Things To Do While "Waiting It Out."

[Kee]

I have been having strange thoughts these days. I've been analyzing the psychological makeup of people around me that are also applying for grad school through my observations (which could also just be my projections of course). Also, now that I think I am kind of safe, I start thinking whether a PhD will do me much good. What if I get into a lesser-known program, how would others see me? Do I care? Is a PhD still worth getting given the possible prospects?

Hey lucifer2,

I think you are just being logical. It is really easy to get excited about the prospect of something without thinking through what it means. It's kind of like the people who worry more about the wedding than the marriage. You are very smart to look further down the road and ask yourself if this is what you really want. And it's better to do that now before you start because getting through the program will be tough. You have to really want it.

But my guess is that you do want the PhD, you are just experiencing some 'cold feet'. If you don't get into your dream school, you were simply supposed to be somewhere else. Personally, if I don't get into my top pick, I'm going to spend the next few years being such a star somewhere else that my top pick will be begging to hire me on as a Professor. And I might even agree to go there, if they ask nicely.

Anyway rankings are just someone else's idea of what's important. We spend too much of our lives worrying about what other people think. You need to find a program that fits you, only then will you excel. I've seen lots of people who turned down higher ranked schools because another one just felt better, and that's wise.

And for the record, I think when you're about to do something big and you'll have to pull it off on your own merits, it's always going to make you feel alone. You just have to keep moving forward.

[canadiana]

While I find the process of secretly notifying acceptees early while those who are rejected sweat it out to be excruciating and frustrating, I would welcome a process of notifying rejects as soon as their decision is made and then waiting until the last minute to tell the acceptees. :twisted:

HAH! That. Is. Awesome.

[FastForward]

Is there anyone else who feels like no matter how much you try telling yourself "it's gonna be OK.. it's not the end of the world if I don't get in" you just cannot chill ?

I am literally developping an ulcer (fist signs in December, the pain and the acid reflux has gotten worse in the past few weeks), random rashes.. aaaaand the winner was waking up in tears last night (yup, I was crying in my sleep darn it!) - which is the first time this has happened to me :oops: . Work is supposed to get busy in the next few weeks so I will hopefully do better at keeping my mind off of this, but I think the whole process is gonna leave a permanent scar on my body and soul. I was lucky enough to get an early acceptance for undergrad so I was never in this position before...

I really hope no news is good news...

thanks for lending me your ear (eyes?). cheers.

[canadiana]

Is there anyone else who feels like no matter how much you try telling yourself "it's gonna be OK.. it's not the end of the world if I don't get in" you just cannot chill ?

I am literally developping an ulcer (fist signs in December, the pain and the acid reflux has gotten worse in the past few weeks), random rashes.. aaaaand the winner was waking up in tears last night (yup, I was crying in my sleep darn it!) - which is the first time this has happened to me :oops: . Work is supposed to get busy in the next few weeks so I will hopefully do better at keeping my mind off of this, but I think the whole process is gonna leave a permanent scar on my body and soul. I was lucky enough to get an early acceptance for undergrad so I was never in this position before...

I really hope no news is good news...

thanks for lending me your ear (eyes?). cheers.

I know what you're going through (except for the ulcer...you might want to have that checked out!) I'm a stress eater, though. I cannot chill, either, and I've cried a lot over the past few months (as dramatic as that may sound to the tougher ones on this forum). Yes, work already busy here, but I cannot concentrate. The worst part is that I go from "It's going to be okay," one minute to "What is wrong with me that not one school has responded yet?!" the next.

Oh well, bring on the chips and chocolate!

And hang in there...I think we'll be hearing either way over the next couple of weeks. Of course, that's another can of worms.

[Cornell07]

Umm. I'm suddenly not entirely sure that one of my recs sent in all of his letters. I thought that I had been a good boy and double-checked everything, but I just rechecked the sites after having a ominous sensation and... a couple are missing his letter.

Umm.

Umm.

Crap? :oops:

[arthistorian]

Is there anyone else who feels like no matter how much you try telling yourself "it's gonna be OK.. it's not the end of the world if I don't get in" you just cannot chill ?

