wildviolet

BrokenRecord--the other thing I should add is that, in their words, my family makes "bomb-ass" food! When we get together, we like to EAT.

I agree. My own advisor is the former. He has collaborations all over the place, and I'm a part of it now. All these suggestions to collaborate and create a collegial atmosphere makes perfect sense, both for having a supportive experience in grad school and after. Which is why I question if it's me and some deep-rooted fear that needs to be examined more closely. On the outside, I'm all for working with others. But, if I'm honest with myself, I'm also on my guard. Against what, I'm not so sure...

It's complicated. I think you're lucky to be close to family and friends. However, I understand your need to get away and have a fresh start. I chose the latter--fresh start in a brand new place, and I wish I could be closer to family and friends, if only for the convenience of easy visits during holidays and weekends. If grad school isn't your fresh start, perhaps your post-doc or first academic position can be your fresh start. It's very easy to think the grass is greener on the other side, to wonder what-if, and to second guess yourself and the hardest decision you've ever made. If there's no going back now, then I suggest making the best of things.

Oh yeah, on the job competition front--I just learned that when our department had an open position last year, there were 300 applicants! And this was a search for a person with a specific theory background, not a general field! Anyway, basically the person who got the position got it because the faculty here already wanted her. So, the reality of the job market is frightening. At the same time, it's good to know people.

Most people I know have a LinkedIn account as well, but everyone seems to be using FB right now for socializing purposes. I'm on LinkedIn with recent PhD grads of the program though. Anyway, so I sent out a mass email, set up a Google spreadsheet to share, and people are beginning to sign up for discussion groups. I guess people were just talking about it but had not done anything about it. They seem appreciative of the opportunity to organize for informal discussions of the readings. We start next week! I'll let you all know how it goes, but I think it'll be good. I'm not going to analyze too much--I just want to get a chance to summarize my thoughts and see if I'm understanding the readings the same way my colleagues are. I do think they're awesome, and we're not all in the exact same field, but... there's still competition for things like summer research fellowships, and I'm sure the faculty talk about who is outstanding in this year's cohort. Ultimately, it's a strange contradictory mix of "we're all in this together but at the same time we're competing with each other."

Good for you! No wonder we get along well--I have a similar background as you... I'm the first in my family to pursue a PhD, and my family has neither encouraged nor discouraged the pursuit of higher education. While my parents were happy with my MS and good wages as a public school teacher, I wasn't happy with it. Hence, the descent into destitution for five years. On the other hand, I could also view it as another way of looking at my life--paring it down to the necessities. Do I really need 3 eyeshadow palettes? Clothes from Nordstroms and Ann Taylor? First-rate sushi? I think, I hope, that in five years, a new me will emerge, not just "intellectually" and "academically" as my professors suggest but personally as well--perhaps with a perspective of what I need to survive, not what I want to live the perceived middle class or upper middle class lifestyle.

"They would just throw stuff on the ground and expect somebody else to pick it up. It was terrible." I had this experience at a high school in an affluent neighborhood where I taught kids who were from blue-collar money. Many of my students got Cs or below, and I rarely heard from the parents. Drugs on campus was rampant, and the kids were dirty--they even said that it was the custodian's job to pick up after them. Many of them came to school wearing designer clothes, shoes, and handbags, and dressed to the nines! Every day! Ninth grade girls in full make-up!!! The principal asked me if I wanted to come back the next year, and I said no. I'd rather teach poor kids than rich kids. I grew up a poor kid myself and what saved me was the gifted program and caring teachers in the public schools. I just can't relate to rich kids, probably like rich kids can't relate to poor kids. The American dream for many is just that--a dream. Even if I get the highest degree I can, a PhD, I will still graduate with debt. My colleagues who are married have bought homes here. One pair bought a home here AND has a condo back in California. I don't have parents who can help me out. I don't have a legacy of money handed down from generation to generation. I don't have a trust fund. But, I do have two kids that I raise practically by myself, and I don't think it was a result of bad choices (maybe naivete, but not bad). I have the head on my shoulders, and I won't let my socioeconomic background limit my choices. But, many of the cards have already been played, and there is only so much I can achieve on my own. It's not all about individual achievement--that's what they want you to believe. The truth is that the system is already structured for some students to win and others to lose. Middle and upper-middle class parents know how to play the game--they are able to place their children strategically within the system. For the rest of us, it is either chance, luck, or a concerted effort on the part of those concerned with democratic equality to provide pathways for poor and disadvantaged children to have the same opportunities as those from privileged backgrounds. Even though I consider myself lucky in many respects, and I credit my intelligence and hard work as far as getting to this place in my life, I recognize that there are limits and inequities still in the public schools and in American society. We are a long way from accepting people as they are and promoting equal opportunity for all.

