eternalwhitenights

I just commented and asked that very question! ? I'll let you know!

My apologies. ? I definitely have learned not to engage with our trollmeister the hard way--I was active on the forums last year, did engage with our troll, and ain't nobody got time to go down that rabbit hole again. ? I more took a shot in the dark based off the way you'd written a few phrases and to see if I still had my troll-sussing-out skills on point. (Masochistic amusement, I guess? I.e. I need to stop obsessively checking GradCafe for admission results.) I'm very, very glad my wires were crossed in this case, though, because that means that I get to congratulate you on your Brooklyn College movement as the real deal, woot! That's a huge accomplishment, and I'm glad you left with a good impression of their program (based off your other post you just made about your interview with them as a finalist). Do you have an idea if you're going to go with their program yet? Sorry again about misguessing about you troll-wise! I'm so glad I get to genuinely congratulate you instead.

Woooooo!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!

I might regret this, but my troll spidey senses are going off full throttle. Dear troll, is that you? Nice try if so. @MDP congratulations, love!!!!! Woooohoooooo!!!!!!!! That's amazing!!

Awesome, hoping it works out, too!! Thanks for the info!

Question, because I'm lazy and don't feel like searching back through pages and pages of this year's MFA thread ?: what program did @mrvisserget into? I am so, so happy for him--he was one of the first people who welcomed me on the MFA thread last year (I think it was both of our first seasons?), and he was so hopeful with all the programs he'd applied to, but unfortunately didn't get into last year. He was one of my OGs I was especially rooting for this year to get an acceptance, and to hear that he did, makes me so, incredibly happy to hear that his hard work paid off!! (@mrvisserif you happen to see this post, congratulations a million times over on getting accepted to your program!! I'm so, so proud of you for sticking with it, and congratulations on your success!! You rock! :D) Also, on a more general note, congrats on all the acceptances posted today! You guys are killing it!!! All the hearts and congrats and hugs from me to y'all!

Not yet! I haven't seen any movement either here or on Draft, so I'm waiting with bated breath, too!

For anyone waiting on ND, there were a couple of poetry acceptances on Draft ~Feb. 26th and afterwards. I think some waitlists for poetry have also gone out, but no movement on fiction yet! In case I missed anyone, congrats on everyone's acceptances who have posted here!

Anyone heard from Notre Dame yet? I know this is around the time they seem to start notifying!

NO FREAKING WAY!!!!! Woooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I'm SO happy for you, love!!!!! I hope this is a new beginning for you. ❤️❤️❤️ Congratulations!!! That's amazing!!! WOW! Go you!!!! Congrats, love!! Woohoo!!!!! That's so exciting! I hope you get funding so you can come! ❤️ Oh, I'm so happy for you, friend! I've seen your posts over the months, and I hope this is a boon to your confidence and encourages you to keep writing with all your heart. I'm so happy for you!! ❤️ Congrats!

Hi everyone! I applied for the first time last year, didn't get in to the one program I applied for (Notre Dame) (thank God--I definitely wasn't ready ?), and I just hit "submit" earlier today on my application to Notre Dame again, round 2 (still the only one I'm applying to)! I feel a lot better about my application this time around, and I just feel much more grounded personally going into this application round than I did last year. Excited to see what's around the riverbend for me (and y'all!). Just wanted to wish everyone luck, you all will be in my prayers, and great to see familiar faces around again! (@panglosian @mrvisser @Ydrl off the top of my head!) Hope everyone's doing well/staying mentally sane, and good luck!

P.S. @YdrlI most definitely think your post is worth being upvoted! I did! ?

