jujubea

Not so much an annoyance, but I couldn't believe that a first-year masters student in her second term thought it was a good idea to do a presentation in short shorts and a sheer shirt under which we could clearly see the brand of her sports bra.
 

People actually do this? This seems insane. 
I'm glad that the department I'm attending in the fall is the size of a flea. The classes are small enough that I shouldn't run into this.

Very interesting perspective. It will be hard to put my toddler aside for 5-6 years while I complete a PhD. Instead, I like to think of my child as a strong motivator to become an expert in prioritizing my time. Plus, added bonus, he gets to grow up with a cool role model, don't you think?

Done!  Handed in my last assignment tonight.   Let's hope all of my grades are good.  In my regression class I had a train wreck of a group project, but the professor says he doesn't give Ph.D students bad grades...  Still, it was pretty bad.  So I may be the first, haha!
But, I think my seminar research proposal turned out better than I thought it would. 
Overall, it has been challenging, but mostly challenging in a good way. I am excited that this is my life, haha!  Maybe because I have the train wreck of a job to look back at and compare with, but it hasn't been as stressful as I thought it would be. 

We only have about 1 more month left and then we are done with our first year of graduate school. 

These are some things I learned from my visits that were extraordinarily helpful:
 
Look into the lives of the current cohort. Hang out with them if you can and see if you'd actually enjoy working and studying with them for 5-7 years. I didn't get to do this at one school and I really regret it. See what kind of study and work space they are given. Is it controlled access? Are you given a workstation (computer) or do you bring your own? Find out what their work-life balance is like; what they do and don't like about the program. Sit in on a class or two if you can. What is the atmosphere like? Serious? Fun? Casual? Professional? How do you fit in? What is cost of living and how are students getting by? Do most students commute, bike, walk, what? Why? Are classes all over the place or right next to each other? Any issues with getting into the classes they need? Accessing the people they need to? What are their relationships like with their supervisors? What is the building like that everyone is in every day? Are there windows? Does that matter to you? Is it loud or quiet? Hard to get to? Smelly? Flare up your allergies? Talk to as many professors as you can, including non POI's. What are they like? Are they happy are they disgruntled? What about? Do they have research constraints? (Meaning, are they able and allowed to study/research what they'd like to?) How many students do they advise each semester? What are their course-loads like? Are research assistantships ever available in addition to TA-ships? (Or vice versa?). What do people do during the summer? Both faculty, staff, and students? Is there funding available? Research opportunities? Are you expected to be working? On what? Where? How? What are library hours? What unique resources are there? How far is it from your department's building? Do you care?  Do the professors have any recommendations for what area to live in? And why?  
What is transportation like, as relevant to your situation, whether that's public, biking, walking, or private vehicle. Parking. Safety if on foot or biking. Bus routes and times. What are food options like near campus? How about grocery stores in the area? Do you need a Trader Joe's or Natural Grocers nearby? How about a farmer's market?  And food facilities in the department - is there somewhere you can keep your lunch that needs to be refrigerated? Microwave available for everyone's use? Extracurricular
Do they have the kind of yoga/rock climbing/martial arts/book club/game club/other hobby or interest groups at the school or in the area?
What is the environment like? Weather? Terrain? 
Do you have access to the types of places you like to go, whether that's clubs, bookstores, cafes, music venues, sports venues, good bakeries or restaurants? 
Walk around the campus neighborhood, then walk around a neighborhood you might live in. How do you like the feel of each place? What's around? What are the local people like?
 
 
....if you're bringing family, I can give you a whole other list of things to ask and explore

Ask people about whether other students or faculty have children, then whether they're remotely similar ages as yours (this tells you who to pry for better info). Find those people, and ask where their kids go to school and why. Ask where they live and why in terms of benefits for the kids (playgrounds, parks, other kids in the neighborhood, safety, community activities). Ask how the school system works - is it open district or closed? Is it hard to get into better public schools and why?  How are the public schools? Private? Charter?  Is there any understanding or flexibility in terms of child emergencies, picking kids up from school in the middle of the day to take them home or do other things. Don't ask this question directly of faculty because they may interpret it as you not being committed to the program. Figure it out. Talk to select existing grad students with kids. Depending on the age of your children, ask about childcare facilities on or near campus, their costs, resources, quality, etc. Depending on your housing intentions (rent a house, rent apartment/condo, buy a house, buy apartment/condo), ask how hard it is to find places with the right amount of bedrooms. Ask if people ever bring their kids to department events/parties/celebrations, or if that's frowned upon or welcomed.

