Cheshire_Cat

My fucking teaching still isn't up to par and I don't know why or what to do about it. I worked so hard on it this semester, and the improvement was not as much as I would have liked. And I'm afraid I won't pass comps because comps are subjective, and my teaching sucks! It especially sucks because I'm the American, so I should have better teaching skills, or English skills at least. (Maybe I should speak with an accent and say I come from a different country like Ross from Friends...) But they give me the hardest sections of the class with the most unmotivated, dumb students. Not everyone is dumb, mind you, but they are night classes, and everyone works all day and then comes to my class- which they don't want to be at in the first place- and they have a hard time understanding things because they don't pay attention and are tired. And I was tired too because I fucking went to class all day too and had to run straight from my last class halfway across campus, to teaching. Give me a break! I feel like I was set up to fail. And I need to convince myself I was set up, because if I really am this crappy of a teacher, I don't want to teach.

Yeah, I think it all depends on the field and what you want from life. The only reason you get a Ph.D in my field is to research and teach in academia, so that is what I'll be doing. (We are also a rare field with our demand for Ph.Ds outweighing our supply by quite a bit, so I'm not worried about being unemployed) But if I didn't think that you could have a good life working in industry in my field, then I wouldn't want to teach it. Life was very comfortable, and I am really glad I had that experience, but I'm also happy to not be there anymore.

Exactly!!! it is choosing what you want to work on and having different things to do every day. At my old job, I felt like a trained monkey could do my job, even though I was in a hard field, because it was so repetitive. And I couldn't take off and go work on a different project for a few days to clear my head, because it was the only project I was on, and I didn't have the freedom to choose differently. Obviously, these aren't the only reasons I decided to go into Academia. My dad is a professor in the same field, so I know what I am getting into. I enjoy research, and teaching is very engaging. But I really needed my freedom, and to be able to do something mentally challenging.

May the fourth be with you... we get it, you are a geek. But so is everyone else and you are all making the same tired joke all day.

I didn't like the 9-5 . I can't understand how people go to work all day and don't go crazy. I like my freedom to come and go as I please. It doesn't matter if I am working more as long as I am working on my own terms. And we need professors in my field because the aforementioned salaried, stable jobs cuts down on people wanting to get a Ph.D, while simultaneously increasing the demand for them.

For a few years I worked a 9-5 with benefits, a nice salary, and 2-4 weeks of vacation plus sick and holidays and a very clear career path. I would say it's not all it's cracked up to be, but it's a good life, just not the one I wanted. I'm fucking insane for quitting that and spending 5 years of my life getting a Ph.D, lol. And I've never been happier.

I think there are a lot of differences between people, and when their interests don't fit our own, we are very quick to write them off as "basic" without realizing that what is interesting to you, may be considered "basic" to someone else. It is fun to think of ourselves as better than everyone else and special because we have a certain career, hobby, or interest that not very many people share. But imo you are just as self absorbed and "basic" as everyone else if you have to talk about your own hobbies and interests in order to interact with other people in a meaningful way.

No. There wasn't enough damage and she said she didn't know... even though my mom followed her for a long time blaring her horn. Likely story.

Also, I'm very protective of my mom because she seems very innocent, and hearing her scream and not being able to do anything about it is very traumatizing, even if she's ok in the end. And I have to study for my comps coming up in 21 days.

Some fucktard in a professional moving truck just backed up into my mom's car and then drove away. I was on the phone with her while it was happening and she was screaming and now I'm shaken. She's ok and her car can still run, but the fucktard was still driving off even though my mom was following him blaring her horn. I am willing to give people benefit of the doubt, but I hope this idiot loses his job.

My cat likes to be outside too. He got lost a few weeks ago for about 3 days, but then sauntered back. It was a hard experience. What got him back was the smell of his litter box, but if your is outdoors, he may not have a litter box. (I normally wouldn't let a cat go outside, but he was going crazy being cooped up in my tiny apartment all day, and has changed for the better now that he goes out sometimes.)

I'm so sorry

I am reviewer number 2!! God, why?! What have I become?! --> I don't like rejecting papers, even if it is just a practice review. Lol!

1. Not having to work a 9 to 5. Sometimes 7am to 10pm, but never a 9 to 5!! 2. With that, I enjoy having control over my own work schedule and not having a manager. The dean, department head, and faculty advisors are their to help and coordinate things, but they don't micromanage me, and I like that most of the time. I know it isn't this way in all fields, but it is in mine. 3. That feeling you get when an idea you have starts falling into place in your brain and you know it will be an interesting research project 4. Some people think you are brilliant because you are getting a higher degree, even if you are really just a hard worker. 5. Reading comprehension goes through the roof! I already had very good reading comprehension, now it is amazing! For me personally, this means I get a lot more from older or more complicated texts than I used to. 6. Naps. 7. Never running out of things to do and getting bored. There is always another research project to start!

