Katia_chan

I'm going to put something out here that a lot of people are probably going to disagree with, but it was said by a very well-respected professor of mine, and it could stand to be repeated.
 
"Once you have a PHD, no matter what it's in or where it's from, you *have* a PHD.  You can reinvent yourself once you have it."
 
Now, that may not ring true if the school has an actively bad reputation.  If 90% of faculty in academia see that name and wrinkle their noses, yeah, you might be in trouble.  But as long as it's a place that produces decent research, you are going to be fine.  Yes, at one or two interviews you might lose out to the guy who has Harvard on his CV.  But you could just as easily encounter a school where they don't think Harvard graduates get enough teaching experience, and they hate Harvard.  Do your best work, and it won't matter that you didn't attend a top 20 school.
 
...And something that may or may not be *completely* true, but if you apply to work somewhere where prestige is that important, and where they would overlook you just because you aren't Ivy, then you may not have wanted to work their anyway.
 
Just my two cents.  Do with it as you will.

Hello all,
 
I know this has probably been beaten to death ten times over, but I wanted to mine the collective GC brain for your anxiety-overcomers.
 
Basically, I'm working on my SoP.  It's not going well.  Every time I open it and try to write about myself like a reasonably intelligent human being, it goes terribly wrong and I end up feeling like I'm only suited for sanitation work for the rest of my life.  I've gone and looked at samples, but mostly that just makes me feel worse, because I feel like these people are much smarter than me.  Then I panic, and it's a big old insecurity-gasm.
 
I know my specific neuroses are my own problem, but I'm curious if any others had crazy crises of confidence while doing this, and how you overcame those/pushed through the crazy long enough to put out something decent.  Any writing exercises you used, methods for balancing academic-speak while portraying who you "are", anything would help at this point.  Because right now, I'm dealing with a metaphoric dog attack after which I'm asked to sit in a pit of giant barking German shepherds.
 
Also trying to work in acknowledgement  of a disability that has to be mentioned because my letter writers are mentioning it, so any tips there would be good too, though I realize that's pretty specific.
 
That's a lot of questions, but I'd appreciate any advice.
 
ETA: I'm looking at this, and having deja vu.  If I went similarly nuts to this before, I really do apologize for posting it again.

Oh, Katia, I'm sorry.  That has to be so incredibly frustrating.  Just try to put your best foot forward, as much as you can, and remember that your math score is about the least important aspect of your application.  Even if schools calculate your combined score, they'll still have to see that you did well in the verbal.  But yes, for now, just take care of yourself.  After the GRE subject test last year, I celebrated by eating a Fluffernutter sandwich and taking a nap, and I fully endorse that course of action for anybody feeling a little burnt out during the application season.

Just because this is an interest of mine as well, I feel like I should agree that what you are being asked to do is absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with you, and you did not have to overcome your disability to succeed but rather the messed up, backwards, elitist institution of higher education. Ugh. Just had to get that off my chest.
 
Also, I wanted to ask what your interests in medieval lit are. I'm not a medievalist myself, but I have been reading in medieval disability lately and it seems like a lot of work needs to be done in that area.

Just got my official GRE scores last night. I already felt pretty solid about the verbal score, and it turns out I scored a 5 on the writing. This pleases me greatly .
 
We won't talk about the math score...lol...

You're always allowed to reapply. You just have to pay all the fees over again and send everything in again.  But there are no schools, as far as I know, that won't let you.  If they can keep getting money from applicants, they will... /bitter cynicism.

OKay, I...think I've outdone myself in sheer pathetic academia-related freakishness. I was wandering the google in search of PHD programs, because that's what I do on a Saturday night, and I found a link to a program that looked like it had a strong presence in my main area of focus.
 
It was in a location that, in theory, would actually kill me with weather, and in a place that I could not even fathom living in, But looked really good, so I clicked on the faculty list, just for the hell of it, because you never know and location can be adjusted to blah blah blah.
 
...The first three professors I clicked on were incredible fits, in one way or another.  Some of them even studied things I didn't even have on my "interests" list.
 
...I cried.  Just a little, but there were tears.
 
I'm kind of hoping someone else has done this, because I feel like such a weirdo, even amongst fellow nerds.
 
Coincidentally...anyone know anything about the program at UG Athens? Just, ahem, theoretically, you know... (I don't know how asking for info on specific schools is looked upon, so PM-s are fine.)
 
Anyway, I'm going to go...away, into this little corner over here, and...enjoy my cocktail of happiness and shame in peace. :B

OKay, I...think I've outdone myself in sheer pathetic academia-related freakishness. I was wandering the google in search of PHD programs, because that's what I do on a Saturday night, and I found a link to a program that looked like it had a strong presence in my main area of focus.
 
It was in a location that, in theory, would actually kill me with weather, and in a place that I could not even fathom living in, But looked really good, so I clicked on the faculty list, just for the hell of it, because you never know and location can be adjusted to blah blah blah.
 
