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Everything posted by juilletmercredi
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Finding (and Keeping) a Male Partner as a Successful Female Grad Student
juilletmercredi replied to HKK's topic in The Lobby
It all depends on how you measure success, really. I'm finishing my second year of graduate school, and I'll earn my MA this spring. My fiance didn't finish his bachelor's degree. But who cares? He's got a good job as an enlisted Air Force serviceman; he loves his job and he's good at it. The only thing I do to "keep" him is give him lots of love and affection, communicate about problems, etc...the same things I'd do if he had a PhD too. We both talk about work with each other a little bit, especially when stressed. And, we discuss the future and the issues of thinking about being the "trailing spouse." Right now we're not sure who that's going to be, with me an academic and him a military man. If things stay as they currently are it will be me; if he leaves the military, it will be him. But the most important thing is that we're willing to make it work and be flexible (i.e. I don't necessarily want to be a professor willing to move to Podunk just to teach and he's considering us and a future family when he makes his re-enlistment decisions in August 2012). We're about 2 to 2.5 hours away from each other. If you want to see your boyfriend often you find ways to make it work. I slave on the weekdays; he comes to see me almost every weekend when he's off (Thursday through Saturday) or I'll go to see him. I arrange my schedule so that I have at least one full day to spend with him with very minimal work. It's doable, you've got to be willing. -
There's nothing really wrong with Flatbush per se - it's the best area but not the worst either. It used to be worse but in recent years has been improving along with the rest of Brooklyn. Williamsburg is a very hipster-ish area; a lot of young professionals live there and it's a good prospect for someone headed to Brooklyn College. Greenpoint is getting that way too and is also an option. There's also the BoCoCa area (Boerum Hill, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens) and DUMBO that are relatively nice areas. Downtown Brooklyn/Brooklyn Heights is a bit pricier and thus nicer, and right over the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan. Park Slope is also pretty close to BC but of course Park Slope is a fancy-pants expensive neighborhood.
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I second the Mole's comments - I live in Washington Heights and attend Columbia. I go to both the main campus and CUMC - the medical center is four blocks away and the main campus takes me door to door 30 minutes. If you live in Washington Heights or Inwood you can get a nice apartment for cheaper than you would anywhere else in Manhattan and the ride down to main campus will be about 30-40 minutes. Hunter's a different story though - because it's on the east side getting there can be a pain. You can ride to 72nd St and take a cross-town bus through the park, or ride to 125th and take the m60 to the 6 and then ride that down to the Hunter stop, or you can ride the 1 or the A to Times Square, get in the 42nd ST shuttle,a nd then ride the 6 back up (that doesn't make as much sense as the other options). It'd be better to live on the east side if you're trying to get to Hunter, preferably on the 6 line. If you wanted quiet you wouldn't move to New York, so disregard that dude. I've got a group of young adults who like to play MJ and salsa out on the sidewalk until about 2 am some nights (especially during the summer). You get used to the city sounds after a while.
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Your actual title/subfield matters less than the research that you're doing. You can do social psychology research in educational psychology, and research in educational psychology gives you more flexibility - you could do a psychology faculty or an education faculty/school of education. Plus, there's a big difference between 5 and 75.
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Ask. The worst you can hear is no, and you'll be in the same position as you are now. There must be someone in your department - someone in the business office, your departmental coordinator, somebody - who is in the know and is a friendly face you can talk to about this. Go to them, and ask about the feasibility of such a proposal and who you would have to talk to to make it happen. My university has a bonus policy - if you get an outside scholarship they will top up your monthly stipend to a maximum yearly award of $28K. Or you can opt to defer a year of your 5-year school fellowship to your 6th or 7th year. As for moral justification...the university is a business and operates like one. They're cutting budgets while planting new flowers each month in the spring and giving institutional grants to tenured professors. A $1,000-2,000 bonus is not going to make or break an adjunct line.
