hip2btriangle

yeah, um, i have played the queer activist role in a number of pretty hostile climates, so while i understand and appreciate your potential willingness to try and "get the concept," it doesn't really warrant you posting a reply to a question like this about safe spaces. grad school is often a time when major life issues pop up, and there's research somewhere that shows that mental health issues come about in grad school at an alarming rate, and when wrestling with coming out questions it's really important that queer people think this stuff through for their own well being.

like what other people said, sociology as a discipline is definitely among the most queer friendly i've ever seen. i'm leaving a program in sociology at a school of education (where sexuality stuff SUCKS, by the way), and i'm starting a phd program where gender and sexuality are pretty commonly studied.

a lot of questions about whether it's okay to come out or not really depend on your sense of the school climate. i agree that carrying the burden of the closet is one that can be incredibly stressful, so really do your homework about this one. look through the student list and see if there's anyone explicitly studying queer issues, and maybe email them. if you have a decent relationship with the grad director, maybe reach out to them. i did that when i was first admitted and they kindly connected me with queer resources on campus as well as a student or two that is actively involved in the community.

if you're having trouble with finding all this info, you can PM me with info about the exact school you're going to and i might be able to see if i can look up school climate information or even local info about queer resources. it's a tough decision, but it sounds like you're working through it.

yeah, um, i have played the queer activist role in a number of pretty hostile climates, so while i understand and appreciate your potential willingness to try and "get the concept," it doesn't really warrant you posting a reply to a question like this about safe spaces. grad school is often a time when major life issues pop up, and there's research somewhere that shows that mental health issues come about in grad school at an alarming rate, and when wrestling with coming out questions it's really important that queer people think this stuff through for their own well being.

like what other people said, sociology as a discipline is definitely among the most queer friendly i've ever seen. i'm leaving a program in sociology at a school of education (where sexuality stuff SUCKS, by the way), and i'm starting a phd program where gender and sexuality are pretty commonly studied.

a lot of questions about whether it's okay to come out or not really depend on your sense of the school climate. i agree that carrying the burden of the closet is one that can be incredibly stressful, so really do your homework about this one. look through the student list and see if there's anyone explicitly studying queer issues, and maybe email them. if you have a decent relationship with the grad director, maybe reach out to them. i did that when i was first admitted and they kindly connected me with queer resources on campus as well as a student or two that is actively involved in the community.

if you're having trouble with finding all this info, you can PM me with info about the exact school you're going to and i might be able to see if i can look up school climate information or even local info about queer resources. it's a tough decision, but it sounds like you're working through it.

yeah, um, i have played the queer activist role in a number of pretty hostile climates, so while i understand and appreciate your potential willingness to try and "get the concept," it doesn't really warrant you posting a reply to a question like this about safe spaces. grad school is often a time when major life issues pop up, and there's research somewhere that shows that mental health issues come about in grad school at an alarming rate, and when wrestling with coming out questions it's really important that queer people think this stuff through for their own well being.

like what other people said, sociology as a discipline is definitely among the most queer friendly i've ever seen. i'm leaving a program in sociology at a school of education (where sexuality stuff SUCKS, by the way), and i'm starting a phd program where gender and sexuality are pretty commonly studied.

a lot of questions about whether it's okay to come out or not really depend on your sense of the school climate. i agree that carrying the burden of the closet is one that can be incredibly stressful, so really do your homework about this one. look through the student list and see if there's anyone explicitly studying queer issues, and maybe email them. if you have a decent relationship with the grad director, maybe reach out to them. i did that when i was first admitted and they kindly connected me with queer resources on campus as well as a student or two that is actively involved in the community.

if you're having trouble with finding all this info, you can PM me with info about the exact school you're going to and i might be able to see if i can look up school climate information or even local info about queer resources. it's a tough decision, but it sounds like you're working through it.

I'll start with a story and then draw conclusions.

**
I was invited to an "applicants weekend" at the University of Pennsylvania. This was for an application I put in to study education policy at their graduate school of education. They invited 40 out of over 400 applicants, and it broke down to about 5 people per program track. I quickly realized a few things. First, everyone who was invited had stellar, stellar resumes. Meaning, nearly perfect grades, high GREs, and great work experience. It was a confirmation of what I knew abstractly: extremely talented people with extremely strong records apply to extremely strong schools. Furthermore, they were all articulate and had great personalities. Competition is tough.

