Moving families/significant others

[hopkinsgirl]

Hey guys, wanted to start a thread about a problem I'm sure a lot of us are dealing with when it comes to moving around to different schools and parts of the country next year. How are you all managing so far with moving your families and husbands/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends around, especially in a time when it's so economically difficult for our significant others to find new jobs in a new place? Are many of you planning to do long-distance things? Personally, I had been planning on moving in with my boyfriend next year (we're pretty much engaged to be engaged) but now that it seems I'm going to be in New Haven instead of a larger city like Boston or NY, it's 100x harder for him to find a job anywhere near me.

Anyway, wanted to open up discussion on how everyone is dealing with this, as well as asking advice from people in general - it's tough. Cheers!

[socialcomm]

No real advice, but just wanted to say that there are people who commute from New Haven to NYC for work. If you don't mind commuting a bit as well, you could live further down the train line to NYC. Probably not the ideal situation, but certainly could be worse! Good luck!

[Emerson]

I have to admit that I am really spoiled because I have the most supportive wife in the world. Luckily, she is done with school, so it is my turn and we get to focus on wherever I get accepted. She ok'd our move out here to the UK (we are both from the states), and she is actually encouraging me to accept an offer to attend another UK school for another MPhil program next year (with a strong chance of staying for a PhD). She originally made the demand that we can't go anywhere that is cold, but luckily she has since recanted that stipulation .

The biggest thing to deal with, though, is the fact that our family is now expanding. We already have one small daughter, and will likely be having another child somewhat soon. Thus, it is tougher to live off of the traditional stipends and tougher to find suitable housing. Also, our next big move will require more planning because it will likely be where our daughter starts school.

Oh the pains of growing up.

[Medievalmaniac]

This issue was a central focus in my decisions concerning where I made application. We have two young children, three dogs, two cats, and a mortgage on an older home in an impoverished rural county. Needless to say, I have very little hope of our actually moving anywhere as a unit.

To that end, two of my schools are within driving distance of our home. If I got in at Columbia or Penn State, we would have to very seriously consider the ramifications of attempting a move - it's not out of the question, but it would be substantially more difficult. If it's Catholic, I'll live with family in the DC area during the week during terms and go home weekends and holidays. It's not ideal, but I have no problem sacrificing short term for the long term dream realized.

[Nytusse]

That's kind of where I'm at now. The real problem is that we have a condo, and I can't imagine now would be a good time to try to sell it. My only viable acceptance thus far is one of the most distant programs I applied to, so it's a bit daunting to figure out how to handle this, and with so little time too.

[jz83]

I'm in a situation where coming out of undergrad, I had decided to take some time off before ultimately applying to grad school and she got the better job offer (read: I got zero). We ended up moving in together in DC. We've basically agreed that she won't quit her job to move with me if I end up at NYU, Virginia or Indiana, especially since like folks said, Charlottesvile and Bloomington aren't exactly overflowing with jobs. Thankfully my #1 school is Maryland and if I get in we'll stay in DC but if I go somewhere else we'll have to do long distance again We survived it when we studied abroad in Chile and Belgium respectively, but I'm not really looking forward to that again.

[Caligula]

Well I just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sleeping with my best friend ("best friend") for the past month, so that's one less thing I have to worry about when I make the move!

[hopkinsgirl]

This issue was a central focus in my decisions concerning where I made application. We have two young children, three dogs, two cats, and a mortgage on an older home in an impoverished rural county. Needless to say, I have very little hope of our actually moving anywhere as a unit.

To that end, two of my schools are within driving distance of our home. If I got in at Columbia or Penn State, we would have to very seriously consider the ramifications of attempting a move - it's not out of the question, but it would be substantially more difficult. If it's Catholic, I'll live with family in the DC area during the week during terms and go home weekends and holidays. It's not ideal, but I have no problem sacrificing short term for the long term dream realized.

