.

thanks for the info...now hopefully the heart palpitations will stop.

I wasn't as super enthusiastic about them when I first applied. I thought they were a solid program, a nice enough area, and there were professors with common research interests but I wasn't feeling shiny eyed about them like I was Cornell and Stanford. However, talking to my POI is making me a lot more excited about Santa Cruz as a serious possibility. I mostly want to see what the teaching load and stipend would be like b/c they have a lot going on with regards to both lit. and cultural studies, which I like. Also, with the history of consciousness program over there I'll have opportunity to do theory work which I also really love. My POI also told me that there is an Affect/Precarity studies reading group that's pretty hot right now. I mean, for my kind of book nerd, talk sexy to me!!!

Actually I'm not sure if I'm the lone acceptance (b/c I've been away from home and can't stalk the boards like I usually do) but I did post my acceptance up there. Am I the only one? Weird... Anyways, fear not, official notice should be going out soon. My POI emailed me this morning that official offers w/details about funding will go out today or tomorrow. I wanted to say something in the main English thread but couldn't decide if the info would help people or drive them nuts. I feel guilty having acceptances when other super worthy peeps are on pins and needles.

I'm putting out the vibes people, putting out the vibes....seriously, I have been so lucky and I am so impressed with you all, I'm way more eager for your good news than I am for mine at this point!!

Mega super mojo-luck-best-wishes to you! edit: ack!! typos!

Congratulations!!