Actually, I am so grateful you posted this! You articulated much of what I was trying to say, but didn't know the words for, in many ways. Especially, when you said: "References to recent and/or especially rampant violence, death, racism, abuse...etc. are all things that should scream "don't talk about this in a completely unrelated space." No matter how nicely you say something, or tack on an apology or explanation afterwards, it can still hurt people badly. And I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm hurt, the last thing I want to deal with is the person that hurt me in any capacity, no matter if they want to help or hurt again." --- that is exactly what I realized when I took a step back and thought about how mentioning events of such trauma or hurt, however well-intentioned--I took a step back and realized just how much I need to think before posting something like that, just like you said, in a completely unrelated space. I should have thought a LOT more carefully about that, and I will take that lesson to heart moving forward. And, I don't know if this is weird to say, but I actually don't think you have to say "it's okay" or anything to that effect to me at all (as much as I appreciate the kindness), because, the fact is, I did hurt people from vulnerable communities in some way, and that matters, a lot. It's this super weird, simultaneous type of dual tension of, what I said wasn't *okay*, persay, because it did trigger, or hurt someone in a vulnerable community, and yet, at the same time, my feelings and heart matter, too, and I have to watch out in myself for just downplaying or ignoring my own heart in important discussions for the sake of keeping the peace, or because I'm embarrassed at what I said--whatever the reason may be. It's a very delicate line to walk, and balancing on it/navigating it is a biatch, but at least for me, what it really comes down to is, someone got hurt, and the least important thing in that situation is comforting me or reassuring me that I'm a "good" human or whatever, because the most important factor (again, to me at least) is that someone who is vulnerable got hurt, I played some part in that, and while, as you said, there's no possible way to know what is going to trigger each individual person, if there is anything I can do to learn from it, or learn how to be more loving, I want to know how I can. Seriously, thanks so much for posting that. ❤️ You really captured many of the things I was trying to say. Also, I hope you're doing okay re: the triggers you mentioned; I'll keep you in my prayers extra, and I'm sending you big, ginormous hugs across the Interwebs for any instances you've experienced, especially recently, that have traumatized, triggered, or hurt you in any way. I hope your heart is all right. ❤️

That's very kind of you. For me, at least at this point in my life, it was the right decision to leave, and I definitely don't consider it a net negative at all! It was really eye-opening, and actually really fun, to be swept up in the decision-making flurry of activity, and see people post and freak out and have people understand solidarity-wise about what an emotional rollercoaster this whole process can be. I also learned a lot, and gathered some tips for next year's application, so that in and of itself is a net positive, and I'm glad I was a part of the group, even if simply for that reason alone. I can only hope that any encouragement or excitement I expressed helped others in some way. That's all I ever wanted to do, and, I'm sure it's a bit cheesy, but I honestly just get so much genuine joy at seeing others succeed. I love encouraging others, and, kind of like you said, you never know when a smile or a kind word could just turn someone's day around, and I think that's a pretty awesome thing to be able to do for others. To me, seeing others succeed was the best part of being in the group, and the silly memes and coping comments people posted, and just reading about people's successes and stories about how they got to where they are today, were what brought me such joy while I was in it. Those were lovely moments, and I'm glad I experienced them. Also, at the end of the day, I realize that I have no way of knowing all the intricacies of someone's life story, and what experiences they've had up to that point that cause them to react to words or pictures or statements--or whatever--in the way that they do. Their feelings--as mine are--are valid, and I would like to honor them, and my own, as such. Also, as a white woman, I always try to keep in mind that I do not experience lived, racial, intergenerational trauma daily, so how can I judge or draw snap conclusions about someone's reaction who does experience that everyday, without taking that vital factor into context, and conclude immediately that I didn't cause harm? I try to make damn well sure that I evaluate whatever the conversation or moment happened to be that catalyzed said hypothetical reaction from a person of color, and take time to educate myself and think about the reasons said person could possibly have been hurt by my words, phrasing, etc., because their experiences and hearts matter to me, and I'd like to understand as much as I can. A key part of my privilege is recognizing that I have not experienced so many of the things BIPOC individuals have, so one of the best things I can do is just simply listen to their experiences, believe them, and take the time to place myself in their shoes to imagine what experiencing that all the time must feel like, and then retake a look at the exchange through that lens, so I can just be a better overall human, and hopefully an ally, and even friend. Also, one of the biggest things I've learned this year in all of the reading, listening, educating, etc. I've immersed myself in, is that BIPOC individuals are so rarely (if ever) given space to just be freaking human in white-oriented or dominated spaces, and I have zero interest in being the white lady that takes over their moment of expressing emotion, or that causes them to not feel safe, when they do express their hearts and emotions fully in a space where 99% of the time their perspective is tone-policed, silenced, tokenized, lashed out at in defensiveness, undermined, denied, downplayed, or just straight up ignored. I can only imagine that would wear on someone, and perhaps cause them to be silent, if that happened to them constantly, and I don't want to be a cause or trigger or perpetuator of that silence. I know I have and will continue to make mistakes along the way, and that being anti-racist, and just simply valuing others in the fullness of the inherently worthy humanity, is a lifelong process, and will require me to continue to daily unpack the conceptions I have of others, challenge my own prejudices, and just try to love the best I can. I know I got on a bit of a soapbox there, ha...please know that passion wasn't directed at anything you said ?; in essence, I think why all the stuff of the past few days hurt me the way it did, is precisely because amplifying marginalized voices is so important to me, and it's something I care about to the depths of my being. I just really care about people feeling heard, safe, and loved, you know? I'm also conscious that marginalized communities' voices are silenced so often, undervalued, and swept aside, and I never, ever want to be the person that does that. Okay, I'll stop rambling now, but thank you very much for your kind words, and congrats on making it through my screed in the first place. ? I truly wish nothing but the best for every single person on there, and I'm still very excited to see what both GradCafe-ers and Drafters accomplish!

