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Me and my friend have applied for PhD this application season. Recently, I learned that she got accepted to Harvard, whereas I got rejected from most programs and have no offers yet. We have similar profile , prepared for the application together, and even asked the same prof for rec. letter

I dont envy her, but cannot share her happiness and dont know how to react. What would you do if you had similar situation? So crushed :/


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Hey I can totally relate! When I applied to undergrad I was rejected from my dream school while my two best friends were accepted and eventually went there (cuz they were also rejected by their dream schools). The worse thing was that we three always studied together between classes so I couldn’t help but hearing them discussing plans after accepting the offer. I knew they didn’t do this to hurt my feeling, but I started practicing piano during that time partly because I wanted to avoid their conversation ?. Now three years have passed and I still hope I could get in there with them, but our friendship didn’t die because of the distance or the fact they might be better than me for that college. More importantly, I have had a great life in my current institution and I’m glad they do in theirs! So it’s okay you feel weird at this moment, but don’t let some strangers’ decision ruin your friendship which might be way more important than you think!

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That's rough. I feel for you. I think it's hard enough to face rejection alone, but to add having a friend (so similar to you) get accepted can be rough. Just keep in mind that getting accepted to grad school is a crapshoot. Yes, it does matter what you profile/application looks like, but having a good profile will only get you into the top 30, 50? or whatever. And since only 5-15 candidates are accepted into any program its very possible to be an absolutely qualified candidate and still not be accepted.

I know it still doesn't seem right given how similar you and your friend are in terms of your app, but hey, based on this article even small word differences in your SOP could be enough to change outcomes. Just remember, this is not about your self-worth. Ppl get denied to grad school for tons of very small reasons that having nothing to do with your quality as a candidate.

My point is, yes it sucks. Yes, its natural to only feel pity for yourself and not be happy for her. First and foremost, don't feel bad for how you feel. 

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