Nurse Wretched

Most UM grads who aren't from Michigan (and a lot who are) leave after graduation. You can't judge a university by the employment rates nearby. Michigan as a state has a terrible unemployment rate completely unrelated to the university.

Um, yes. Yes, they do. When Pfizer pulled out of Ann Arbor, housing prices dropped double-digit percentages. Ann Arbor still hasn't recovered from the housing bubble, and it's a most collegiate town.

If you want not to sound like an arrogant jerk, better learn what nursing as a discipline involves. Hint: RNs are much too well-paid to change many bedpans. Second hint: When you're sick, you want a university-educated and board-certified RN acting as your patient advocate, your skilled caregiver, your care-planner, because you're going to see a doc (any doc) maybe twice a day for five minutes. Try not to point out to her (or him) your disdain for the profession, or your stereotypes. We don't take kindly to stupid.

I don't agree. Any age is difficult, just in different ways. Older parents can have more resources, more flexibility (often, as they've been at their jobs longer), more experience. Younger parents (and I count myself in these) can have more energy and a ridiculous amount of hubris about our ability to handle parenting. That's okay -- parenting is something that if you think about it too long you'll become convinced you can't handle, or that if XYZ is in place, you'll be better. Sometimes, you just have to say f*** it and take a chance. But at any rate, I actually wasn't making a point about waiting to have children in the post to which you responded -- I was pointing out that children themselves don't get any easier as they get older, just different.

This is what I'm leaning towards as well. 90% of what I do out of the house is read and annotate, and I can't really do that on a laptop because I draw lots of diagrams. I've been taking notes on paper, which is fine, but then I have to do something with them. We're wiping the HD of our laptop and installing Snow Leopard and using our iMac as my writing computer. Cheaper than buying a new laptop, and I think more functional for me.

This is an awesome thread. I grew up working class. That's me, that's who my people are. I worked as a nurse, a profession split between largely working-class women and middle-class (and above) physicians, who set the tone and norms of culture and communication for the unit. I always worked in high-needs, low-resource hospitals with patients who were like me, like my family, like my friends, and I spent a lot of time explaining to their docs why prescribing a medication didn't mean they could afford it, or why it could be hard to be on time for tests when you're relying on the buses or a friend, or how bed rest isn't possible for someone with three kids and a job. The further I moved in school, the more I realized I was distancing myself from my past and myself. I sound middle class. I look middle class, your average woman in her mid-30s with kids and not enough time. I have two bachelor's degrees and a master's degree, and start a doctorate at a public ivy this summer. No one in my family has a bachelor's degree. My parents are financially secure, but there's a vast amount of cultural capital I don't have, and won't have. It makes a difference. And after all these years, I still feel a distance between me and my cohort, between me and my patients, between me and my past. All of those are painful. I don't want to lose my past. I don't think that drifting into the middle class is an inherently desirable thing. But the thing I struggle with is how to use and incorporate the aspects of my new class I need, while holding onto my working-class roots. Because in this country, being working class is not considered to be as valuable, as nuanced, as intelligent as being middle class. Capitalism creates both the myth of the meritocracy and the equation of wealth with value. I'm not sure how to hold onto that part of myself when everything about academia tells me it's something to flee.

I think it's a common misperception that children become less energy-intensive as they get older. True, there are no more diapers, and you hope that at some point they sleep through the night, but then there are orthodontist appointments and interminable swim practices and multiplication practice and school events and and and. Kids are time- and energy-intensive, regardless of age. It's just different as they get older. I think a lot of parents of young children think that if they can just get through the first three years (or six, or nine) that it's smooth sailing after that. It's not. It's different, but not necessarily easier.

Here's the deal: it's always exhausting to have small children, and there is no good time to have a baby. You make it work. Practicing as an RN then ARNP worked well when my kids were young -- fewer hours, lots of predictability -- but it's never work you can take home. Setting limits is important. You're not going to be able to do everything perfectly, or even as well as you would like to, and that's okay. Academia is a pretty cushy job compared to, say, being a resident, or working double shifts at the plant, or trying to make partner at a law firm, and I have friends with kids who have done all of the above. Combining parenting and career is always hard, and often harder for women, because we feel more of a cultural expectation of primary parenting. The thing I learned that has helped the most is that "good enough" is just that: good enough. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay not to be the best at every single thing all the time. Thinking otherwise is a one-way ticket to a breakdown or burnout. No matter what you do for a living, parenting is another 24/7 job, and adjusting your expectations of sleep now is probably a good idea. This is the first year since 2001 that I've slept through the night almost every night.

I didn't pay a deposit for my master's or PhD programs.

Do not drive to campus. Let me repeat: under no circumstances would I ever drive to campus. The bus system is excellent. Use it. It's comprehensive. Seattle traffic sucks, all the time. It's easily a forty minute commute to go three or four miles; there's no good east-west route and the bridges bottleneck the traffic. That's why the bus: you get shit done while waiting in traffic. Bikes are fast. It's the best way to go through the city a lot of the time. I can't give you hard and fast rules; a lot depends on how close you are to a bus route, if you're going opposite traffic, etc. Just be zen: it's a big city built on an isthmus, split by a canal. The trip takes a long time. The city's worth it.

Most universities don't have collective bargaining, yet still function. I'm not thrilled at anything that potentially limits organized labor, but overreaction isn't a useful response either.

The roads are terrible. Freeze-thaw cycles and lots of salt create potholes you could get lost in. The fifth season in Michigan is Road Work. That said, I do love my 85mph commute. Traffic rules are really guidelines here, and you will be driven over if you don't match the speed of traffic.

I lived off campus during my master's and will be doing so for my PhD. Not really a choice -- I have two kids and a wife and a mortgage. It's been fine. I didn't feel compelled to have The College Experience in grad school -- I did that as an undergrad. It's nice to have neighbors and people I don't know from school, to feel connected to a community where people aren't all about academia. My commute during my master's was longer -- about an hour -- and it was actually my time to do nothing if I wanted to. I listened to music, read non-school books, paid my bills online and replied to emails -- things I didn't have to concentrate on, but that needed to get done. At home, I was really at home -- no leaking of school into the rest of my life.

Not sure about this, but I've gotten outstanding software support (even for the officially unsupported Mac) through Computing & Communications at the UW. I'd shoot them an email or stop by one of the labs on campus -- Health Sciences in particular has been helpful.

Mac. I've always been in programs that don't offer official Mac support, but Apple has been MUCH better at writing software that plays nicely with MS than the other way around. I would not choose a PC for a Mac school/program.