wildviolet

Too much. First month's rent + $650 deposit. Gas for driving 4000 miles in a car that gets about 25 mpg. Hotel for one night. Food for three people for one week. Brand new bed (can't get over the willy nillies about sleeping in a used bed), new couch, used furniture, household supplies (i.e., Target), stocking the pantry, new kitchen pots and pans, utensils, etc. I don't even want to add it all up. For me, it was probably about $5000+ and I even got assistance from my university and a bonus from work. The upside is that I'll be in my program for five years, so it makes sense to me to create a home environment that is comfortable and soothing.

I had a male college professor who had an earring (this was back in the late '90s). He was an awesome and cool professor! He also brought us Krispy Kreme donuts on the last day of class. I don't see many visible tattoos on academics. Then again, they could all be hidden.

I'm feeling like this, too. Maybe not as bad, but I had a thought the other day that I'm losing out on salary during the next five years that will most likely never be recouped. I leave in less than one week. And I worry that I'm not going to be able to handle it--the coursework, the RA and TA positions, and the creative thinking that will lead to an outstanding dissertation. Official dissertation writing doesn't begin until maybe Year Three or Four in my program, but I'm already going in with the idea that I'll be thinking about my dissertation from Day One.

Last year I was prepping like crazy for the revised GRE and researching which programs to apply to. The program that I eventually chose wasn't even on my radar until November, a month before the application deadline. I was also completing the revisions on my MS thesis in order to submit in time for a summer graduation date. It was also around this time, I think, that I found the GC.

By "out in the field," do you mean in K-12 schools? Then the choice is clear--you want an EdD (application of research), not a PhD (creation of research). I looked into both degrees myself, and I ultimately decided on the PhD because I loved the process of doing research. However, I'm sure many EdDs actually make more money in K-12 administration/supervision. I think this is true. Here is a recent op-ed piece in the LA Times: http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jul/10/opinion/la-oe-billings-teach-for-america-20120710 I wouldn't focus on TFA too much in your statement of purpose. If you're going for the PhD, you can discuss how your teaching experience has shaped your worldview and led you to this point but you should focus primarily on your research interests and how the program can best help you meet your professional goals.

I applied to four schools and was accepted to three. The last school was a wait-list, and I was basically the alternate if my potential advisor's first choice turned it down (which he or she did not). Luckily for me, I think the school I finally chose will be a perfect fit for me in many ways. Some factors that affected my decision: 1. Location. I ruled out any schools that were located in places I would not want to live in for the next five years. 2. Reputation. I applied to top schools. I wasn't going to sacrifice five years of my life by attending grad school at a middle or lower tier university and then not being competitive for jobs. 3. Time and cost. Some schools require more; some less. I had to tailor my statement of purpose somewhat to meet the requirements of every school. I also had to spend time researching programs and contacting people. Good luck.

Yes, he has invested time in developing your skills but feeling guilty won't help. Many people drop out before completing their doctorate (isn't the stat something like 50 percent?). It's part of the risk that professors take when they accept students into their labs. As for how to tell him... gently but firmly. This is your life and your future. It's nice that you want to stay and help out for a few months, though. And as for the last set of questions... I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. It's kind of an ethical bind, isn't it? Maybe more experienced GCers will have something to contribute. Best of luck with your vet career!

Yeah, I'd like to know if he's single, too! I'll find out in a few weeks... Yes, what you described was my situation. Something that I should add, though, is that my ex is bipolar and he never shared that with me directly. He finally told me about it when we were on the verge of separating. I read all I could about bipolar disorder, and it all started to make sense--his bizarre energy levels, moods, violent outbursts, uncontrollable temper, and charismatic personality. If he had told me about it truthfully, when we first met, I probably wouldn't have stayed with him let alone marry him (that's probably why he didn't tell me). Any kind of mental illness just complicates things in a relationship; it's not impossible, but it's more difficult. So besides youth, there may be other factors.

OK-I've been meaning to start a blog for some time and now seems like the right time. Here it is: http://wildacademicwoman.wordpress.com/ I've subscribed to the ones already posted on this thread. Thanks for sharing, y'all!

Sigaba--thanks for your concern. Well, I have thought of all of that and consequently scoured all of the GC postings about dating issues in grad school, especially within one's cohort or department. That's why I didn't ask--I thought that the existing threads on the topic were sufficient. The upside of going through a messy and emotional divorce about five years ago (I married my college sweetheart when I was 24), was a renewed focus on taking care of myself and my future. I'm more confident and happy with life than I've ever been, and my primary goal in grad school is to write a kick-ass dissertation that will help me get a job. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship necessarily, but it happened. I think there are pros and cons to everything (yin and yang, you know?), so I'm not expecting a smooth ride. But, if it does go somewhere, I'm not going to stop it. Other people on GC have mentioned the importance of work/life balance, and I don't expect to be spending 100% of my time and energy on grad school.

Thanks! We'll see... Yes, and I wish you luck, too. But, in my field, there are many more women than men, and many of the men are married or otherwise engaged. If this guy doesn't work out, I may have to branch out to other fields, like engineering!

Right, LOL. Yeah, it makes sense to think of it as age brackets. I just hope he's not attached already 'cause I have the biggest 16-year-old crush on him.