When you compare it to growing up in a city that never sees a day below 30, it is the frozen north They get snow, ok. Haha. If I don't take my dog to have her put down, they won't do it. Maybe it will be less-hard on me because I haven't lived with her for four years, but she was my first dog, and I spent the most time playing with her and training her. I also have a geriatric rabbit and horse, and all three are heart pets, so these next couple of years are probably going to be really painful. Trying to prepare myself for it, but there really isn't much you can do except remind yourself that they have had a long life and you've done your best to make it a good life.

Feeling a lot of anxiety about the end of the semester. I am so physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I don't think I'll fail any of my classes, but I'm just so tired and just want to do nothing. Also, I've had a hard time with teaching evals in the past couple of semesters, and although I think I've gotten a lot better this semester, I'm still anxious about getting those back. Additionally, comps are coming up in May and I know passing them is not based on teaching evals, but I am afraid that if I don't do well at teaching, they will ask me to leave. (Even though I've had to teach 2 sections each semester this whole year while taking 4 freakin classes myself) And my parents are moving to the frozen north. And I think I am going to have to put my childhood dog down. She's almost 15, but it is still hard. Apparently she has lost her mind (old dog syndrome), she is blind and deaf, and seems to be in a lot of pain. Given that, and how stressful it would be to move her, they think it would be best to do it before then, but my parents don't want to do it themselves, so they want me to take her. I've never had to put a pet down before. Also, since they are moving, I am going to have to rehome my tortoise, since I can't keep a 60 lb tortoise in a 1 bedroom apartment. I've already found her a home, but I've had her for 18 years, so I really don't want to give her up. I was the one who ultimately convinced my parents to move, because my dad's job was too stressful and I was worried about his health, but it is causing me more anxiety than I expected. They have lived in the same house for 24 years, and so they are moving from my childhood home. Also, wtf, people are supposed to retire to Florida, not Illinois.

I think tattoos are interesting a some are beautiful, but I don't think they will be the norm in the business professional world for a long time. But an accountant buddy of mine had a sleeve, and that was fine, because he could cover it up. I didn't realize he had it until we had a service event and he wore a t-shirt. The main thing is just to not tattoo places you can't cover up if you think you will ever work in a professional business setting or sales.

I wanna skateboard to class! But I'm a grown woman who doesn't know how to skate, so the learning curve is a bit much. Just do it. No one cares. Grad students are supposed to be quirky.

Checked my test again and was infuriated once again. I got the correct answers. He said multiple times that he wanted short answers, so I didn't give the full explanations, but I answered the question correctly, and then he penalized me for not expounding on my answers more. And by penalized, I mean I got 2 points out of 10 FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER and the correct reasoning! I just didn't define the thing he was asking about or draw a graph because he wanted a short answer!! This professor hates me, and the feeling is mutual.

Also, the professors grading sucks because I came up with the right answers so far, but didn't get the points. The questions are vauge. And one question is just horrible! The native English speakers were really confused, and we know English. He's trying to argue that it wasn't, but he's not a native English speaker. Screw this. I have literally never hated a class like I do this one. I don’t half-ass anything and he scolded us for not studying. WTF. It's not my studying, it's your teaching! But only 4 weeks left, and this painful experience will be over.

Dear professor, If most of your master level students don't know how to do something and their tests reflect it, maybe it's your teaching . I'm not going to fail, but I'm disappointed because I am wasting my very limited time in your class and not learning anything .

My SIL sent me a week of free meals with one of those grocery prep services (Blue Apron) and I think I'll keep using it. The food is good, varied, and all meals are within 600-800 calories. Since I've been in grad school, cooking has become my hobby, so it is great to get different things to prepare each week. It is a bit expensive, but compared to going out to eat, it is not bad. Also, knowing that I have a good meal to come home to means that I show more self control and don't go out to eat while at school. Since I'm single, the delivery gives me a week's worth of dinners. Also, I think it will be easier to count calories because they give you the calories for dinner, and then I usually eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch, so its pretty easy to know how many I'm eating.

My parents are moving from my hometown, and it is weird. I didn't think I'd be upset, but I am. I think it is the right choice, but I'm still sad. Also, comps are in May, and I am taking 4 classes and teaching 2, so I am at the point in the semester where I am utterly exhausted and the thought of studying for the most important exam of my life is really daunting. Lastly, there is a guy who is slowly becoming one of my closest friends. He's been sick on and off with a chronic illness, and he finally opened up about it a little on Sunday. I just want to make it all better even though I know I can't. He is one of the best people I know and it's not fair that he has to deal with this.

My professor wants to schedule class on Tuesday morning a couple of weeks in a row. I don't want to say no, but this makes my Tuesdays over 12 hours long with the last thing I do being teaching for 2 and 1/2 hours straight, which takes a lot out of you. I like my students and teaching this semester hasn't been bad, but I hate having to teach and take classes at the same time. It is too much.

I have my students write a couple of sentences at the end of class each week. About 75% of the time, it is "What did you learn, and what did you find hard to learn" this week. This week, a student answered "I didn't learn anything."... the question was "What are you going to do to study for the upcoming exam." (which I repeated several times) I think I found the problem. Basic listening skills.