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Thus far I am contacting the profs/schools that rejected me to see if they might have any new openings (after the initial shuffling of applicants). I was also recommended to talk to the prof who were not accepting this year, but who might be willing to offer a conditional acceptance until they have space in their labs. The stress and uncertainty of this is very hard, I want to rejoice but I am afraid. The deadline is May 1st to figure things out. Less than a month to scramble and plan and hope that things work out for the best knowing that the outcome may dramatically change my life path. Help! What to do? Usually if they don't have space in their labs, it's a funding issue. Call the school, talk to that prof and see if they can put you in the lab now that you have an NSF. Anthromind, here's a link to some info: http://www.maineidea.net/Resources/NSF_Proposal_Submission_and_Review.pdf Slide 12 has details on the review criteria, and slide 17 has the scale. I also found these excellent PDFs from Missouri that detail what is needed for the GRFP. I think they helped soooo much; if they were printed out they'd be well worn: http://gradschool.missouri.edu/financial/assistantships-fellowships/fellowships/external/nsf-research-fellowship/
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If you hope to get a PhD eventually, go with the PhD program. Carnegie Mellon is a well-respected school and the small perceived advantage that Yale would give you isn't worth the extra $30,000 in debt IMO, especially if you have undergraduate debt, and especially given that you'd only have to apply for PhD programs again in 2 years and go through this whole process all over again. You'd be gunning for the same end result, but with more debt in MS scenario than the PhD scenario, and that doesn't make sense. FWIW I was confronted by a similar conundrum. 1/2 tuition scholarship at the #7 school of public health for an MPH and full funding for 3-years at the #6 school of public health. I thought I wasn't "sure" that I wanted to get a PhD and might want some years to explore and work and yadda yadda. When I examined myself more deeply, I realized that I was honestly just afraid of the proposition of the long haul for 5 years - I really, really wanted a doctoral degree, it was my goal and dream, but I was somehow afraid that I was mistakenly admitted and that I wouldn't be able to cut it here. Once I realized that (and a visit helped allay those fears) I cut the doubts and accepted this offer. 2 years later I'm happy and have absolutely no regrets. I also think that you're mistaken about the research exposure in a PhD program v. an MA/MS program. While you are expected to have your research ideas a little bit more fleshed out when you enter a PhD program, there's nothing written anywhere that your interests can't change and expand and refine in your period in grad school, and indeed - they do for most students. They're SUPPOSED to, as you receive more training, read widely in your field, network and find out exactly where the gaps are and where you want to dig your research niche wrt to the literature and the researchers in the field. You'll have opportunities to explore different research topics in grad school (within a general area) and form collaborations. Unless you are completely unsure about what you want to study, it's pretty flexible. I repeat - if you know you want to get a PhD eventually in your heart of hearts, go for the CMU offer. CMU is a very well respected school and you should not have problems getting a position in that field with a CMU degree.
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reapply or take up the only offer I have?
juilletmercredi replied to summertouch's topic in Decisions, Decisions
I want to know - you said that your research interests haven't so much changed as you articulated them incorrectly and thus got the wrong people. First, is this something that can be fixed/addressed at the school that made the offer to you? Is there someone there with whom you can study what you really want? If not, then the rest doesn't matter. Secondly, if the answer to the first question is yes - do you think that was the number one factor in your rejection to the other places, and do you think if you had articulated yourself differently that you would've gotten in? Do you think that just clarifying your interests will get you in next year, all other things being equal? About the location - it seems like that's your primary focus. Let me speak about this from the flip side, as a city girl whose parents moved her to the suburbs and who was DYING to get back to the big city, and got that wish when I got into my top choice. I love living in New York; I really do. HOWEVER, knowing what I know now, I would've gone to a smaller city and done my grad work had a smaller city been a better fit and given me the support I needed. While there were certain places I was 100% unwilling to go (Birmingham, AL - great program, and a great contact there, but heck no. I didn't even apply. Good thing, too, because my potential advisor moved to another school one year in, also in Alabama), one thing I've realized since I've been here is that you don't have the time to experience the surrounding city the way you think you're going to when you plot location. A small town or suburb is absolutely FINE for graduate school even if you consider yourself a big-city girl. The vast majority of your time will be spent reading, writing, meeting with advisors and other professors, attending classes, attending conferences, and doing other things that are NOT out enjoying the city. Even when you do have a social life, you quickly realize that city amenities can be very expensive! I would check out what the town has to offer before dismissing it whole cloth. Remember, it's actually a pretty short period of time - I'm almost finished with my 2nd year and I cannot believe it. -
Like others have said, it's a deeply personal choice. I'm inclined to say go for your career. A doctoral program is only 5-7 years on average but the impact on your career lasts a lifetime. It's a small sacrifice to pay for better positioning for the future, and if you are both in top programs, it ups the chances that you can negotiate spousal hires should you decide to marry and search for academic positions together. I had a similar problem - my fiance was joining the military and we had no idea where he'd be stationed; I had to make a decision on whether to attend my #1 choice PhD program without knowing where he'd be. I chose based upon my career, because we decided that we could do a long-distance relationship if we needed and the time was so short it was totally doable, especially since you can visit more often once coursework is over. He ended up getting stationed only 80 miles south of me so it's not so long-distance, but we do have to deal with deployments and temporary duty assignments and such. I agree that once you get really busy in your coursework, it can almost be a blessing not to have an SO nearby and you don't have "time" to miss him. In the rare idle moment, yes you will, and sometimes you will feel really lonely. But for the most part, you can focus on your work and when you go to visit him, that time is all yours - you can set the work aside. I see my fiance on the weekends and I work all week so I have little to do on the weekends so I can just spend the time with him. It's harder when he's here all the time, although I do love to have him here and do plan to move in together after I finish my coursework.