These are some things I learned from my visits that were extraordinarily helpful:
 
Look into the lives of the current cohort. Hang out with them if you can and see if you'd actually enjoy working and studying with them for 5-7 years. I didn't get to do this at one school and I really regret it. See what kind of study and work space they are given. Is it controlled access? Are you given a workstation (computer) or do you bring your own? Find out what their work-life balance is like; what they do and don't like about the program. Sit in on a class or two if you can. What is the atmosphere like? Serious? Fun? Casual? Professional? How do you fit in? What is cost of living and how are students getting by? Do most students commute, bike, walk, what? Why? Are classes all over the place or right next to each other? Any issues with getting into the classes they need? Accessing the people they need to? What are their relationships like with their supervisors? What is the building like that everyone is in every day? Are there windows? Does that matter to you? Is it loud or quiet? Hard to get to? Smelly? Flare up your allergies? Talk to as many professors as you can, including non POI's. What are they like? Are they happy are they disgruntled? What about? Do they have research constraints? (Meaning, are they able and allowed to study/research what they'd like to?) How many students do they advise each semester? What are their course-loads like? Are research assistantships ever available in addition to TA-ships? (Or vice versa?). What do people do during the summer? Both faculty, staff, and students? Is there funding available? Research opportunities? Are you expected to be working? On what? Where? How? What are library hours? What unique resources are there? How far is it from your department's building? Do you care?  Do the professors have any recommendations for what area to live in? And why?  
What is transportation like, as relevant to your situation, whether that's public, biking, walking, or private vehicle. Parking. Safety if on foot or biking. Bus routes and times. What are food options like near campus? How about grocery stores in the area? Do you need a Trader Joe's or Natural Grocers nearby? How about a farmer's market?  And food facilities in the department - is there somewhere you can keep your lunch that needs to be refrigerated? Microwave available for everyone's use? Extracurricular
Do they have the kind of yoga/rock climbing/martial arts/book club/game club/other hobby or interest groups at the school or in the area?
What is the environment like? Weather? Terrain? 
Do you have access to the types of places you like to go, whether that's clubs, bookstores, cafes, music venues, sports venues, good bakeries or restaurants? 
Walk around the campus neighborhood, then walk around a neighborhood you might live in. How do you like the feel of each place? What's around? What are the local people like?
 
 
....if you're bringing family, I can give you a whole other list of things to ask and explore

I cannot. stop. watching this. 
With tears and laughter out of fear!

These are some things I learned from my visits that were extraordinarily helpful:
 
Look into the lives of the current cohort. Hang out with them if you can and see if you'd actually enjoy working and studying with them for 5-7 years. I didn't get to do this at one school and I really regret it. See what kind of study and work space they are given. Is it controlled access? Are you given a workstation (computer) or do you bring your own? Find out what their work-life balance is like; what they do and don't like about the program. Sit in on a class or two if you can. What is the atmosphere like? Serious? Fun? Casual? Professional? How do you fit in? What is cost of living and how are students getting by? Do most students commute, bike, walk, what? Why? Are classes all over the place or right next to each other? Any issues with getting into the classes they need? Accessing the people they need to? What are their relationships like with their supervisors? What is the building like that everyone is in every day? Are there windows? Does that matter to you? Is it loud or quiet? Hard to get to? Smelly? Flare up your allergies? Talk to as many professors as you can, including non POI's. What are they like? Are they happy are they disgruntled? What about? Do they have research constraints? (Meaning, are they able and allowed to study/research what they'd like to?) How many students do they advise each semester? What are their course-loads like? Are research assistantships ever available in addition to TA-ships? (Or vice versa?). What do people do during the summer? Both faculty, staff, and students? Is there funding available? Research opportunities? Are you expected to be working? On what? Where? How? What are library hours? What unique resources are there? How far is it from your department's building? Do you care?  Do the professors have any recommendations for what area to live in? And why?  
What is transportation like, as relevant to your situation, whether that's public, biking, walking, or private vehicle. Parking. Safety if on foot or biking. Bus routes and times. What are food options like near campus? How about grocery stores in the area? Do you need a Trader Joe's or Natural Grocers nearby? How about a farmer's market?  And food facilities in the department - is there somewhere you can keep your lunch that needs to be refrigerated? Microwave available for everyone's use? Extracurricular
Do they have the kind of yoga/rock climbing/martial arts/book club/game club/other hobby or interest groups at the school or in the area?
What is the environment like? Weather? Terrain? 
Do you have access to the types of places you like to go, whether that's clubs, bookstores, cafes, music venues, sports venues, good bakeries or restaurants? 
Walk around the campus neighborhood, then walk around a neighborhood you might live in. How do you like the feel of each place? What's around? What are the local people like?
 
