MVSCZAR

I don't want to use the "there are starving children in Africa" trope, but this is basically what it is, man. 
 
It hurts to get rejected, even after getting accepted somewhere, obviously. But it's going to keep happening, and it's something we have to get used to. We aren't all little messiahs, as much as I'd like to convince myself otherwise. Some people are really just going to think we're not all that. Maybe that's part of the messiah thing, come to think of it. 
 
I think that what's rubbing people the wrong way is that your posts are making you seem impervious to other peoples' struggles to get even this far. And it may have been difficult for you too, and it likely has been, but it's difficult to see that when you imply that having to study at Cornell was you settling for less that what you thought you deserved. Meanwhile, a whole chunk of us would have never even dreamed of going to a place like that. And Harvard, man. I'd be so damned proud of myself. Nobody in my family knows any of the schools I've gotten into. Hell, they don't even know what a PhD is. They don't even know what philosophy is, really. I had one family member ask me if that meant I was going to work in a hospital with my mom. But even if they don't all know that, they know that Harvard means you're worth something. You should seriously be proud of that. When I got the news from Stony Brook, I was in my aunt's house in Colombia (they're poor as hell and haven't ever even left Medellin) my cousins asked me if I had applied to Harvard and when I'd be hearing back from them.   
 
My best friend who is the smartest person I've ever met, by far, and probably the biggest reason I've even gotten this far, had so much shit going on during this application season that he probably won't get into the one place he applied to, and he was only able to apply there because there was no application fee. When we complain, we probably sound like we're fishing for compliments to people like him. You got into a school most people dream about AND, most importantly, YOU took THEIR spot. They shouldn't have to console you or feel like they have to console you.
 
But yeah, I do think you're allowed to vent. I myself am feeling a straight panic right now and disdain and contempt, even. I feel like a spoiled bitch, to be honest, and I don't even remember what possessed me to go into a discipline that would turn down so many willing and able devotees. I'm confused and I want time to just stop for a little bit. And I can go on and on and fill whole threads about it. But, again, how can I ask anyone to console me when I'm in such an enviable position? You shouldn't change what you're feeling if what you're feeling is hurt or rejected. You're allowed to feel that way and forcing yourself to feel any other way is dishonest. It isn't that you don't have problems, but you wouldn't go into a leper colony and complain about your sore throat, even though sore throats can hurt like hell. 
 
I've already gotten my lashings worth from people who have told me I have nothing to complain about, even though I truly feel hurt, so don't take this the wrong way. I'm meaning all of this in the friendliest way possible. I'm sure that there are plenty of people who have gotten accepted to multiple programs who feel similarly rejected and hurt. But I think that's part of all of this. At least I'm hoping so. 

I don't want to use the "there are starving children in Africa" trope, but this is basically what it is, man. 
 
It hurts to get rejected, even after getting accepted somewhere, obviously. But it's going to keep happening, and it's something we have to get used to. We aren't all little messiahs, as much as I'd like to convince myself otherwise. Some people are really just going to think we're not all that. Maybe that's part of the messiah thing, come to think of it. 
 
I think that what's rubbing people the wrong way is that your posts are making you seem impervious to other peoples' struggles to get even this far. And it may have been difficult for you too, and it likely has been, but it's difficult to see that when you imply that having to study at Cornell was you settling for less that what you thought you deserved. Meanwhile, a whole chunk of us would have never even dreamed of going to a place like that. And Harvard, man. I'd be so damned proud of myself. Nobody in my family knows any of the schools I've gotten into. Hell, they don't even know what a PhD is. They don't even know what philosophy is, really. I had one family member ask me if that meant I was going to work in a hospital with my mom. But even if they don't all know that, they know that Harvard means you're worth something. You should seriously be proud of that. When I got the news from Stony Brook, I was in my aunt's house in Colombia (they're poor as hell and haven't ever even left Medellin) my cousins asked me if I had applied to Harvard and when I'd be hearing back from them.   
 
My best friend who is the smartest person I've ever met, by far, and probably the biggest reason I've even gotten this far, had so much shit going on during this application season that he probably won't get into the one place he applied to, and he was only able to apply there because there was no application fee. When we complain, we probably sound like we're fishing for compliments to people like him. You got into a school most people dream about AND, most importantly, YOU took THEIR spot. They shouldn't have to console you or feel like they have to console you.
 