I know what you mean about the long term dream being realized, but I worry about - after grad school - if I were to, again, have to move somewhere completely random because it's where I got a position and he could not move with me. I've seen it with my parents - mom teaches at UToronto and dad was at Brown, and it's just SUCH a miserable life, esp. once you have kids. Arghh academia!!!

[hopkinsgirl]

Well I just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sleeping with my best friend ("best friend") for the past month, so that's one less thing I have to worry about when I make the move!

Oh no.. that's so horrible!! I'm sorry

[Nytusse]

Well I just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sleeping with my best friend ("best friend") for the past month, so that's one less thing I have to worry about when I make the move!

That man is lucky he's still alive. How could he risk his own life to enrage a women already mired in the insanity of waiting for grad school application answers? I know that I almost murder about two people a day right now, and that's with minimal provocation.

All joking aside, you're going on to better things anyways. You can write a nasty dedication to him in your first book.

[Caligula]

"That man is lucky he's still alive. How could he risk his own life to enrage a women already mired in the insanity of waiting for grad school application answers?"

Haha I'm a man but you are right, he is lucky to be alive.

It's a weird combination of complete devestation and huge relief. Now I don't have to worry about maintaing a long-distance relationship and I'm free to explore new relationships in my new city. I am going to treat this relationship as a closed chapter of my life. And I could not be more excited to begin the next chapter!

[Nytusse]

"That man is lucky he's still alive. How could he risk his own life to enrage a women already mired in the insanity of waiting for grad school application answers?"

Haha I'm a man but you are right, he is lucky to be alive.

It's a weird combination of complete devestation and huge relief. Now I don't have to worry about maintaing a long-distance relationship and I'm free to explore new relationships in my new city. I am going to treat this relationship as a closed chapter of my life. And I could not be more excited to begin the next chapter!

Whoops, is my face red!

But, if I recall correctly, you got into a program you really wanted, right?

[Caligula]

Well my first choice was Northwestern, where I was rejected.

But I recently found out I have been admitted to Columbia with full funding, so I am quite happy!

[hopkinsgirl]

Well my first choice was Northwestern, where I was rejected.

But I recently found out I have been admitted to Columbia with full funding, so I am quite happy!

Omigosh! Columbia? That's amazing. Serious congrats!!!

[Nytusse]

Well my first choice was Northwestern, where I was rejected.

But I recently found out I have been admitted to Columbia with full funding, so I am quite happy!

That is a seriously wonderful accomplishment, especially since they are one of the programs which cut the most this year. You must be thrilled!

[Caligula]

Thanks! I'm not sure if I will definitely go there, but I am so thrilled about the idea of living in New York!

[Nytusse]

Thanks! I'm not sure if I will definitely go there, but I am so thrilled about the idea of living in New York!

How could you not go? I'm pretty sure there is a law requiring you to go to such a great program if you get accepted...!

[Caligula]

You're right, there probably is!

I have a feeling that I will end up at Columbia, but I am still waiting to hear responses from a few other schools.

[Kai210]

Well my first choice was Northwestern, where I was rejected.

But I recently found out I have been admitted to Columbia with full funding, so I am quite happy!

Congratulations! Columbia has an outstanding history program. I am so sorry to hear about the boyfriend, but I believe you have things placed this chapter of your life into the proper perspective.

I, too, understand the issues relating to family/spousal employment that accompany moving to a new city. My wife is a tenured professor at a local community college where we live. I tried to pick schools that made sense not only in terms of academic/research fit, but also in terms of our ability to make a transition away from the place we currently reside, if necessary. As of right now, things look good for us and I am sanguine about our chances to make a collective and smooth transition into a new environment. We also have a daughter who'll be three in September and will likely start pre-school this Fall. And there's a good chance that we'll look to add an addition to our family, which seemingly complicates any choice we make. These are not easy issues to deal with, and we have grappled with them for some time. The University of Michigan works well because of proximity (we currently reside in Ann Arbor). We have come up with some plans that I think will help us to be able to make the move, if necessary, whether it is to New Haven, CT, or to Columbus, OH. These matters are never easy and all you can do is hope to make a joint decision that will be best for all parties involved.