Holy shit, that blew up! ? *waves awkwardly* So, yeah, I'm totally fine! Sorry to have worried anyone unnecessarily. Yes, I did choose to leave Draft for my own mental health purposes. I found that a lot of the latest interactions that were occurring on there were really causing me to spend more time than necessary on and in the group, and recent exchanges especially were actually causing me some pretty deep pain in my heart and causing me to get into a bit of a negative head space, and it just wasn't life-giving for me anymore (and it certainly didn't seem like my contributions were life-giving anymore to others), so I decided to remove myself from the group for everyone's (both myself and the group's) overall wellness. While I absolutely have loved (and still love) celebrating in everyone's successes and journeys to and through the MFA, some of the posts I made recently in Draft really seemed to do more harm than good for some Draft members, especially for members of color, and that is absolutely the LAST thing in the world I ever, ever wanted my words to cause or be a part of, especially within the context of me being a white woman. Essentially (and I will try to sum this up as briefly as possible), the "Black" issue Marshall is referring to is (which, btw, Marshall, that's racist--Black people have every right to speak up, and I would hope they can feel safe speaking up with me, if I said something that hurt them, or any member of color, frankly, especially within the context of if a statement I made (however inadvertently) triggers or causes trauma to people of color--I'm glad they speak up, so I can take a step back and learn. I do not know everything, nor can, or should, I try to police a BIPOC person's lived experience. Anyway, I digress.) (I guess?) what kind of kicked off the whole thing. I think it was about a week ago, that I was just feeling incredibly grateful and heart-full in my heart, at seeing how many BIPOC members had succeeded in gaining acceptances this year. It was just one of those overflowing joy moments I sometimes get. It was so moving for me to see this in the context of all I had learned over these past several months about systemic racism, and, personally, I just think it's a milestone to be celebrated, especially in the context of all the racism, misogyny, xenophobia, and threatened existence that marginalized communities have not only continued to experience, but have endured being amped up publicly on steroids with all of the crisises of this past year, especially with these people out here feeling emboldened to publicly, violently act on their racist beliefs, ipso facto far-right domestic terrorists acting out their shitty, chauvinistic fantasies, and thinking they're invincible from consequences while doing so. All of us have seen the news, seen the lives lost, seen the tragedies that occur. I wrote a post on Draft that was intended to celebrate these milestones, both systemically and individually, because I think it's a tremendous accomplishment to persist in goals despite, and even with, such uncertainty and tragedy occurring in multitudes around oneself (and especially within the context of how difficult this season was overall within the context of COVID). One of the ways I tend to write and relate to people overall, both as a human and as a creative, is to discuss how events, stories, etc. have deeply moved me and inspired me, in my own heart; and, in the context of discussing issues affecting marginalized communities, especially as an ally, I want to express, loudly and clearly, my support, encouragement, and acknowledgement that I recognize how many barriers they have had to cross (the whole, "work twice as hard for half the result" thing) to even get to a place that I, in my privilege, either have had easier access to, or can easily take for granted without stopping and taking a moment to consider others' experiences. I saw last summer in my own personal life and online activity how insanely, insanely vital and important it was to my own Black, international, first-generation, etc. friends in my own life, that white people actually speak up and take a stand against racism, especially in the face of so much silence, denial, avoidance, violence, and dismissal from other white people. (In my own life, I sobbed, several times, at the hardheartedness and the intractability I saw from members of my own faith, from family and friends, and just from so many in society at large, regarding issues of racism, and especially in brushing off or glossing over at how these issues were resulting in losses of beautiful, precious lives, that (as an example) Black men being murdered by police aren't just numbers on a graph; they're humans, with vital, beautiful stories of their own, and they deserve to be honored, treasured, and remembered with dignity, not expostulated upon as a conglomeration of stereotypes or dehumanizing rhetoric (which I witnessed from white friends and family in spades, and which I have tried to speak out against as much as I could, because it's the freaking right thing to do, and their lives MATTER).) Perhaps naively, I brought this same mentality of just wanting to express celebration and joy, and be my naturally vocal, enthusiastic self, to my initial post on Draft intending to celebrate BIPOC success, and so I wrote the post, and published it. Within about thirty minutes, I received a private message from a fellow Draft member letting me know that a lot of what I had posted had triggered and/or hurt and/or traumatized members of color of the group, and they explained to me certain aspects of how I had