But yeah, I do think you're allowed to vent. I myself am feeling a straight panic right now and disdain and contempt, even. I feel like a spoiled bitch, to be honest, and I don't even remember what possessed me to go into a discipline that would turn down so many willing and able devotees. I'm confused and I want time to just stop for a little bit. And I can go on and on and fill whole threads about it. But, again, how can I ask anyone to console me when I'm in such an enviable position? You shouldn't change what you're feeling if what you're feeling is hurt or rejected. You're allowed to feel that way and forcing yourself to feel any other way is dishonest. It isn't that you don't have problems, but you wouldn't go into a leper colony and complain about your sore throat, even though sore throats can hurt like hell. 
 
I've already gotten my lashings worth from people who have told me I have nothing to complain about, even though I truly feel hurt, so don't take this the wrong way. I'm meaning all of this in the friendliest way possible. I'm sure that there are plenty of people who have gotten accepted to multiple programs who feel similarly rejected and hurt. But I think that's part of all of this. At least I'm hoping so. 

I really can't stand this chicken little bullshit back and forth. On the one hand, it isn't the end of the world that you used a masculine pronoun. No rational person would say this is an example of overt I discrimination. We get it, you meant well. But even as someone who is exceptionally tolerant of that and who refuses to use feminine pronouns as universals (prefering one, you, or they), your use of "he" was a little too obvious and sounded bad and exclusionary. Now we know you didn't mean it that way. Great. You're not a misogynist or a jerk or anything for using it. Just a bad writer, at least in that post. Nobody is faulting you for that nor should they. But your response is annoying and self righteous, because it does sound bad, and a *suggestion* to change a pronoun isn't some great affront to your Liberty. It isn't in itself some massive arrest of the /freedoms which built our wonderfully liberated western civilization./ It's an editing suggestion. That's all it is. Your rights aren't being stripped. This isn't some liberal plot to delegitimize dissent (and those do exist. There IS a problem with PC culture, but this is different.). It's not a slippery slope towards totalitarianism and against rationality and reason and common sense. You're not a martyr for using "him", "he", etc. 
 
@gughok gave you an excellent response. You don't have to take his suggestions. Nobody is forcing you to. Also, I worked for an academic journal as an editor, and we never sent a paper back or suggested someone use a different pronoun. I think that thats's a total exaggeration, and I don't know what the point is of pretending that that actually happens in most reputable journals. I suppose it does and should within certain AOIs, but it's not done across the board. But again, your problem is only tangentially political and primarily stylistic, and the writing we got was often by much better stylists. 
 
Also, you're posting this in a thread filled with a bunch of tense and anxious wanna-be philosophers with intellectual blue balls, myself included. What do you expect to happen? 
 
I'm not going to make any claim about you or your character or intentions, and I'll defend you against any accusations against your character. But, if you're wanting to have an actual discussion, we should have it, so long as you don't pretend that this is something it isn't. And also, so long as you don't hide behind that Orwellian nightmare bullshit. This isn't that conversation. That's too easy. 

I really can't stand this chicken little bullshit back and forth. On the one hand, it isn't the end of the world that you used a masculine pronoun. No rational person would say this is an example of overt I discrimination. We get it, you meant well. But even as someone who is exceptionally tolerant of that and who refuses to use feminine pronouns as universals (prefering one, you, or they), your use of "he" was a little too obvious and sounded bad and exclusionary. Now we know you didn't mean it that way. Great. You're not a misogynist or a jerk or anything for using it. Just a bad writer, at least in that post. Nobody is faulting you for that nor should they. But your response is annoying and self righteous, because it does sound bad, and a *suggestion* to change a pronoun isn't some great affront to your Liberty. It isn't in itself some massive arrest of the /freedoms which built our wonderfully liberated western civilization./ It's an editing suggestion. That's all it is. Your rights aren't being stripped. This isn't some liberal plot to delegitimize dissent (and those do exist. There IS a problem with PC culture, but this is different.). It's not a slippery slope towards totalitarianism and against rationality and reason and common sense. You're not a martyr for using "him", "he", etc. 
 
@gughok gave you an excellent response. You don't have to take his suggestions. Nobody is forcing you to. Also, I worked for an academic journal as an editor, and we never sent a paper back or suggested someone use a different pronoun. I think that thats's a total exaggeration, and I don't know what the point is of pretending that that actually happens in most reputable journals. I suppose it does and should within certain AOIs, but it's not done across the board. But again, your problem is only tangentially political and primarily stylistic, and the writing we got was often by much better stylists. 
 
Also, you're posting this in a thread filled with a bunch of tense and anxious wanna-be philosophers with intellectual blue balls, myself included. What do you expect to happen? 
 