Wow, that is amazing. Is anyone in your department a critical race theorist? Unfortunately, changing people's views on race is very difficult. I'm lucky in that my department is very liberal, and as I mentioned previously, have deliberately hired minorities, particularly black women.

BrokenRecord--thanks for putting your voice out there! I really appreciate it. Be kind yet strategic. Got it!

Oh no... no collaborating on papers. This is just talking about the assigned readings to understand what they mean. For example, each week we have three or more readings that are related to each other. The ideas are complex, and the task is to present a coherent argument or stance on a significant issue raised in the articles. After reading the articles for this week, I have a good idea of what I'd like to say, but I'm also a verbal person, so it helps me to "talk it out" before writing.

OK, so I can't stand one particular person and she's requested to be my friend on FB. What to do? I can't very well deny since all of our cohort is getting on FB now. Plus, we have a FB social group for posting activities outside of class. Maybe I just need to get over my initial impression and try getting to know her better.

This is exactly what we're doing in another class. In fact, each of us will be leading the discussion for a particular week, although I think the expectation is that everyone will still read all the articles.

Dal PhDer and SymmetryofImperfection--Your arguments make sense to me, which is why I conclude that my paranoia must stem from my schooling and knowledge of the academic job market. I completely understand about being able to explain it to somebody else as a check to see how well you understand it. That's how I finally learned chemistry on a deeper level--by having to teach it! Well, I take your suggestions to heart and will see if I can organize an informal study/reading group outside of class. I shall report back if there's anything worth reporting. Oh, and I guess the other thing is that I don't know my cohort very well yet in terms of intellectual conversations, so I don't have a good feel for who would be compatible with me. All we've done so far is attend orientation and social activities together--we're a fun group, but I don't know how academic discussions will go.

I have a similar situation as the OP, except that one of my colleagues in my cohort suggested the idea. So far, I haven't heard of a group forming (but that doesn't mean that it hasn't formed, just that I haven't heard of it). Another colleague suggested a reading/discussion group outside of class. Ummm... isn't that what class is for? To discuss the readings under the guidance of experienced faculty? I'm concerned because: 1. I don't have much time outside of courses/TA/RA/kid responsibilities. 2. Although our cohort has been awesome so far, I am concerned about someone stealing my ideas. Perhaps this stems from my competitive nature and the culture of American public schools to produce winners and losers. Perhaps I am worried about being competitive in the job market. And as far as learning how to collaborate with others--that's what my TA/RA experiences are for--it's all about collaboration and the sharing of ideas. Except in this case, we all get credit for it. I'm not opposed to sharing my ideas in class. In fact, participation counts anywhere from 10% to 20% in my courses, so being vocal in class is important. However, I guess I'm opposed to sharing my written work, even if it's just a summary. As the OP pointed out, how you view the reading (i.e., what is significant) may vary from person to person. I'm happy to learn from others in class. But I just don't want to "share" the work. As I write this, I'm feeling conflicted, like I should be part of the group, to promote collegiality, but at the same time, I don't want to. It's kind of funny because our readings this week are about exactly this--the contradiction between what public schools promote (democratic equality) versus what public schools actually do (encourage competition, going through the motions of schooling to get credentials, and individual achievement). In a way, I feel like the program is promoting working together, but at the same time, when we all graduate, jobs are going to be awarded individually, not collectively. Maybe I'm wrong to think that my colleagues will be my competition? Maybe it will be graduates from other programs? Thoughts from more experienced GCers?

