My quest is over, and the end result is that I got one PhD acceptance, which I am completely over-the-moon ecstatic about (would have probably picked them even with more acceptances,) and three rejections. I get the distinct feeling, though, that the adcomms from the other three programs never even looked at my application, never read my carefully-crafted SOPs written and re-written for each program, and never looked at my CV, portfolio, or LORs. It makes me realize that there isn't just the matter of whether or not you're interested in the program, or whether or not you get in, but whether or not the adcomms are even going to look at you as an applicant in the first place. From the first program, I heard absolutely nothing for months, until I got my form rejection letter. The same thing from the second program. From the third program, I received a form letter that said "sorry in advance, we're really screwed up this year," then absolutely no feedback, and then I found out they had lost my transcript, but no one there would answer my question how to fix this. Then I finally got a rejection from them, which was, of course, another form letter. But overall, it gives me the feeling that those three programs didn't even looked at my application. I mean, no contact whatsoever from application to rejection, and no indication from them that they had even looked at my application, such as, "despite your impressive work background," or "despite your glowing letter from Well Known Professor Zizzmore," or anything like that.
Kinda makes me realize (for anyone applying to PhDs next year,) that you should cast the net wide, even if the program isn't geographically desirable, or doesn't mention funding, or doesn't 100% match your interests. You just never really know.