 
....if you're bringing family, I can give you a whole other list of things to ask and explore

Yes and no. To be fair, there is a lot more going on in your story than you writing an honest eval in a one-student class. I'm writing this with your recent advisor/speaking up problem in mind because I'm a creep who creeps people's profiles and sometimes strikes gold.
First things first, your MA advisor/professor was highly unprofessional (and maybe is an asshole in general). It was definitely not okay to accuse you of jeopardizing his career, even if you had done that, because a person who is going up for tenure should be able to put his big-boy pants on and deal with the problem instead of uselessly flailing at his underlings. The fact that you hadn't, and he had to have known that, suggests that the guy was just using you to blow off steam, and we don't need to go into how not cool that is. It was not cool of him to act like you weren't welcome in his office and like he didn't want to see you. It was not cool of him to get pissy on your graduation day.
At the same time, you seem to have a problem with your communication skills which will ensure that you find yourself in this situation again and again. You seem to bottle up your feelings until they boil over.
Nothing in that paragraph displays good conflict resolution skills, but that is what hit it home for me. Okay, you apologized because you were presumably late with your work, which is appropriate - but why profuse? But more importantly, why did you not mention your concerns to your advisor at any point during the entire semester? The email with your final paper, which he asked for out of the blue and gave you 6 hours to produce, would have been a perfect opportunity to mention that you were startled by his request because the requirements for the course had never been discussed and you were confused about what you were supposed to be doing the whole semester (along with apologies for being late, profuse or not). Would that have fixed anything? No. Would your email have irritated him? Yes. But it would have done a very important thing that you failed to do throughout this ordeal: it would have let your advisor know that you are unhappy with the situation, and it would have given you documented proof that he was aware of your status. 
From this story, it looks like you expect people to read your mind. Not once in your story do you mention having discussed your concerns with your advisor. Then how do you expect him to know that you have concerns? I understand it was policy at your university for the instructor to have a syllabus, but policy is a guideline that's there in the event that the interested sides can't come to an agreement between themselves - such as your own situation, if you had tried to discuss it with your advisor. To add to your advisor's foot-long list of bad behavior, not asking you for input on how you want to be advised was an obvious mistake. However, the responsibility to tell him that you are unhappy with the arrangement lies with you. Yeah, it puts you into an uncomfortable position, but that position would have been miles better than the one you finally found yourself in. Being okay with feeling uncomfortable is an important life skill, but women especially need to be okay with making other people feel uncomfortable when it interferes with work. You'd want your advisor to tell you if you're doing something wrong, right, not least because you probably don't know that you're wrong? Your advisor deserves the same courtesy. 
From your advisor's perspective, you betrayed him. First (I assume - it's not clear at what point), you went behind his back and complained about him to another professor. We only do that when we can't resolve the issue between us; however, in your situation, he didn't even know there was an issue. Then you wrote him a scathing review full of serious stuff that has never come up in conversation between you! All the while, you seemed perfectly pleasant and content, but apparently dealing with issues so serious that you had to go to his superiors about them. From his perspective, you lied to him for 4 months. On top of that, you apparently knew him and his family outside of class (as friends?). I think he felt pretty vulnerable.
Once again, I am not defending your advisor. He fucked up. Teenagers have better coping skills (which is why I'm writing this). But here's the rub. Even if he were maliciously trying to give you a nervous disorder to tickle his own sick sense of humor, he could play the situation like you were in the wrong. That's something you want to avoid like the plague. This is why it is important to address your concerns early and often. If you need to involve the higher powers, you need documented evidence that you tried something and this guy thwarted it. If you come to them and say, my feeling are hurt but I've been keeping a stiff upper lip about it, they're going to congratulate you on your stiff upper lip and tell you that they can't do anything unless there is evidence of misconduct. I've been there before and sure, people make a big show of indignation etc, but nobody does anything until you give them due cause. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person in front of people who are bigger than you.
Back to the original topic, I originally assumed that ratings were different from comments. I write thorough comments, but I don't pummel somebody's ratings unless they're really getting on my nerves.

