Cheshire_Cat

TBH, I feel that it is weird that someone would message you and tell you this. If someone is a braggart on social media, just mute them or roll your eyes when they post, but telling them you are personally hurt by them talking about their accomplishments just seems manipulative and cruel to me. I obviously don't know this lady or your relationship to her, but if you care about someone, you should be happy to see them succeed. To me this sounds like either a plea for help, or someone who is jealous of you. Either way, I don't think her comments should be taken seriously.

I remember those days. I got my acceptance letter right as the project I was on went to hell, so there were many times when I just wanted to quit and become a coffee barista for a few months. But I persevered and had a really good summer with the firm I was at, and I was able to put more in savings, so I'm glad I stayed.

If I'm going to brag, it's going to be in person. Really, it depends on how much you post about them. If you post a lot, and post about other things in your life, then post about your accomplishments as well. If the only time you post anything is to brag... well, that gets a little old. I only post pictures of my pets and major life updates on my page, but that is just me. Some of those are accomplishment related, such as going into the Ph.D program and passing comps, but not every little thing.

I know how you feel. I'm 28, and I've dated, but only ever been in one relationship. It isn't any fun watching everyone else couple up while you are still single. And the married people and people who are/have been in serious relationships really don't understand. Freedom is great, but at some point you just want someone who is your special person who you can do stuff with and feel like you belong. And it doesn't matter what culture says or does, it is about your feelings.

Why am I here again? I'm having a hard time making myself write my research for my paper presentation coming up in February. I don't hate research, I'm just having a hard time writing. I don't hate teaching either, but my student evals are mediocre at best. I know I'm only half way through the program, but I feel like I suck at everything right now. So why am I here? It's frustrating. Oh, and I wrote a bit yesterday, but my computer crashed and it was not saved. Dammit.

I hate IRB. I hate IRB. I hate IRB.

I am tired of worrying about student evals. They are almost directly correlated with what grade a student makes in the class, and not my teaching. Because I teach night classes, I have some of the worst students. Late students are always the worst, for everyone, that is just how it is. The only late night professor who doesn't have crappy evals is extremely manipulative and I wouldn't put it past him to do something to ensure his evals are high. Overall the verbal evals don't even have anything bad to say about my teaching, aside from a few "she goes too fast" and they don't like things about the course that I can't control. The numerics are just low. I don't get it. Also, I'm tired of having to teach all the fucking time. I don't hate teaching, but I hate having to teach so much more than everyone else and still have crappy evals. It's frustrating.

A final exam for a class I am teaching got rescheduled due to bad weather. For whatever reason, I am finding this extremely stressful!!

I'm the only native speaker in my cohort and so I'm getting fucked on my teaching schedule. It wouldn't matter to me if everyone was getting fucked, but no, it is just me.

Apparently this is just my personal vent thread. So, I was supposed to get a break from teaching in the spring, but instead I am teaching in the spring and getting summer off, I think. I got a really confusing email from the department head, which to me indicated he wasn't going to pay me for summer which really pissed me off, but after asking around, the Ph.D coordinator said that wasn't possible, and what he probably meant that he was going to pay me the summer stipend during the spring and then just not pay me in summer. So I sent him an email about it, asking what my total support should be, but I haven't got a reply yet- because I sent it this morning. Anyways, none of this should affect my current pay. However, today is payday, and when I looked at my pay, it was about 2/3 of what it should be. So I get out my accountant hat, and figured out that my gross pay was 1/4 of my total summer stipend, which would indicate that I am getting my summer amount during the fall, except not getting my fall amount. Now I think this is just a huge screw up, but uggh!!!!! If I didn't have student loans in the bank right now I would be in trouble tomorrow when I have to pay all my bills. I think I am almost at a point where I can breathe and focus on research. But little crap like this keeps happening. I need to relax. I'm going to be here 2 an 1/2 more years. I need to settle down and focus on what is important.

Spam.

You know you are a Ph.D student when instead of taking the universities word for classes being cancelled, you wait until the professor herself tells you they are cancelled. Also, I'm so tired of hearing about Irma. I know I'm about to experience it, but this waiting and worrying has me stressed out!!... Hopefully the power will just go out and I can sleep all day. That would be nice.

I am frustrated with the amount of research I'm supposed to be getting done. I don't have time, and what time I have I feel like I waste. So mad at myself. And I have to teach two largish sections this semester... I'm just frustrated. I'm ready to be done with my program, but I still have 2-3 years. I should relax because I passed comps and will be getting a degree someday, but I'm more uptight than ever. I really need a break. Next semester I am not supposed to be teaching, and I will be done with my second-year paper, so maybe I'll take a break then...

