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About Cheshire_Cat

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  • Program
    Ph.D-Social Sciences

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  1. You are not alone. You don't need to pretend everything is going perfectly. I found that most people have a lot of sympathy for PhD students and understand how hard it is to get adjusted. Don't be whiny about it, but maybe talk to an older student about what is going on and see if they have any advice for you. If anything, a listening ear is always comforting.
  2. I don't think that should be tolerated. His adviser may not realize how bad it was and just think you have thin skin. Hopefully the student's behavior will become apparent in other ways so that his advisor knows what he is dealing with. You may also request that any further discussions with this guy happen in an open space or with the door open rather than closed. I don't think that is unreasonable to request given that you are a small female and he is a large male. You don't have to make it about him, it is about you feeling comfortable and safe.
  3. Being a grad student is like juggling plates. And right when you get a handle on juggling the number of plates you have, more are tossed in and you have to juggle them too. And then in the last year, instead of more plates being tossed in, you are hit by a car. Fuck.
  4. I can't find my keys. I have too much to do to look for them. But if I don't find them then I can't go to my friends house to retrieve my suitcase from our trip. But maybe my keys are there. IDK. I have too much to doooooooo.. and I'm hungry and can't go anywhere because I can't find my keys. I could cycle, but I don't wanna, too hot. I want my keys. I want my car... ugh!
  5. Business Ph.Ds get jobs no matter where you go to school, so those stats about them is probably more related to what schools are able to run large business Ph.D programs. They are more expensive than other areas. Most schools only have 1 or 2 students per year in each area of business. But the caste system still exists. I am at a top program for my area, but because my school is not well regarded I don't have a chance at schools like Cornell or Pittsburg. I'll get a job, yes, but some schools will take one look at the name of my institution and put my CV in the discard pile.
  6. I have asked two different guys to hang out with me one-on-one in the past week. This is not an accomplishment for most people, but for me it is. I'm not used to putting myself out there in any way. These arent even dates, but how am I supposed to date a guy if I'm scared to express interest in even being his friend?
  7. I finally found a mobile vet who put her down on Friday. She had lots of banana and I held her for about 30 minutes before she was put down. At this point, she couldn't even really hold herself up, but still had her personality and wanted to eat banana and give me kisses. She fell asleep while eating banana and then vet put her down, so it was very peaceful.
  8. My eldest pet is dying. She is a 13.5 year old bunny and a "heart" pet. And she has been dying for a few weeks, but it is getting worse. She can't get up anymore. I need to put her down, but there isn't a vet near me that does euthanasia on rabbits, and I don't want her last hours to be spent stressed out in the car. This is the most frustrating and heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. I've had pets die before, but not recently, and never a pet I've loved so much. Oh, and I propose for my dissertation in two weeks. Fun times.
  9. I had a few years working in the real world, and six months or so were really rough. But grad school isn't all it's cracked up to be either. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be here than at my old firm, but there were a couple of rough years. And at this point I'm doing what faculty do and just not getting paid for it.
  10. This was one of the hardest things for me about going to grad school. I worked for a few years and had an envied professional certification, and now I'm a "student" again? Yeah, no. I think it is especially hard when you are younger because you haven't been a "real adult" for long. And now it seems like its being taken away. But as the years have passed, I've gotten over it. My parents' friends still think I'm in grad school because I couldn't find a job and are very surprised when I tell them I have the certification I do. But its whatever. If I'm feeling insecure I just tell people I'm a college instructor (because I am) and leave it at that. A year from now I'll be Dr. CheshireCat and they'll all be super amazed, as if it came out of nowhere, haha.
  11. Both of my projects have significant, interesting results! I have friends to drink wine and watch Harry Potter with on a Friday night.
  12. My dissertation proposal is in 4 weeks. I'm avoiding writing on my paper because I'm scared and nervous and I don't feel like I'm good enough. I already presented my idea to the faculty and they loved it and gave me suggestions on my design rather than my theory because they found my theory believable. I got results for my pilot. All that is left is the writing and the actual proposal defense. This is all in my head and I know I'll pass. But I has all the feels I was warned about. This is normal. I just need to crawl in a hole for a few weeks and then I'll be back to my regularly sponsored, happy self.
  13. Alcohol. Lots of alcohol... Just kidding! Haha! Don't do that! I am a Ph.D student, going into my fifth year, and I am very quiet and self-contained. I barely even spoke to my family until I was almost 20. People don't point out that I'm quiet much anymore, but they used to do so all the time. I would just smile, because its true, and I don't think it is a bad thing, most of the time. My heart still races when I raise my hand in workshops. It's been four years, you would think I'd get over it by now, but I haven't. One thing that has helped is that my dissertation chair also has introvert tendencies. He also doesn't speak up in workshops often. I was in his presentation at a major conference once and he barely looked up from the floor the entire time and his arms were crossed the whole time. But he has coauthors who he works with and he is very well respected in the community. So I know if he can do it, I can do it too. As for conferences and other situations when you need to interact with people, the key to being interesting is to be interested. I am a great listener. I do go up and introduce myself to people, and then I mostly listen to them talk, with a few interjections so they know I'm interested in what they are saying. And I almost always have people to talk/listen to because of it. Overall, give yourself a break. Try not to worry as much about sounding stupid or looking goofy. And realize that you aren't perfect, but no one expects you to be. But don't give up on trying to better yourself. It isn't a paradox to love yourself for who you are while also realizing that you have areas you can improve on in your life. And there are very few jobs that don't require communication with other people, so it is important to try to do as well as you can at it.
  14. I totally agree. And research has shown that work deteriorates after 40 hours. My apartment being clean and taking the time to prepare good food does wonders for my mental health and productivity. Occasionally there is a rush, the first two weeks and the last two weeks of a semester are usually hell, but for the most part I try to keep a good, sustainable lifestyle. I think we in academia seem to think that if our lives aren't insane then we aren't working hard enough, and we have to prove we are actually doing something since we don't go to a 9-5 job, but this ends in burnout.
  15. Understandable. When I graduated, I listened to the song "Rivers and Roads" on repeat for like six months. Also, even when you go to grad school, you will always have a special place in your heart for your undergrad institution. And I'm really glad I have that, because my graduate institution has been a nightmare, haha!
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