They're often used for funding consideration, from what I've read up in my own programs.
 
As for tips, also from what I've read, don't whine about your past, but do indicate any particular hardships you overcame (and likely continue to overcome as a minority in the U.S.). For some people, it's overcoming racism or other forms of discrimination; for some people it's overcoming having no money to buy food, and so working two jobs; for some people, it's persevering and achieving college success despite growing up in a community, family, or other environment which did not support you or even actively discouraged you. Other hardships might be having or being a single parent, parents divorcing (although this seems silly to me - isn't it something like 50% of our generation's parents got divorces?), close family members or friends passing away at a critical age in your development, kicking cancer's a** .... really, it's your life, so you know what unique (or non-unique) crud you've had to pull yourself through to get where you are now.
 
Things I've read to generally stay away from are mental health issues; demeaning your undergraduate institution, its resources, or its faculty (even if they were/are crappy); anything that hints at your immaturity or instability; aggrandizing your plans/impact on the world. 
 
This is all from reading these forums here, and from reading the links found through these forums
 
Good luck, youngcharlie!

THIS!!!!!!!
I only just finally looked at some of my submitted docs, my SOPs specifically. I could barely stomach it. I accidentally opened my CV... I couldn't even look at it! Closed it right away! 
I can't handle it and I'm ALREADY IN THE PROGRAM! So just . don't. do it. 
Binge Netflix. Internetshop for Christmas presents for other people. Find cool new music you never knew existed. Go to a place in nature you rarely go (it shakes your brain up and give sit something new and stimulating to focus on). 
Whatever you do don't open those files.

Maybe other students were honest too they just did not have an issue with the teaching of that prof? Maybe you did not like him/her others did not. I had that sort of class.
I think teaching evaluations at the grad level should be constructive criticism if anything. At this level as piglet33 suggests you can talk directly to the prof/ any other people in your department if there is a serious issue with this prof+ you can drop the class if you do not like what you are getting.
 On the other hand your prof will read your anonymous comments hopefully to improve his/her class. the "you are the worst professor, the quality of this class is really poor" etc comments will not help in any way. you should suggest ways how to improve the class if you think it is remediable. (if not again you can talk to other people)

I don't know how it works at your school, but at mine (bear in mind I'm in the UK), evaluations are meant to be an honest reflection. It may be some students don't feel comfortable critiquing a professor's teaching style (even if the responses are anonymous) for fear it will come back and hurt them.
I work as a student representative, so am in constant communication with both my peers and the faculty and this has allowed us to address issues as they arise, or raise concerns if problems are not getting fixed, without the faff (for want of a better word) of evaluations. A common issue we've found with evaluations is students are notorious for not reading instructions! It may be some students assumed 5 was a low score (you don't mention the scale above, so I'm assuming a 1-5 Likert) or it may be that the comments were to "fit in" with those students who were more vocal in their displeasure of this certain lecturers slide. 
I'd say that being honest is important, but if the issue is gnawing at you, maybe speak to someone higher up, a personal tutor, a mentor...it depends on how your program is structured, and see if others have similar complaints.  In my experience, honesty is the best policy (with a bit of tact and dodging politics thrown in for good measure of course).