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Yeah, most people I know put honorable mention on the CV while they were still in graduate school. You're still in the top 20-30% of applicants, which is something to be recognized (although this year the percentages are bound to change - I noticed that they gave 2,000 awards this year).
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They're up! They're up and I got one!!!!!! Email was sitting idly open at 1:45 am and I noticed I got new mail - I was about to close the tab before I saw the GRF email. I definitely did NOT expect this given my field and the fact that I didn't even get honorable mention last year. Congrats to everyone else who got one too!
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Taking out student loans to pay for a nice apartment
juilletmercredi replied to gradschoolstinks's topic in The Bank
How long are you going to be in school? If this a 5+ year program (PhD) I might be inclined to agree with you, but the loans IMO aren't worth it if you're only going to be there for 2 years. You can cut your rent in half just by rooming with someone else. I think it also depends on where you live. In Atlanta you can get a decent one-bedroom apartment for $700-800 a month, which is less than what I pay in a share. But in New York, where I live, a decent studio can cost you $1200-1500 and a one-bedroom can range anywhere from that up to $2,000 or more per month depending on where it is. Especially if you want to live in a building that allows dogs, because most don't. I might have lived alone in Atlanta (probably not, but it would have been more feasible) but I certainly wouldn't do that in New York (or DC, or Boston, or other cities where the cost of living is extremely high). $1500/month for a one-bedroom is $18,000 per year, which will almost completely max out your loans. I guess it depends on what it's worth to you and which one's more important. I'd rather save a good chunk of money and just room with someone (who I barely see anyway, since we're both in school and she works) than shell out for my place. But no, it's totally legal to take out student loans to pay for living expenses, including rent to live off campus. -
Yeah, one of my friends is a Ford fellow and she got the fellowship for her 2nd year, after applying during her first year of grad school. I'm waiting (on both Ford and NSF) and I'm in my second year, so fingers crossed - this is my last opportunity to apply for both of them, since I'm finishing up coursework in the fall.
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You can do it with an MSW - I remember talking to several professors during my admissions process because I was considering getting one myself, and they shared that they'd had students in the past who came in with MSWs. There's also a student in my current program who got his MFT before coming here (PhD in psychology). It's just that likely none of the credits will transfer, so you can still expect to spend 5-6 years in your average PhD program, but that's the way it goes with any MA/MS in psychology usually.
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You don't want to go where you'll be bored (I mean bored with the program and faculty, not bored with the city. It's a small sacrifice to be bored with the city for two years). Honestly I don't think either of your Purdue cons have anything to do with the program, really - it may not have strong hospital connections but that may be something you can build on your own. Also, two of your pros for UW shouldn't even really be a consideration. It's only 2 years and you are going to have a lot less free time than you think. The swing-dancing scene shouldn't factor into your degree consideration. I will add this - I'm in a doctoral program in NYC; I love the city and I do have a little bit of free time to enjoy it, especially during the summers. I like going to museums and stuff like that on the weekends. However, the trade-off is that it's extremely expensive to live here. I was checking Purdue out for a friend and the cost of living there is ridiculously low. You can rent an apartment for one-quarter of what me and my roommate are paying for a two-bedroom here. While Seattle isn't one of the most expensive U.S. cities, it will certainly be more expensive than the area Purdue is in, and that makes a big difference when you're living on a meager grad-student stipend. Like others have pointed out, that could mean the difference between living comfortably and scraping by. $26,000 isn't a whole lot to take out in loans. The balance rests with how you're going to pay for living expenses. Will you also have to borrow for that (and Seattle will cost more than Indiana) or can you work? If you have to borrow living expenses that's another $40,000 at best ($20K per year) so we're looking at $66K here, just for the master's. Add that to whatever you borrowed for undergrad, and you're looking at a mountain of debt. For a two-year stint I think I'd follow the money. You could always move to Seattle later with your Purdue degree if you like. I'm towards the end of my second year in a doctoral program and I'm surprised how much the time has flown - if I were in a master's program, I'd be almost finished by now.