I had NeoPets when I was a kid too! My brother and I both made millions of NPs and probably played the game a little too much, lol.

I dont hate smokers, but I hate that a lot of them are freaking inconsiderate where they smoke. Some people would like to enjoy the great outdoors without your smoke poluting the place. Anytime I walk outside, no matter where I am, it seems people are smoking there. I didnt notice this in my hometown, but in big cities I've noticed you can't walk anywhere without choking on cigarette fumes. It is really annoying! Excuse me while I have really bad BO in public, because that is basically what you are doing. But I guess you cant expect someone to have regard for others when they have so little regard for their own body. But what gets me is that a lot of these people are enviromemtalist, shop sustainably, and look down at people who don't. WTH!

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper. But for the record- Fuck Nazis. In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged. While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference. Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country. If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run. All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something! As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU. Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids. Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women. Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes! Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes. At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world. (Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer. It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

I stutter all the time, probably not a good thing for someone who plans to spend the rest of her life lecturing. Generally it is just that my brain and my mouth are out of sync and one has to catch up. If I slow down then it doesn't happen as much.

My sister has had the same problem with finding housemates. It really sucks!

Ugh. Why does this forum get so many spammers and other unsavory folks?

For the first year I was in the Ph.D program I had a desktop and a Samsung tablet (and not the expensive tablet either, haha!) It actually worked out well for taking notes and creating powerpoints during class and being portable, and I still love that tablet. However, when I decided to upgrade, I got a Surface and it is nice! Like what other people have said, I'd wait and see what others in your department have.

So, speaking of stray cats... I think one is trying to adopt me, but I can't be sure. He's a really sweet orange kitty, not fixed. He hisses at my dog if Duke gets to close, but isn't scared and seems to be very easy going. My cat, a neutered male, enjoys having him around and they get along surprisingly well. He showed up while I was on vacation I guess, and has been staying on my porch since at least Monday. His fur isn't as soft as my cat's, he may have a tick to two, and it seems like he's been outside for a while. He's convinced me to feed him a few times, which is bad, but he looks really hungry. Anyways, I don't know what to do about him. He's really sweet, but I already have a dog, cat, and rabbit (and a horse, but not on property) so I have enough animals for a grad student, and my apartment won't let me have any more.

After studying for a very difficult professional certification (with 4 parts), the GMAT, and now comps, something I've learned is that you can't really retain things for a test past 6 weeks, so having 3 months to prepare is more than enough time. Use the next six weeks to sketch out the major ideas and a game-plan on how to tackle the rest, but don't study too hard until you are six weeks out or you will be burnt out before the exam.

Ugh! I love my sister, but sometimes... She decided to come down and visit me this weekend because she wanted to get out of the town she's living in. Well, my parents so happened to come down at the same time, from a different city. My sister had just seen my parents last weekend and I haven't seen them in a while. And, I never have them to myself because before this, my brother lived with me until January, and the only other time my dad has visited since then, she also came down. So my dad and I were talking about academia today, which admittedly has been a big topic of conversation all weekend, but its because he's a professor and I am just finishing up comps and we are trying to game-plan for my next 2 or 3 years of the program. All weekend she's been on her phone and acting completely uninterested in anything we're talking about. But then today, she interrupts and starts talking about what she wants to talk about, which I really wouldn't mind, except, she started by insulting what dad and I were talking about. So in essence she was like "Your topic is so boring and dumb, lets talk about me." And then, it isn't a conversation in which one person talks a few sentences, and then the other person responds, it is a 10 minute mini-lecture on her interest where she is the only one talking. And this is just how she is. She's only interested in what she is interested in, and everyone else's interests are dumb, boring, or crazy. And then she's like "I hope when I get married my husband's family will be interested in what I'm interested in." and "if I wasn't here this weekend, I could have gotten free tickets to a concert of a band I like." Well, guess what, sister, sometimes I'm not interested in what the parents or my siblings are interested in either. However, I listen to them and try to talk to them about it, because the key to being interesting is being interested. People don't want to talk to you if the only time you are talking to them, it is about you, and especially not if you insult their interests!! And the parents came to visit me. She already got to visit with them alone. I'll get a little time alone with them, but not much. I haven't talked to anyone in three weeks because I've been studying for comps. Of course I want to talk dad's ear off about stuff. Ugh!

That being said, suicide isn't the answer. I don't know what the answer is, but it isn't that. However, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

I'm not a "trigger warning" type person, but I agree. This is some deep painful shit.