done this via my narrative choices. I immediately deleted the post because I did NOT want to trigger anybody else, or cause anymore trauma, and since there had been no public emotional labor done in terms of a person of color explaining what was troubling to them about the post (which I would have most definitely left up to serve as a teachable moment and just for accountability's sake in general, as well as in recognition of the emotional labor that would have been performed by said hypothetical person of color), I evaluated the situation and concluded that deleting it would be the wisest and most loving thing to do in that moment. Later that day, because of the information shared with me via that private message, that my initial post had traumatized several members of the Draft community, I wrote a public apology post stating essentially what I told you above, that hurting or triggering BIPOC members of the community was the last thing I intended with my initial post, and that I welcomed anyone messaging me if they wanted to share how I had hurt them, or if they wanted to vent, or just be heard in general, and I would be happy to listen, and try to take to heart what they shared, so I could be a better ally/friend overall moving forward. This post (I still don't totally know why totally, tbh, but I tried to take it as an opportunity to take a step back and reflect, and just listen and learn more overall) resulted in a mute for three days, which I tried to understand as best I could, and which I actually messaged the moderator about privately and said thank you (I don't believe the moderator has read or seen my message, at least as of this writing), and apologized once again for any hurt I had caused to vulnerable members of the community. I also said to please let me know if there was any further action I needed to take from a reparational standpoint, and that I would be happy to do it. After I took some time to reflect on the words in my post (I do regret deleting it without saving it, because I unfortunately don't have a textual record of it to better reflect/analyze how what I said could have harmed people of color, so I can adjust any future communications I make accordingly), I DMed (for the second time) the person who had initially alerted me to the discomfort my initial post had caused for Draft members of color, and thanked them for taking the time to speak up and let me know the issue right away so I could prevent any further damage/harm from being done via my words in my initial post. I also just wanted to let them know that, after taking some time to reflect, I could see how one of the points they had made in their initial message (essentially, how a post that seemed to intend celebration ended up (via the aforementioned expression of my feelings, and talking about how the events of this past year had moved me to my core) ended up centering myself and my feelings instead, and triggering/traumatizing members accordingly), and that their words had had an impact on me, and I appreciated them taking the time to write out their message to me, especially because I was conscious that it must have taken emotional labor on their end to do so. They responded, and I was told by them that their silence to my initial message should have been clue enough that they weren't inviting any further responses from me, and that my message saying, "Hey, I heard you; your words impacted me," was still centering myself and my feelings, that they weren't inviting any further communication from me, and that I should not message them any longer, especially as a way to work out my "white guilt." I just said, "Absolutely. No problem," and left it at that. I took a step back at that point, and tried to understand, the best I could, if there was anything I could have done or said better, reflect on what I could learn from this experience, etc. I tried to just post congratulatory messages from thereon out, and, again, on Friday, a few days back, pretty spontaneously, I decided to share my joy in a decision I'd made about the next chapter in my life (moving to South Bend), and I explained a little about what had inspired me to make this decision. I was just (and still am!) really excited and enthusiastic about this decision, and I wanted to share my joy with the group because the past few months in Draft (and here on GradCafe) had inspired some of my thought processes that had led to my decision to move to South Bend. What I learned via feedback, is, in hindsight, a pretty self-evidential lesson, that the information I provided in my "life update" post, in no way could encapsulate how much this decision in my life was the result of undercurrents in my life that had been occurring for sixteen years, and that it wasn't just a rash decision (which I can understand why people concluded that, based off the limited text they had in front of them) in reaction to getting rejected from Notre Dame. In essence, I wanted to share my joy, and just encourage people to keep persisting after this year, and just emphasize that rejection didn't have to be the end of things, and, hey, look, here's a practical example in my own life that I think shows this, and that I'm pretty stoked (and of course terrified, in a good way) to take action on in the next few months. The final facet of choosing to leave, ultimately, for me, came from reactions to a comment I made on a member's decision to accept a school's offer yesterday. I essentially said how proud I was of them (phrasing I've used on pretty much every congratulations statement I've made thus far), and used the phrase, "Kid, you're going