ANDS!

Exactly. Perhaps people want to over complicate things because it is a big step in their life, and each action demands some grand gesture. Unless you're an exceptional candidate and the department went out of their way to recruit you (read: did they do anything they didn't do, or wont do again, to another candidate) a simple email suffices.

But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program.

There is no negative tone. It is simply me not shining you on; you asked for opinions, I gave you one which you reject out of hand which lead me to conclude you don't actually want opinions just validation for a decision you have already made. Nature of the beast.



I amended my recommendation to be more in line what you were seeking. . .did you not see?

Agreed. Thankfully that's not what I said. . .at all.

The only way one burns bridges with the customary "Thank you for the opportunity but I've decided to go elsewhere. . ." email is if the person you are responding to is pretty petty in the first place. If an applicant had more of a connection that warranted just a "teensy bit extra" in the email, by all means have it; however (at least from the mouths of faculty I've spoken with), applicants run the risk of saying the wrong thing or simply expounding on things they don't need to.

Now this is a situation that would merit a more in depth explanation of why you've decided to travel elsewhere. The person you've spoken with has obviously invested more than the average amount of time in getting to know you and your suitability for their program and working with them, and has connections to people already in your network (which isn't out of the ordinary, but if you're talking multiple connections. . .)

I would pow-wow with your current advisors, or whomever is writing your letters and ask them - since they seem to know these professors personally/professionally - what might best be the approach to take with each of these professors.

There is no negative tone. It is simply me not shining you on; you asked for opinions, I gave you one which you reject out of hand which lead me to conclude you don't actually want opinions just validation for a decision you have already made. Nature of the beast.



I amended my recommendation to be more in line what you were seeking. . .did you not see?

Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.

Exactly. Perhaps people want to over complicate things because it is a big step in their life, and each action demands some grand gesture. Unless you're an exceptional candidate and the department went out of their way to recruit you (read: did they do anything they didn't do, or wont do again, to another candidate) a simple email suffices.

But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program.

Agreed. Thankfully that's not what I said. . .at all.

The only way one burns bridges with the customary "Thank you for the opportunity but I've decided to go elsewhere. . ." email is if the person you are responding to is pretty petty in the first place. If an applicant had more of a connection that warranted just a "teensy bit extra" in the email, by all means have it; however (at least from the mouths of faculty I've spoken with), applicants run the risk of saying the wrong thing or simply expounding on things they don't need to.

Now this is a situation that would merit a more in depth explanation of why you've decided to travel elsewhere. The person you've spoken with has obviously invested more than the average amount of time in getting to know you and your suitability for their program and working with them, and has connections to people already in your network (which isn't out of the ordinary, but if you're talking multiple connections. . .)

I would pow-wow with your current advisors, or whomever is writing your letters and ask them - since they seem to know these professors personally/professionally - what might best be the approach to take with each of these professors.

There is no negative tone. It is simply me not shining you on; you asked for opinions, I gave you one which you reject out of hand which lead me to conclude you don't actually want opinions just validation for a decision you have already made. Nature of the beast.



I amended my recommendation to be more in line what you were seeking. . .did you not see?

Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.

Exactly. Perhaps people want to over complicate things because it is a big step in their life, and each action demands some grand gesture. Unless you're an exceptional candidate and the department went out of their way to recruit you (read: did they do anything they didn't do, or wont do again, to another candidate) a simple email suffices.

But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program.

Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.

Exactly. Perhaps people want to over complicate things because it is a big step in their life, and each action demands some grand gesture. Unless you're an exceptional candidate and the department went out of their way to recruit you (read: did they do anything they didn't do, or wont do again, to another candidate) a simple email suffices.

But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program.

There is no negative tone. It is simply me not shining you on; you asked for opinions, I gave you one which you reject out of hand which lead me to conclude you don't actually want opinions just validation for a decision you have already made. Nature of the beast.



I amended my recommendation to be more in line what you were seeking. . .did you not see?

Exactly. Perhaps people want to over complicate things because it is a big step in their life, and each action demands some grand gesture. Unless you're an exceptional candidate and the department went out of their way to recruit you (read: did they do anything they didn't do, or wont do again, to another candidate) a simple email suffices.

But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program.

Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.

Agreed. Thankfully that's not what I said. . .at all.

There is no negative tone. It is simply me not shining you on; you asked for opinions, I gave you one which you reject out of hand which lead me to conclude you don't actually want opinions just validation for a decision you have already made. Nature of the beast.



I amended my recommendation to be more in line what you were seeking. . .did you not see?

Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.

NYU. Cultural and political center. No brainer really.

"Dear Sally,

I am unable to personally fund (though loans or otherwise) a doctoral program. I thank you for the offer, however I will have to decline your offer of admission."

I accepted an offer at a school, and now I need to decline other schools! What is the most respectful way to do this? I found a few other threads, but I'd like to get some new & fresh ideas.