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Neuroscientists don't reduce people to rats; they use animal models that are close to some system they want to study in humans to study a phenomenon in rats. Also, some neuroscientists work directly with human subjects. My psychology department has social neuroscience and many (most?) of my colleagues in NS work with human subjects (mainly with fMRI). Do any of the neuroscience advisors at School #2 work with human subjects? Is there an opportunity for you to do social neuroscience, or even work with a clinical psychologist and a neuroscientist jointly to create a social/clinical neuroscience specialization for yourself? However, if you want to be a clinician and work more directly with people, then you need to go to the clinical psychology program. I think you should only consider the "what ifs" if they are likely to happen. Do you want your own business? Does the idea of counseling people for a living (or even on the side) sound like a good one? (You also may be able to retrain as a neuropsychologist with a neuroscience degree; you can then see patients.) It's great to have options but they only matter if you actually like those options. I think if your background were not strong enough the program would not have accepted you, so I wouldn't worry *too* much about that. It's probably at the point where you may have to take a few classes to beef up, but you should be fine. I personally would definitely go to school #2 and find a way to make it work. The funding is better, the reputation is better, you'd have a good chance at working in academia afterwards. But then again, working with rats sounds interesting to me - been trying to find a way to inject some neuro into my social health life, lol - and I have no interest in treating clinical populations.
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Coincidentally I was reading about IBR yesterday. Income based repayment may work out if you have high debt relative to your income. So if you get an MA and you're making $30K a year but you've got $70K in debt, for example, they estimate that you'll be paying around $170/month. The forgiveness period is actually 25 years, not 20, so after 25 years of payments of $170/month (assuming that your pay doesn't go up AT ALL during those 25 years - which is depressing) you'll have paid off about $50,000, and the other $20,000 will be forgiven. However, I did the calculator with $50K in debt, same everything else, and the payment stayed the same. At the end of 25 years there would be nothing less to forgive. Also I did it with $40K salary and $70K loans. With just $10K more per year, they estimate your monthly payment to be $300/month. $300 x 12 x 25 = $90,000, which means at the end of 25 years you'll probably have nothing to forgive. They reassess your income every year, so if your income goes up you'll pay more per month. If at any point the monthly payment you'd pay under IBR meets or exceeds the payment of the standard plan, you switch to the standard payment. Public service is if you work for any government (local, state, federal, tribal); a nonprofit, or AmeriCorps or the PeaceCorps. It also may apply if you work for a business that's nonprofit, non-religious, non-partisan and not a labor union that provides certain public services, such as public health or library services. Something like CARE Atlanta comes to mind; perhaps a museum, depending. It could be a good option but I wouldn't rely on it as a means - it'd probably be better not to take on the debt in the first place, if you're unsure.
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Of, if this is a significant other issue - live near your school for the first three to four years; work remotely after that. I'm nearing the end of my second year; the fiance is stationed in central Jersey (military) and I'm in NYC for my grad program. It's about an 80 mile distance. We see each other just about every weekend and during breaks (he took leave and stayed with me for spring break, for example). It's not bad at all, really. You get more work done during the week because you're not focused on your SO, and if you're disciplined you can do the majority of your work during the week so you only have a little to do on the weekends. We're planning to move together after I finish my third year. I'm in the social sciences and I only go in 4 days a week - but of course social scientists don't have bench work. Most of my work can be done from home, once we get our subjects settled in (we do Internet-based diaries and phone surveys).