I'm not going to make any claim about you or your character or intentions, and I'll defend you against any accusations against your character. But, if you're wanting to have an actual discussion, we should have it, so long as you don't pretend that this is something it isn't. And also, so long as you don't hide behind that Orwellian nightmare bullshit. This isn't that conversation. That's too easy. 

My only advice is apply to more schools than you think is necessary. 

I really can't stand this chicken little bullshit back and forth. On the one hand, it isn't the end of the world that you used a masculine pronoun. No rational person would say this is an example of overt I discrimination. We get it, you meant well. But even as someone who is exceptionally tolerant of that and who refuses to use feminine pronouns as universals (prefering one, you, or they), your use of "he" was a little too obvious and sounded bad and exclusionary. Now we know you didn't mean it that way. Great. You're not a misogynist or a jerk or anything for using it. Just a bad writer, at least in that post. Nobody is faulting you for that nor should they. But your response is annoying and self righteous, because it does sound bad, and a *suggestion* to change a pronoun isn't some great affront to your Liberty. It isn't in itself some massive arrest of the /freedoms which built our wonderfully liberated western civilization./ It's an editing suggestion. That's all it is. Your rights aren't being stripped. This isn't some liberal plot to delegitimize dissent (and those do exist. There IS a problem with PC culture, but this is different.). It's not a slippery slope towards totalitarianism and against rationality and reason and common sense. You're not a martyr for using "him", "he", etc. 
 
@gughok gave you an excellent response. You don't have to take his suggestions. Nobody is forcing you to. Also, I worked for an academic journal as an editor, and we never sent a paper back or suggested someone use a different pronoun. I think that thats's a total exaggeration, and I don't know what the point is of pretending that that actually happens in most reputable journals. I suppose it does and should within certain AOIs, but it's not done across the board. But again, your problem is only tangentially political and primarily stylistic, and the writing we got was often by much better stylists. 
 
Also, you're posting this in a thread filled with a bunch of tense and anxious wanna-be philosophers with intellectual blue balls, myself included. What do you expect to happen? 
 
I'm not going to make any claim about you or your character or intentions, and I'll defend you against any accusations against your character. But, if you're wanting to have an actual discussion, we should have it, so long as you don't pretend that this is something it isn't. And also, so long as you don't hide behind that Orwellian nightmare bullshit. This isn't that conversation. That's too easy. 

Same. I sort of wish I could accept all of them (and also all of their money). Everyone is so nice.  

And there's at least a fourth use: You can look through the site and ask yourself repeatedly why you didn't study engineering instead.

I really can't stand this chicken little bullshit back and forth. On the one hand, it isn't the end of the world that you used a masculine pronoun. No rational person would say this is an example of overt I discrimination. We get it, you meant well. But even as someone who is exceptionally tolerant of that and who refuses to use feminine pronouns as universals (prefering one, you, or they), your use of "he" was a little too obvious and sounded bad and exclusionary. Now we know you didn't mean it that way. Great. You're not a misogynist or a jerk or anything for using it. Just a bad writer, at least in that post. Nobody is faulting you for that nor should they. But your response is annoying and self righteous, because it does sound bad, and a *suggestion* to change a pronoun isn't some great affront to your Liberty. It isn't in itself some massive arrest of the /freedoms which built our wonderfully liberated western civilization./ It's an editing suggestion. That's all it is. Your rights aren't being stripped. This isn't some liberal plot to delegitimize dissent (and those do exist. There IS a problem with PC culture, but this is different.). It's not a slippery slope towards totalitarianism and against rationality and reason and common sense. You're not a martyr for using "him", "he", etc. 
 
@gughok gave you an excellent response. You don't have to take his suggestions. Nobody is forcing you to. Also, I worked for an academic journal as an editor, and we never sent a paper back or suggested someone use a different pronoun. I think that thats's a total exaggeration, and I don't know what the point is of pretending that that actually happens in most reputable journals. I suppose it does and should within certain AOIs, but it's not done across the board. But again, your problem is only tangentially political and primarily stylistic, and the writing we got was often by much better stylists. 
 
Also, you're posting this in a thread filled with a bunch of tense and anxious wanna-be philosophers with intellectual blue balls, myself included. What do you expect to happen? 
 
I'm not going to make any claim about you or your character or intentions, and I'll defend you against any accusations against your character. But, if you're wanting to have an actual discussion, we should have it, so long as you don't pretend that this is something it isn't. And also, so long as you don't hide behind that Orwellian nightmare bullshit. This isn't that conversation. That's too easy. 

And there's at least a fourth use: You can look through the site and ask yourself repeatedly why you didn't study engineering instead.