[StrangeLight]

hopkinsgirl, aren't you 20? don't bring the boyfriend with you. if the relationship is serious, you can long-distance/commute it (new haven's close to enough major cities that you could spend most weekends together). frankly, you won't have a ton of free time anyway, so dragging him into a city where he can't find employment and then ignoring him most of the time is a bad idea for both of you.

also, congratulations, caligula!

[outlawesq]

I'm in a situation where coming out of undergrad, I had decided to take some time off before ultimately applying to grad school and she got the better job offer (read: I got zero). We ended up moving in together in DC. We've basically agreed that she won't quit her job to move with me if I end up at NYU, Virginia or Indiana, especially since like folks said, Charlottesvile and Bloomington aren't exactly overflowing with jobs. Thankfully my #1 school is Maryland and if I get in we'll stay in DC but if I go somewhere else we'll have to do long distance again We survived it when we studied abroad in Chile and Belgium respectively, but I'm not really looking forward to that again.

I don't know what field your girlfriend/wife is in but Indianapolis is an easy commute from Bloomington or you could live on the southside of Indy & commute to Bloomington. A number of large companies have moved their offices there in the last 10 years or so and jobs aren't too hard to come by. Plus housing in Indy would probably be better & cheaper. Just something to consider.

[chlobot]

Also, FYI, Charlottesville is only about a hour away from Richmond, VA. If I decide to go to UVA, my spouse will probably wind up working there and we'll try to live somewhere in between.

[earlymodernist]

I live near Richmond and I think the trek between UVA and Richmond would be quite a bit over an hour...especially from the Richmond end of things- afternoon traffic can be dreadful. Fortunately after getting out of the city it should be smooth sailing. I never thought about living in the middle, but that could work out

I too have a boyfriend who will be going to school with me when I move. He is a little bit older than I am and he already has a steady job here, so I was really surprised that he agreed to go. Both of our families and all of our friends are here so I feel like I'm uprooting him a bit, but he's willing so I suppose I shouldn't feel too terrible. It looks like I will be headed to a MA program in the DC area where he should be able to find plenty of work as a computer geek...At least it isn't too far from where I live so it shouldn't be such a big change for either of us.

[utsusemi]

My boyfriend of six years (gleep! That long already?) will be following me, as plans currently stand. Those plans are pretty nebulous, of course, since I don't know where I'll end up yet. Both my PhD acceptances are in California, where neither of us have ever lived or even spent more than a few weeks/days of travel... should be interesting. Also, lengthy car commutes disagree with him, yet I'll be dragging him to either LA (!) or Davis (where he'd likely end up commuting to/in Sacramento).

I feel more than a little guilty because he has already followed me out of his comfort zone once--to China for 18 months, beside which I suppose moving to another state is nothing--but at the moment I am the one of us with more defined plans and aspirations, so. Though at least one of his potential plans is an MLIS, which fortuitously enough he could do within reasonable distance of either place I might go.

I also wonder whether the fact that we're cohabiting instead of married might turn out to be troublesome. It mostly depends on whether I ever want student housing, I guess.

[chlobot]

I live near Richmond and I think the trek between UVA and Richmond would be quite a bit over an hour...especially from the Richmond end of things- afternoon traffic can be dreadful. Fortunately after getting out of the city it should be smooth sailing. I never thought about living in the middle, but that could work out

I too have a boyfriend who will be going to school with me when I move. He is a little bit older than I am and he already has a steady job here, so I was really surprised that he agreed to go. Both of our families and all of our friends are here so I feel like I'm uprooting him a bit, but he's willing so I suppose I shouldn't feel too terrible. It looks like I will be headed to a MA program in the DC area where he should be able to find plenty of work as a computer geek...At least it isn't too far from where I live so it shouldn't be such a big change for either of us.

Thanks for the heads up about the traffic! I'm in a big Northeastern city and just assumed that in comparison the traffic would be pretty light.