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Full Funding (GW) v No Funding (Georgetown)
juilletmercredi replied to sypher2k3's topic in Decisions, Decisions
Chiming to agree with the rest - follow the money! -
About the 40-50x rent thing - a lot of renters will post that but I'm not necessarily sure so many of them hold you to it, especially in buildings that are used to having students. I live in a building that's close to CUMC and all they wanted was to see me and my roommate's letters from the school confirming our offers. We did have to use our parents as guarantors (me my dad, and she her mom) but our parents are by no means rich - both solidly middle-class at best. When I moved I had very little - just clothes - so I put everything I could into a checked bag and a carry-on and brought that with me, and packed the rest in boxes and had my mom send it to me in pieces as needed (she sent me the fall clothes in the fall, and the winter clothes in the winter, etc.) I think if you have a lot of stuff (like furniture) it might be more economical or easier to get rid of a lot of it and then get cheap stuff when you get to the city. I had a beautiful bedroom set my mother bought me that she was going to let me take, but instead of letting it get banged up in transit and paying all that money to have it shipped somehow I bought some cheap stuff from IKEA and asked her to just hold it for me til I get a more permanent spot.
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Tribeca is an expensive place to live. It's all the way in downtown Manhattan, below Canal St (hence the name - TRIangle BElow CAnal) which is generally much higher in price than living farther uptown. However, downtown Manhattan has the benefit of being right across the bridge from Brooklyn, which has cheaper housing. You'll probably find it more economical to live in a Brooklyn community like Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, Red Hook, Williamsburg or around Prospect Park - those are nicer areas. Bedford-Stuyvesant is also close but has a reputation for being a not-so-nice area. Brooklyn has it's own flavor and culture, and most of my friends that I know that live in Brooklyn don't want to move from there - one person I know had to move (I go to Columbia and the commute is long, and she had a baby) and mourns it. You could, of course, look for apartments in the Tribeca area, but all of those neighborhoods - Tribeca itself, SoHo, the Financial District, Battery Park City, Greenwich Village - are expensive. The West Village is a little less so, as is the East Village, and East Village is a nice funky place to live with a lot to do around there - but I don't know what the housing prices are, just that it would be less expensive. I also have a friend who lives in Chelsea, which is a beautiful area - expensive, but you can find some deals on studios I would expect, and it's probably like 15-20 from Tribeca on the subway. Midtown is probably worse than Tribeca, but moving upwards, there's also some affordable housing in the Upper West Side for students (by "affordable" I mean you're paying like $1100-1300 for a studio). But in the Upper West Side you're getting to the point where you're farther from Tribeca than the places in Brooklyn I named, and probably paying more. Tribeca is a pretty safe neighborhood far as I know, as it's trendy to live there now and is expensive. Transportation is easy - everything is the subway. $2.25 for one way and you can buy a $89 unlimited Metrocard, that allows you to ride the subway as much as you want for 30 days. It's worth it if you go to school most days out of the week and also hang out a lot on the weekends or whatever. The subway stops roughly every 10 blocks, with the exception of express trains which stop less frequently. Most trains (express and local) service Canal St; check out Google Maps' map of NYC, which has the subway stations. If you click on a station it shows you the line that serves that station and where that line runs to, and you can also use Google maps to plan out public transit directions and approximate travel times.
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I applied to two programs in two "separate" schools - Columbia doesn't allow you to apply to two programs in the same school. But since the MPH is technically housed at the school of public health and the Ph.D is technically housed at the Graduate School, I was able to apply to the MPH and the Ph.D in the same field. The admissions committee understood exactly what I was doing - namely, that I was applying to the Ph.D but that if I didn't get in, I wanted to get my MPH there. They didn't really seem to mind much (the same professors saw both applications) and we had a rather amusing conversation about it when I visited after I was admitted to the Ph.D program. I was asked if I wanted to complete an MPH/Ph.D as opposed to an MA/Ph.D, since I was technically admitted to both, but I declined. (It would've taken me more time and shifted the focus to professional preparation instead of research.)