First of all, I think it's a misconception that all graduate students must always be in love with their topic of study all the time. I love astronomy, space, and planets but when the new Cosmos (with Neil deGrasse Tyson) came out, I could not bring myself to watch it because I already got my fill of awesome astronomy things 40 hours per week doing research! I have other passions too, and would rather spend my free time pursuing those.
And, there will always be parts of your research that you will hate doing even if you are super passionate about your topic. Some parts of my field are just super boring to me too. I love studying hot Jupiters and how these planets have their orbits modified by other stars and planets. But I find discussions of studies on whether these hot Jupiters have clouds made of X or Y pretty boring. I still read the papers to understand important things, like for example, what the clouds are made of could maybe teach us something about how close to the star the planet was created, but I have no passion at all for the methods used to determine cloud content. 
I also find it a little hard to disambiguate "passion" and "ego". Primarily because you need to have passion for the field in order to derive some "ego" based pleasure from being an expert on it. I admit I am a little excited and get a ego boost when I go to a conference and see someone cite my work! But honestly, if I had no passion for hot Jupiters, why would I be excited about that? Compared to the world at large, PhD work and academia is really about studying the highly specific details of a topic very intensely. It's about finding out some knowledge that very few people in the world would even care about. But the fact that you derive pleasure from doing such a thing means you must have some passion for the field. Why else would you care about knowing some things that few others even want to know?
And finally, I don't think measuring your level of excitement/boredom while reading papers is a good way to determine whether or not you actually like/have passion for your field. Each person has their own set of things that excite them and drives their passions. I personally do not enjoy reading or writing papers at all. It's the worst part of my job (but an absolutely important/required part). That's okay though. I think every job, no matter how awesome, will have parts that just suck. My strategy is to know what excites me and make sure I have lots of that in addition to all the mandatory boring parts. For example, although I hate reading papers, I really enjoy discussing them with other people and I learn a lot more that way. So, I started a little weekly papers discussion group in my department. Another thing that really excites me is going to conferences and meeting lots of other people working on really cool things. I find myself extremely motivated when I return from such a trip and I get a lot of work done in the few weeks following that motivation. I am also a type of person that gets more excited about big picture questions, which might explain why papers are so boring to me. Papers are usually focussed works that treat one tiny part of a big picture question at a time. So, I balance out my reading by making sure I step back and look at the big picture. Sometimes it's helpful to find a big review paper that goes over the whole idea and re-read parts of it to remind yourself why the tiny details matter. Or, I like to meet up with a friend from a different subfield and talk about our research's big picture questions to each other. Forcing myself / reminding myself of the "why" is a big motivator for me and doing this helps. 
PhD level research is supposed to uncover new knowledge that no one has ever known before. You definitely will come up against roadblocks and struggles that make you wonder why you even care about the topic at all. I think this is a pretty common occurrence and can happen as often as once per week or several times per month for me. Sometimes I just can't read another paragraph of this dreadful paper and I just need a short walk or a break. Once in a while, I need to take some time off completely---take a vacation or an extra day off for a long weekend and not think about it at all. You probably have heard people say grad school is a marathon before. You have to pace yourself and manage your energy levels. This is true for things like how many hours you work as well as your motivation level. It's helpful to be aware of what things decrease your motivation and which things increase it and plan your work schedule so that you maintain a good level of motivation. You can't expect raw passion to fuel you through the whole PhD, just like you can't finish a marathon on pure determination.

