Disheartened

[mbaumel22]

Hi all,

I applied to a whole bunch of biology PhD programs. I got interviews at two, but neither were places that I really wanted to go, and I went on one of the interviews and still haven't heard back so probably messed that up too. I got back two rejections and am waiting to hear from a bunch of others but I know if they were going to accept me I would have heard back by now. 

I know what people will tell me. That I can just work a job in the field and apply again next year. But I'll still be the same person next year and I feel like a complete failure. I don't know how to not feel like that. I really, really, don't.  It's like... you put in all this time and energy and money and pour yourself into these applications and they take one look at you and decide you aren't good enough. To be honest I don't know why I thought I was. I'm just tired and it feels like I have no purpose when all of my friends who are graduating have concrete plans.

Any advice on how to not feel like a complete idiot/failure for putting yourself out there and hoping you were good enough?

[CaryHall]

Last year I applied to 9 schools, got rejected from 8 (one post-interview) and waitlisted at what I thought was my safety. It sucks. I doubt there is really anything anyone can tell you that will make it suck less. But I'd be willing to bet money that you are "good enough". The fact that you took the time to apply in the first place, and convinced 2 or 3 academics to write you a recommendation implies that you are. The whole process is just kind of random. If this is really what you want to do, please apply again!

Btw, after sulking for a month or so I got my shit together and started looking for post-bacc research positions. Now it looks like I'm going to be doing a PhD at the university where I currently work, and I couldn't be happier. 

 

[PhD@biz]

Hi,

I am in the same position. I applied for 15 colleges and didnt hear back from even 1. I know exactly how you feel.

I am not sure if there is any spring in-take for Biology. If so, you could try that. I am already look for Spring 2021 intake.

This is my second year. So, to say, I have wasted 3 yrs so far and still going. Its mostly because I couldn't hit the GRE score and did not know anything about the admission process and wasted my time. If you have already done so much work, then there is no way it would go to waste. Keep trying!

[LadyWolfshadow]

2 hours ago, mbaumel22 said:

 I got back two rejections and am waiting to hear from a bunch of others but I know if they were going to accept me I would have heard back by now.

Don't be so sure about that, I'm applying bio too and a lot of my professors and some of the grad students that I know said that they didn't hear back until mid to late February or early March.  And apparently not all biology programs do interviews--some accept first and invite for visits after. 

I know that doesn't make the rejections and the waiting suck any less because holy crap do they suck.  I'm still waiting and every time I get an e-mail notification, I panic thinking that it might be from another program.  Hang in there and don't give up hope--it's not over until April and no matter what, you aren't the failure.   This process outright sucks and can make you feel like one though. 

[DRMF]

First of all, you as a person can never to rejected. Your application - that is, a specific version of a tiny fraction of what constitutes you as a human being - was seen by a few fallible fellow humans, and regrettably they considered it to be not among the top, say, 20% of all applications this year. You are very, very far from what one would reasonably call "a complete failure".

Secondly, "I'm the same person next year" - it may be true that deep down you won't change much in a year, but your application materials as well as the external environment could change quite a bit. Things to consider:

- Any manuscript coming out with your name on it? Any ongoing project looking promising, that may result in a paper/conference/poster in the next few months, or a rec letter from a more renowned collaborator PI?

- Could you have planned your school list better? Perhaps more umbrella programs rather than field-specific ones? Can anyone who knows your professionally offer any advice?

- You may ask for feedback from schools that rejected you, and some will actually give solid points for improvement or tell you why you weren't offered a place.

- Sometimes it really isn't you. Competition pool / program funding situation / research interest fit at specific schools could all happen to line up unfavorably (e.g. "last year we over yielded so this year we can only afford fewer students". One school I applied to had an issue with their visa sponsorship and literally couldn't admit a single international student that year). Maybe next year one school will get a big grant to build a center specifically studying what you want to study, and they will have double the usual slots.

- All in all, there's merit in reflection and perseverance. Next year you'll be a more resilient person because you took the rejections well, thought deeply about yourself, improved, and are now ready to stand up where you fell. I was asked more than once by interviewers about how I mentally/emotionally deal with stress and failure (which are both inevitable in one's PhD career) - when you go on that interview, you'll have a compelling story to tell.

It sounds like you know what to do practically (look at jobs, spring enrollment, etc.), so I just hope you find a way to feel better. Take time to decompress, don't lose hope (for both this and next cycle), gather the emotional energy and actually do what you need to do. Feel free to DM me if you'd like more specific feedback or just want to chat.

[CeXra]

5 hours ago, LadyWolfshadow said:

Don't be so sure about that, I'm applying bio too and a lot of my professors and some of the grad students that I know said that they didn't hear back until mid to late February or early March.  And apparently not all biology programs do interviews--some accept first and invite for visits after. 

I know that doesn't make the rejections and the waiting suck any less because holy crap do they suck.  I'm still waiting and every time I get an e-mail notification, I panic thinking that it might be from another program.  Hang in there and don't give up hope--it's not over until April and no matter what, you aren't the failure.   This process outright sucks and can make you feel like one though. 

May I ask what is your reverse card?

You were rejected from Rutgers but played a reverse card, so maybe not... What does that mean?