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The thing is, she wouldn't really need a salary of $300,000 to pay off those loans. That's $25,000 a month, and I'm sure that the OP doesn't need $22,000 a month to live comfortably (25K - 3K = 22K). Depending on where she lives, she could probably rather comfortably pay $2600 a month on $80K, give or take. That's more like $6600 a month - that'd leave her with $4000 a month to live on, which would be okay in some places if she's supporting only herself. I live off $2000 a month in NYC so even a salary of $65K might be okay - a bit of a struggle with not much room for extras, but still doable. rising_star pointed out to me once that Finaid.org uses an algorithm that makes mathematical sense but not necessarily practical sense. The income they tell you you need to make is always around the same price as the loan + interest. When really, no one NEEDS to make $317,000 a year unless their loans are like $20,000 a month. But that's still a crushing amount of debt for a long time. Those kinds of loans would completely eat up a salary of $35,000. Like meadows said, I don't think it's something that you should freak out about. Actually, the average salary in higher education administration should be able to pay those loans somewhat comfortably (if you were able to get a job paying you $70K-80K or more per year, assuming that you really would pay about $2600 a month). It may make sense for you to take on more debt in an effort to pay your loans if you can't get a job with your bachelor's degree that will give you enough to pay them. Also, before you enter grad school check with your private lender on deferment policies. A lot of people assume that all private lenders allow you to defer while you're in school, but an acquaintance recently discovered that there's a cap on how many years she's allowed to defer her loans from her private lender regardless of whether she's in school or not, and her in-school period during *undergrad* counted towards that limit! So she's nearing it. Make sure you get the full story from your lenders before you decide anything. Meadows, likely the vast majority of that is private. The caps on undergraduate Stafford loans if one is a dependent student are somewhere around $30,000, and that's really only possible if you spend more than 4 years in college. If he took the typical 4 years then likely the public amount is somewhere around $20,000, which means the other 90% of the amount is likely all private loans.
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I say this not as someone with experience - I don't have elementary school-aged kids - but just from what I know about living and growing up in and around NYC. I don't know about NYU parent rates but typically the areas with the best elementary schools tend to be more affluent areas (just like anywhere else). So for Manhattan that would tend to be lower and mid-town Manhattan. For example, of the best-known elementary schools in NYC is PS 40, which is located on 19th St between 1st and 2nd Avenues - that's way down in mid/lower Manhattan on the east side. The Upper East Side is another place, of course, that is a source for good elementary schools - a lot of the "best lists" list schools in the high 70s and 80s on the East Side, like PS 6 and PS 290. If you're more inclined to live in the outer boroughs, there are plenty of communities in Queens and Brooklyn with great schools. A lot of people with families move to or settle in the outer boroughs because they're less expensive and you tend to get more room for the same price than you would in Manhattan. Some places in Brooklyn and Queens have easier commutes to lower Manhattan than some places in Manhattan itself - particularly since NYU is so easy to get to, just about every train that goes through Manhattan stops near it. Little Neck, Bayside, Whitestone in Queens all have schools with good reputations. This area is pretty far out though; it's closer to Long Island than Manhattan and the commute into the city would be kind of longish. Flushing, Forest Hills, and Rego Park are a lot closer to Manhattan; they're in Queens and some of their schools are on the top list. Park Slope is a nice community in Brooklyn that's a whole lot closer to NYU. Dyker Heighs, Bay Ridge. Other places that have good reputations as places to raise a family (not too sure specifically about their schools) are Jackson Heights and Kew Gardens in Queens, and Williamsburg and Sunset Park in Brooklyn. Here's a list in New York Mag: http://nymag.com/urban/guides/family/sc ... ntary1.htm
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Two, please - grad school and significant others
juilletmercredi replied to theallpwrfulroot's topic in Decisions, Decisions
I was considering applying to graduate school at the same time my SO was considering joining the Air Force. I started off only looking in cities that he would be comfortable, but still applying to my dream programs. I got into Columbia, he went to the Air Force. Because I was so uncertain about where he would be stationed, I just chose what I thought would be the best for me. His basic military training was in San Antonio and I moved to New York. I visited him for his graduation and we talked constantly when he was stationed at Sheppard in northern Texas for training. Then he found out that the plane he works on (was assigned to, really!) is only at two bases in the U.S. -- one in the Bay Area and the other in central New Jersey, 80 miles south of New York. He requested that base and got there, so now by sheer luck he's stationed 80 miles south of me and I see him every weekend! It's still pretty difficult, though. Like someone said, seeing your SO every weekend is still very different from living with them. Plus, traveling is stressful and he also works nights. Because he's so new in his training he likely won't be deployed until next year, and his deployments are 120 days long so it's not too long, but I'm not looking forward to it. And also my weekends are so devoted to him that sometimes I miss out on other things that are going on during the weekends here, things I wouldn't feel obligated to miss if we lived together. We're planning to move together after I finish my coursework, somewhere that he can easily commute to the base but that I can also get to New York when I need to. He definitely comes before my career, though -- we celebrated 8 years last Saturday, and I love him. I could be happy in a lot of careers without a Ph.D but I would regret it forever if I put my career before him and the family we plan together. (One of the reasons I'm not really stuck on becoming a professor - besides not really wanting it anyway, it wouldn't really be feasible for a military wife. I really would like to work for the government doing research!)