I am literally developping an ulcer (fist signs in December, the pain and the acid reflux has gotten worse in the past few weeks), random rashes.. aaaaand the winner was waking up in tears last night (yup, I was crying in my sleep darn it!) - which is the first time this has happened to me :oops: . Work is supposed to get busy in the next few weeks so I will hopefully do better at keeping my mind off of this, but I think the whole process is gonna leave a permanent scar on my body and soul. I was lucky enough to get an early acceptance for undergrad so I was never in this position before...

I really hope no news is good news...

thanks for lending me your ear (eyes?). cheers.

i know what you mean. i haven't heard back from anywhere either and it's unnerving. i know it's bad but i keep thinking about my application and what i would've done differently etc.. esp. the SOP, the most subjective part of the application. i keep thinking maybe that paragraph wasn't so good, maybe i should've written this and that.. etc... i'm also doubting my writing sample which initially i thought was strong... etc... but anyways.. i have to keep telling myself what's done is done and there's no point in looking back.

the other day i thought if i don't get in anywhere i can always apply again.. but who am i kidding i think this process has been very stressful, esp. the waiting part, and i wouldn't want to go through it again any time soon.

i really wish they would notify all applicants at the same time...

[natasha_fawn]

Umm. I'm suddenly not entirely sure that one of my recs sent in all of his letters. I thought that I had been a good boy and double-checked everything, but I just rechecked the sites after having a ominous sensation and... a couple are missing his letter.

Umm.

Umm.

Crap? :oops:

Yikes. This just happened to my boyfriend, it was awful. Contact your recommender and ask him to send them, resend all of the information he'll need, and if he doesn't get back to you or send them in by Monday, ask someone else! And email the schools to tell them you're aware of it and trying to get this guy to send his letters in and you're still really interested in the program. Most programs understand that you don't have a whole lot of control over what your recommenders (don't) do and will cut some slack. It's also possible, especially if they were real paper letters, that the school just lost them...

[lucifer2]

Umm. I'm suddenly not entirely sure that one of my recs sent in all of his letters. I thought that I had been a good boy and double-checked everything, but I just rechecked the sites after having a ominous sensation and... a couple are missing his letter.

Umm.

Umm.

Crap? :oops:

Sometimes the schools tell you about the missing letters of recommendations. If I were you, I'd check with every single school from which you have yet to hear from to see if your application is complete.

This happened to me, too. I think it's fairly common for professors to miss a school or two since they're doing so many LORs.

Good luck!

[Minnesotan]

That, or the schools just misplace, ermm... I mean never received them. Must have been that naughty post office, again!

[canuck]

While I find the process of secretly notifying acceptees early while those who are rejected sweat it out to be excruciating and frustrating, I would welcome a process of notifying rejects as soon as their decision is made and then waiting until the last minute to tell the acceptees. :twisted:

I think the process is designed in a way such that it maximizes the stress applicants go through. I know for the two schools that I've spoken with so far, the professors told me I would be admitted weeks before all the decisions were made. Naturally I post this and then others who were interested in those particular schools become desolate thinking all is lost, when it is not... yet, and spend a couple weeks deep in anxiety before they hear the ultimate yay or nay. I feel that pain with my other schools, where I didn't receive a magical early call from a professor, and just sit here quietly as my sense of self worth deteriorates. It is a miserable process.

[rising_star]

That, or the schools just misplace, ermm... I mean never received them. Must have been that naughty post office, again!

Totally agree. One school, which granted did admit me, misplaced the same rec letter twice. My recommender mailed it over winter break from FL (he was on a family vacation), then mailed it again in mid-January when I told him another letter had gone astray. About a week after that, the grad sec emailed me to say his letter was missing. So he mailed them a third copy and sent it electronically to the DGS (who happened to be a friend of his). What a hassle! I felt terrible about the whole thing and he just kept saying "It happens, it happens."

In other news, I had a dream last night that my current school rejected me from their PhD program...

[canadiana]

I've had that dream, too. They say you dream about what bothers you.

[Minnesotan]

I've had that dream, too. They say you dream about what bothers you.

Mandy Moore must really bother me, then. =)

Most joking aside, I have learned to distrust my dreams. I had a dream about my top choice accepting me with a huge funding package, two weeks ago. The next morning I woke up and checked their website to find out that I was rejected. So much for prophecy!

