Mom doesn’t want me to go...

[Oklash]

I’m just venting but it’s really hard to make a decision when your parents don’t really want you to go. 

I’m from the deep south and there aren’t any strong programs within a 6 hour radius. And the ones who have accepted me are a good 10 hours away.

Its not like she’s being really nasty and she won’t go out of her way to stop me. Its just frustrating to get an acceptance and hear, “is there anything closer?” or “can you do it from home?”

Idk, i’m justifying venting but I don’t feel any real excitement about any of these decisions anymore. Even though I should. 

[TheCatLady]

Congratulations on the acceptance! 

I am in a similar situation. If my mom had it her way, I would never move out.

After getting rejected from all the schools I applied to last year, I was over the moon when I got my first acceptance. I worked so hard for this, so it was very disheartening when I told my mom and instead of congratulating me, she started asking me about schools that are closer to home. Anytime I bring up an interview or talk about a school, all she has to say is "where is that one?", "how far?", "what about *insert closer school*". It's like she can't even be happy for my accomplishments.

I think I've gotten her to a point where she kind of understands that I have to take into consideration factors besides location, but in her mind, the closer school will always be better and she's not going to be happy with anything else. 

Just remember that you have to do what is best for you and your future, not what is best for your mom. However, I know that is easier said than done. Best of luck to you!

 

[AnxiousBeaver]

Do what is best for you (very hard to do sometimes)! You might regret not going for what you want... you are living your life for you not ur parents!! 

[Germophile]

I'm sorry. It's unfair of her to suck the joy out of your admissions. 

My mom isn't too keen on me going either, but I guess I got one over on her by applying to a couple schools in California (we are also from the South, and she is terrified of Cali). She's so glad I'm not going to Cali that she has accepted the fact that I will (hopefully) end up in Pittsburgh. She is constantly like "I know it isn't fun, but I am so glad Stanford rejected you." Tbh it would be kind of shitty if I wasn't so dead set on Pitt that the Stanford rejection didn't phase me.

[Liquirizia]

20 hours ago, Germophile said:

I'm sorry. It's unfair of her to suck the joy out of your admissions. 

It's totally not fair. I agree. Just take her comments with a grain of salt. Perhaps surround yourself with people who will congratulate you and get excited for you, which will help balance the lack of support from your mom.

I'm in a similar boat -- my parents are not happy about me applying either. But their reasons are less about me moving away and more that I will be forever poor and hungry (perks of being a humanities scholar). Last year was my first time applying - I didn't get in anywhere and her response was, "Well, it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't going to happen. So when are you getting another accounting job?"

I have built a support system in friends (not my family as you can see why), and I think that is so important. I hope you have supportive friends! Mine pushed me to apply again and helped me stay positive. Now, I have actually been accepted to some programs this year. However, my mom still isn't happy and was even surprised I would apply again. I didn't let her get in my head and, I hope you can keep positive too! You definitely have a supportive community here at Grad Cafe!  

[optimistic_]

I'm kinda in the same boat. My mom doesn't seem as excited that I have an offer to UofT, which is arguably the best school in the country. When I bring it up she keeps saying I should wait to hear from UBC (Vancouver), think about finances, you can stay at home etc etc. I got an offer from UBC today, but the past week I've been excited about going to Toronto and decided I would want to go there even if I got a UBC offer. Now theres the conflict of telling her about my UBC offer and fighting to leave, or just lying and saying I didn't get in. 

ANYWAY, I'm saying this because at the end of the day I'm going to make the decision that is right for me, and is what I want to do. If I make a choice because someone else tells me to and it goes poorly I will feel resentment, even if it's subconscious. If my choice doesn't go the way I want, I will only have myself to blame and I can live with that. 

It really sucks that you've lost the excitement, but there truly is a lot to be excited about! There will be many people on this forum who will not see any offers this year and you can be proud that you were one that got selected. I have found this community to be very supportive of others, and everyone here is in the same boat with similar experiences. Congrats on your offer, and do what's best for you.

Your parents will come around eventually. Opportunities like this may not.

Edited February 23, 2021 by optimistic_