Things not to say to someone who has just been rejected by their dream school

[cokohlik]

Sorry for bumping an old thread, but based on convos in other threads I thought re-earthing this could be helpful. One of our awesome grad cafe members made a pamphlet to give loved ones who constantly inquire about our program decisions, it's pretty fantastic and I've already printed copies to give to friends.

Amen... That is amazing.

[kazoo]

Sorry for bumping an old thread, but based on convos in other threads I thought re-earthing this could be helpful. One of our awesome grad cafe members made a pamphlet to give loved ones who constantly inquire about our program decisions, it's pretty fantastic and I've already printed copies to give to friends.

Just got a rejection and this honestly cheered me up. Thank you.

[socihealth]

that trifold is great. although I'm sure it was created with a bit of humor in mind, i think it is so true. its really difficult for people i know to understand the process. thanks cafe goers!

[aberrant]

-You'll get in somewhere else.

-That just means you weren't meant to go there.

I honestly don't see the problems with these two. At least for me, "you'll get in somewhere else" is still encouraging (unless, you applied to only one school / "reach" schools - then that's something wrong with your strategy). "that just means you weren't meant to go there" is a fact, even if it may sounds brutal to some people, i find it neutral or even positive for the school finds me not a better fit for their program. quite frankly, i believe the school knows it better than myself. so no hard feelings.

on the other hand, waddle gets it all right.

Edited February 4, 2012 by aberrant

[crazygirl2012]

My roommate's girlfriend after he had just gotten his 5th rejection from a school that is not particularly prestigious: "Well, you could still get into Yale!" This was a couple weeks ago and she's still telling everyone that he'll get into Yale. It's getting hard to watch, and it sure isn't helping him move on.

[kazoo]

I honestly don't see the problems with these two. At least for me, "you'll get in somewhere else" is still encouraging (unless, you applied to only one school / "reach" schools - then that's something wrong with your strategy). "that just means you weren't meant to go there" is a fact, even if it may sounds brutal to some people, i find it neutral or even positive for the school finds me not a better fit for their program. quite frankly, i believe the school knows it better than myself. so no hard feelings.

on the other hand, waddle gets it all right.

I think what's wrong with the first one, is that the person telling you that "you will get in" doesnt actually know that you will get in somewhere. If getting in nowhere is something you are worried about, hearing that from someone who doesn't really know anything about the process isn't helpful. It's like it's unbelievable to them that someone could get rejected everywhere, while you know it's possible.

and there is a time to accept that your dream school isn't where you are meant to be, but after you were just rejected, if it's a place you really really loved and wanted to go to, someone telling you that "you weren't meant to go there" doesn't make you feel better (or at least not me). I agree that the school knows better. But in the process of applying to a school, you invest a lot of work into the schools, and also a lot of projecting yourself there, i mean typically people apply to places with very strong reasons why they want to go! So there has to be a mourning period.

But then again, if you don't feel the same way, that's probably better. You must have been easier to talk to during the waiting period!

[stephanie.ms.antunes]

"It's not a big deal"