places!!" and this member commented that they felt infantilized via that statement. I apologized, stated that it's a moniker I use regularly with people in my life, essentially as a term of endearment/figure of speech (much like, "You go, girl!" or "Rock on, homie!" or something to that effect). A moderator also stated that that choice of language was infantilizing and that I needed to cut it out. I once again apologized, said that was truly the last thing I intended, and tried to reiterate what a tremendous accomplishment this member's acceptance was, and that it had been a joy seeing this member's journey of successful acceptances, and I just tried to keep my responses more professionally-toned after that, and respect this member's wishes. I actually wrestled with leaving Draft, because I asked myself if I was reacting this way due to white fragility, was I letting members of the group down by bowing out--essentially, was I making a cowardly decision?--and was my leaving implicitly affirming a narrative that people of color can't express their opinions strongly, and that some "white lady's tears" took precedence yet again in online discussions, and that it was essentially a situation of, "Oh geez, another white lady can't take the heat and do the internal work necessary to confront racism inside herself," which, again, is the last thing I wanted to propitiate, either online or off. At the end of the day, though, I looked at myself, and I know that I am committed to doing the ugly work, however much time it takes. I don't need to blast that or advertise that, and I'd like to believe that my actions (and my words) will speak to that without the need to go round and round online, or to blast it from the skies that, "I'M AN ALLY, LOOK AT ME!!" As another layer, I also have spent the better part of the last ten years holding myself back from things that truly made me happy (read: writing, reading, writing my novel), because I was angry at myself for a decision I made years back, and I used self-anger as a mechanism of self-protection to keep my heart from getting hurt again by myself. Especially this past year, I have worked really, really hard, to see myself as worthy of love, kindness, respect, and dignity, and to treat myself as such, and to take concrete risks on myself again, to give myself a chance to succeed (and fail), and to just let myself be freaking happy and live. After the recent chain of events in Draft, I noticed myself second-guessing almost everything I said, and being hesitant to continue my work and contributions to and towards other groups, journals, and movements (both online and offline) that I've become involved in over this past year (before ever joining Draft) that have involved a lot of anti-racism advocacy, discussions, and really fruitful friendships and moments of learning for me, and being in Draft was quickly turning into it being more of a yucky mental path I was going down, especially one of over-analysis, which, frankly, with all the upcoming commitments and events happening in my life, I just don't have time for right now, nor do I want to make time for, in terms of engaging in that type of harmful internal interplay. In Draft, it seemed like what I was saying was hurting people more than helping them, and I realized that there was also the context that, as much as Draft has been a fun place and a place of laughter and learning, the reality is that Draft members don't know the entire context of my life and heart the way that family and friends in my life do, and because my writing is just an extension of my heart, ultimately, I guess I made that same presumption of intimacy and contextualization of who I am as a person in the way I wrote on Draft, when that clearly was not the case (nor, could it be--these people have only "known" me, persay, for a few months). I decided to remove myself from the group, for my own mental wellbeing, as a conscious act of love to myself to use my time and mental energy productively, fruitfully, and lovingly, and to avoid making any more contributions that were seeming to just create more problems than anything, especially for the members of color of the group, who already have enough on their plates to deal with. Per usual, this post was a lot longer than intended (of course, ha), but I didn't want to continue to participate in an environment where my contributions were not seeming to bring any more life or joy to the very communities I have committed my career and heart to amplifying and encouraging, and where I saw some yucky, unkind negative mental health things starting to wrest my attention from things that matter to me in my own self, too; so, I quit. I didn't mean to worry anyone or anything; I just decided to exit for the greater good, both my own and the group's, and I'm happy with my decision. It certainly frees up more time on my end, ha! Also--I stopped posting here as much, because I wasn't getting anything else done in my life, and I was neglecting my responsibilities, lol! I've kept up with this thread somewhat, and am very glad to see everyone's successes here as well. Overall, I'd like to wish congratulations to everyone, I wish everyone the best of luck on their programs, decisions, writing, and future applications, please know I'm doing well, and God bless you all! If someone who is still on Draft wants to let people on there know I'm all right, and copy and paste any part of this post on there so people there are in the loop, and/or aren't worrying unnecessarily, please feel free to do so. I hope everyone remains well, and I hope y'all are getting excited for spring.