It's going to be stressful in the beginning because you're adjusting to a new paradigm where the expectations are both higher and different than your previous experiences. Also, the way you worded your concerns about getting a position at an "average joe" corporation makes it seem as if you are already stressed out about your job prospects. I would advise managing your expectations--are you comfortable with being at an "average joe" corporation? If not, then I think you need to rethink your expectations or get out of your program and aim for the Yales or Harvards. Family and friends often do not understand. My advice is to make friends with people in your cohort, who do understand and may become a good support system. Or, the people here on GC. I've made what I consider some supportive online friends. Also, just give yourself some time to adjust. Things are never as bad as they seem at first.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to juggle--courses with tons of reading and major writing assignments, TA (I teach a 3-hour section), RA, and meetings. Right now I feel like my mind is hopping around from one responsibilty to another. I'm feeling unfocused. Hopefully things will get better. I'm writing everything on my calendar (yes, I still like to write in a physical notebook) and hoping to take things one at a time. I'm a list person but right now things keep jumping around on my list in terms of priority, so I'm kind of doing just whatever I feel like doing at the moment. I don't think treating grad school as a 9-5 job would work for me. As a teacher, I'm used to constantly thinking about my lessons and prepping for the upcoming week. Somehow that experience isn't really helping me right now.

That's great! I haven't used blogspot, so I can't compare the two, but I like wordpress so far. It's also easy to write a post on an iPhone.

Great story! Thanks for sharing. Unfortunately, I don't think my crush has a FB page!

I don't think that's unusual. My advisor has two full-time post-docs who help him supervise grad students and undergrads. He has tons of projects, though, so I would imagine that his primary focus is on getting the funding, coming up with the big ideas, and then hiring people to do the actual work.

In my PhD program, Caucasians are the majority... I would say about 70%. The rest of us are a mix of international students (mainly from Asian countries like China, Korea, and India) and Latinoes. The problem isn't so much that the US population is already diverse--it's that people of different racial and socioeconomic backgrounds have unequal opportunity to learn and become successful. If you look at the population of university/college professors in this country, the majority are white and male. In some departments, such as engineering, I've noticed more professors from international backgrounds, like India or China. So, I know you're referring to your experiences in Canada, but here in the US, especially in more elite universities or grad programs, I would say the majority is still white (I have absolutely no data to back this up... I'm sure it's around the web somewhere, but too lazy to look it up).

You asked him out? So what was his response? Just curious, as I'm in the same boat as the OP.

I say wear white whenever you feel like it! Forget the rules!

Thanks! You should start one, too. I've found it very helpful, especially for practice writing every day, even if it's just a few paragraphs. Just getting in the "writing mode" is going to be important for grad school success. Witness: "The act of writing is the act of discovering what you believe." --Gustave Flaubert. And grad school is all about discovering what we believe and communicating it to others in a coherent and convincing way. Good luck with your studies. Glad to see you around GC.

Here's a recipe for a spaghetti sauce I made this week with a lot of veggies (you can add meat or not to your liking). My plan is to make batches of this and freeze it for later. This has worked out nicely when I'm too tired to do much except boil water for the noodles (don't forget to salt the water). I don't include amounts because I don't measure when I cook. I just throw everything together. My Spaghetti Sauce 1. Saute finely diced veggies such as 1 medium onion, 1 green bell pepper, 3-5 stalks of celery, and 2 carrots (adding zucchini and mushrooms might be good, too) in olive oil. Let it soften and brown just a bit. 2. Add chopped garlic and ground meat of your choice (these days I'm partial to local grass-fed beef). Let the meat brown. 3. Add about 4-6 medium tomatoes, diced. Let the tomatoes cook down a bit and brown (see the pattern here?). 4. Add a large can of tomato sauce. Add dried Italian seasoning and garlic powder if you like more garlic flavor (I do!). You can also add a dash of chili pepper flakes for some heat. Salt and pepper to taste. 5. Turn the heat down, cover, and let it cook down for a bit. You can add some water if it gets too thick. That's it! I use an enameled cast iron pot--it holds a lot and browns the ingredients nicely (important for the development of rich flavors).

The undergrads moved in this weekend... and there are some crazy outfits! Short shorts (okay, so I wore them as a freshman, too) and tight tops or tank tops with skinny straps. Our campus is huge and unfortunately my building is next to the bookstore so at this time of year the place is absolutely crawling with undergrads. I hope the seniors in my course will dress more appropriately.