It's from 2010, but it'll still be more recent than my current 2009 MacBook. Also, the specs look more than adequate for my needs. LOL. Thanks--so true!

OK, I cannot believe I'm actually going to ask, but I really want to know what the GradCafe community thinks, so here goes... what do women think about dating younger men? And, what do men think about dating older women? Now, I don't mean cougars chasing after 20-somethings. Here's the situation: When I went on my campus visit, I met several current students. One of them was a very cute first-year doctoral student. We had a great hour long conversation--the kind that you wish would never stop. Afterwards, a few minutes of web searching revealed that he graduated three years after I did. So, assuming, he graduated when he was 22, that would make him at least three years younger than me (I'm 33). I completely forgot to check his ring finger (and some married men don't wear rings anyway), and I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or is engaged. But, if he isn't, I plan on strategically bumping into him in the building. I've never considered dating younger men. I always thought (for whatever deluded reason) that the "perfect" age would be two years older than me--well, my ex was two years older than me, so that didn't quite work out. But, now that I'm in my early thirties, things are different. Younger men (i.e., late twenties) aren't all necessarily immature and selfish. Anyway, thoughts on this? First-hand experience? Thanks for commenting.

I second rising_star's advice. Basically, the advice I've heard about buying a mattress is to get the best one you can afford. After all, you'll be spending a good amount of time in bed, and it should be a refreshing experience. Luckily, my new apartment just got redone (wood floors, new kitchen appliances and bathroom), so the lady that manages my apartment let me send some things early. I just bought a new Sealy posturepedic mattress from Costco and hope that it will arrive before I do so that I will at least have a bed. The nearest IKEA is about an hour away, so I'm going to wait to buy other furniture. As far as buying furniture online without first seeing it--I would buy from retailers that have good return policies. Also, I read all the reviews, and I've had a very comfortable Sealy mattress in the past, so I'm hoping it will work out fine.

Update--I'm buying a refurbished MacBook Air for $625 from my brother's friend, who works at Apple in the refurbishing warehouse. Should be plenty for my grad school needs. Thanks to all who commented (and helped me resist the urge to splurge on the newest and coolest).

Ha ha, loved this!

I received my reimbursement check about a month after my trip. During my visit, they were very good about connecting me with the secretary in charge of distributing reimbursements, and she made sure that she had all the documents she needed to process it quickly.

Wow, thanks! Good analogy. I know I don't NEED the retina display, but it sure looks nice! One of the reasons I love Apple products is that I don't have to know much technical information to use and enjoy it. Love the user interface of Macs compared to Windows, which I have to use at work. Your reply was awesome, and it sounds like you know what you're talking about.

I met someone who lived in China for eight years, organized events that were shut down by the government, and is now working on her doctorate in the US. What an awesome experience to bring to her graduate studies! As for making a positive difference in the world--there are lots of ways to do that. I think it all depends on your attitude and the way you treat people--it doesn't have to be a particular profession (unless you want it to be). Besides, you are still young and have time to explore the world and find yourself before committing years to grad school. When I first started teaching high school, as a 22-year-old straight out of college, I was always thinking that I would quit. Ten years later, here I am teaching still. But, really, this is my last year. Next year I'm going to grad school (hooray!!!). Oh yes, so the point is that it took me a while to figure out that education is the field that I really want to be in. I studied science in undergrad and considered becoming a scientist. But, I opted to teach science instead. Now, rather than be on the front lines, I will be behind the scenes, studying how students learn and how teachers teach. My experiences as both a student and a teacher have given me insights into our current educational system that I otherwise may not have, and I articulated this in my statement of purpose. Anyway, as an applicant, once you know what you want to study and why you want to study it, the rest will follow. I think the "best" applicants can do this concisely and convincingly. So, go find your passion!

My plan this summer is to join Curves (again)--I know, I'm a total wimp. I've never been to a regular gym, and I detest the idea of ever going to one. I like the idea of not having to think too much about what I'm doing--I just get on the machines and go around the circuit. A few years ago, when I was unemployed and going back to school full-time for my MS (evening program), I was very good about going regularly, and I actually started to lose some inches--then I got a full-time job, switched to part-time school, and that was that. Also, my new place is about a 30-minute walk to my building, so I'm hoping (as long as the weather is okay) to walk most days. At my university, they let the grad students park in the faculty lot right next to the building, so unfortunately, I will be tempted to drive 5 minutes instead of walking 30 minutes and burning some calories along the way.

Hi OregonGal--I was originally considering the Air. Mostly, I was looking for portability. Sounds like I have the same MacBook as you--I bought mine in late 2008, too. Is there anything about the Air in particular that helped you decide? I haven't looked too closely at it; I just knew that it was very lightweight. Thanks!

I agree with this advice. Do not apologize! As others have mentioned, it may backfire (I know from personal experience with high school students). As for how to get over it... just remember that every day is a new day. Give yourself a break. Do something that you enjoy.

Yes! This is exactly the kind of discussion I would like to have. With education pricing, the high-end 15-inch MacBook pro is $1999. The low-end 15-inch MacBook pro with retina display is also $1999.