I thought this was such a lovely reflection. Thanks for posting this. ❤️

Awwww Manny!! Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. ❤️ First off, what a tremendous accomplishment for you to have your command of English that you do. That's such a gift to be able to communicate in two languages so fluently; I'm sure that informs your writing and helps you communicate in ways only you know how. That's an amazing asset, and congratulations on all your success in that realm. Something that really struck me about your post was that you seem to be coming from a place of assuming that your work has no value in and of itself. I'd like to challenge that. For one, you as a human are inherently worthy, loved, and deserving of respect and kindness. There is only one you, and therefore, what you write is only something you can create. If you discredit yourself before you even begin, you're depriving the world of the gift of yourself and your voice. I know it can be scary to put yourself out there, but I want to encourage you to not be afraid to express yourself. You can do it; I, for one, believe in you! In terms of finding the right program, I think it makes sense to look at things from the lens of, "Who am I as a writer?" and then look for programs that encourage experimentation, and perhaps cross-genre work. I'm perhaps a bit biased because I'm really only considering one grad school (Notre Dame--I got rejected this year, but I plan on applying again next year), but from all of my Internet stalking/learning about the program, I think the poetry track might be something you'd really thrive in. They have a huge emphasis on international solidarity, translation, and some of the faculty (I'm thinking specifically Johannes Gorannson) teach from a place of experimentation, at least as far as I've been able to glean. Unfortunately, the format of your poem wasn't granting permission to view your work. Congratulations on getting your work read in the first place; there is definitely a thrill in knowing others are hearing your heart encapsulated in your work publicly. My best advice is to write from your depths; be yourself; have fun; and learn as you go. You've got it. Nice to meet you, friend! ~Mary

That is AMAZING!!!! Congratulations!!!! Oh my goodness, I'm so happy for you. ❤️ That moved me so much, seeing you say, "It really happened." Dreams do come true, they really do, and you're an example of one of them. Congrraaaaaaatttttuuulllllllaaaaatttttiiiioooonnnnsss!!!!! That's awesome! Look at you rocking it! HEEEEEYYYYYOOOOO congrats!!!! So happy for you! The next time I listen to "Celebration," it will be in honor of you. Dude! That's awesome! What a major accomplishment! Major, major congratulations to you, You're rocking it! It's one of the best books I've ever read. Not sure if you're super into Russian literature, but that shizznit is my bread and butter, and I highly, highly, with all my heart, recommend Dostoyevsky next. I'd start with "Crime and Punishment," and then your soul will most likely freewheel in wonder when you get to "The Brothers Karamazov." I constantly vascillate between Ivan and Alyosha as my favorite characters, and I still retain a hearty disdain for Smerdyakov, blech. Congrats!!! I hope you get news of acceptance sooner rather than later! Not yet! They still have waitlist emails to send out, yeah?