Of the 40 people invited, I think a little over half were probably offered positions there. I was placed on a wait-list as I assume everyone else invited to the weekend who didn't get accepted. It was clear that few people there were going to get rejected for being unqualified and unsociable. Rather, those who got in fit with the style of the school and faculty, and more importantly, their research interests. I didn't have a perfect fit and that became to me very clear, especially during interviews.

Of course, I left the interviews thinking: if only I had said that x, y, and z were my interests, and I'd like to study them with methods a, b, and c. Perhaps that would have done the trick, had they not been able to read the lack of enthusiasm on my face. But in the end, I was honest about my approach and interests and they were not sufficiently receptive to that. So I probably don't belong there and had they accepted me I would have been less likely to thrive.

**

In the end, this is what I learned from this experience and the rest of the application process.

Rules:

1: A good academic record and good experience is a necessary condition for a successful application, especially at a top school. However, it is not a sufficient condition.

2: Fit with the style and interests of the program is a necessary condition for a successful application, espectially at a top school. However, it is not a sufficient condition.

3: Luck is a necessary condition for a successful application, especially at a top school. However, it is not a sufficient condition.

4. A good academic record + fit + luck is sufficient for a successful application, especially at a top schools.

5: You can't take rejection personally and your succeses is in some ways out of your hands.


Advice:

1: To the extent that you can, while still being true to your interests and capacities, tailor your SOP and LORs for the school you are appyling to. Most schools don't interview, so they're going to determine fit based upon what you say about yourself and what others say about you.

2: Don't count yourself out at top schools or fields outside your specialty. If you truly have something to offer the program, you have a chance anywhere, so long as you meet rule 1 above.

3: You can't take rejection personally. Your interests are what they are, and even if you are very competitive on paper, you will probably not be admitted unless you fit well and have some luck with how your interests and talents much up against the accepted applicants.

4: Be very gracious and proud of your acceptances, particularly the funded ones, at top schools. If you were admitted, and the school is willing to pay for you, that means they want you there. This is a necessary condition, I would imagine, for a successful doctoral experience.

5: Apply widely, but appropriately. It's unlikely, even with a 4.0 and a 1600 GRE, that you will get in everywhere you apply. You need to cast the net widely. That said, don't apply to Harvard just because it's Harvard. Apply there because you fit. I made the mistake of applying to top schools I didn't seriously consider just to "see what would happen." What happens is I got rejected, and I could have used that money to buy beer.

Other comments:

I'm kind of ambivalent about professor contact ahead of time. I didn't do it at all, and I got into my top choice. My top choice was literally less than a half-mile from my house, and I was in the first flight of their admits. They had never met me nor heard from me and they knew I was right next door. In the end, it didn't matter -- I fit well so I got in. It may help your application to talk to the faculty, but it's not in every case necessary. Honestly, it's probably better for finding out if your application stands a chance. In any event, if they want to talk to you, after reading your application, they will get in touch. If it's your style to talk ahead of time, go ahead and do it. I guess I was just kind of a hands-off kinda guy. I figured, if they wanted me, they'd want me.


Just a few thoughts off the top of my head.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.

Like I said, I am not a sociology applicant, but here's some advice: If you have received six offers of admission and you have narrowed your interest to just two of those offers, then you should do every sociology applicant a courtesy and turn down those other four offers (if you have not done so already).

thank you exposingfalsehoods. I would have been posting only sour grapes, so I refrained from saying anything, but you pretty much summed up my thoughts.
Especially when the poster is brand new to the community, it does not come across nicely, in my opinion.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.

i agree that we all could stand to show a little more sensitivity to those who aren't faring as well so far, but i do thing there should be a place here to talk about tough decisions. if you have six schools to choose from, you have a lot to think about. and i would strongly recommend NOT turning down offers unless you are absolutely POSITIVE you know you're not interested in that school. and i think this can only really happen unless you didn't get funded somewhere, or you've already visited. visit first, turn down (soon, if possible) after. people on the waitlist can get calls through april.