Nothing I say in analyzing anything or asserting myself can be absolute or objectively true. I'm white. But I'm half Austrian born in Switzerland. I talk about many interesting things and the higher ups and by this I mean kids in their twenties who are in my Nietzschean Jungian analysts words all idiots. Well the point is even if they are women. Even if they are published. Even if they are black ifa lukumi priests and Morehouse psychology professors. He calls them all idiots especially if they think they are doing anything more profound than adapting to a system they are good at adapting to. He wants me to be a free spirit. I don't throw around terms like objective or scientific to apply to a anything I have done or ever will do. And I could be wrong about that too. I am a Jungian and have been exposed to metaphysics and hermeneutics. I have exposed myself to Jacques lacan. So now I can't take anything seriously except my African iron God will.
I could say I want to be a musician. I have listened to more than a decade of classic and obscure American African and Caribbean jazz salsa gwo ka biguine soul konpa zouk calypso and reggae. I have grown dreadlocks and cut them off. I have partied with geechee gullah crackheads. I have partied with the richest black undertakers in nola. I seek advice from houngans manbos and babalawos. I play folkloric Caribbean and mande music. I am learning malinke and Bambara dances. I have disrespected trinidadian and African Hebrew Israelite sistas because. Because because. I'm gonna start getting sarcastic. Because they thought I was disrespecting them. Because they thought I had the quote wrong energy. Because after being initiated into a adoration of black culture since the second grade well I thought the universe owed me the obliging arms of a black woman. I'm being sarcastic. I am well aware that there are narratives being employed and economically validated by blacks and even more so whites it seems. White folk that like to offend no one and be as hip as possible. And its fine for them. They will collect more black friends than I. So be it. Still being sarcastic. I'm trying to make a point here because this forum doesn't like me and I am sharpening my claws.
The point is that oh wait did I mention I have hung out in the ghettos of the deep South? Yep a certain ghetto dweller I knew was sleeping with wilson Harris great grand daughter. Through her and her family it turns out I am connected to Ivan van sertima and Walter Rodney by two degrees of seperation.
An interesting point is that I am half European and not divorced from my intellectual heritage. I havnt exactly mastered Marx herder schelling Jung konrad Lorenz Adolf Bastian or Wilhelm wundt. But it is a goal for my will. Nevertheless some African drummers didn't want to put up with me. I don't want to judge them too harshly. I have been drumming for nine years. I have known what anthropology was for An equal amount. I have been quote spurned by black women an equal amount. What I a m trying to say is I c a n barely dance. I am learning. But I like black women. So. I have been very self loathing in recent years. I desire many women like ten years younger than me because I was denied them ten years ago. Younger black women are my kryptonite if I ever seriously want to contribute to the global African professional experience.
Things are looking up date wise though. But chances of grad school are slim. This post will probably be considered mysoginistic or racist by the little piggies. But I felt it was relevant because I already question my worth a lot. A whole lot lol.