...The first three professors I clicked on were incredible fits, in one way or another.  Some of them even studied things I didn't even have on my "interests" list.
 
...I cried.  Just a little, but there were tears.
 
I'm kind of hoping someone else has done this, because I feel like such a weirdo, even amongst fellow nerds.
 
Coincidentally...anyone know anything about the program at UG Athens? Just, ahem, theoretically, you know... (I don't know how asking for info on specific schools is looked upon, so PM-s are fine.)
 
Anyway, I'm going to go...away, into this little corner over here, and...enjoy my cocktail of happiness and shame in peace. :B

I feel like I'm always Debbie Downer when I drag this into these conversations, but I'm going to do it anyways.  I highly (and repeatedly and fervently) recommend that you give yourself as many options as possible.  Here's why:
 
1) What you want right now might not be what you want in January.  The time between submitting apps and hearing from schools can be a strange and mystical part of your life: you might read Jamaica Kincaid for the first time and become obsessed, you might meet your POI at a conference and discover that he is the devil incarnate, you might realize that you wouldn't live in Chicago if it were the last place on earth, or many many other things.  Be a little flexible about what you can imagine yourself doing, because not only will you possibly change what you want between now and March, but you'll almost definitely change direction at least a little bit once you arrive at your program and start trying and learning new things.
 
2) This is obvious, but it's worth stating and considering again and again.  What you see online, what you get in emails, what you hear from students before going places, and what your POIs tell you is all marketing.  I was admitted to a program this past season that seemed really good on paper and online, but when I visited it, I was immediately put off by the attitude of the department.  Be critical.  You don't want to end up somewhere that doesn't work for you because you were starry-eyed.  Being negative and fastidiously evaluative is a bit of a drag and might make you unpopular at margarita Mondays for a few months, but it will also probably put you in a better position than just riding on what the program says it offers and is.
 
3) If you can produce (and afford) 15 applications of the same quality that you would achieve if you were only producing 3, I would recommend applying more places.  I know that people feel strongly in both directions about this, but my reasoning is pretty basic and mathematical.  Both times I have applied, I have had a 25% success rate.  Had I applied to 4 schools, this would give me 1 option. Because I applied to 16, I had 4.  You want options for reasons 1 and 2 and also because, when you have multiple offers, you can haggle.  This is not true everywhere, as some schools have a standard stipend and that's that, but there are many schools that will ask you what your other offers are, and if you can return that U of A has offered you $5,000 more than U of B and you'd really prefer U of B, then you might just get $7,500 more from U of B.  (This is looking way ahead, but I'm also going to recommend not feeling timid about haggling; don't haggle if they have a set stipend, but if you think you have leverage, do it.)
 
4) Unless you feel very strongly that you would be utterly miserable living somewhere or you are moving with a partner/kids and need to consider location more, don't eliminate schools because of where they are.  I'm not particularly keen on Texas, California, or NYC, but I applied to 6 schools in those locations and very seriously considered the offers I got from some of them.  The fact that I ended up in a program that is both highly-ranked and pretty much exactly where I want to be is pure chance (and this program only became my first choice after I visited all of the programs I'd been admitted to).  Weigh the pros (what the university is going to do for you) against the cons (horrible weather, in a city, not in a city), and the pros will very probably win.
 
5) Listen to advice and recommendations, but also don't feel timid about rejecting it.  My advisor at my last program suggested about 30 programs to me, and probably 15 of them made it on my list or were already there.  I was pretty dubious about one of those, but I decided to go for it even though I wasn't keen on the location and the program wasn't represented well on the website.  This program became my #2 and I very nearly ended up there.  Even though I did not choose to do my PhD there, I made very valuable connections with the faculty during my visit.  The program I chose is not the one he was pushing for, but I decided it was the best fit for me.
 
Anyways, those are some of the more nuanced ways I made my list.  I'll also answer id quid's question a bit more directly with this bullet point:
• ask any helpful faculty
Your an advisor is, obviously, important in this process, but you have far more brains to pick than his or hers.  Ask profs you get along with in your department and in relevant departments.  If you're not a dick about it, people who are in radically different specialties than the one you want to enter will probably be willing to take the time and effort to think about it and even reach out to contacts they have on your behalf.  Be polite, friendly, and solicitous, and you will be inundated with helpful information.

Okay, I feel the need to come on the less practical side here, and instead on the stupidly-optimistic side.
 
If the money for apps is there, and you at least have more than 50% desire to go, then....why the hell not?  It's not like you have to quit your job to apply.  So take a gamble, join the rest of us in the crippling anxiety game that is applications.  See what happens.  Maybe you get into your ideal program, and you go to school, and it's great.  Maybe you get into one and decide "meh, it's not for me."  And maybe you get into none.  Either way, you have a job, and the freedom to cast a wide net.  As long as you're applying for your own sake, and not because you think you "should," go, fly, take the plunge.  At worst, you get to experiment with your threshold of crazy, and everybody knows that's fun.