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

You Kant be stopped!!!

10 points to Gryffindor!! 

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

Just sending out apologies on behalf of Tennessee and the male gender. I wish I could say we're trying to get better as a unit, but meh, IDK.

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

At least you got pizza, though. 

I did! I did!  Eeeeeee.
 
And it's not so much luck as much as it's that you're obviously just very prepared. 

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

Well, if it helps, if I combine all of my offers, I'd be able to afford to rent a studio in NYC, no utilities...

And there's at least a fourth use: You can look through the site and ask yourself repeatedly why you didn't study engineering instead.

And there's at least a fourth use: You can look through the site and ask yourself repeatedly why you didn't study engineering instead.

I apologize if this is construed as an unnecessarily long tirade, but I feel like I need to put this into words (even if I am just shouting into a void.) 

After graduating from my undergraduate institution, I was hired for an internship with the D.O.E. and thought that maybe it would be a perfect milieu to utilize my science and philosophy knowledge simultaneously (my ingenuous younger self was under the impression that the government bureaucrats would find such interdisciplinary insights valuable!) I discussed some research ideas I had with respect to a given project with my supervisor and explained to her that I was interested in whether or not our definitional biases towards certain scientific phenomena were inadvertently guiding us to exclusive research proposals. I suggested that maybe if we reevaluate the linguistic infrastructure of this particular set of phenomena, maybe we can devise some novel approaches. A few weeks later I was relegated to the center's "dishwasher" (I cleaned beakers, erlenmeyer flasks, and other labware) because my supervisor believed my intellectual abilities were "better suited" to such a task. She told me "scientists are intelligent individuals and when they speak, the words that come out of their mouths are worthy of listening to and considering. I am not confident you are one of those people." 

I ultimately experienced a strange ambivalence, for I knew that if there was even a slight chance that I could grow academically, this was an inimical environment from which I needed to escape, but in order to survive the degradation, it was as if I had to believe that my supervisor's claims were true (therefore satisfying a just-world hypothesis.) I always knew that I wanted to go to graduate school one day, but I figured why wait any longer, what do I have to lose? 

I did not feel as if I belonged among scientists (and I say that not with sententiousness or a sanctimonious tone,) and believed that working with philosophical intellectuals was undoubtedly a prospect that would have a greater potentiality for fostering this sense of "belongingness." But once all of my applications were submitted, I wrestled with the very real possibility that none of those applications would be successful. Although this possibility is by no means an indication that I would be precluded from graduate study forevermore (i.e. there's always next year,) I could not help but feel that such a possibility would leave my existential sense of identity in suspension. Getting rejected seemed to be like an ontological erasure, for I endeavored to go to graduate school because I know I do not belong "here," but failing to earn an acceptance seemed to indicate that I do not belong to the proverbial "there" either, which of course begs the question: where do I belong and who am I, exactly?

I have been fortunate enough to hear positive news this admissions season, which I thought would lay my existential concerns to rest. But now I have been edified of the, what can be considered, elitist and competitive aura associated with academic philosophy (i.e. jobs are scarce, ranking matters, academic pedigrees matter, etc.) and I find it utterly nauseating. I have never believed rankings and pedigrees to be essential characteristics indicative of an individual's worth or potential as an intellectual and yet I have been accosted with equivocating fears as to whether or not these beliefs are nothing more than self-serving biases. I guess what I am trying to say is that I thought the worst part of this entire process would be the possibility for ontological suspension at the hands of indifferent admission committees, but I am finding that the worst part has been coming to terms that I have failed to take Nietzsche's advice seriously. While fighting the monsters (i.e. trying to prove that women can be just as efficacious as men in philosophy, trying to prove that coming from a small school is not an academic death sentence, striving to find a philosophical environment that is collaborative rather than competitive and self-serving, etc.), I have these moments where I feel as if I have become a monster (i.e. I am questioning the extent of my "achievements" with respect to rankings and pedigrees, which seems unquestionably inauthentic of me.) 

I went into this believing Heraclitus' underlying philosophy: that by simply reading the riddles, we all assume the role as philosopher. I went into this wanting to study philosophy for the sake of studying philosophy, not as a means, but as a deeply respected end. I went into this believing we all deserve a place at the "philosophical table" for no other reason than we wish to be there (I understand this is a rather utopian, idyllic thought, but once again, I just have a lot of feelings.) And now, here I am, confounded by these facets of the academic world that seem incompatible with those preliminary insights. I feel disillusioned. Has anyone else been navigating through similar ambivalences or am I just being ridiculous?