Please grade my argument essay

[sadpizzamachine]

Please help me by grading my essay written for this argument prompt. Please grade it in accordance to the GRE scoring guide .(https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/prepare/analytical_writing/argument/scoring_guide).

Here is the argument ->

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Essay Response ->

The business manager of “Monarch Books” claims that in order to compete with its rival “Book and Bean”, a bookstore cum coffee shop, he/she would have to replace the children’s book section with an in-store café. Stated in this way, this argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated and reveals several instances of poor reasoning. In order to justify this recommendation, the manager of “Monarch Books” has reasoned that since the recent national census data points to a significant decline in the percentage of “Under Age 10” children population, closing the Children’s Book section would only help him avoid the “foreseeable” loss on sales of children’s books. However, careful scrutiny of the facts provides little credible support for author’s recommendation. Hence his/her recommendation can be considered unsubstantiated.

First of all, the argument readily assumes that closing children’s book section will not harm his/her bookshop sales, but will only help to avoid the likely decrement of the sales in the coming years. This assumption stands on hollow ground as the passage, fails to mention that how much children’s book contribute the overall sales of the bookshop. It can be possible that the children books contributed 53% of the bookshop’s overall sales. Notwithstanding the apparent decrease in children’s population, wouldn’t then the decision of closing down the most profitable section of the bookshop be ludicrous idea ? If only the amount of sales the children’s books incur at the bookshop would have been mentioned, maybe then the assumption of replacing it with a café to incur more profit would have been a tad bit more convincing.

Even if the number of sales of children’s books was mentioned , the decision of including a café in the bookshop relies heavily on the manager’s hypothetical assumption that the consumers at the bookshop would indulge in coffee and other café products. It can be possible that many of their customers are just there to read books and not drink coffee. Maybe there’s an even more cheaper and far better coffee place nearer to the bookshop, and many of the bookshop customers would rather drink at that cheaper and better coffee shop outlet. So, in order to be sure that the manager’s recommendation is irrefutable, there needs to be a solid consensus from the bookshop’s ardent customers stating whether they would actually invest in the coffee and other products at the in-shop café or not.

Finally, even after considering that the “Monarch Bookshop” customers would positively like to invest in the products at the in-shop café, the manager’s recommendation is weak as it doesn’t factor in the comparison of the prices of the products at their in-house café and their rival’s book-cum-coffee shop. In order to make a more convincing argument, the actual figures of the products at their in-house café and whether they are selling it at a better price than their competition or not, needs to be stated. Only then it can be determined whether it would be successful in warding off the competition or not.

In essence, the business manager’s recommendation is flawed as it stands. To bolster it further, the author must provide more concrete facts and evidences, perhaps through a reliable survey of the consumers and a more thorough analysis of profit & losses involved in the decision of in-shop café vs. children’s book section. Finally, to better assess the argument, it would be impertinent to know more information about how closing children’s book section will not harm the bookshop sales.

Edited July 26, 2019 by sadpizzamachine