Okay, I feel the need to come on the less practical side here, and instead on the stupidly-optimistic side.
 
If the money for apps is there, and you at least have more than 50% desire to go, then....why the hell not?  It's not like you have to quit your job to apply.  So take a gamble, join the rest of us in the crippling anxiety game that is applications.  See what happens.  Maybe you get into your ideal program, and you go to school, and it's great.  Maybe you get into one and decide "meh, it's not for me."  And maybe you get into none.  Either way, you have a job, and the freedom to cast a wide net.  As long as you're applying for your own sake, and not because you think you "should," go, fly, take the plunge.  At worst, you get to experiment with your threshold of crazy, and everybody knows that's fun.

This is going to sound really weird, but getting rejected countless freaking times has affirmed to me that a PHD is what I want to do.  I decided as a junior in college that I wanted to do my masters, after having a few friends older than I was start on theirs.  They all seemed to love it, and I thought it sounded pretty cool.
 
I tried to go straight for PHD, failed at that, and ended up getting accepted to a MA program at my UG school, where I absolutely did not want to go.  But I went, and it was amazing.  Did I want to throw myself under a bus sometimes? Absolutely. But over all it was exactly what I needed.
 
So I reapplied for PHD work, and got rejected across the board.  I got very lucky and an adjunct teaching job sort of fell into my lap.  I admit, I didn't love it.  Freshmen are frustrating, and comp is not what I enjoy teaching. But it kept my hand in, helped me form some new connections, and I do not regret it for a moment.  I learned a lot from those little bastards.
 
Then I applied again, and after a prolonged waitlist process, got rejected again.  And I had someone, very nicely, ask me how long I was going to continue to put myself through this, after they watched the ten-thousandth mental breakdown.  And I thought about it for a while.  My original answer, a while ago, had been that I would apply until my GRE scores ran out, because I never wanted to take the test again.  But when that friend asked me this year, I had to revise that.  Because I can't imagine a life in which I do not get a PHD, and in which I do not get to teach literature.  And it was a comforting feeling.  There are lots of jobs I could do--I could adjunct for a living and, in the right place, probably make decent money (or livable money) doing it.  But I don't think I will find a point in which I do not try to reach that dream, because I can't imagine feeling truly fulfilled until I do it.
 
That was a really long two-cents, but there you go.  I think, if you like the work you do as a MA student, you should go for it.  At the very least send in applications--that never hurts. And how you feel when you get accepted somewhere will be a good indicator for you.  If you are pleased, it's a good sign.  If you are crying and bouncing off the walls with joy, it's a great sign.  If you, at that point, don't care one way or the other, then maybe take that time to reconsider.
 
...but I push grad school like drugs, so I'm always going to say at least make the attempt.

Living on the edge folks: I printed off a couple of articles yesterday...
 
 
 
On my company's printers!
 

Ha! This is what is so dumb about the literature test. It forces you to gorge yourself on cursory knowledge of a wide variety of texts only to regurgitate them for three hours on a Saturday. It is the exact opposite of education. It's rote memorization for the purposes of further filling ETS's coffers. In fact, it forces people that are (usually) very deep readers of texts--that might even, like me, read slowly--to deny the instincts that have probably lead them to great previous success in their academic careers. Surely, it does more bad than good for programs. It's the same bullshit obsession with standardized test scores in undergraduate admissions. "Oh no. We don't need to hear about why you need an education. We just need to know how many questions you got right on a test that you didn't want to take. That should suffice for us determining whether you belong at our institution or not." It makes normally considerate and knowledgeable people banal. It's terrible.
 
tl;dr: ETS is stupid, and I hate them.

Take hope, future academicians! There's always being a cat lady.
 

Oh my goodness, I just got my admission letter from Minnesota! The waiting has been excruciating, but finally, I'm in. I hope others who are waiting for good news will also hear them as today goes by!  

All my hopes, you guys.

Accepted off the wait list to Irvine. This makes things interesting! I am not sure how I am ever going to make a decision tomorrow...

also appear to be rejected. I'm glad the school was so good at communicating with its applicants!*

*they did not communicate with me at all, and I am, in fact, not glad

Holy smokes, guys-- I just got the good word from UCLA! Can't believe it!
 
I'll be turning down an offer from UT Austin tonight. Hope that helps someone (I'm looking at you, ErnestPWorrell)! Keep your heads up!

omg. this. is. never. going. to. end. 

Hey I was accepted to irvine today

I got into Brandeis. Having so many good feelings.

YOU GUYS!!!  I've just been accepted to UNC-Chapel Hill! 

I'm dying, and have possibly turned into the crabbiest most uninterested composition teacher ever. Sorry, students--it's the grad apps faults that your teacher looks like a crazy person.