In a previous life, I was working full time, and taking 3 graduate classes per quarter (although the average full-time student there took 4). I was single at the time, and had no pets, and no friends outside of work (which was OK for me then).
At it's hardest, I would get to work around 7 or 8, go to class on any given day for three hours at some point (which my bosses OK'd), and stay at work until about 6 or 7pm. I ate breakfast and lunch at work, usually while working, and occasionally dinner, too. Then I'd go home and read and write for anywhere between 1 and 4 hours. Sometimes I'd pull overnights, but only because of procrastination. 
On top of it, I somehow managed to fit in 2-3 evenings of a martial arts class every week, and attended an every-other-weekend club.
That said, I was NOT healthy. I started getting ill more and more frequently, and more and more seriously. I was very stressed out, and it manifested as resentment towards some of my bosses and coworkers at the time (I was in my early 20's, and unaware of all this then). 
I was (am?) also an incredibly ridiculously ambitious person, to the point that other things are significantly sacrificed. At that time in my life, it was my health. 
Now that I am entering a new graduate program (MA/PhD), I not only have my own health to be vigilant over, but also the health of my family, each of my kids, and my two pets. While having no teaching requirements, I plan to take odd side jobs only within my freelance profession. I wouldn't work more than 20 hours per week now, and that would be really taxing for me.
A lot of it depends on your age and situation; how much you enjoy pushing yourself; what other things you'd like to do outside of work and school, if anything; and whether you can "afford" pushing yourself that hard for an extended period of time. 

I second Takeru's suggested approach.
 
I more or less did the same thing, except admittedly I was probably a bit too forward or forthcoming in the very first e-mail. I wrote quite long initial e-mails...
But then, I also had done a lot of research on schools and professors, and was very clear about who I wanted to work with and why. As such, I let that shine through in my opening inquiry (without saying it outright).
 
Although this was not actually some master plan I had (I wasn't yet frequently frequenting GradCafe, nor had I even bothered asking my own circle about appropriate protocol), I do think it worked out pretty well - luckily - because on at least one occasion, the professor's first response included something along the lines of, "If you could take the time to craft such a detailed and thoughtful e-mail, I am sure you will do just fine here."
 
So, let your true passion and interests and intention come through  

Few ideas here:
 
1. It's not that you aren't qualified to be an administrative assistant, it's that you're overqualified. People do not want to hire clearly overqualified candidates because they know that person is just waiting around for something better. They'd rather invest in someone long-term.
 
2. It's best to do something even tangentially related to what you want to be doing. Otherwise you're kind of going backwards. Retail's not a good idea, unless with your crim justice degree you're thinking about becoming a loss prevention officer or coordinator or manager or something. Since you're taking lowest-level jobs anyways, why not go work low-level in a social organization of some kind? A non-profit that works on reducing recidivism, or that works with those already imprisoned to help them prepare for life after jail? Such places would take you on as an administrative assistant, because they know you want to be in their field.
 
3. If you can't work somewhere even remotely related, or even if you can, you might also try volunteering somewhere related. For example, there is a nationwide network of organizations that do something called victim-offender reconciliation. Why not become a volunteer mediator there? Or volunteering for a juvenile offender program as a tutor or mentor? Or try interning at a PD instead of becoming a PO. You can also look at the Sheriff's Office not just the PD, and you can also look at the PD training facilities. 
 
4. Reach out to someone in the field who is doing what you want to do. Perhaps that's a Deputy in the field; perhaps that's a researcher profiling criminals; whatever it is, take the time to craft a well thought e-mail and reach out to someone letting them know you're looking for a mentor or at least some short-term guidance.
 
5. Have you thought about going overseas for work? What about being a research at an overseas university? Many countries are developing their police department and security services to come up to higher standards. I'm sure they can use some of your help and expertise. 
 
What do you want to be doing?
What are some of your dream jobs?

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.
It is so hard to understand how you over-analyze and overthink and have extremely hazy views about the behaviors of those whom you "love."

This isn't love.
He isn't interested in you.
And this specific action sounds narcissistic and rude (Or could indicate that).
You do not (and no one does) deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

You will empower yourself and feel stronger and more desirable (and will be) if you just cut off all communication with him and "walk away."

Also, consider this a huge huge HUGE bump of the post with the advice about "chronological first" vs. "real-love first."
Your "real" first in this sense will be so much better, and you'll both laugh and cry about your chrono first. Hopefully with a loving, caring, and committed partner at your side.

When I was a bit younger than you, I had a similar "relationship" with a guy, who I was basically in love with, and I found out he had a bet going with his friends about whether he could de-virginize me.
Fortunately I found out before it ever got there.

While you're this young, stay away from age gaps of more than a few years. Those who are jerks are also more clever with age. It's a dangerous game and not worth it, especially when you're an emotionally-attuned person.