I feel that assertion, owing Him everything, in a very real, visceral way. Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear it's been a rough one for you; I think the volleying of emotions is the hardest part, honestly. I hope you hear back soon and can have some consolation in the knowledge of certainty, at the very least. I actually only applied to one school (Notre Dame), and I found out yesterday through an informal email that my application wasn't accepted. I was gutted, but I also was so grateful because I know how hard it has been for me to even get to this point in the first place. God's had to do a lot of softening on my heart, that's for sure, but He's stuck with me through it all. (I tell Him all the time that I'm so glad He's God, and that I don't have to do it all by myself. Yay Jesus. ✌️) I am so, so proud of myself for even applying in the first place, and over these last few months, God has made crystal-clear to me that Notre Dame is where I'm supposed to be and where I will thrive the most as a writer, so I'm going to take this year to pivot, reassess, improve my fiction, hone my craft, and come back stronger than ever for the fall 2022 cycle, where I will be applying to ND again. What's your top choice? I'll keep you in my prayers--you've got this! (Also, as a PSA, Gertrude/Marshall Goodman/King Frock/whatever iteration he's going under atm, has been a consistent trolling presence on here-we've lost track of how many accounts he's created just to spam the boards--I think it's at least over 10 by now?--so unfortunately we're quite used to these types of posts. Just wanted to give you the heads up to engage with caution; it quickly veers into headache territory, if you're not careful. )

Hi! Awww, thanks, that totally made my day! I too am a Christian (Catholic Christian) who is also a writer, and sometimes I'll write poems as prayers, but my writing is very much just "normal" (if there even is a "normal") old fiction as well, ha! In any event, glad to meet a fellow Christian and person of faith here--it's been lovely hearing everyone's stories, and I'm honored you shared yours with me, too! We've got lots of awesome people from a variety of backgrounds here, and not sure how long you've been a part of this board, but we have some all-star writers on our hands here. And, tbh, not acknowledging my faith is like not breathing for me; it gets pretty suffocating after awhile. It's a huge foundational part of my existence, and it's kind of hard to keep silent about the Guy who gave me my heart back when I was on the brink five or six years ago. The whole "saving my life and sanity" thing, to me, at least, means I'd say we're in it for the long haul at this point. ?

Hey, glad you're taking it on the chin. ❤️ Even if you can "take" shit talk, though, your feelings still matter, and I don't think it's right for you to be mocked or have a knife dug in and twisted when you're already vulnerable. Gertie can traipse off into the ether with his bait-and-switch tactics till the cows come home and to his little heart's content for all I care, but I know that in the here and now, this week has been hard for a lot of (all of us, really), and I just wanted to reemphasize that you and your feelings matter, and above all else I hope you're doing all right overall. ?

Au contraire, my friend. You forget that Jesus healed the sick and also equally wasn't afraid to overturn the moneychangers' tables in the Temple when they desecrated His Father's house with their greed. Being fully human means accepting and navigating the light with the dark, the good with the bad, and, if anything, writing about "Jesus stuff" allows me to access the full spectrum of emotions in my heart and spirit to my deepest depths, and craft those emotions and experiences on to the page as such. God has a funny way of (if you let Him) transforming your heart, expanding your capacity for love and vulnerability, and helping you step into living as your fullest, most vulnerable self, so I would argue that it's in writing the "Jesus stuff" that opens up the necessary emotional gateways for me to write the "human stuff" the best way I know how. And, yes, I do have it in me to defend my friends. I've never really liked bullies, and I'm not afraid to stand up to them should they try that sh*t on my watch. So, there you are.

Hi, Marshall/Gustav/Gertrude, can you please f*ck off and leave mrvisser alone? He's (and all who've been rejected) had a rough week, and doesn't need your shitty attitude to stir the pot. Just leave him the fuck alone. Understood? Yeah? Great. Thanks.

Oh my gosh, this poem moved me so much. You are insanely talented. That line, "in the underwater of a citronella candle"--it's one of those chef's kiss imagery encapsulations. Wow wow wow. And your last line! It broke my heart. I got so emotionally invested in the narrator. You moved me. All the snaps to you.

My ass is impatient, too. I emailed Alissa. Ain't nobody got time for unnecessary waves of emotional cartwheeling. ✌️