[labmouse]

I've started to swim more than twice a week. it seems to be the only thing to distract me from the process.

[whentostop]

Swimming...I should try that. Been rejected to two PhD programs (possibly four or five, depending on unknown notification processes) and accepted to one MA with no idea on funding. Wondering if I should have applied to PhD at all....my breaststroke is not that bad....sigh....probably healthier than cigarettes and alcohol.

[FastForward]

Don't worry whentostop, you won't be swimming alone. After 7 PhD rejections (expected) and no master's applications for back-up, I think I will do cliff diving first... Then the swim.

[whentostop]

Check the depth, friend, check the depth.

[DUguy333]

Has anyone else begun counting the stars or watching the leaves bud?

None of my programs inform until March. This has been the most anxiety inducing two months of my life :shock:

[NO8DO]

I've been hitting the gym pretty hard everyday, some days even twice, it's pretty much the only thing that gets my mind off of this ridiculousness that is waiting haha. I go everyday anyway (grad school waiting or not, haha), but now it really is a pretty decent escape from undergrad work and thinking about applications. Thought I'd share that, the swimming comment kind of reminded me of myself.

[xnormajeanx]

I've been on this site way, way, way too much.

[byrony]

I too have found the gym to be a rare, satisfying distraction. This waiting process has really structured all of my emotional energy during the past month. It is such a pity that notifications are not better coordinated within and across grad departments. I feel like all of our frustration could be focused more productively than on mass obsession with a decision speculation message forum. I have had relatively pleasing success thus far with admissions, but I still find myself unable to put my anxiety aside. I cannot wait until the rest of my schools notify me with their final decisions so I can clear my mind at last and start focusing again on the ideas that motivated me to apply to grad school in the first place.

[whentostop]

This waiting process has really structured all of my emotional energy during the past month. It is such a pity that notifications are not better coordinated within and across grad departments. I feel like all of our frustration could be focused more productively than on mass obsession with a decision speculation message forum. I have had relatively pleasing success thus far with admissions, but I still find myself unable to put my anxiety aside. I cannot wait until the rest of my schools notify me with their final decisions so I can clear my mind at last and start focusing again on the ideas that motivated me to apply to grad school in the first place.

I second that strongly enough to just steal it!

[rebelrita]

Maybe a productive way to wait it out is to make a list of all the things it will be hard to do once you are in a doctoral program and be sure to get to at least a few of them.

A partial list might include:

Reading a book that is not assigned for a class or not needed for a research paper

Enjoying a clean kitchen with no dishes in the sink

Going to a concert without mentally calculating your study schedule

Traveling somewhere, anywhere that is not class, the library, the foodstore, the computer lab or the bathroom

Painting a painting, or writing a song or poem

Brushing your hair

Joining a wiccan circle that puts cusses on the first born of the adcoms that dinged you

Not having to defend yourself to friends and family after they accuse you of having avoidant personality disorder

Laying on the beach, sun on your face, hearing the ocean waves roll back and forth, back and forth

Thank your higher power that you are lucky enough to even be in the running for a graduate program. Most of the world and even in "this here U.S.A." will never get anywhere near a shot

Feel grateful you're still alive on this crazy planet and have the power to make a contribution with your brains and creativity whether you get accepted to your grad programs or not

[adizzygirl]

I'm going to start running again as soon as possible.. it'll be good for me mentally and physically to go burn off some steam every day again. I just had my last interview weekend and am now driving myself crazy wondering what I'll do if I don't get in at one of my top 3 programs.. they aren't even ordered at this point, I loved them all and I don't care which one I go to as long as I'm accepted at one.

I'm also thinking about doing a couple weeks in Europe in May/June after classes are done, even though I really can't afford it. I'd plan to fly into London and fly out of Amsterdam and spend the interim wherever I happen to feel like going once I get there. If I'm going to be in school for the next five years or more, I might as well do something fun and slightly crazy now while I still have the time.

[miketakena]

I'm also thinking about doing a couple weeks in Europe in May/June after classes are done, even though I really can't afford it.

Well.. Getting yourself into debt before grad sch isn't exactly a good idea... my 2 cents worth...